A Broken Promise
by ColdCoffeeBean
Summary: Lovino wanted to help. Antonio wanted a friend. And a little along the way, they get confused as to what they mean to each other. As they struggle with growing up, family drama, and conflict within themselves, they slowly come in contact with the definition of a true soul mate, and the connection that infinitely ties them together. (Spamano AU, trigger warnings in some chapters)
1. Chapter One

Chapter One: Golden Eyes

_Antonio_

"Hay un vaso de agua," Antonio replied to the teacher in a boring tone. Spanish, Spanish, Spanish. He already spoke the language. So why was he in this class? Oh, right. An easy A. It was one less grade to worry about that semester. But still, it was so boring.

Spanish was his first class, and he was still tired. He got only three hours of sleep the night prior, and though he had gotten less sleep than that and been perfectly fine, he was unusually exhausted.

The smile that he usually shone hung loosely on his lips. It's hard to keep grinning when your eyes are threatening to seal shut every thirty seconds.

"Bueno, niños," the Spanish teacher began in her cheery tone. "Good work with the morning practice. The lesson we have today will connect a lot with the lesson we did on..." She dragged on in her Spanish accent. Mrs. Guadalupe was from Mexico, and she did have a pretty thick accent. Antonio hated Spanish accents. And he himself had a quite thick one. He despised it and went to speech classes to try to improve the horrendous impurity of his English words. The mere sound or mention of a Spanish accent made him jumpy and uncomfortable. Another reason why he hated this class. Though he tried to drown out Mrs. Guadalupe's words, something caught his ear.

"...And we also have a new student that should be coming in any minute now." Many children's ears perked up with excitement. The mention of a new student was always exciting. Many chattered in hush voices, wondering if they were a male or female, whether or not they would be hot, the usual new student buzz.

"Ahora, niños, I want you to treat this student respectfully, si? He comes from a different country and is very new to the area. We want to be as welcoming as possible. Ah, and behave _por favor." _

Some children snickered and whispers were heard, "Ha, he's probably some Mexican who crossed the border..."

Antonio ignored all their comments. Everyone thought that Antonio was a people-person. He really wasn't. He didn't like people, he just liked seeing them smile. In a good way, of course. Making someone smile or laugh at the expense of someone or something made him cringe.

After about another five minutes of boring class, he walked in.

Antonio's heart stopped.

He was... Beautiful.

Dark chocolate hair with a caramel tint, a small cute nose, a grumpy pout on his slightly outlined face, small build, and... His eyes.

His eyes were an unexplainable mix of green and brown. No, it was not hazel. Not in the least. He seemed to have dominantly light brown eyes. But when the sun hit them, they glinted a beautiful forrest green. _Golden,_ Antonio decided. His eyes are golden.

"Hola!" Mrs. Guadalupe greeted enthusiastically. "Welcome to our class! Would you like to share your name, and where you're from?"

He glared at the teacher. His expression showed nothing but distaste.

_He's so cute, _Antonio thought.

"Lovino. Italy."

His voice made Antonio's blood run cold. It was so...raspy and exotic. And Italian? No wonder he was hotter than the jalapeños in his Aunt's salsa. Lovino was a beautiful name. It sounded so sexy and romantic, and it couldn't be more fitting.

"Lovino, you can take the seat right behind Elisa, next to Sean." Mrs. Guadalupe pointed to the empty seat. Antonio mentally cheered and jumped for joy.

Why exactly? Because even though they weren't technically next to each other, they were rather close. Mrs. Guadalupe's classroom was arranged in rows, with two kids in each column. Antonio's seat was right against the window, which he would often stare out of, and after the gap between columns, sat Lovino. Forget the window, now he had Lovino to stare at.

Lovino sat in his newly assigned seat, without a hint of a smile on his flawless face. His skin was milky smooth. Antonio almost wanted to reach out and caress his plump cheek. He held back, of course. That would probably not be the best first impression.

Nonetheless, he stole multiple glances throughout the remainder of the class. Lovino wore a black sweater with a band name on it, he owned a gray mechanical pencil, had very neat handwriting, and his last name was Vargas.

_Lovino_

He instantly hated everyone in the class. Lovino had taken Spanish classes before, and understood it fairly well, so this class would most likely not be too much of a challenge.

But most of the students seemed chatty and annoying. Everything about them fit perfectly into an American middle schooler category. Walking stereotypes.

The only one who seemed a bit….different, was some messy brune headed kid sitting close to him. Lovino hadn't quite gotten a good look at him for fear of being noticed, but there was something strange about him.

After pondering the subject for a couple minutes, he put it behind and decided it was creepy to think about someone like that for so long. But, he did conclude that he probably wasn't American.

After what seemed like an eternity, the bell rang. Though most students bolted out the door, Lovino took his time. He never liked rushing.

Once he had gathered his things to walk to his next class, he walked out. Unexpectedly, he got a tap on the shoulder. Turning his head to see who it was, he was temporarily out of breath.

It was that boy in his Spanish class. A bold smile framed his face, and his tan skin seemed to radiate light and warmth.

The boy was the first to speak. "You left this behind." He held up Lovino's gray mechanical pencil. Lovino could've sworn he had it in his pocket. Cautiously, he grabbed it.

"Thank you."

He was about to walk away when, "My name is Antonio. You're Lovino?"

Lovino nodded. He wasn't very good at talking to people. Hell, he couldn't even look him in the eyes.

But when he finally did, Lovino noticed two things about Antonio. One, he had _very _green eyes. Two, behind those astounding eyes, Antonio was attempting to hide what a smile could very easily do.

But eyes, they never lie.


	2. Chapter Two

**AN: ****So for some reason, I just don't like this chapter. But I feel like it's necessary in the story? So I let it be. Also, the first chapter will be the shortest chapter in this entire story. The rest will be about as long as this one. I hope you enjoy c: I'll probably upload the next chapter this weekend, or early next week.**

_Lovino_

Period 2: History.

Lovino liked History. Not because he enjoyed learning about dead people and mistakes that were made in the past, but because it was easy.

Unfortunately for Lovino, all the students were total idiots. He was starting to think that maybe this entire school was full of these stereotypical Americans. And how many classes did he have left? Five? It was going to be a long day.

That Antonio kid wasn't in this class. Lovino still didn't know what to think of him. He was certainly very different than the rest. And that accent that rolled off his tongue... Spanish. He was certain of it. Lovino could almost picture a boy just like him playing football on the streets of a small pueblito in Spain, And by football, he meant soccer of course. Not that strange crap those Americans played. It was such a strange sport really, how dare it share names with the best game ever invented?

Lovino couldn't get the thought of Antonio out of his mind. Though he had only known him for a very short amount of time, Lovino knew that Antonio seemed to always be happy. Always with that stupid grin on his smug face.

But Lovino knew better. He knew there was something that Antonio was hiding, trying to mask behind those sparkling emeralds he had for eyes.

Desperately, Lovino tried to push that to the back of his head. Antonio would most likely never even talk to him again. He looked like he was fairly popular, with lots of friends, and maybe even some good grades.

_Antonio_

There was no way Antonio would be able to focus in science today. It was funny how there could be so much on his mind, yet so little. All he could think of was that Italian kid.

He was so cute and short. His head was right beneath Antonio's mouth, the kid couldn't be over five feet. By an inch, perhaps.

And most of all, he couldn't wait to talk to him again. He really hoped they had more classes together. It was much better to actually stare at him than daydream about it.

Daydream about his eyes, his hair, his nose, the angry little look on his face, etc.

Antonio had math next. Though he hated numbers and such, he was a freshman in Geometry, and had a pretty good grade.

He wondered if Lovino was good at math. Or maybe he was better at reading and writing. Maybe he was more of an artsy person than a logical science and math type of guy. Maybe neither, he could be an athlete.

Antonio almost chuckled at the thought. Lovino struck him as more of an artist, and as a person who completely hates math. And sports? The thought him out there on the field battling it with other players was completely baffling.

Well, then again, he could see him playing a good game of football. And by football, he meant soccer, Not that strange crap those Americans played.

_Lovino_

History was finally over and per usual, he didn't learn much. He was almost certain that if he kept up those good grades in that class, he'd get into an honor's class for his sophomore year. His old English teacher told him he belonged in honor's English, so most likely, that's where he'll be for sophomore.

But he didn't have much time to linger on that subject because he had math next. And he saw the green-eyed boy with his mop of unruly brown hair. Antonio.

Lovino's stomach seemed to shrink inside his body and his heart was jumping out of his chest when he walked into that classroom. He didn't understand why. He was usually pretty calm and collected. Why did Antonio suddenly flip Lovino upside down?

Stupid Antonio, with his stupid grin, and his stupid potent green eyes, and his stupid cute personality.

"Hey! Lovi! You must be pretty smart if you're in Geometry," he stared at him wide-eyed. "I didn't think you'd be in this class."

"So you're saying you thought I was dumb?" Lovino blinked. Antonio was taken off guard for a minute.

"Oh what? N-no of course not! I just-"

"Save it." Lovino cut him off. "And Lovi? Really? That's what my brother calls me."

As soon as Lovino heard himself speak of his own brother, he had no time for regrets as Antonio's eyes lit up.

"You have a brother?" he questioned curiously.

"Yes, he's in the eighth grade and his name is Felciano. God. Now hurry into the class before we're late."

Just on cue, the bell rang the second they were in their seats. Well, Antonio was in his seat. Lovino stood awkwardly, waiting for the teacher to notice him.

The math teacher was a broad man, with a large salt and pepper beard. He looked angry, though he didn't sound like it as he spoke with his particularly deep voice.

"Lovino Vargas? You're the new kid?" Lovi nodded and remained quiet. He never liked it when teachers announced his last name out to the class. It made him uncomfortable.

"Take whatever seat you like," sighed the teacher boredly. "For my class, you'll need a notebook and you'll have to bring it every day. Next class, I'll give you a copy of all the notes you've missed so you can write them down."

Again, Lovino nodded. He noticed that there was an empty seat next to Antonio, so he threw away the rest of his pride and sat next to him.

"This class is easy, don't worry. Aside from the fact that he looks terrifying, he's really funny."

Lovi didn't respond. He just really didn't feel like talking at the moment.

_Antonio_

Lovino was actually sitting next to him. It was a dream come true.

He didn't learn anything that day about geometric measurement and dimension, because he was too occupied learning about Lovino's features.

He had four freckles on his neck. And his earlobes didn't hang, they were connected right against his soft cheek. He had a habit of messing with his hair, occasionally running his fingers through it, subconsciously fixing it. In addition to his habits, he liked to doodle on his paper. Right now, he was drawing a city street. It was very detailed. Antonio couldn't help but stare at the intricate lines made by the thin pencil, as he scribbled in tiny circles and shades, bringing the small pencil drawing to life. Antonio loved watching art in the process of being created. Even if it were something as silly as a mid-class doodle, the concentration and gentleness of the artist gave the art such a personal feel. As if just by looking at their art, you're looking into their soul.

If it were true that art reflects the inner personality and emotion of the artist, Lovino is the most beautiful artist to ever walk the planet.

Antonio remained looking until Lovino glanced his way, conscious that someone was looking at him. He covered the drawing with his arm, and kept scribbling.

At the end of math, Antonio assumed that he should be satisfied with staring at Lovi. But he wasn't. He felt as if he could stare at him every millisecond of every day and never grow tired of him. He was just so...curious.

His next class was history, and when he asked Lovi what he had next, he replied with, "Science. Where is Mrs. Camry?"

"Room 109. Turn right at the end of this hallway and follow the numbers."

"Oh, thanks." He began to walk in the direction Antonio had gestured to.

"And after science?"

"English."

"Really? With who?"

"Ms. Hamilton."

"Same! See you next class, Lovi."

"Stop calling me that."

_Lovino _

He didn't talk to anyone in science. Perhaps his only interest in the class was the pretty short haired blonde girl with plump lips and an attractive body. She sat next to him. Her breasts seemed to bounce wildly with every movement she made. God, how did a young freshman girl already have developed a body like a full grown woman? It wasn't particularly normal.

But he didn't really pay attention to her. Well, then again, he didn't like flirting with girls. Though he was nice to them, he was too nervous to approach them. Either way, his mind was full of Antonio.

Lovino was the type of person who would overthink things that were off or confused him. This is what he was doing now.

He hated Antonio. He was too nice. Too smiley. Too...him. Antonio acted as if he knew him. And he hated it so much.

But what he hated most of all, is that despite his hate for Antonio, he wanted to get closer to him.

For English, he sat next to Antonio.

That stupid grin on his face pierced through Lovino's hardened soul and made its way into the soft spot in his heart.

He hated him so much.

Yet his skin fired up and tingled when Antonio's shoulder brushed against him as he leaned down to pick up his dropped pencil.

_Antonio _

Sometimes Antonio just couldn't believe his luck. Turns out, Lovi was in his last three classes of the day. English, Physical Education, and Photography. It was a dream come true.

Lovino looked really adorable in his little PE uniform. Red T-Shirt, black basketball shorts.

They were playing dodgeball today apparently, and Lovino didn't so much as move a muscle from the corner he stood in. No one hit him, he simply slouched there with his hands in his pockets and a look of hatred.

Antonio's usual smile grew a bit wider. He knew Lovino could never be an athlete.

Photography was fun. Today they were just taking pictures, and they would process them the next day.

At first, Antonio would just mess around, taking pictures of trees and close ups of flowers, but then he saw Lovino. He stood in a corner, looking up at the sky, as if considering something important. The camera was slung around his neck by the strap, and his hands in his pockets. The scene had a lazy and melancholy feel.

Antonio wasn't even thinking when he lifted the camera to eye level, stood right in front of Lovino to get the right angle, and snapped the picture.

Hearing the camera click, Lovino shot back into reality and glared at him.

"I'll be sure to rip up that picture as soon as it's processed," was all he said.

_Lovino _

His new school sucked, basically.

He hated everyone.

Except for Antonio.

No, actually, he hated Antonio most of all.

_Lovino_

Lovino absolutely hated buses. The thought of sharing a giant vehicle with a load of disgusting, loud, smelly, annoying people simply disturbed him.

Better yet, the fucking ray of sunshine rode the bus with him. Antonio.

Lovino had gotten a car ride to school, in favor of it being the first day, but now he had to take the bus home.

Well, at least he had his brother. The middle school was right next to the high school, and for some economic reason, both schools rode the same buses together.

Sure, Feliciano got on his nerves sometimes, but he loved him all the same. Feli was his little brother, and they always stuck together.

Lovino mentally laughed as Antonio saw that he couldn't sit next to him, because Feliciano had already taken that seat. But, the bastard sat in the seat in front of them. He instantly spun around to greet them.

"Hey, Lovi! This is your brother?" He smiled.

Of course, friendly and sunshiny little Feli had to reply. "So I see Lovi did make a friend on the first day!" He shoved Lovino slightly, and he sighed.

"Antonio is not my friend," he muttered.

"Sure he is! Oh Lovi, you're so silly sometimes." Everything Feli spoke was full of fun and innocence. Though Feliciano Vargas was far from innocent, he loved hiding everything in his childish demeanor, and Lovi knew it.

"So you're Feliciano, then, huh?" Antonio's eyes shone as his accent flowed off his tongue.

"Yep. It's really great that Lovi has made a friend so fast. At our old school, he was always so shy and sometimes grumpy so no one would talk to him and he would even-"

"God, Feli! Enough." Lovino interrupted.

Feliciano had always been the popular one. The sweet, small Italian boy with auburn hair and sparkling eyes. His fair skin and bright smile radiated every ounce of happiness that his brother seemed to lack.

Lovino was the "other" one. That's always how it's been. The one that just doesn't like talking to people. People were such a waste of valuable time.

It was okay, though. As long as Feliciano didn't talk about it too much.

Antonio left them alone for the remainder of the ride, thankfully. And an eternity later, they reached their stop.

_Please don't stand up, _thought Lovino, eying the Spaniard in front of him.

Just his luck.

Antonio slid on the straps of his backpack and pushed himself up. Seeing as the two brothers were also getting off, he smiled warmly.

"So you guys live nearby?" His stupid green eyes sparkled as he spoke.

"That's wonderful! Maybe you can visit sometime, Antonio!" Feli chirped.

_Dammit Feliciano. God. Dammit. _

"Of course, if it's okay with your parents, and Lovi of course."

_Feliciano please don't take about mom and dad. Don't talk about our personal life. _

"Oh, our parents? More like our grandpa..." Feliciano laughed awkwardly. Lovino shut his eyes and exhaled slowly.

_Please don't ask what happened to our parents. Please. _

Antonio scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Oh, alright then." And his smile was back. "We'll work something out later, yeah?"

When all three were off the bus, they all started walking in the same direction, much to Lovino's dismay.

"I guess we live pretty close," Antonio laughed. "What street?"

Lovino didn't even remember. "Feli, what street do we live on?"

"Mission Road. What's your street, Antonio?"

His eyes became wide. "I live on the same street!" He cheered. "What number?"

"325," Lovino replied smoothly. He remembered that.

"I'm in 332. I'm at the end of the street, on the left side of the road. I'm pretty sure you're right at the edge, on the right side. I thought I saw moving trucks the other day!"

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

"So we're practically neighbors, aren't we?" Feli went on.

Lovino wished that Feliciano would just shut up about everything and go home.

And of course, he didn't.

The walk home from the bus wasn't very long, just about three blocks down, but the two wouldn't shut up. It was disgusting.

Lovino attempted to breathe in the fresh autumn air and drown out their constant talking. No luck.

After what seemed like an eternity, they said bye to Antonio.

"Well, um, here's my house. I'll see you guys later. Adios!" Antonio waved goodbye as he turned to the one-story home. He reluctantly walked in.

It was very Spanish, with its red rooftop and white mission walls. The red brick porch held multiple nicely shaped and painted pots blooming with flowers, as well as a lush garden in the yard.

The house mirrored a little casita, like those paintings of Mexican houses, with the mother in her apron tending to the plants growing outside and a child in a big t-shirt playing with the dirt, everyone cheery and sunny.

Except...Antonio's body language just didn't match. Instantly, his shoulders slumped, and all the happiness seemed to exhale out of him. What was this boy's life at home?

"Bye, Antonio!" Feli nudged Lovi, forcing him to say his farewell.

"Yeah...bye."

The Vargas residence was, for the moment, dull and ugly. The grass was yellow and dead, the walls of the home mud brown. It was a one story, like Antonio's, except not nearly as happy-looking.

Lovino sighed and opened the door, where his grandfather was tiredly unpacking. They didn't have much stuff, but he was still pretty old, and often complained about his back.

"Hi Nonno," Lovino saluted. Feliciano ran to give him a big hug. Though Lovino loved his grandfather as much as Feli did, he wasn't as affectionate about it.

"How was your first day, boys?"

"Oh, Nonno it was great! Everyone is really nice, the classes are easy, and Lovi made a friend!"

"Really?" He raises his eyebrows. "Would you like to tell me about this friend, Lovino?"

Lovino sighed. He gave up. "His name is Antonio. That's it."

"Antonio, that's a nice name," their grandfather smiled. "Mexican?"

"Spanish, actually," Lovino corrected boredly.

"Fantastic! I'm glad you have a friend, Lovi."

Feliciano went off again, spilling stories of the day, their grandfather intent to listen.

Lovino rarely had stories like that of his own. And if he did, they were kept short.

So, he went to his room. It was empty, and messy, and needed unpacking.


	3. Chapter Three

_Antonio_

"Hola, Mami!" Antonio strolled into his home.

"Welcome home, Toni, _¿como estas?_" His mother turned and smiled. Antonio's mother was very pretty. She had his green eyes, except even greener, if that's even possible. And wavy hair that went down to her waist, but was kept tied up in a bun for housework. She had a friendly smile and rosy cheeks, and everyone called her 'Señora Teresa'.

"I'm fine, how was your day? Did Señor Ramon deliver the boxes you needed?" He walked over to give her a hug. He always gave his mama a hug.

"Yes, he did, and my day went well. Are you hungry?"

"Very."

"_Bueno! _I made some arroz con pollo, I know you love it," she smiled warmly.

Antonio atently sat down at their little round table. The white cloth placemats had little red and yellow designs on the corners, and the red vass in the middle held pretty yellow orchids. Antonio sometimes commented about not liking the colors because they reminded him too much of Spain, but he was quiet today.

His mother loved flowers, because flowers were colorful. And she loved things that brought color.

_Lovino_

There were seven boxes in his room. Three larger ones, and four medium ones. The walls of his room were mud brown. Thankfully, his grandfather had already placed his bed in the room, and it lay pushed up against the largest window of the room.

His desk was against the second window, and the orange afternoon light coming in from the side made it look both cute, and empty.

But, Lovino knew it was far from empty. That desk was already filled with memories, and would soon be the birth home to many more amazing, beautiful things.

As a whole, the room looked very empty and lifeless. He sighed and got to opening the first box, one of the smaller ones.

He saw that it was filled with papers, pictures, paintings, and various other small items of significance. Taking a good long look at it, he eventually pulled out a picture.

It was of his parents. They were both happy and together in this picture. His father had chocolate brown hair that was neatly swept to one side, and honey eyes, like Feli's, just not quite as auburn as his brother's. He wore a bow tie and a brown and black suit, with a serious smirk. He looked...powerful.

His mother was thin and short, much like Lovino himself. But, most people thought Feliciano was a spitting image of his mother. And he was...sorta. They shared the same hair color, same facial features, same bright eyes and smile.

But Lovino had her eyes. That odd mix of golden and green, like a child that wanted a brown ground in his painting but decided he didn't like it so he colored green over it. Except, his mother's eyes were happier, livelier, and looked a lot more green. Or, at least in this picture.

Lovino hated the color of his own eyes. He remembered looking into his mother's and wishing his were so green. Then he looked into the mirror at his own swampy colored eyes.

But then he met Antonio, and his eyes were greener than anyone else's.

He wanted Antonio's eyes. But not just his eyes. Lovino wanted all of Antonio, and he knew it perfectly well, try as he might to deny it.

Lovino liked Antonio, because Antonio's personality was colorful.

And Lovino loved things that brought color.

_Lovino_

Lovino took the box containing the picture of his parents, and put it at the very corner of his closet. He didn't want to look at it. Too many memories. He shut his eyes tightly, shaking his head loose of his creeping thoughts.

To distract himself, he got to unpacking other things. Organizing clothes, arranging books, pens, and other supplies on his desk. He got his laptop out.

It was a small thing. Small, but so useful. The black HP laptop was about two years old now. He had gotten it from his mother, as a birthday/goodbye present. It might as well be his favorite and most valued possession.

Lovino smiled softly. He missed his sweet mother. Sure, she's a bit off. She's made some really bad choices in her lifetime. But she's still his mother. And they loved each other in the perfect mother-son sense.

…

About an hour later, he gave up on trying to unpack, because every item he pulled out of those boxes just brought back a typhoon of memories.

He pulled out a blanket and his expensive comfy pillow, and threw them on the bed, along with himself. Pulling up the soft, blue material of the blanket, sleep began to set in.

The blanket smelled like home.

_Antonio_

A pencil rolled along Antonio's desk. He was supposed to be doing homework, but there goes his attention span. He was tired, and he didn't want to feel so lonely tonight.

His mother was getting ready to go to work. She worked at a bar, as a bartender. Antonio didn't complain, because he knew his family needed the money, but he still didn't like having the house to himself every night.

Since he was four years old, his mother had to get a job, for monetary purposes, of course. She skipped around jobs for a while, until she finally got this job, and she's been working there for two years. So since childhood, Antonio is used to being alone, and doesn't count on the few nights that his father actually comes home. He spends holidays, birthdays, any important moment, usually alone. He was….used to it.

She left at around five o'clock and came back at midnight. Though, some nights, when it was busy, she would stay until five in the morning and come back dead tired, then sleep throughout the day. He didn't mind. He often had to take care of her, and that was fine. Though when his father came home, he greeted him politely, but he always went straight to his room to go to sleep. He did not disturb him.

"Bueno, hijo." His mother rushed in, purse and mascara in hand, ready to go. "I'll see you in the morning. Be a good boy, te amo." she gave him a big kiss on the forehead

"Adios, mami. Be safe." he looked up at her. He hated saying goodbye.

_Lovino_

"Lovi! Wake up, it's time to eat! Nonno made rigatoni, your favorite type of pasta! Or was it linguine…?" Feli shook Lovino as he groaned. He hated being woken up.

"Neither! But I am hungry. Just give me a minute." he rubbed his face and slowly rose up. He wished he could sleep and sleep and sleep for the rest of his life. Just go into a coma, why not. But for the moment, he _was _feeling rather hungry.

Feli skipped out of the room, humming a cheery tone. Soon after, Lovino followed, and found both his grandfather and his brother.

"Tired?" Their Nonno asked. Lovino nodded, and sat down. He didn't feel like making conversation, so he got straight to eating.

Feliciano, of course, was hyper with conversation. Though Lovino often actually listened to whatever he was babbling on about, he couldn't bother right now. Food was the only thing on his mind.

When he was full and finished, Lovino washed his plate and went back to his room. Hopefully his family would leave him alone for a while. That was all he needed, some peaceful time to himself.

He took his iPod from the nightstand and plugged in his headphones. Putting on a playlist, he cranked the music way loud and laid back in his bed. Peace.

_Antonio_

Antonio opened his front door and took a deep breath. He began to walk down the street, looking up at the setting sky.

Then he looked at the house numbers.

"330...

328...

326..." And he looked across the street. "325." He smiled softly. Lovino's house. He honestly still couldn't believe his luck. He had the pleasure of living a street of houses down from Lovino.

Antonio gave one, two knocks on the door. Feliciano opened it what seemed like mere seconds later.

"Antonio! What are you doing here?" He grinned.

"Well, actually, I was a bit bored. So I thought maybe I would stop by and say hi to Lovi."

"Oh that's no problem. I'll lead you right to his room. Would you like a drink, something to eat? We have leftovers from dinner, if you like."

"No, thank you, Feli. But thanks for the offer."

Antonio saw that the house was rather small. A medium sized television with a leather sofa and matching loveseat sat in the living room. A huge picture frame was hung on the wall. There was an older man along with what seemed like his wife, with a younger couple next to them, carrying a baby, and then two young boys at their feet. That's when Antonio realized that the older man in the picture was sitting in the living room, looking at him, and that family in the picture was Lovino's.

"Hello, who are you?" Asked the man kindly.

"H-hi! I'm Antonio," he scratched the back of his neck nervously and bit his lip. He was always awkward around parents. Or, well, grandparents.

"Oh Antonio! Feliciano told me about you. You are Lovino's friend, yes?" Antonio nodded. He noticed that the man's accent sounded just like Lovino's, even though Feliciano's sounded just a bit different. Interesting.

"Well, Lovino must be in his room. I'm sure he needs a friend right now."

"Okay, thank you, sir."

Feli grabbed Antonio's arm and dragged him into the hallway. "Lovino's room is at the end. Have fun," he winked, before disappearing into his own room right next door.

Antonio walked into the door. Was he really about to do this? Wasn't this a crazy invasion of privacy? He had only met the guy today and he was already in his house.

...fuck it.

He twisted the doorknob and peaked inside. Lovino was on his bed, staring up. He hasn't seemed to notice him.

Antonio walked all the way in, cautiously. As he approached the bed, he tripped on a box on the floor and toppled over. When he hit the floor with a thud, Lovino finally looked at him, and when he saw him, he shrieked.

"Jesus Christ, Antonio! What are you doing here?!" He sat upright on the bed.

The Spaniard, still on the floor, rolled over and saw Lovino's face staring down at him. He grinned.

"Hi Lovi! Just thought I'd pay ya a visit." He stood up now, and saw that Lovi was in sweatpants and still had one earbud in. He looked quite dumbfounded. Like he didn't know what to do next.

_Lovino_

A hot guy in his house. A hot guy in his house. _A hot guy was in Lovino's house. What the hell was he supposed to do? Poke it? Punch it? Yell at it? Hug it? _

Lovino realized how small and pathetic he looked, sitting in his bed as Antonio towered over him. He stood up, but it didn't help because he was still significantly shorter. Lovino blushed deep red and looked down. He absolutely hated being short. His brother was rapidly catching up to his height, and would soon be even taller.

"So whaddya wanna do?" He asked.

"Be alone." Lovino wouldn't meet Antonio's eyes.

"But that's no fun! Do you like movies?"

Why did Antonio keep insisting to do things? Didn't he want to avoid Lovino? People don't like spending time with him. They get tired of him. His personality is too particular.

"I don't have any movies for us to watch." Partly a lie. Lovino had movies on his computer, but the boxed movies were still somewhere amongst the boxes they had yet to unpack.

"I have a lot of movies at my house. All kinds of movies, too. Every single genre." Antonio looked at him hopefully. Lovino hated him.

"I'd have to ask. Besides, don't your parents care?"

"They're not home. And believe me, they won't be back for a while."

He thought about it for a moment. His grandfather would most likely let him. But, being completely alone with Antonio just… seemed strange for some reason. Though the thought gave him chills and made his heart race, he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

"Well… I guess. But I still have to ask."

"Not a problem."

Lovino creeped out of his room and made his way into the living room. He saw his grandfather sifting on the chair, watching the news.

"Nonno, Antonio asks if I can go to his house and watch a movie, since, ya know, we can't really find any of ours."

His grandfather looked up at him, with his sparkling eyes. "Of course, Lovi, go spend time with your friend. His parents are okay with it?" Lovino nodded. "Just be back by eleven."

"Thank you, Nonno."

Lovi found Antonio hiding at the edge of the hallway, listening to their conversation.

"Nonno?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah, it's uh, what I call my grandfather. What do _you _call him?" Lovino retorted.

"Well I haven't spoken to my grandfather since I was two, but I suppose I'd call him _abuelito._"

"Oh." Lovino stood awkwardly. "Well then. Should I get some pants on before we go?"

"If you want to, but in my home, comfort is key." Antonio winked. Lovino glared.

"...all right. Let's go then." He turned to the door. Was he really doing this?

**AN: I think Antonio's and Lovino's personalities are very elaborate and confusing. In this chapter I think they're just trying to figure each other out, but they don't realize how much depth there is to their personalities. The next chapter is pretty deep, and I think it'll be one of the longest chapters. Hope you enjoyed c:**


	4. Chapter Four

Antonio

He honestly couldn't believe it. Lovino actually agreed to come to his house. Antonio would make sure that he had a great time. It was only 6pm, so they had five whole hours to do whatever they wanted in his home, unsupervised.

Lovino was walking. His hair wooshed slightly with every step, and glimmered in the evening light. His long eyelashes gently flowed down with every blink, and his angelic face sparkled softly.

Antonio almost tripped on a rock in the middle of the sidewalk.

Lovino

They were at Antonio's front door. Just from the outside, his house looked cute and comfy. He gently twisted the doorknob and the door creaked open. The house was dark, but he could see that it was very small, and very colorful. Flowers were nearly everywhere, and there were many different colored tablecloths and linens adorning the house. Even the picture frames were colorful.

Antonio turned on the light, and even more color filled the room. Lovino could see multiple baby pictures of Antonio, and he almost chuckled to himself. He was a cute, fat little baby, and still held those amazing green eyes. Except, they seemed even happier in this picture. More genuine. When he looked at them now, they lacked that sparkle and joyfulness. What happened that made his eyes turn sad?

"What do you think?" Antonio asked, gesturing to his home. "It's not much, but, it's a house."

Lovino pondered for a moment. "I think it's very colorful."

"Yes, well, my mother loves everything bold and bright. I think it adds excitement to her otherwise grey life."

He nodded in reply. Antonio walked him farther into the home, so they were standing in the living room. "What movie do you wanna watch?"

"Something with action. Or comedy."

"Captain America?"

"Too...American."

"But you live in America. Might as well embrace it."

"...all right. Your house, your movies."

Antonio smiled. "Do you want food?"

"I just ate."

"So? There's always room for snacks!"

"...what do you have?" Lovino cringed as he realized he was continuously agreeing with everything Antonio said, only because of his cute little face and huge pleading smile.

"Come on," Antonio pulled him into the kitchen.

The kitchen was even more vibrant than the rest of the house. Even all the utensils and pots held beautiful colors, all attracting to the eye.

"I think popcorn is more fitting for our movie night, don't you think?" He asked, opening the cupboards and rummaging through them. Lovino nodded.

While the popcorn was being made, Lovino observed the yellow lilies on the kitchen counter. They smelled sweet and fresh, but appeared almost dull against the colors of the kitchen.

When everything was all ready, and Antonio grabbed some sodas, they sat down on the sofa opposite of each other to watch the movie.

The opening began to play, and Antonio turned to Lovino. "So tell me, what's it like in Italy?"

"I thought we were watching the movie." He retorted sternly.

"We are, but..." Antonio slightly turned down the volume on the TV. "I'm more interested in you than any movie."

Lovino flushed red, and turned away to hide his face. "Well, you're wrong, because there's nothing more interesting about me than a big Hollywood movie."

"Oh really? Well, tell me a bit about yourself and we'll find out."

"Fine. Just fucking fine." Why did Lovino keep agreeing to that irresistible little face? "I was born in southern Italy, and I was the firstborn. Shortly after I was born, we moved to Naples and my brother was born there. We lived there for a while, we had a little wine farm, everything was good. Then it kinda just...fell apart. I don't know."

Lovino finally looked up. He was almost surprised to see that Antonio was staring at him intently, just waiting for him to go on.

"What else do you want to know?"

Antonio didn't reply for a minute. Then he took a deep breath. "Lovino, you are a very hurt person, yes?"

He diverted his eyes to his lap. They were getting too deep and too personal way too quickly. Could Lovino even trust him? No. They just met. 24 hours ago, neither person knew of each other's existence. Now, they were getting on a whole other level of friendship.

Whether or not Lovino nodded, he did not know, all he knew was that at one moment, Antonio wrapped his arms around his small figure.

It was the most comforting hug he had ever received.

And damn it, he started crying.

Antonio

He was warm and soft and small and the most precious and fragile thing he had ever felt in his entire life.

They most likely sat there for a while, but eventually, Lovino began to tug away, unplugging the cord that temporarily connected them. Antonio no longer felt the sparking sensation of his touch.

Nevertheless, they were still very close to each other. But they did not say a word.

Finally, Lovino looked up at him, eyes watering, and he asked, "If you can recognize a person who has been injured, surely, you must be very hurt yourself."

Lovino eyed him down. Antonio could feel a heavy weight being set on his shoulders. He couldn't breathe.

He didn't want to talk about his past. Not in the least.

But, Lovino had shared a part of himself. That's not always easy. But everyone had always trusted Antonio so easily. And no one gave a second thought to his own feelings and emotions, his past, or anything about him.

He was the listener. And everyone else was the talker. And now, he met someone who was both. How pleasantly confusing.

"Well?" Lovino raised an eyebrow.

Antonio gulped. "My grandfather was a tomato farmer in Spain."

"And...?"

"His son, my father, is named Jesus. Typical name for a Spanish man, I know. Jesus Fernandez. He grew up there, on the farm, and one day, he got really sick of it. A claustrophobia, per say. After he felt he had helped my grandfather enough, he left. He traveled to the sea side of Spain, thinking he might be able to find a better life there..

"What he found was a beautiful young woman with a thirst for adventure. And so he met my mother, Teresa Carriedo. Six years older than her, and they fell in love. She was only eighteen. So, they got married, bought a little plant farm, and he helped her run her flower shop."

"That sounds like a dramatic love story, except less drama." Lovino half smirked.

"Oh the drama is coming, don't worry. After getting married, they had a son. That son wasn't me, mind you. He...he wasn't the best child. We'll leave it at that. Another eleven years later, they had a second child. That child was yours truly.

"She had me in Spain, and I lived there until o was ten. When I was around eight, bad things started happening. So, they decided to move the family to America. They thought they would have a better life there, and of course, better for the children. But, they hit rough times. It wasn't pretty. They didn't realize that the American Dream was so invisible, so difficult to achieve. Now, you never see my dad around. He's always at work. My mother is still sweet, loving, and caring, but she isn't as happy. Other things happened in between but...that's just history."

"I think people underestimate life." Lovino whispered thoughtfully.

"I agree."

Lovino

If there was one word to describe the bizarre mess Lovino was at the moment, it would be confused.

He wanted to like Antonio. He really did. He was so easy to talk to, to get close to. His personality was everything but boring. Everything about him brought a new light into his world.

But his other half screamed a red alarm. Getting too close was downright dangerous, for a variety of reasons.

Lovino was just...so conflicted. He just needed to figure things out for himself. As much as the Spaniard annoyed him, he really wanted to be his friend. That was something he hoped he'd never lose.

"Lovino?" Antonio sounded concerned. Damn him. Damn him and that stupid smile and that stupid laugh and his green eyes and his deep voice and his impressive strength… Lovino could go on all day. "Are you alright?"

No.

And how could he be, Antonio didn't make his situation any easier. Maybe if Lovino left now he'd be able to make it back home quick so he can cry himself to sleep.

However, Lovino realized he was as pale as the moon and had been aimlessly staring at Antonio.

The Spaniard inched closer to his face. "I'll just put on the movie again so we can finish it." he suggested. Then he picked up the remote and pressed a couple buttons.

Antonio

Had he gone too far? Was he moving too quickly? Did he make Lovino uncomfortable? Would he even talk to him again after this? Paranoia flooded through the boy's mind.

He really wanted to be friends with Lovino. Even more than friends, if possible. But he would have to pace himself. But God when Antonio stared into his golden eyes and saw the tinge of red on his cheeks, he just wanted to….never mind.

The movie went on and they both remained silently watching. Every once in a while, Antonio would look next to him and find Lovino's eyes focused directly on the movie, but he was struggling to keep them open. How cute. When the movie ended, they put on another one. It was the latest Iron Man, and though Lovi was reluctant to watch it, he let Antonio put it on anyway.

At one unexpected moment, Lovino fell into a soft sleep and his head flew down onto Antonio. But because of their height difference, Lovino did not reach his shoulder. Instead, he was uncomfortably arranged on his bicep.

Antonio didn't know what to do at first. He just awkwardly stiffened up. But, after getting accustomed to the situation, he was able to twist his body so that Lovi's head was on his chest. Antonio threw his legs up onto the couch and laid down, dragging Lovino with him so he could sleep more comfortably on his body.

Lovino shifted at first, unsure of both the situation and his sleeping position, but soon sleepily snuggled up against the other boy's warm figure.

Though Antonio tried to be modest about his body, the fact remains still: Antonio has some amazing muscles. It's not that he worked out often. Or even from sports. He grew into this body from taking jobs that required hard labour, in order to financially aid his mother. He also did plenty of work around the house, such as fixing a leaky faucet, carrying in the new bed set his mother so desperately needed, repairing the broken glass on the window that a robber had attempted to get in through.

They were so close. Antonio could feel the other's heartbeat against his own chest, the rhythmic feel of the rise and fall of their breaths. He felt a connection between them. Almost as if their souls were mingling with each other, tangling and merging together to form a bond.

Maybe that's how soulmates work. A specific event happens in which their souls correlate with each other, sealing a tear that was born with them. Maybe sometimes, the brain is not aware that they share this bond, but rather, they are blinded by lies and distractions. The best thing about soulmates is that they are not necessarily a person of romantic interest. They could be any person on the face of the planet. Your parent, your sibling, your best friend, anyone has the possibility of sharing that emotional connection. Love is a strange thing.

But Antonio did not have too much time to ponder about it any longer, because he soon lulled off to sleep with Lovino in his grasp.

Lovino

His eyes shifted open. It took a moment to adjust to the surroundings. But then he realized that he had been sleeping on top of Antonio.

In all honesty, Lovino was particularly comfortable. Antonio's body was firm, strong, and capable. He could feel his muscles tense and relax with every breath, the bulges of strength in his abdomen through his shirt. If this kid was fit now, Lovino could only imagine the body he'd have by the end of high school.

It struck Lovino that he was still young. Was it okay to be thinking about relationships? To want a relationship? Why was he thinking romantically about Antonio? It didn't make any sense.

Lovino decided right then and there that he would try his hardest to remain just friends. Even if they did like each other, it could wait, right? Well, if Antonio doesn't become impatient and abandon him as both friend and lover.

The thought made him shiver. If there was one thing Lovino hated more than being in love was being in love and getting rejected. Knowing that the person who you spend hours thinking about, wouldn't even give you a second thought. It was just...terrifying.

He sat up now, and looked at the time. Thirty minutes until he had to be back home. Thirty minutes, and this strange night would be over.

A small groan came from Antonio, obviously disturbed that Lovino, his temporary blanket, had moved all of a sudden.

With a shove from the Italian, Antonio's eyes fluttered open.

"Hola," he saluted cheerfully. Was this guy ever grumpy? "What time is it?"

"Time for me to leave," Lovino replied. "It's ten-thirty."

"But you don't have to be back until eleven." He argued in reply.

"I'm tired. I'll...I'll see you at the bus stop tomorrow. Have a nice night, Antonio." Lovino slowly stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Antonio rushed to his feet. Lovino whipped around. "Don't I get a hug?"

A sigh escaped from Lovino's mouth. "I - I um... It's a friendly hug, yes?"

"The friendliest of all." His smile grew.

Lovino stepped towards him and spread his arms open, without looking at Antonio.

Antonio jumped into the hug, squeezing the boy under him and resting his cheek against his forehead. "Good night, Lovi."

"Good night, idiot." Though it was meant to be an insult, it came out as a quite endearing remark. The Italian sighed, but gladly embraced the hug.

AN: was this chapter too gooey? XD blah I don't care if it is. I love my Toni and my Lovi and I need a lil bit of fluff from them because they're just too cute. Hope you enjoyed :3


	5. Chapter Five

_Lovino _

The following morning was uneventful for Lovino. When he got home, his grandpa had already fallen asleep, and Feli was busy in his room. Lovino brushed his teeth and went straight to sleep.

Seven hours later, the alarm beeped and beeped, telling Lovino it was 6am and he needed to attend school.

Lovino groaned and rolled over in bed. Getting up in the morning was always difficult. You could be the most cheery person in the whole galaxy, but no one is so willing to spring up out of bed in the morning.

He instantly thought of Antonio. Lovino wondered how his mornings went. Whether they were lonely, or busy, or grumpy. He wondered what his morning routine was, and what he would eat for breakfast. He wondered what his first thoughts were when he woke up in the morning. Then Lovino realized that Antonio was the first thing he thought of that morning, and he wanted to slap himself. And Antonio.

As soon as the two brothers were about to leave the house, they heard a faint knock. Lovi curiously went to answer it.

"Buenos dias, Lovi!" came the much-too-awake-for-six-thirty cheer from Antonio.

"Why are you here?" Lovino answered rudely. "And stop calling me that," he added, regardless of the fact that he was already starting to get used to his popular nickname coming from the dumb Spaniard.

"Well because I wanted to walk to the bus with you and Feli." Lovino almost cringed at hearing Feliciano's nickname come out of his mouth as well. "I get pretty lonely, you know."

Lovino thought of poor Antonio living most of his life alone, walking to and from the bus alone, then getting home and only being around his mother for a short amount of time before being left alone again. He sure did live a lonely little life. Lovino almost felt bad.

But, he only grumbled and nodded slightly. There was no way to get the idiot off his back, so he might as well just let it happen.

Feli and Antonio were the ones who talked the whole way there. Even though they tried to get Lovi into the conversation as much as possible, Lovino just wasn't into it. Not only was it too early, he also just didn't feel like talking sometimes. Or, most of the time.

The ride to school was boring. Then again, anything involving school was boring. He didn't want to talk to anyone, and no one wanted to talk to him.

Well, except for Antonio, of course.

Lovino only pretended to be uninterested.

When they got off the bus and walked to their street, Antonio stopped. He leaned in towards Feliciano and whispered something in his ear whilst Lovino scowled at him. Feli laughed, nodded, and ran off, leaving the two alone.

"What the hell, Antonio?" Lovi turned to him.

The Spaniard smiled sheepishly, with a slight blush. "I wanted to get you alone."

Now, Lovi blushed. He blushed strawberry red, and forced his gaze at his feet. "Why, exactly?"

Antonio exhaled all the confidence he could muster. "Because I wanted to invite you someplace this weekend. The mall."

"I-I um.." Lovino began to stammer. "I'd have to ask."

"So that's a yes?"

"No promises."

Antonio smiled in victory anyway. "That's great. It'll be really fun, I promise."

"Yeah, yeah."

Then, to Lovino's surprise, he was embraced in a warm hug. Though he stiffened up at first, he thusly soothed into the hug.

When Antonio pulled away, Lovino was already anticipating another hug. It disgusted him, really. But he couldn't deny the satisfaction of their flaming touch that both filled him with adrenaline and soothed his mind with peace. Strange, how addicting this boy was becoming.

Slowly and reluctantly, they walked to Antonio's front door. The Spanish boy turned to him and smiled. "You can't stay? My mama would love to have you over."

"I can't." he uttered. "I have...homework."

"We can do it together. We have that math homework that you didn't quite understand, I can help you with that." Antonio urged.

Lovino took a deep sigh. Why was this idiot so convincing? He pulled out his phone from his pocket, and pulled up the only two contacts on his phone, and promptly dialed his grandfather.

He waited.

Then heard his nonno's voice from the other end. "Lovino? Are you coming home soon? Feli told me you were with Antonio."

"Ah, si, and I wanted to ask if I could stay at his house for a while, to do homework."

"Okay Lovi of course! As long as you eat something while you're there and you're back before dinner at seven."

"Si signore, I will be back by seven. Grazie, Nonno. Ti amo." he hung up.

"Oh, can I get your number?" The other asked. "You know, for... emergencies."

Lovino rolled his eyes. Antonio handed him his phone and the Italian punched in the number. Now he'd have three contacts.

They entered the home, and due to the increase of sunlight, the house looked even more colorful than it had the night prior.

Antonio's mom walked in from the kitchen to greet them. Lovino noticed at once that she didn't look like she did in their family pictures and portraits from Antonio's childhood.

She looked tired. Her sad green eyes glimmered in the bright light, and her complexion was much lighter than Antonio's. It made her eyes look even greener, but unfortunately, even sadder.

"Hola, Antonio, who is this?" she smiled softly.

Antonio turned to him. "This is Lovino. He is new here, and he is a friend. Is it okay if he stays for a while to do homework? He only lives down the street and his abuelo gave permission." Lovino noticed how much thicker his accent was when he was talking to his mother, as if he was forcing the American accent around other people, but sounded like himself in front of her.

"Si, si, of course he can stay. Hello, Lovino."

"Hello, signora," he greeted shyly.

"You are italian, no? I can hear the accent."

"Yes, born and raised."

"Oh that's great! I love the culture. I've visited multiple times before, and it's simply beautiful."

Lovino nodded. He was never too good at carrying on conversations, especially with parents.

"Are you boys hungry?"

They ate chorizo and croquetas, all spectacular in taste. Then they went into Antonio's room.

Lovino was surprised as to how much Antonio's room differed from the rest of the colorful house. His small bed was up against a window, where you could look out and see a backyard full of trees and plants. His blankets were black, just like his desk, where his little black and red laptop sat. In the corner, there was a dark wooden bookshelf with a map of the world pinned up on the wall above it. And there were posters all over the rest of the walls. Posters with various things on them, including bands and singers, many of them that Lovino recognized. Lastly, a black beanbag was set lazily near the bed, with a beige blanket draped over it. The blanket might as well be the brightest thing in the room. Even the walls were dark grey.

The room was so plain and dark... Lovino couldn't help but wonder why such a cheery person would sleep in such a room. It completely mismatched his personality.

But then he thought of Antonio's sweet mother, and noted their resemblance. Those sad green eyes, wavy brown hair, warm and friendly appearance. They even shared the same personality.

Just another similarity, was how they coped with their sadness. Antonio's mother filled her home and her life with color, locking her pain away from the rest of the world, only shown in the personal aspects of her life. She tried to compensate that emptiness with beautiful little distractions in life. While they both appeared to be happy and smiling, they hid their feelings for the sake of others. Antonio was the same. Except no matter how much color was added, he was still grey. That act of happiness...it was all to cover everything up. Or else, he would just break down.

He let that sink in. Antonio could try, but Lovino would always see past his games, his empty smiles, the false way he carried himself.

And for no reason at all, he took Antonio into his arms, surprising him a bit, and gave him a good long hug. He remained like that.

In a strange way, Lovino almost wished he was as oblivious as the rest of the world, that he didn't see through those sparkling green eyes at all.

But he knew he was put in Antonio's life for a reason. And if that reason was to help Antonio and be there for him, so be it.

_Antonio _

That random embrace from Lovino took him by much surprise. Not that he didn't like it, of course. It was just...very unlike him. It made Antonio wonder why he did it.

As they sipped hot chocolate and went through math problems, he observed Lovino quietly. He looked fine, no signs of discomfort.

Concerns aside, Antonio was unknowingly checking him out. He couldn't help but admire the slight swoop of his hair, his thin fingers grasping the pencil, flipping the pages of the math textbook.

Lovino looked up from his homework. "Um, can I help you?"

"Huh?"

"Is there any particular reason as to why you're staring at me as if I were a unicorn that just flew in from Neverland?"

"O-oh, no. Sorry. I just...spaced out a bit. Anyways, can you help me with this problem?" He pointed at the page. Lovino nodded and got back to his work.

Still, that hug was too random. Could there be something wrong with Lovi?

"Hey, Lovi." He leaned in.

"Mm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Well, why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno. Just checking."

"Do your homework, Antonio."

"Si señor."

**I'm trying to not make the story drag on too much .-. There's still SO much more and we haven't even gotten to the main conflict and gawsh. But I'm also trying to not move too fast with the friendship between them so I dunno I'm just trying to find that good medium. Hope you enjoyed :3 **


	6. Chapter Six

_Lovino_

The door to Lovino's house creaked open and he strolled in. His grandpa was taking a nap on the sofa and Feli was nowhere to be seen. In his room, probably.

So the Italian locked himself inside his own room and sat on his bed. He needed to be with his own thoughts for a while.

Relaxation was a difficult thing for Lovino most of the time. He lived under a constant stress that creeped over him like a ghost.

But, for tonight, he would try to "chill out". Despite the piles of homework he had to finish, despite his mind full of raging thoughts, despite everything else that would normally cause him to freak out, he was tranquil.

Then, the tears came. For absolutely no reason. He did this a lot. Just sat in his room, releasing his feelings through crying. Lovino didn't like seeing crying as an unmanly or bad thing to do. It was necessary. Crying is a natural human response and in a way, it cleansed you.

He thought of everything going on lately. Antonio, the move, worrying about feliciano, his Nonno, his mother...

As much as he hated worrying about the present, the past was way worse. It was tragic and unfixable and he had to move on.

But, Lovino learned his first lesson today. People are not always what they seem to be. Or rather, as happy as they seem.

Lovino thought Antonio was colorful. But that was only the surface. Lovino loved the superficial happiness Antonio could temporarily provide. But, the other boy was just another person. He had feelings, gray days, a darker side. Color had a tendency to fade.

And that was okay. He was only human. Lovino couldn't expect the world out of him, he knew that. Maybe he would never be able to restore everything that he's broken, and maybe he'll never be a genuinely happy person. But the first step into anything is, accepting it.

He accepted Antonio. But...as what? A friend? Or could it be something more?

_Antonio_

His mother had already left. He sat alone in his room with a book he couldn't bring himself to read. He absentmindedly tugged and ran his fingers over the thin pages, staring off into space. He was tired. Even though it was only seven, he wanted to go to sleep.

Instead, he ran a bath. He dipped his body in the warm fluid as it engulfed him. Naturally, he became sleepier in the tub and soon drifted into a light sleep.

Antonio had so many thoughts on his mind. So many, yet none at all. He couldn't organize his thoughts and he was drowning in worries.

For now, he would try to clear his mind. Calm down. Breathe.

That's when he heard a meow. His eyes flew open and he tilted his head up in curiosity. Another meow, coming from somewhere in the house.

He decided to get out of the bath and search for the source of the meowing. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he cautiously opened the bathroom door. More meowing. It seemed to be coming from the living room.

When Antonio peeked into the living room, he found a small kitten on the sofa, licking her paws. He could only see its small dark grey body from this distance, but it was definitely a kitten.

Antonio retreated back to his room to put on a shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. Hopefully, the kitten was still there.

When he stalked back to the living room, sure enough, the small cat remained on the sofa. First, Antonio closed all the windows it could've possibly entered from, and silently closed the door. He had the kittens attention. She looked up at him, and Antonio saw that she had differently colored eyes. One a golden brown, and the other an emerald green. Her ears perked up as she eyed him carefully. Eventually, she slowly stood up, and took a step in his direction. Antonio stepped towards her.

As they both slowly walked towards each other, they at each other with curiosity. Antonio held his hand out in a friendly manner, and she began to sniff it. Then, she gave his finger a small lick with her rough tongue. He began petting her.

"You're so cute," he said softly. "I wonder if you're a stray, or if someone lost you."

She didn't have a collar, and her fur was dirty and matted. Either, she was a stray, or her previous owners had lost her a long time ago.

The water was still in the tub. Why not just give her a bath there?

Picking her up would be tricky. They still didn't exactly trust each other. She was being very cautious, he could tell.

Slowly, he wrapped his hands around her slender figure. She was squirmed a bit, but then fell limp in his arms. It occurred to Antonio that she was probably very hungry and very tired. San Diego wasn't the best city for a stray cat.

But, first things first. He wanted her to be clean. The bath would take no longer than ten minutes, and then he could feed her and give her something to drink.

She was carried to the bathroom, and as soon as she saw the bathwater, she began squirming again.

"I'm sorry," Antonio cooed. "It won't take long. I just need to get you clean, okay?"

When she came in contact with the warm water, her paws flailed and she shrieked. "Shh...bear with me."

Desperately, she tried to escape, scratching Antonio's arms and face. Antonio held her in the tub, rubbing soap into her fur and undoing the tangles with an old comb he found laying around.

Eventually, the cat calmed down a bit, but it didn't stop her from splashing enough whatever that Antonio became soaked in half sudsy, half muddy water.

Many meows and many frustrated Antonio groans later, the kitten was clean. He wrapped her up in an old towel and took her to his room to dry.

When Antonio sat down on the bed with her, she snuggled to his side and let out soft meows.

"Oh, right! I was supposed to feed you!" First, he grabbed an old blanket and wrapped her in it, then he carried her over to the kitchen.

Setting her down in one of the kitchen chairs, he began digging around under the sink. He fished out two bowls, one plastic, and one metal. He turned to the kitten.

"These were my old dog's bowls, his name was Churro. He was a little weiner dog, the cutest little guy! But, my dad made us sell him so..." The kitten stared intently with her big differently colored eyes.

Antonio pulled out a can of tuna from the cupboard and filled the bowl of water, plopped the tuna in the other bowl, and served it to the kitten.

She gobbled down the tuna, and lapped thirstily at the water.

"You were definitely hungry, weren't you?" he chirped. Antonio loved animals. All kinds of them, whether reptiles or dogs or fish or cats or birds...any kind, he loved them all.

When she was finished, he washed the bowls and set out some fresh water, just in case she got thirsty again.

He sat down in the living room and turned on the TV to watch whatever show came on. The kitten jumped on his lap and curled up, purring as she cuddled against him.

"I wonder if my mom will let me keep you," he spoke. "And I know it's bad to get attached or whatever, but I really think I should give you a name."

His first thought was Lovino. The cat somewhat reminded him of Lovi, with that same analytical and thoughtful gaze in her eyes.

She rolled over in his lap and stretched out her legs. Antonio giggled. "You kind of remind me of Puss In Boots. I have no idea why. Are you Spanish, kitty? Because if you are, I should give you a Spanish name."

Antonio scratched her belly as he spoke. She probably couldn't care less about the boy's half-sided conversation with her, but Antonio rambled on anyway.

"Since you remind me of Puss In Boots...I'm trying to think of something that relates. Plus, you're a girl and I want to give you a cute name. Boots... Heh, boots reminds me of the shape of Italy."

The cat's tail flicked when she heard Italy.

"You like Italy?" He asked her. "Maybe you're an Italian kitty. Italia. Wait...Italia! Perfecto, I love it!"

Her head jerked up and she perked her ears. She seemed to like it. "Italia it is then."

For the rest of the night, they watched reruns of old TV shows and late night movies until they were both asleep.

_Lovino_

Try as he might, he couldn't sleep. This happened a lot. Exhausted and dead during the day, raging thoughts at night.

At the moment, he was on his laptop. He was writing poetry, and he only had the inspiration to do so on sleepless nights such as these.

Letter by letter, he typed. He didn't know exactly what he was typing, but it was passionate. Word by word he described indescribable feelings, intricately composing every feeling that rushed through him.

When he finished, he took a breath and began to read over it.

Then he realized it was all about Antonio.

_Antonio _

He heard a door open and shut closed when Italia jumped off of him, and he lifted his head up to see what was going on. His mother walked through the doorway and gasped the second she saw the kitty.

"Antonio! What is this doing here?" She scolded. She looked both angry and baffled.

"Oh, well..." He began drowsily. "A cat came in the house and, I fed her and stuff. Then we fell asleep."

"Well, we can't have a cat." She answered sternly.

"Why not?" Antonio whined. Italia pawed at his mother's legs. She picked her up and observed her.

"She's cute, Antonio, I'll give you that. But your father is allergic to animals, you know that."

"He's not allergic, he just doesn't like them..." He muttered under his breath. "Besides," he said louder, "it's not like he's ever home anyway."

His mother sighed. "Yo se, mi corazón, but if he wasn't working the way he does, we wouldn't be living here. You need to appreciate that."

"And I do," he argued, eyebrows furrowed. "I just... I don't know. It's like you guys aren't even together."

She put the cat down, and leaned in to hug her son. "Work is work, mi niño. Some of us are born to live in mansions and sip tea in private jets, others have to work like mules and pray to God they enough for breakfast the next day. Unfortunately, we have to work hard for what we get in life."

Antonio hugged her tighter, snuggling into his mother. She smelled like cheap perfume, old wood, and alcohol.

"Tomorrow, I'll make sure the kitten has a new home. Good night, Mama."

"Buenas noches, hijo."

Italia followed Antonio into his room, and slept beside him on the pillow. Antonio knew exactly who he'd give her to. 

**AN: Picturing Antonio with a cat is just too adorable... I just wish Lovi was there to experience his shirt sticking to his body and his laugh when the kitten splashes water on him. Aghh anyways... Hope you enjoyed :3**


	7. Chapter Seven

_Lovino_

He woke to Feliciano's voice.

"Lovi! Lovi! Get up! You don't wanna be late for school!"

His head felt heavy and he groaned in complaint. He remembered falling asleep around 4am. Lifting himself up out of bed, he began digging around for some clothes to wear.

He found a pair of black pants and a faded blue band t-shirt to wear. He wore a dark grey sweater over it, the same dark grey sweater he wore almost every day. It had a black emblem in the middle with something written in cursive. He didn't exactly know what it said, but Feli had gotten it for him a long time ago while on a trip. It was a bit large, but he'd probably grow into it.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and walking into the kitchen, he saw Feli busily making breakfast. His famous tomato and Parmesan omelet. Lovi was good at cooking dinners, while Feli was superior at breakfasts and baked goods.

A small plate of four croissants sat steaming hot on the counter, ready to be eaten.

"I'm making coffee, Feli. Do you want some?" Lovino asked.

"No, thank you. I'll just have some guava juice."

Lovino grabbed the bag of coffee beans. They were organic Colombian coffee beans, and the coffee they produced tasted amazing. He couldn't stand instant coffee and was very particular about taste. If his coffee wasn't just right, he wouldn't drink it. Only Feli and himself could get it just the way he liked it.

He ground up the beans in their instant grinder, threw it and the water into the machine, and it began to brew. The deep, rich aroma filled the kitchen. The smell itself was Lovi's favorite part of the morning, besides drinking it, of course.

"Lovi, do you know that Antonio will be joining us for breakfast today?"

Lovino almost stumbled. "He what?"

"Yeah, he should be here soon. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Why is he coming over?"

"Well maybe because I invited him. He-"

"Why would you do something like that?" Lovino loudly interrupted.

Feli calmly gave him a stern glance. "Let me finish, Lovino. I thought he might like to be accompanied by someone in the mornings."

"He has a mother, you know."

"Antonio told me she sleeps in because of how late she gets home from work, if she doesn't have any early morning errands."

"So you talk to Antonio now."

"Not very much, just on the bus while you're blasting music to tune everything out."

Lovino just groaned, and sat down in his seat. So much for having a nice morning.

When Antonio arrived, Lovi gave him a very quiet hello. His coffee was ready, so he busied himself with that, finding small distractions to avoid talking to Antonio.

It's not that he _wanted _to avoid him. He just...didn't like being around people at times. Especially during his mornings. That was a time reserved for him, Feli, and occasionally their Nonno.

_Antonio _

Everything was silent as they were walking to the stop. Not even Feliciano spoke. The bus pulled into the stop, and the three, plus the other students standing nearby, loaded inside.

Antonio was right behind Lovi, and as he sat down, Antonio shot in right next to him.

Lovino acted as if he weren't there, and plugged in his earbuds.

Reaching into his backpack, Antonio dug around for a while until he finally pulled out a thin plastic-like square shaped paper. It was a photo film.

Antonio shoved it in Lovino's face, and he looked at it with disgust and confusion. Then he took a closer look.

_Lovino_

It was the picture Antonio took of him on the first day. Admittedly, it was a good picture. The angle was dramatic, and the light hit the scene in just the right way. It wasn't just about how Lovino looked in the picture. It was about the composition of everything around him, how it worked together to form something subtle but beautiful. It was a lovely picture. But then Lovino remembered his snark comment when he heard the camera click on that first day.

Without glancing towards Antonio, he took the film between his fingers and tried to rip through it. It wouldn't rip. He tried harder, and it hardly dented. Finally, he looked at Antonio.

"What the hell?"

That cheesy grin hugged his face, and a warm blush spread across his cheeks. "I may or may not have used my own very expensive and very high quality film to process that picture. You'd be surprised to see how durable it is. Won't even scratch."

"Ugh." Lovino threw the picture to the floor, but Antonio caught it.

"Please throw it away," Lovino sighed. Even though he felt bad for throwing away that nice film, and wasting such a nice picture, he didn't want to look at it. And he didn't want Antonio to look at it.

"Why? It looks beautiful."

"Oh, shut up." Lovino didn't know whether or not he was talking about the picture or the person in it. He turned to the window, away from Antonio.

"I'm keeping it. And there's nothing you can do about it."

"There's plenty of things I can do about it, actually," Lovino retorted.

"I guess you're right, but I really want to keep this picture."

"Why?"

"I like it, that's why. No other explanation needed."

Antonio slid the picture back into his backpack, and stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to school.

After lunch, Antonio wasn't in English, PE, or Photography. Lovino figured he left early.

He carried on with the rest of his day, silently and with his ever bored expression. When the day ended, he got on the bus and listened to his music.

He did find it a bit odd that Antonio was technically his only friend at school. There were students that attempted talking to him, but it was never more than occasional small talk. This school was just a bit...boring.

When the bus pulled into his stop, he walked home alone. Feliciano got off at another stop because he was going to a friend's house.

As he passed by Antonio's house, he noticed that he was standing right outside on the front yard steps.

"Lovi!" He called, flailing his arms in the air.

_What a dweeb_.

Lovino was tempted to just ignore him and go home, he was tired and didn't want to talk to anyone.

Unfortunately for the Italian, Antonio ran up to him. "I have something for you," he rushed out, excitedly.

"Mio dio, what is it?" He slapped his hand against his forehead.

"Hey that sounds a lot like what you'd say in Spanish, Dios Mio. Hah, languages are fun. Anyway!" He took hold of Lovino's wrist and pulled him into his house.

_Antonio _

Leaving Lovi at the door, he rushed into the living room. Italia was sitting on the sofa, tail slowly swishing back and forth with a melancholy attitude. Antonio took her into his arms and marched back to where Lovino was.

"Look!" He cheered, holding up Italia as if she were Simba in the Lion King.

"Yes, Antonio, it's a cat. Congratulations."

"She's for you!"

Lovino's eyebrows furrowed. "You got me a cat?"

"Well, technically I found her. And don't try to say your abuelito won't let you keep her, I've already talked to him about it."

"Oh so I see you keep in touch with all of my family members, then."

Antonio only laughed. "Here, hold her."

When she was put into Lovi's arms, she immediately snuggled up to him. It was an instant connection, and though he didn't show it, Lovino instantly loved her too. Antonio just knew it.

"Her name is Italia."

Lovino was on the verge of blushing, but he only blinked a couple of times in faint surprise.

"That's...that's a beautiful name, Antonio. Thank you."

Antonio was almost surprised at how thankful and how easily Lovino accepted the kitten. He was prepared for his sarcastic remarks and excuses to not have to deal with her at all.

Without another word, Antonio ran back into the kitchen and grabbed a large black box. He went back to the entrance and set it down in front of Lovino.

"Okay, so I went to the pet store today and bought a _bunch_ of stuff for her. Here's two bowls, I even got her name on them, a collar with her name and address, a couple toys, some food, an adorable little bed, some grooming tools, and basically everything you need for her."

"...damn."

"Damn indeed. Now take her home and give her lots of love."

_Lovino_

A cat. Of all things, a cat.

She was adorable, no doubt, but what would he do with a cat?

She sat on his bed, looking at him. Her eyes were so mysterious.

"Italia..." he tried out the name. It was indeed very fitting, even she seemed to like it. He liked the way the sound flowed off his tongue, sweet and soft. Much like the country itself.

Her differently colored eyes were adorable, and the green one reminded him of Antonio's eye color. The golden one reminded him of his own.

But, her actions completely reminded him of Antonio. Straightforward, confident, yet loving and caring at the same time. In the little time he'd known her, Lovino knew she was very sweet and would be those calm, but playful cats.

"You're pretty adorable, aren't you?" He scratched her head. She meowed a reply, and crawled onto his lap, purring and arranging herself for a nap. 

**This was a shorter chapter /).(\ but the next one will be quite longer, I promise. I think after the next one or two chapters, things are finally gonna start to get interesting, and I'm really looking forward to it. **

**As always, hope you enjoyed :3**


	8. Chapter Eight

**I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter ;-; **

**Warning for a very brief mention of suicide.**

**Enjoy lé story**

_Lovino_

He forgot that it was Saturday. Waking up at seven and rushing to get dressed because he thought he was late wasn't very enjoyable. Although, Lovino felt a huge relief knowing that it was finally the weekend.

That relief, however, soon turned to anxiety. Today _was_ Saturday, meaning today he was going to the mall with Antonio.

What would they even do there? Lovino didn't like shopping, and Antonio didn't quite seem the type. Then again, Antonio's interests did seem scattered from time to time. For example, even though he looked like a total sports star MVP, he was clumsy and often kicked every ball that bounced towards him despite having to catch, dodge, or bounce it back. He didn't look intellectual but when you asked him about the latest book he's read, he goes into the utmost depth and takes his precious time to weave an intricate summary of the characters, the plot, and his personal opinion of the story itself. You really shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Whatever it was that Antonio had in mind, Lovino could only guess.

_Antonio_

A lot of people became annoyed by the constant ticking of a clock. Antonio loved it. It was rhythmic and serene. He loved sitting on the sofa, staring up into the nothing, listening to the ticking of the large grandfather clock in his living room. The wood was a bit worn out, and so was the cracking paint of small detailed flowers and leaves.

He would have fallen asleep there if he hadn't seen his phone sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up and scrolled down through the contact to find Lovino. His contact name had a turtle emoji next to it with some hearts, although he'd never let him see that.

_Antonio: what time's good for the mall?_

He waited about two minutes for a reply.

_Lovino: Dunno, 2 maybe?_

_Antonio: Okay! Do you want a ride, or do you just wanna meet there?_

_Lovino: i don't know where it is, remember?_

_Antonio: Right, right. Head to my house whenever's good for you then. See you :)_

_Lovino: Bye _

It was barely 10am, and Antonio was growing impatient. He had so many ideas on stuff they could do, but no exact plans. He didn't like making plans, because they never went the way he wanted it to. Things just...happened, with or without his control. He kind of liked it that way.

For now, he would choose what to wear. He could control that.

Opening his closet, he dug around for a while. He found a green Led Zeppelin shirt and regular black jeans. Simple, per usual. He slid on a black 'I heart LA' sweater.

For the remaining couple of hours, Antonio sat on his bed, trying to finish that book of his. When he could actually focus on reading, it was pretty enjoyable.

Finally, a bit earlier than the expected time, Lovino knocked on the door.

Antonio almost sprinted to answer it, and when he finally did, he realized that Lovino was practically dressed the same. Black pants, a faded red shirt peeking out from his black Nirvana sweater. So he laughed, for almost no reason at all, and pulled him in.

"So what's with you?" Lovino cocked an eyebrow.

"Nothing, Lovi, I'm just happy!" He threw his arms up and smiled brightly.

"Okay… weirdo." Lovino awkwardly stuck his hands in his pockets. "Are we leaving soon?"

"Yeah, I'll just go get my mama." She'd been sleeping all day, tired from work. Fridays and Saturdays were always the busiest.

Antonio poked into her room, she was putting on a cardigan. "Lovino is here?" she asked. Antonio nodded. "You boys ready?" another nod. "Then let's go."

The mall was about twenty minutes away from their neighborhood, counting traffic. Antonio's mother dropped them off and left, telling them she'd pick them up when they called.

_Lovino_

"So...what are we doing?" He shuffled his feet. They were in front of a fountain at the back entrance of the mall. The outside back area of the mall consisted of two streets, and they had restaurants, the movie theater, parking areas, and other smaller shops that technically weren't part of the mall itself.

"You hungry?"

Lovino shrugged. "Yeah, I could go for some food."

"Let's go to the food court then." Antonio led him inside and they walked against the crowd before coming across the food court. It had multiple eatery options, such as Subway, Hot Dog On A Stick, Panda Express, Papa John's, Taco Bell, and some hamburger place.

"Whaddya want?" Antonio turned to him. Lovino scanned through his options. "I've never had Panda Express before."

"Really?" The other turned his head. "Let's get it then! I'll pay."

Lovino ordered the same thing as Antonio, orange chicken, fried rice, and some Asian beef thing he couldn't quite pronounce, as well as an egg roll for each one of them.

"The serving sizes are huge," Lovino commented.

"Yeah, you get what you pay for."

They ate without much talk, occasionally pointing out a strange person or a funny group in the crowd, and they even started making up backstories for some of the weirder people there.

When they were finished, they threw out their trash and started walking around the mall.

"Anything you particularly like doing?" Antonio asked.

"Eh...I don't really go to malls often." Lovino looked around at all the stores. None of them really matched his style.

"Let's just walk around until we find something interesting, then."

So they walked from store to store. When they walked past Victoria's Secret, they joked about making a reverse gender store named Victor's Secret and filling it with male lingerie. They saw Sears and Antonio brought up a Mean Girls reference, which Lovino didn't quite understand.

"You've never watched Mean Girls?" Antonio seemed astonished.

"No...I don't watch too many movies."

"I'll make sure you watch it. Trust me, it's good."

"Well, alright then."

When they got tired of walking, they stopped to get ice cream. Lovino got rocky road, Antonio got strawberry shortcake with enough sprinkles and other sugary toppings to cause worldwide diabetes.

With their ice cream in hand, and nothing better to do, they sat down near the children's play area to watch.

"What do you think of kids, Antonio?" He took another bite of his ice cream. "Would you ever have them?"

"Don't know. Never really thought about it, I guess. Depends on whether or not my spouse would want any." Antonio half smiled. "What about you?"

"Me? Yeah, sure. I wouldn't mind having a daughter." When Lovino finished his sentence, Antonio began laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You'd be so overprotective of her. It's kinda cute. What would you name her?" Antonio was looking out into the sea of small screaming children.

"Rosita. I'd call her Rosie. And if I had a son, I'd name him Leonardo, and call him Leo."

"Really? If I had a daughter, I'd name her after a place. Like, London or something. That's pretty, don't you think?"

"Is that how you came up with Italia's name?"

"Well, sorta. For Italia, it just kinda...made sense." Antonio finished thoughtfully.

"I know what you mean." As they looked out into the play area, they saw the slightly annoyed parents, two little boys arguing over a toy, a little girl twirling around, making her dress spin and flow.

"On second thought," Antonio began, interrupting Lovino's thoughts. "I would definitely have kids. I would love them with all my heart, treat them as if they were more valuable than diamonds. I would do anything for them."

Lovino scoffed, but then he smiled. "Okay, Toni."

_Antonio_

That was the first time Lovino had ever called him Toni. He liked the way he pronounced the _o _and the _i_, unlike the way his friends spoke his nickname in their American accent, "Tony." Lovino's way made it sound so soft, gentle, and endearing. He wanted to hear him say it again, and again, and again.

"You like coffee, right?" Antonio inquired.

"Yeah, I love it," he answered wearily.

"I know the cutest coffee shop. It's outside, come on."

Antonio knew Lovino loved it the second they walked it. The scent of brewing coffee beans filled their nostrils and Lovi took a minute to breathe it in. He looked around, and his eyes shone with a faint appreciation. He scanned the people, the menu on the wall, the employees, and the food on everyone's table. And overall, he looked pleased.

They sat down and called for a waitress. She kindly took their order.

"An almond cream mocha, with a shot of espresso, please," Antonio ordered sweetly. "And a coffee cake."

Lovino was still looking through the menu. "I'll just have a...a regular mocha with double espresso, _per favore_. And...a strawberry swirl muffin. That will be all, _grazie_."

The cafe was small and humble. Old dark brown tables, cute pictures of France, Colombia, Africa, and some popular coffee spots all over the world adorned the walls. The menu was written on a chalkboard in very nice handwriting, and the whole thing was just cozy. There were even some sofas towards the back.

Their coffee arrived, and Lovi was taking his first sip. "Do you like it?" Antonio asked a bit too eagerly.

"Yeah, it's fine. And you should take that as a compliment because I'm very particular about my coffee."

"Yay! You liked it!" Antonio drank his coffee in large gulps, despite how hot it was and how much his tongue burned after it all went down.

By the time they were finished, it was already six. "Do you want to call your mom?" Lovino muttered. His hands were in the pockets of his sweater and he was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Actually..." Antonio looked up, towards the huge seven-story parking lot. "You wanna go to the roof?"

"The roof?"

"Yeah, the roof of the parking building. It's nice."

Lovino shrugged. "Well, yeah I guess, I don't see why not. As long as you're not afraid of heights." Antonio scoffed at that remark.

"Me?" He waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Nah. I love being up there. It's...quiet and peaceful."

"Let's go then."

The elevator was a bit too quiet and awkward, but once they got to the top, Antonio immediately took a deep breath. The lot was completely empty.

_Lovino_

He could hear the wind blowing and the faint beeping of cars beneath them. Antonio was right, it really was peaceful. They sat on the cement ledge, overlooking the city. For miles, they saw the city lights and the buzz of the people in it.

"I like being up here when I'm alone," Antonio commented softly. "I can really think. Clear my thoughts."

"You've never thought about jumping over?" Lovino looked down, analyzing how high of a fall it'd be.

"Sometimes, on the worse days. But, then I stop myself. I realize that there's gotta be something out there for me, and it's not suicide. I realize that...despite everything, there's hope." His gaze drifted out, past the city, the people, the freeways, everything that was part of this polished world. It was as if he was seeing something completely different, a different world. Then he turned to Lovino, and smiled. A real smile. That sad, hopeful, longing smile. That smile that spoke far more than his words ever could. It was that smile that broke Lovino apart and put him back together, piece by broken piece.

"You wanna listen to music?" Antonio whispered, breaking the silence. Lovino nodded.

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through a couple songs. First, Antonio played some Blink-182, because he always bashed their music yet knew every lyric and sang along perfectly. Lovino told him to put on some Ed Sheeran, so he did, even though neither of them never really listened to his music. Lovino said he liked Autumn Leaves the best. Antonio retorted that Gold Rush was obviously better, and it sounded better when singing along to.

Eventually, they ran out of song suggestions and put on the radio. Most of what played were bands that Lovino seemed to favor more, such as Vertical Horizon, Mayday Parade, My Chemical Romance.

Then a song that both of them knew fairly well, but never listened to, came on.

"What's this one called, Antonio?"

"Fall For You. It's by Secondhand Serenade."

"It seemed a bit familiar."

"Yeah...I like it."

"Me too."

They listened to lyrics in silence at first.

...((The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting...

Could it be that we have been this way before?  
I know you don't think that I am trying...

I know you're wearing thin down to the core))...

When it got to the chorus, they couldn't help but sing along the lyrics as loud as possible.

"...But hold your breath,

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,

Over again...!" they both stood up now.

"Don't make me change my mind,

Or I won't live to see another day...

I swear it's true," Antonio's eyes darkened and he pulled Lovino in for a deep hug.

Antonio whispered the last line of the chorus by himself, "Because a guy like you's impossible to find..."

Lovino noticed he switched out 'girl' for 'guy' but he didn't care because he hugged him just as tightly and warmly and his voice was breaking apart as he whispered, "You're a fucking idiot, and I need you in my life. So don't go leaving me, okay?"

And as the song kept playing in the background and the noise of the city around them was drowned out, neither of them had a care in the world. Because they felt like they were right on top of it, and directly beneath it. No matter what was going on, they were there and that's all that mattered. Two kids who were suffocated by life, could finally breathe.

Antonio pulled away slightly, his green eyes staring intensely into Lovino's. "I promise you, I will _always _love you."

**Okay so we're finally getting somewhere and nearing an actual interesting and vital part of the story :D in about maybe two or three more chapters is when the real drama starts, so that's certainly fun. **

**Hope you enjoyed :3**


	9. Chapter Nine

_Lovino_

The song had ended, and Lovino hadn't said anything. He was still trying to process. He knew him and Antonio were friends at the very least but...he just admitted he _loved_ him.

His words were too sincere, and his eyes were too genuine to not believe him.

But it was like neither of them knew what to do next. Lovino didn't want to be in a relationship, obviously. Dating was nowhere in his plans for the near future. And Antonio...he needed Lovino there for him. Lovino was his nicotine, the first whiff he took left him wanting more and more.

So...where do they go from here?

Antonio still held the other in his embrace, like he'd vanish into thin air if he let go.

"Antonio..." Lovino began softly. "We're friends right?"

"Of course." he whispered back.

"Can we..." He didn't quite know how to organize these words. "Can we maybe...stay as friends?"

"Lovi, I'm not trying to ask you to be in a relationship. Relationships are just social statuses set by society. The only reason I said that was because I thought you needed to know not only how much you mean to me, but something you should know to be true. I don't want to hide my love for you. I think doing that would make everything too difficult for me." Antonio wrapped his hands tighter around his back. Lovino was impressed at how confident his words were. He didn't exactly know what kind of reply he was expecting, but this was definitely better.

"Thank you, Antonio." He was struggling to not stammer. "I'm not sure I can return those three words, not just yet. But rest assured that you mean so much to me, so much that I find difficulty expressing it through actions or words."

Lovino only felt Antonio's nod.

Lovi sat on the edge of the building, looking outwards. Antonio was behind him, calling his mom to get picked up.

He turned around to look at him. He was speaking fluent Spanish. Though the language was so fast, Lovino could hear the edge in every vowel. It was certainly a beautiful language, he had to admit. He just wished Antonio would speak it more often.

When he hung up, he turned to face him. "We're meeting my mom downstairs in front of the parking lot."

"Okay, no problem."

_Antonio_

The next day, they didn't expect to see each other. But they were both in church that morning, at the Catholic mass.

Though they silently acknowledged each other, they didn't speak.

When mass was over, Antonio's mother saw Lovino. "Toni, why don't we go say hi? I haven't met his...grandfather is it?"

Antonio shrugged awkwardly. His response wouldn't affect his mother speeding towards the Vargas family.

"Hola!" She chirped. "I'm Teresa Carriedo, Antonio's mother."

"Nice to finally meet you," Lovino's Nonno replied with a smile. "I'm Ronaldo Vargas, but you can call me Ron."

They shared a minute of small talk before Lovi tugged on his sleeve, said something to his grandpa, and 'Ron' waved goodbye. "We have to get going, but I hope to talk to you later!"

"Ah, bueno! I look forward to it. Adios!"

"Bye!"

It's not that things were awkward between them or anything, they just weren't expecting to see each other in their Sunday Best.

Lovino wore a white dress shirt with black slacks and a black coat. Antonio wore a green button up with black slacks.

And to be quite honest with himself, Antonio thought he looked rather dashing in green. But of course, there's no doubt Lovino's slim figure complimented his clothes perfectly.

They didn't speak again until Monday morning, on the bus to school. As if nothing happened.

_Lovino _

For the next couple of weeks, they kept talking as usual. The autumn leaves continued to fall, and the cold winds blew every near weightless object up into the air and down again, as the season goes.

Halloween was close, and Antonio was extremely excited.

"Lovi, please please can I help you choose a Halloween costume? We don't even have to go trick or treating just please?" He pleaded and begged on the bus.

"I've already told you, idiota, I don't dress up for Halloween." He munched on a muffin, he'd woken up late and hadn't eaten breakfast.

"But it'll be so cu-u-uute!" He whined in reply.

"Well, what are you gonna dress as, then?" He turned to look at Antonio's puppy dog eyes.

"Don't know, but we can figure it out together..."

"You should be a puppy, with those eyes of yours. Mio Dio."

In the end, Antonio was a puppy. And he convinced Lovino to be a bunny.

_Antonio_

Lovino absolutely refused every bunny costume Antonio showed him, so in the end they both bought animal onesies. It's not like they were gonna be out trick or treating, anyway. Lovi had already made it clear that on Halloween, all he wanted to do was eat ice cream and watch horror movies.

That's exactly what they did. Antonio's mom was working, so they sat opposite each other on the sofa, Italia resting in the middle. They sat and watched movies, like they had just a couple short weeks ago.

It had already seemed like so long since they met. They spent so much time together, people even teased them because of it. Did either of them care? Not the least bit. They were friends, best friends, and that was all that mattered.

Antonio looked over at Lovino's form. His head was laid atop the sofa's armrest, and the rest of him was scrunched up in a little ball. Admittedly, Antonio got a fantastic view of his butt. Not that he was looking, of course.

It was the first time Antonio had ever spent a Halloween quite like this, he usually just went out for a walk or sat on his roof to watch kids go by. That may have seemed pleasant, but he knew there was no other way he'd rather be spending tonight.

_Lovino_

The rest of the fall semester was spent on countless trips to the mall, sometimes actually enjoying the shops and entertainment the mall had to offer. But it was usually spent on that empty roof of the seven-story parking lot, enjoying music and talking about anything that came to mind.

One time, on a chilly day near the end of November, the wind was blowing quite strong and they both had a tinge of rosy pink on their cheeks. Antonio asked him, "Lovi, which do you love more, the sunrise or the sunset?"

He blinked, and his dark hair whipped against his head from the raging wind. "I'd say the sunset. I love the darker hues… and the moon begins to take on a stronger light. It's like something large and powerful is bowing down to make way for the more serene and silently beautiful. I don't know, there's something about the night sky that just makes me wonder every little thing about the world and I know it's dark and we need the sun to live but I can't help but feel that the moon and the stars and the night sky itself is like a small portal that sees right into our soul and changes us somehow. Like we're showing our true self."

"Sounds like we're all secretly werewolves," was Antonio's stupid reply, which ruined Lovino's poetic mood and resulted in the Spaniard getting a smack on the shoulder.

"Well fine then," Lovino scoffed. "Which one do you prefer?"

"Sunrise. I love mornings, everything is new and...everything is suddenly possible. There's no limitations as to what might happen. I love it." He stared at Lovino with sparkling eyes. There was a notion in the way he spoke, like he was constantly thinking of how he could string his words together. And just like cotton candy, it was thin, sweet, and left a pleasant aftertaste.

They loved having talks like that. Full, meaningful talks about the randomest things. Good or bad, they found intricate words woven into everything they saw or heard, smelled or tasted, or touched. As they saw the busy world around them, they would talk about it.

_Antonio_

Even though many amazing things had happened during that fall, winter was enchanting. Apparently, Lovino's grandpa loved going out during winter, and they always dragged him along.

They'd gone ice skating, out for hot chocolate at a different place every weekend, chipotle at 3am when they had school the next day. He often held bonfires and would sit and tell the most amazing stories, as they all sat wrapped in blankets and eating gooey marshmallows, melted from the steady fire. Hearing the stories, he saw where Lovi got all his words from. And not cuss words, mind you, Lovi must've inherited his big mouth from someone else. But the way his Nonno would say things made everything sound so much more interesting than it actually was. Not that his stories weren't interesting, though. His stories left him breathless.

And as for Christmas? They say by the tree sipping homemade hot chocolate and enjoying everything good there was about Christmas.

"Perdóname, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick. I'll be right back."

_Lovino_

Antonio didn't look okay. He was pale and nervous as he left. Lovino followed after him. Yeah, Antonio deserved his privacy, but he couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.

He caught up to him when he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, and Lovino saw that his eyes were tearing up. What could possibly be wrong? He walked next to him.

"Antonio, I-" but Lovi didn't get the chance to finish, because Antonio hugged him tightly and the tears began running down his face.

"Thank you."

Lovino hugged him back, still not knowing exactly why he was crying. But if Antonio was thanking him, it must be for good reason. "F-for what?" He stammered. Why was he so worried about Antonio's feelings? He didn't usually get so choked up when he was having an issue.

Antonio was a lot calmer now. He took a step back, and let his arms fall to his sides. "I can't remember the last time I spent my Christmas surrounded by people I feel that love me. Both my parents always work around that time, including New Year's. And Dios, I don't know, but for that one minute sitting with you guys...I felt like you were my family. Like you guys love me, and like I belong. Looking back on how you guys have treated me since I got here...I couldn't be more thankful. So, thank you, for giving me that fulfilling experience."

Though Lovi couldn't exactly relate, he somewhat knew how he felt. This was his third Christmas without his mother, and he remembered how lonely and miserable he felt. And this Christmas...well, it wasn't that Antonio could replace his mother. But he did make everything feel just a little more okay. It was all...bearable.

So Lovino hugged him, and Antonio cried for the second time. Then, he wiped his tears away, washed his face, and returned to the living room where Feliciano and "Señor Vargas", as Antonio had begun calling him, were waiting.

Lovino's Nonno had certainly noticed Antonio's reddened face, but he didn't say anything, only smiled and asked, "Who wants to watch some Christmas movies?"

**Antonio is a lil cutie and I love him. Also, since I didn't feel like naming Ancient Rome as Roma, and I couldn't find an alternate name, so I thought Ronaldo was fitting. I apologize if you don't like the name. **

**Hope you enjoyed :3**


	10. Chapter Ten

_Lovino _

New Year's was spent nearly the same as Christmas. The whole Vargas family, including Antonio, shared a huge embrace as the clock hit midnight. They ate, talked, and both Lovino and Antonio almost forgot about a lack of proper parents.

When break was over, the second semester of school was in session. Now, instead of taking Photography, they were both taking Art.

Admittedly, this class was Lovino's strong point. The teacher constantly congratulated his work and always looked forward to what he would make next.

But Lovino hardly expected to see Antonio do so well. He knew that Antonio often came out with unexpected talents, but he _could not _comprehend how this boy with trembling hands and an unsteady raging mind could make his art come to life right on the paper.

His strong point was watercolor. God, he would mix the most beautiful hues and execute proper watercolor techniques like a professional. Watching the whole process, it was magic.

Antonio mainly focused on landscapes, and paintings of houses and small towns. But on one particular day, he did something different. He painted a person.

When he started to paint, he didn't let anyone see. Not even Lovino. But he seemed focused and determined. Halfway through the process, he took a step back to look at his work.

It was the face of what seemed like a masculine facial shape. The body shape was lanky and the shoulders were bare. It cut off at the chest. A messy mop of dark chocolate hair circled his face and covered one of his eyes. The other eye was closed, the eyelid an orange pink and quite long eyelashes.

The boy's closed eye led to his small nose, and that led to his lips, pink and slightly open. It took Lovino a moment to recognize the dazed, peaceful look. The boy was sleeping. But it took Lovino a slightly longer moment to realize that, this boy in this painting, looked significantly like himself.

_Antonio_

Lovino stared at his painting for a while. Eventually, he nodded, and gave a gentle smile. "Amazing, as always." And sat back down, where he continued to paint an urban landscape in acrylic paints he'd been working on for a while.

Out of all the strange seasons in California, spring was probably the most unexpected. One day, it'd be cold enough for hot chocolate and a double sweater, and the next day, you'd be in shorts and a tank top, already layering sunscreen on your skin.

And that's how it'd be until the scorching heat of summer finally set in. Spring brought mostly rain, and it was at this time of year where Southern California was most bipolar. In all honesty, he didn't like it very much.

But today, it was mild. The rain was on and off, but Antonio never really minded it. It was a Saturday, and he thought he'd invite Lovino on a walk.

Usually, going for a casual stroll in San Diego wasn't a very bright idea. But, on a calm day like this, he might as well take that chance.

Lovi met him outside his house, and together, they walked through the neighborhood. Beyond the neighborhood was a small park, and across the intersection from that park sat various stores. A Walgreens, McDonald's, SuperCuts, Starbucks, a bank, and a small pet convenience store, as well as the Shell gas station. Next to the gas station was a car wash, in which Antonio was planning on applying for a job when he was old enough.

Of course, all of this was about two miles away from their pleasant group of houses, so they mostly walked on the sidewalks, viewing the peaceful homes.

"So how've you been, Antonio?" Lovi muttered.

"Really, Lovi, small talk? I think we're pretty past _that _in our friendship, no?"

"Sure I guess."

"Tell me about something you've never told anyone outside your family about."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. What's something you've never told anybody, excluding family?"

"Toni, I..." His mind seemed to wander. As he was thinking, Antonio treasured the small, rare moment that Lovino had called him that. Every time he did...he just, wanted to float off in a cloud of Lovino's sweet, raspy voice.

"Okay. I'll tell you something then. My mom. Never hear me speak of her, right? She left two years ago, almost three now. Right before my birthday...and, well I can't say I blame her. She didn't have a choice. There were too many problems in my house, too much...too much of everything that would break a family apart. She said she'll come back for me someday, but, time will wait for only so long. I mean, three more years from now and I'll be getting ready to graduate high school. I'll be turning eighteen, leaving the house. If she's ever coming back, it has to be soon, because a boy needs his mother and that's that."

Antonio was almost breathless at Lovino's burst of words and expression. He rarely did things like that and it was during these times that he wanted to stick by him the most. It was during these times that he knew, to an extent, Lovino trusted him. And that was important.

Surprisingly, Lovino started laughing. Also, something rare. "Out of words, chatterbox? How 'bout you share something of yours?"

As commanded, he spoke. "A lot of times, when my mother has worked a shorter shift, I expect her to get back sooner. Maybe give me a kiss goodnight while I'm _not_ already asleep. But she stays out until the sun starts shining through my blinds and I've had a sleepless night of worry because I don't know if she's alright or if something bad happened and she never answers my calls and..." He paused for a minute, to recollect himself. Then, a deep breath.

"And, sometimes there's someone with her. Sometimes not. When I'm at the breakfast table and she's hungover and I'm trying to feed her...I always ignore them. Never even look their way. But when she doesn't bring them home...I can smell it on her jacket. I see it through her messy hair, the purple splotches staining her neck. The way she walks, the way she acts, the smeared lipstick and the hopeless look in her eyes. _Dios en el cielo ayúdame,_ I never say anything. And on the few nights, that my papa is actually home, that hopeless look is lost for something else. Then...I see a facade. Eyes that pretend everything is going to be okay. Deep down, this entire broken home knows that it's most certainly not."

Now it was Lovino's turn to be silent. They kept walking, watching the newborn leaves turning into potent greens on the trees.

"You know what, Toni?" They both looked at each other, intently. He continued, "I think we all have a tragedy, that we can't escape. And I'm fairly sure you've been treated even harsher by life...but I think that's just because all these different battles, add up to one large moment in your life. That's the one that really counts. Not to say the ones so far don't. They're just ruining you to build you up, piece by piece. So that when you really break, you'll have learned to put yourself back together. But, for what it's worth, I'm so, so very sorry. A person like you...you don't deserve to go through what you have."

They had turned into a back alley by now, with brick walls on either side. When they reached a dead end, they stopped. Antonio still had not spoken. But, he was utterly impressed with Lovino's beautiful words. He'd never met anyone who spoke the way he does. He admired it so much.

"You know what else, Antonio?" Lovino was looking up at him, curling his hand around the bottom of his shirt. "You are too damn beautiful to be crushed like this. And despite the scars, bruises, and everything beyond and in between, you still manage to be the most impossibly beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes upon. Thank you for that. For giving me that one precious beautiful thing that never allowed itself to be damaged."

With that, he leaned into his chest and pulled him in, and Antonio hugged him back even tighter and ran his fingers through Lovino's chocolate-copper hair. He needed this. Did Lovino know how much he needed this? Probably not. In a sense, he was thankful for it.

_Lovino_

He smelled like pinewood and the ocean. His shirt smelled like the same laundry detergent he's always used, and like the warm spring raindrops that sprinkled on his shirt and onto his hair.

He almost wished it'd last forever. But, Lovino distanced himself, like always. He couldn't afford it. He just _couldn't. _Like every other damned thing in his life.

Pulling back, he croaked out, "We should be getting back soon, Antonio. My family is waiting for me. It's almost dinner."

In reply, he gave a curt nod and sad, "Si, si. Of course. Let's get going then." He didn't even give him a fraction of a second of eye contact.

But, Lovino noticed that Antonio would let his Spanish accent flow more freely when he was around, just the two of them. That was good, to say the least.

It meant...Antonio was beginning to trust him. Slowly but, they'd get there.

_Antonio_

It was weird to think that Antonio would be turning fifteen in less than a day. He had no plans on how to celebrate, and he knew there wasn't money for a big party.

Maybe he'd just, hang out with some friends. And, now that he thought about it, ever since Lovi came along, he had been ignoring them quite a bit.

It's not that Lovi was consuming all his social time...right? He just...had preferences.

So his mom gave him a fifty dollar bill and told him to be safe and have fun. It was Saturday and, since Sunday would be a school night, many of his friends weren't allowed out for long.

It was better off this way. On Sunday, he could make room for more important things. Spending time with his mom and...Lovino.

The original plan was to go to watch some new action movie that had just released, but it got set to a different, inconvenient time. They ended up going to In N' Out.

Antonio never really liked his friends. Sometimes they were too rambunctious, other times they put him under too much peer pressure, and they couldn't hold a deep conversation to save their lives.

Needless to say, the actual food was the highlight of his night. He left early because they were planning on invading the rich neighborhoods and spray painting something. Antonio refused, he just wasn't into it. It's not that he was an "everything by the book" type of guy, he just didn't see the joy in it. If they wanted to cause trouble and possibly get arrested, they could do that just fine. Without Antonio.

He got home and busted out his giant gallon of ice cream to binge on while watching some of his favorite shows. He really needed to catch up.

His mom joined him, and when asked why he was back so early, he replied with, "I just got tired. I'd rather be at home." And it was the honest truth.

When it was too late and his eyes grew tired from staring at the screen, he put away the small remainder of ice cream and went to sleep.

As he lay in bed, he put on The Smiths. Their laid back songs always put him in a good mood to sleep, or think himself to sleep. He probably stayed awake for another hour, only thinking of what he might get to do with Lovi tomorrow as they hung out for his birthday.

In the midst of this thoughts, he breached the fact that in a sense, Lovino was his only friend. Real friend. There was no one he'd rather be with than him, and his mother of course. And if that isn't friendship, Antonio had no clue what is.

_Lovino_

_Black,_ he thought. _Definitely the black coat. _

He still didn't know what they were doing for Antonio's birthday, but his mother, Signora Teresa, had asked him to dress formal or at least semi-formal. So he threw on his favorite baby blue dress shirt and some black slacks. Now, he was looking for his black coat. He couldn't find his favorite one, the Armani that he'd inherited from his father. It was one of the nicest articles of clothing he owned, and he wanted to wear it.

"Nonno?" He asked, coming into his bedroom.

"Yes, Lovino?" He was doing some sort of paperwork.

"Do you remember that black Armani coat I had? Do you know where it is?"

"Oh, yes. I borrowed it the other day for a... conference meeting I had. Hope you don't mind. Mine were at the dry cleaners. It should be in my closet on the rack."

"Ah okay. Thank you."

"And, Lovino?"

"Yes, Nonno?"

"You're going somewhere with Antonio today?"

"Um yes, for his birthday."

"Okay. Be safe. Are you giving him that gift?"

"I am."

"Very well then. I'm glad to see you have such a good friend. Lovino, do you like it here?"

"Yes, Nonno."

"Okay. Have fun."

That was a bit weird. Lovino was just happy to have his coat, and he slipped it on.

It smelled like his Nonno, and like leather and faint cologne. The inside of the coat was silky soft and even though it was a tad too large for him, he thought he looked pretty good in it anyway.

As for the gift he got for Antonio, he couldn't wait to watch him open it. Hopefully, he'd like it. He slipped the flat, rectangular leather box into one of the pockets inside the coat.

_Antonio_

Lovino showed up at his door ten minutes prior to leaving. His mother nor Lovino had told him where he was going, only that he was to dress nicely.

Before answering the door, he adjusted his gray button up and grabbed his dark navy blue coat from the chair, and ran his fingers through his chocolate hair.

Lovi came inside and they both waited a tad impatiently for Antonio's mother to be ready. She was wearing a long short-sleeved red dress with small gems along the silk bottom, and an open curved collar.

The restaurant his mother brought them to was called the _Rosemary Grove_ and sold some of the best five-star food in the area. Antonio was surprised that his mom actually had the money to take him here. It was very classy and expensive, so it wasn't easy for her to choose this place.

It was huge, with a ground floor expanding 15x25 meters and an open roof another floor up.

Once the hostess checked their reservations and gave them their seat, Antonio almost cringed at the prices. Everything was extremely expensive and he had no idea how this was all going to be paid for. Needless to say, he was inexplicably grateful.

They all sat and thumbed through the menu. His mom ordered three red wines.

"Mom?" Antonio asked, after the waiter had left.

"Don't worry, Antonio. We're just celebrating. You're fifteen, you can loosen up a bit."

Antonio slouched his shoulders a bit, and his face relaxed. Then he smiled. "Okay."

They ordered their appetizer of crab legs with some foreign fancy sauce and ate. When they had their final orders, they chatted. Mostly about funny memories, old stories.

The food arrived. Antonio received a bacon-wrapped filet mignon with a sautéed vegetable side and tomato soup.

Lovino received a large pasta dish of some sort that Antonio didn't even try to remember the name of, with a sauce drizzled over buttered garlic toast.

And as for his mother, a grilled chicken and mango salad. Simple, but amazing in taste.

When they were about finished, Lovino stood up and excused himself to go to the bathroom.

_Lovino_

He blinked his big golden eyes, again and again as he looked in the bathroom mirror. Tonight had been amazing so far.

Yet, his heart was pounding out of his chest and despite the high-class food, it didn't quite settle right in his stomach.

He reached inside one of his coat pockets, looking for Antonio's gift.

It was the wrong pocket. And he found something else instead. It was a folded up piece of paper.

He pulled it out of the pocket, examining the thin, white notebook paper carefully.

This might be his Nonno's. He should probably just give it back, and not be nosy. And he swore to himself, he was going to...but then he saw the handwriting at the edge of the paper.

It was his mother's. No doubt about it. He'd seen her handwriting a dozen times, the way she curved her e's and dotted her i's. The neat, thin lines of every letter. He had to look.

_A mio suocero, Ronaldo Vargas. _

_Dalla nuora, Sandra. _

It'd felt like forever since he saw his mother's name written on paper. And God, so long since he'd heard it. Or heard her.

This was important. It's understandable that he'd want to read the note, after all, this is from his mother who's been gone for over two years.

_Ronaldo,_

_I'm writing this to you in English because I've finally taken it upon myself to learn the damned language. Let me tell you, it's not easy. I don't know how so many people speak it so fluently. _

_But, I did not send this to you to speak about my knowledge of the American language. I am sending this to you because of my sons. _

_As you know, I am very grateful that you've been taking care of them for so long. You know how difficult it was for me to...get a hold of myself, as the Americans say. But I have a steady job, a house, and I have had plenty of time to reflect on what I've done. _

_I regret abandoning Lovino and Feliciano this way. A boy, needs his mother. And those two brothers are no exception. I am living in a small town in Oregon. We can talk further, please. I'd like to have my sons come live with me again. I can enroll them in the private high school nearby, where they will receive quality education. _

_I'm sorry this is so out of the blue. But, try to understand, like you did all that time ago. Thank you for everything. I hope to hear back from you soon, and I hope all of you are safe and well. Buona fortuna, e arrivederci._

_~Sandra Vargas_

He felt lightheaded, and he suddenly couldn't breathe. Not only was there a probability of moving again, but he'd have his mother back. Not only that, but he'd be...leaving Antonio.

It was too much to take in. In the mass of the couple of seconds it took him to read the note and quickly process what was happening, he felt torn. But there wasn't any time for emotions and confliction, he had to get back to Antonio and Signora Teresa. They would be waiting for him.

He fiddled around in his other coat pocket, and thankfully, he found Antonio's gift. He ran his other hand over the box and put the folded up piece of paper back into his pocket.

Arriving back at the table, he smiled politely at the other two.

"Um, Antonio," he began. He listened. "I got you a gift. I thought since you've been such a good friend, and, my only friend, you deserve something nice more than anybody. I hope you like it. It's not exactly the moon and the stars, but..." He handed him the box.

_Antonio _

Before receiving the box, he smiled at the memory that Lovi had referenced. One night, they were on Antonio's roof, stargazing. He said if it were physically possible, all he'd want is to hold the stars and the moon and the night sky in the palm of his hands, and hold them close to his heart. Lovino laughed at the idea, and called him delusional. Which, coincidentally, he was.

But then he took the leather box in his hands, it was small and navy blue. He found it amusing that it matched his coat.

Then he opened the box, revealing a velvet interior and two bracelets. One gold, one silver. They were in a chain design. Simple, but beautiful. And unlike what you'd expect from a bracelet, not the least bit feminine. He liked that, in a way.

"Thank you, Lovino. I couldn't have asked for anything more." He put them on right away, and though they didn't match at all, he loved how they looked. He loved how the silver and the gold glinted off each other, the two bracelets complimenting his tanned skin tone.

His mother looked at Antonio, with a pleasant smile. "Thank you so much, Lovino. It's been a wonderful night. But, surely, these were quite expensive! They don't look fake at all."

"Ah, well, yes they are real. But don't worry about it. After all, you've treated me to this wonderful dinner! Thank you, Signora Teresa."

"You're very welcome. Now, who wants dessert?"

They really did have a great night. And all three of them enjoyed all of it.

**Longer chapter cuz I felt very inspired and why not! I'm glad we're actually getting somewhere here, though. We're finally getting towards some of the main conflicts. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :3**


	11. Chapter Eleven

_Antonio_

Following his birthday, was Valentine's Day. Of course, uneventful. Almost.

In the afternoon, there was a knock on the door. Antonio answered it, and there stood a man in a green and black uniform with a bouquet of roses.

"Residence of Teresa Carriedo Fernandez?" He asked. Antonio nodded. "Here you go. Enjoy."

He took the bouquet, and looked at the card held between the roses. Signed by his father. He gave it to his mother and didn't bother to read the note.

"Toni, mi amor. Guess what?" She asked him while he was sprawled on the sofa. He looked up.

"When this school year ends, your father is coming back. And he'll be staying for longer. He also said he's visiting around March. Aren't you happy?"

"Oh, yeah." He smiled. "That's great. Why's he coming back for so long? Doesn't he usually work more during summer?"

"He says there's a surprise for us."

"Oh." And for some strange reason, Antonio was just uninterested. Not that he didn't love his father, it was just that, he's always gone for so long that he's just learned to live without him.

His mom didn't bring it up again.

_Lovino_

After that night, Lovino left the note in the pocket and put it back in his Nonno's closet. He didn't want his Nonno to know that he found it.

But he'd been thinking a lot about it. Oregon? That was so far. And so...secluded. He knew nothing about Oregon. Coming to California itself was a journey of new experiences. Was he up for another one?

His mother also mentioned a fancy high school. A private high school. He wondered about it. Though it seemed exciting, the fact still remained. He'd be leaving not only this wonderful city he's learned to fall in love with, but he'd be leaving Antonio. And who knows if he'd even see him again.

Did he want to take that risk?

Feliciano and Nonno had been a bit concerned about Lovino, because of how spacey he'd been. He was just lost in too much thought. He wondered how Nonno wasn't as confused as he was, he who would be the one making all the choices. Maybe it was an adult thing he didn't understand. But adults get stressed out, don't they? He almost refused to believe that his Nonno was simply unphased by the proposition sent to him. He didn't have to agree to send Lovi and Feli, he could keep them all to himself. But, if he did send them, what would he do? He'd be all alone, in an empty house.

He tried to not worry about it, to get his mind off things, but if anything, it just stressed him out even more.

Aside from this news from his mother, he was just naturally stressed. And unfortunately, he couldn't figure out why. His life was, actually going pretty well. That was something he didn't get to say very often. Yes, he was grateful, so why did he feel as if everything around him was crashing down?

This was seen through how school was going. He couldn't focus, and often got poor grades on tests. His Nonno didn't mind as much, only sighed and told him to try harder next time. But still, he hated to disappoint him.

He'd always been the disappointment, so he tried his very hardest to exceed his expectations. He knew he wasn't very good at many things that were actually...useful in life. Sure, he could kinda draw, he could kinda write poems. But, in a sense of reality, that would get him nowhere in life.

Then there was Feliciano. Feli, the golden child. The smart, social, adorable, perfect one. The one that everyone remembered, everyone cared about, the one that everyone knew was going great places in the future.

But Lovino...not so much. And he tried not to compare himself, but it seemed that Feli always found a way to be so much better at him at everything. He knew he didn't mean to but...it still hurt him. He just wished there was something he could do that Feli couldn't do as well. It may have been a bit of a dark wish, but who cares? Lovino deserved to win at least once in life. Where was his glory?

Antonio noticed Lovino's changes in his mood. He had his bad days. On some days, he was edgy and snapped at everyone, on other days he couldn't be bothered to talk and was just tired. Regardless, there seemed to be more of those bad days than good.

"Lovi, do you want to go get some ice cream later?" He asked one day, when Lovi was practically falling asleep in math and his hand was shaky as he scribbled in his notes.

He nodded in reply.

After school, they got their ice cream and talked about things. Lovino needed someone to listen, and thankfully, Antonio was there to do just that.

He ended up crying into his shoulder for seemingly no apparent reason, and they went back to Antonio's house.

Antonio told him he should sleep for a while, that his homework could wait. Sleepily, he nodded, and fell asleep in Antonio's bedroom.

The only problem with having Antonio look out for him was that he couldn't attend to how Antonio was feeling. He knew he wasn't as happy as he seemed, he knew he was probably as stress consumed as he was. But Lovino couldn't comprehend how he could hide it so well.

Antonio hugged him, told him everything would be alright, and smiled brighter than any sun in any galaxy. Then Lovino looked into his eyes, all he saw was pain and misery.

It wasn't Antonio's secret dark feelings he worried so much about. It was the fact that he couldn't do anything about it. All his energy was focused on keeping himself at a point of normal human functionality.

_Antonio_

He was tired. Infinitely tired. Tired wasn't even a mood anymore, it was his way of life. There was nothing he could do about it.

But, he was only worried about Lovino. He couldn't be selfish enough to worry about himself first. It just felt wrong.

So he ignored everything he felt. The storm will pass, right? If he didn't think about it, maybe the thoughts would go away. Maybe if he just kept taking those sleeping pills, he might get a better night's sleep. Maybe if he ate all his food even though he wasn't hungry, he would stay full and have energy. Maybe if he pretended he wasn't about to break down under the stress, he could get all his schoolwork done and maintain his grades. Maybe if he ignored the tears and the dark thoughts, it would all be okay.

Maybe.

As for Lovino, he needed Antonio's help. He needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on. He didn't want Lovino to fade away from him. He needed him there.

Although, he had to admit, it was proving to not be so easy.

_Lovino_

It was Saturday, and he wasn't out with Antonio. He told him he couldn't because of a family thing.

He didn't know why, he just didn't feel like talking to him. Lately, he'd been feeling strange about their friendship. It seemed like Antonio was more caught up in giving Lovino advice that he didn't take the time to actually just be his friend.

All Lovi wanted was for him to he happy. He wanted to provide all the happiness he possibly can for him, but Antonio just kept pushing it down.

So he preferred being alone. For some odd reason, he didn't want to be so close to Antonio. He wanted to remain absolute, total friends. That's not how Antonio treated their friendship. Was it even a friendship anymore?

He spent most of the day in his house, on his laptop, with a bucket of ice cream and the blinds closed. He wanted to relax.

Then sometime around the evening, he decided to go for a walk. He called Italia and set out. The cat needed to walk too.

As he strolled down his street, he passed Antonio's. He looked out at the small white and brick house. It looked empty. Still as cheery as the first time he had seen it. But he knew there was something going on behind those walls, something he wasn't sure he wanted to know about. He kept walking.

Lovino liked looking out at other people's houses. Sometimes it felt creepy, but he really did enjoy it. Some people sat out on their porch for a smoke, moms from inside the house keeping watch over their children in the yard, dogs barking in the backyard that freaked out Italia.

Of course there were homes that weren't as pleasant.

He could hear people yelling inside some of them, things being thrown. Others were broken down and ugly with decay. He saw signs that showed people getting evicted, some people desperately trying to sell their house.

And sometimes he passed quiet houses, and he wondered about it. Whether there were any kids, how old were they, what are the parents like? Did they even have parents at all? Was someone in the family hiding something? The possibilities were endless.

He saw the conflict in the world, but he saw the good things. That's just how life was. There was a necessary balance of good and bad.

Many strange thoughts later, he circled back to go back home.

When he turned into his street, he saw Antonio getting out of his car. When he caught sight of him, he smiled and yelped, "Lovi! Italia!" And ran towards them.

"How's your day been?" He asked, leaning in for a hug. That's one thing they did more often now; hug. Every time they said hello, every time they said goodbye. Lovino had grown accustomed to it, and frankly, he looked forward to it. No one hugged him as often as Antonio, even Feli, who was a huge hugger.

"Well, you know. Busy I guess. The same." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you free at the moment?" He asked, bending down to pet Italia.

"Um, I don't know. I guess. Why?"

"Do you wanna come over and just, hang out?"

Lovino paused for a moment. He could deny. Would that be rude? Wait, since when did he care about being rude? But, he was feeling lonely. Maybe stopping at Antonio's house for a while wouldn't be so bad. Nonno didn't mind one bit.

Seeing his hesitation, Antonio quickly stuttered out, "It's okay if you don't want to. I understand." He looked down at his shoes.

"No, I'll come over," Lovino's lips tugged upwards into a gentle smile. Before he could change his mind, he marched inside.

_Antonio_

They went into Antonio's room, and Lovi sat on the edge of his bed while Antonio lay on his own pillow.

"So, um..." Antonio began. He already knew Lovi hadn't been busy that day. He knew he was trying to avoid him. And honestly, he didn't care. "How are you feeling today?"

"Don't know. Same as always. How bout we talk about you for once?" he retorted.

"What's there to say? You already know a lot about me, Lovino."

"Then why do I feel like you're trying to shut yourself out so much?" Lovi tilted his head with small concern.

"Look who's talking," came his sarcastic reply.

"Antonio. I just..." He stopped to look at the ceiling, then down at his lap. "I don't know anymore. I don't know what my life is spiraling into."

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows furrowed and he drew his mouth into a straight line. It was one of the rare moments that Antonio wasn't eager to keep his constant positivity.

"I mean there's something wrong with me, okay?" He said a bit louder. "I just..."

Antonio sat up now. He tugged at the hem of his shirt and took a deep breath. "Go on."

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore." He stood up. "I know how you think of me and I don't know how to feel. I can't think. I can't put my thoughts into words because they just jumble up and they never make sense. I've lost my sense of being poetic because all I can feel is all these weird thoughts at the back of my head to the point that they're overwhelmingly loud." He raised his voice. "I can't hear myself think, Antonio. Literally. And I don't know what I'm saying and I can't control what I'm thinking because there's a fucking beast in my brain and that beast is me."

Antonio didn't want to say anything at first. Mostly because he felt the same, if not worse. He didn't bombard Lovino with the same problem. He didn't try to oneup his issue. He didn't bring himself into it.

For a moment, he couldn't think of what to say. He was so lost in thought and in Lovino's words that it disrupted his own thought process. He stumbled to get back on track.

"I just...I want you to be okay. I know you don't see me the way I see you, but you know I care about you." He ran his hands through his thick brown hair. "And I'm just as confused as you are. I really am. I don't know what to do, because no matter what I feel like I'm going to mess it up somehow."

Right as Antonio was about to say more, Lovino cut in. "Stop! I'm aware of what's happening. God, all I wanted to do was help your stupid idiot self out but you can't just put down everything for once and let me be there for you. That frustrates me. And now... You don't even know what's about to happen, do you?"

Anger was building up inside both of them. Though Antonio felt like he could have so much to spew back, he tried to hold back and said, "Yeah, well how would I even know anything if all you've been doing lately is distance yourself? Do you even try to listen to my problems? We can't have one conversation without bringing up some issue of your own, have you realized that?"

He stopped himself and regretted every word that came out of his mouth. He didn't mean to sound so...rude.

"That's all a lie and you know it."

"Where's the lie, Lovino? Honestly I just..." this time, he actually stopped. He knew he couldn't let this get any worse. He decided to be the bigger person. Then he took a deep breath. "You know we both care for each other a lot. Why can't we just leave it at that?"

"Because I'm fucking leaving, okay?" Antonio saw the regret in his eyes, knowing Lovino didn't mean to blurt that out.

"You...what?"

"I'm..." His eyes became darker and his gaze fell. "I saw a letter from my mom. A while ago."

This was something new to Antonio.

"And, in the letter..." He swallowed. It was taking too much effort for him to even speak. "In the letter, she said she wanted me and Feli back. After all these years, she's saying she's finally steady. Things are more okay than they were before."

For a moment, the other was confused. "But this is a good thing, isn't it?"

"No."

"Why not? I thought you wanted to see your mom again?"

"Not because of that. The thing is, she's living in Oregon. I would go live with her." Lovino had finally dropped that bomb. Everything hurting him inside, released. He needed this.

Antonio's blood ran cold and his mind was fuzzy. There were no words to describe where his mind was at this moment.

He got up, left the room, went into the bathroom and locked the door. He heard Lovi leave the house. Maybe he cried, maybe he screamed, maybe he just sat there numb and confused. He couldn't remember.

**Wow I felt too much drama in this chapter. Unfortunately, and also a bit fortunately, it's just the beginning :) **

**As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 **


	12. Chapter Twelve

Wowzers another dramatic chapter :p Writing this chapter was really interesting, and I'm not sure whether or not it made me happy or concerned for Antonio and Lovi But, there is a TW in this chapter for child abuse, and sexual abuse. And wow I just spoiled most of this chapter so hey hope you enjoy :3 -  
Antonio

The following week was awkward. They still talked, still did everything the same as before, but it just felt...different.

Although, if anything involving their behavior had changed, it was from Lovino. He often avoided or refused Antonio's hugs, and shut off any signs of affection.

He was somewhat used to it, but it still made Antonio uncomfortable. He felt rejected and alone. Not that that wasn't very far from how he normally felt.

But Lovino's birthday was coming up. Antonio wanted to patch things up as best he could. He'd already been trying to brainstorm some ideas, but he was still clueless.

On any regular school day, Antonio came through the door, sweating from the intensifying California heat.

Wiping his forehead on his arm, he sighed and tiredly strolled into the living room.

As he was slipping his backpack off his shoulder and reaching his hand up to brush it through his hair, a gruff, accented voice broke through the air. A voice he recognized, but did not want to hear, ever again.

"Hola, hermano. How you been?"

Lovino

The day had been long and tiring. All he wanted was a class of cold lemonade and his music.

Sitting down at the dinner table, his Nonno walked in. This was a surprise, he usually wasn't home this early.

"Nonno?" He asked. "You're home early."

"Si, I wanted to talk to you boys. Where's Feli?"

"He's off in his room, talking on the phone."

"Alright. That's fine. Actually, Lovino, it's better I talk to you separately first." He sat, facing Lovino.

"What is it?" He answered under his breath.

"Well, how do I start?" He fumbled with the glass in his hands. "How do you like San Diego?"

"I like it just fine. It's a very wonderful city."

"That it is. Would you ever consider moving again?"

Lovino instantly knew where this conversation was headed. His stomach dropped and he began tapping his finger against the wooden table.

"I-I-I..." He wasn't prepared to answer. "I don't know."

Nonno's eyes darkened. "I see. I don't want to pressure you or anything. But, Lovino, as long as you and Feliciano are together, it doesn't matter where you are, understand? You two have to watch out for each other, despite the strange turns life can sometimes take." His gaze never faltered.

"Yes. I understand. I will always take care of Feliciano, you know that."

"Good," he smiled softly.

"Nonno, is there something you need to tell me," he blurted.

Another smile. "You're not a fool, Lovino. You know something is going on. I think I just...need some time to tell you."

"That's okay." Lovino concluded. He stood up, and took his lemonade to his room, where he got started on some very important math homework.

Antonio

"Henrique...I didn't realize you'd be coming back into this house," he spoke sourly.

"Ah, little Toni, I've told you many times to not call me by my middle name. You remember what happened last time you did, don't you? I believe that was a couple years back."

"Don't call me Toni." He growled.

"But you're my little brother, why not?" He pouted. "You hate being called Toni, I hate being called Henrique."

"So let's not call each other anything."

He stood from his seat. Antonio didn't want to face him. Not after everything he's done.

He still remembered those glaring pale green eyes, that only held malice and darkness. He remembered his booming voice, yelling. He remembered every inch of his cold hands that left so many bruises on his skin. He remembered everything, and he didn't want to.

Antonio finally gained the courage to meet his eyes, and when he did, he saw that grueling smile and the threatening way he carried himself. He had not changed.

It was too much to take in at first. The fact that his brother, his worst nightmare, was in the humble home he shared with his kind mother. He didn't want him here.

"Why are you here?" He asked with a hint of rudeness in his voice.

"What, you don't want me here, little Toni?" He grumbled. "I'm not the only one back in the house, you know."

Antonio remembered his mother, with the bouquet of roses. How she said that his father would be visiting soon. He didn't realize that meant his brother too.

"Where's Papi, then?" He looked down at his toes. He couldn't stare into those dead eyes for too long.

"He should be home soon. He's out with Teresa."

He hated how he referred to his own mother by her name. He hated how he treated her. He hated everything about him.

"Okay. I'll be in my room. Bye." He ran off, locking himself in.

Taking a deep breath, he considered all the options.

1) jump off a roof. 2) commit murder. 3) refuse to speak to anyone until that monster leaves his home. 4) get Lovino.

So he escaped through his window and ran down the street to Lovino's house. He didn't want anyone to know where he was, so he sneaked in his backyard and tapped on the window, hoping he was there and alone.

Miraculously, the window slid open and he was met with sparkling golden eyes.

"And what are you doing here?" Lovino asked in his usual grumpy manner.

"I need to talk to you about something." Antonio was breathing heavily from the adrenaline, and the short sprint to his house. Maybe he needed to exercise more often.

"Roof?"

"Sure."

Lovino slipped out the window and grabbed the ladder at the edge of the backyard. He propped it up against the house and they both climbed up.

They both sat, facing the pale blue sky.

"What happened?" Lovino stared him down.

"Well..." Antonio searched for the right way to word his sentences. "My dad is visiting," he began.

"That's good...right?"

"Sure. But um...my brother came back with him."

His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm assuming that's...not so good."

"Exactly. He um, well he's just not a very good person. And he's definitely not a person I want to live with. For any amount of time, whether it's a day or ten years. I don't want him in the same 50 mile radius as me."

"Why?" Lovino put his hand on Antonio's lap. "Do you want to tell me why you hate him so much?"

Antonio shifted uncomfortably. Did he really want to tell him? He needed to get it off his chest anyway. Why not?

"When I was little, maybe four, that was my first memory of him. I remember being sick, and that my parents weren't home. Only him. So I asked him for some soup. He took me into the kitchen and began to boil the water."  
He stopped talking, and looked down at the green grass beneath his feet. He drew his lips into a thin line.

"Continue?" Lovino softly urged.

He nodded slowly. "When the water came to a boil, I think I said something about it taking too long, I don't know. So he took the boiling pot, and threw it at me. It hit my chest, and spilled all over my stomach and parts of my thighs. I still have scars. When my parents came home and asked what happened, he said he was trying to cook something for me and I came in, screaming and throwing a tantrum, and tried to throw it on him, but spilled it on myself instead."

All the other memories from his childhood threatened to break through. He struggled to keep everything contained.

"They believed him, of course. Up until I was about seven, he would push me around, hurt me, even beat me in some cases, and I was helpless to do anything about me. He controlled me. He completely owned me."

"I'm so sorry Antonio. Getting hurt like that...no one deserves it. You shouldn't have to go through those things."

Ignoring Lovino's sympathy, Antonio carried on. "That's not where it ends. When I was seven, he was around eighteen. My parents wanted to kick him out of the house. He didn't have a job, couldn't get into college, he was really frustrated. So, he would come into my room sometimes. And he would...harm me. But not like before. This time, it was more than just physical pain. Oh god, the trauma of being held down and forced into something no seven year old should even think about..." His voice was cracking now.

Lovino's face went pale and he struggled to find his breath as he realized how dreary the situation was.

"Then, after three years of that hell, he got arrested. Not for what he did to me, though. Apparently, I wasn't his only victim. He's just...disgusting."

Lovino kept his distance. Right now, maybe that's what he needed most. Distance. Physical comfort wasn't always the key to everything.

"Is there anything I can do, Antonio?" He murmured.

"Probably not. I just need someone to be there for me. Can you do that?"

"Of course. Every step of the way, right?"

"Right." He answered absentmindedly. "I don't want to go home tonight."

"Then don't. You have me."

"I don't know. I feel like such a burden."

He gave Antonio one of those gentle, heartwarming smiles. "You're never a burden, Antonio. Don't worry."

He smiled back, but it seemed forced. Antonio was visibly on the verge of tears.

Lovino ran his fingers through Antonio's hair and laid his head on his shoulder. "Cry it out. It's okay."

For the next ten minutes, that was exactly what he did.

Lovino

His mind was a blur and everything around him felt slow.

He just didn't really know how to feel about what Antonio told him. And the fact that Antonio seemed so comfortable and happy all the time, you'd never guess he'd lived through this.

When Antonio had about cried himself out, Lovino lifted away from their embrace. "Wanna go inside so I can bake you brownies and drink hot chocolate?"

He nodded numbly, then brushed his hair out of his face. He seemed to put away all the emotions that were stringing out of him only moments ago. How he did that, Lovino would never know.

So they climbed down the stairs and crawled back into the window. Lovino took him into the kitchen and made the hot chocolate. Antonio watched as he mixed all the ingredients together, and pouring the batter, putting it into the oven.

As they waited, they sat on the kitchen floor and Lovino stared into the brilliant green of Antonio's eyes and they just didn't really care about anyone or anything. Nothing mattered at that moment, just the hue of their eyes and the cold kitchen tile and the smell of the brownies slowly baking.

And together, they felt broken, but the good kind of broken. The type that would soon be molded into something newer, better. -  
I want to rush to the happy part where everything is all dandelions and fluff and happiness but, patience patience. ;-; 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_Antonio _

Antonio spent the night at Lovino's house. His mother didn't call to ask where he was, and no one else cared.

He had spent most of the night crying, after Lovino had miraculously fallen asleep (considering he rarely does) so his eyes were puffy and he had trouble lifting his lips into a smile.

It wasn't that he wanted to seem all "complain-ey", but he was just stressed. That's understandable, right? Everyone gets stressed sometimes. As long as he told himself, he was okay, everything would be okay, it just might keep him sane.

The morning was quiet and a bit awkward. Feli didn't mind having him over, and served him a complete breakfast with a polite smile, and Lovi was just...there. Antonio's mind was a still a hurricane and he knew Lovino was too grumpy to care in the mornings.

"Will you be okay today?" Lovi turned around to ask softly. Ah, so he did care.

Antonio nodded. He was fine. He was in control. Holding the cup of coffee in his hands, he took small sips and told himself he would be just fine today.

_Lovino _

He silently watched as Antonio wrapped his hand around the mug, spreading his fingers apart to warm them up from the radiating heat of the coffee.

His brown hair fell in his deep eyes, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a straight line. He didn't know how he felt about this, this whole seeing Antonio not happy thing. Was he even trying to put up a front anymore? It seemed like by the day, he was just getting more and more worn down.

But he was still beautiful. The way he closed his eyes and inhaled the deep scent of coffee for every sip, the way he'd try to brush his rebellious hair out of his face but it'd keep coming back again. The way he fidgeted with his legs, swinging them back and forth and sometimes kicking the leg of the table, the way his eyes danced despite the storm hiding within them. The way he was simply Antonio. Lovino couldn't deny that he was simply a gorgeous person when it came down to it.

Snapping out of it, they finished breakfast and began to head out to the bus stop. Since Antonio didn't have a change of clothes, he wore yesterday's jeans (they were still pretty clean, right?) and Lovi's American Eagle shirt. Since the shirt was a tad too small, Antonio's body pressed against the material and outlined his upper body. Lovino forced his gaze elsewhere.

.

No one really focused in Spanish. They barely got anything done but no one really cared. Lovino listened to music and watched Antonio color in the space between the lines in his notebook with red ink.

He could tell that Antonio was anxious. His leg bounced up and down, and his muscles seemed tense.

But in all their other classes, Lovino just fell asleep, not paying attention to anything or anyone. Except for PE, of course.

They were playing soccer that day. Lovino expected Antonio to be bouncing for joy, but he only followed the teacher's instructions. Of course, he was a team captain, since the teacher always made him a team captain when soccer was involved. But he seemed too unmotivated.

When he played, he would keep missing the ball or stare off into space and let it whirl right past him. Lovino knew he just had too much on his mind, but still, he was worried.

_Antonio_

His mind was a jumble of words and voices he couldn't quite piece together. But thankfully, his last class went smoothly, and he finally got home.

Then again, home is what he'd been dreading since he ran off to Lovino's.

So as he stood in front of the small one-story home, his chest heaved and goosebumps prickled throughout his entire body. Lovino stood next to him, with his hand on his back and a concerned look.

"I can't go in there alone, Lovino." He blurted.

He received a smile in return and, "It's okay. I'll be right here next to you the whole time. Let's go."

Together, they walked up to the door, and Antonio pushed in his key, unlocking it.

When they stepped in, everything was as it had been when Antonio left. Slowly, with a pounding in his chest, Antonio made his way to the living room. Empty. Right as he was about to take a breath of relief, he heard footsteps from the hallway. Loud, aggressive footsteps.

"You're finally home," came his deep voice. It rang out like a G-note on a bass. "Who the fuck is this? Your boyfriend or something?"

Everything inside Antonio cringed and crumbled itself with disgust. Why can't he just go away already?

"João, this is Lovino. He is my friend," he stated, emphasizing 'friend'.

"Oh so you finally use my name? Good. I thought I may have to teach you some respect when you're talking to your older brother."

"Where are my parents?" He grumbled, ignoring everything his brother had just said.

"In the room. They're talking about grown-up stuff so don't go in there annoying them with your little kid problems, okay?" He taunted, speaking to him as if he were a small child.

Antonio rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, whatever." He turned his head around to see that Lovino had his hair stubbornly over his eyes, arms crossed, and cheeks a scarlet red. "I'll be back later. Don't do anything stupid, João." He muttered that last part a bit quieter than the rest.

He led Lovino out the door and shut it closed behind him. Lovino picked up a rock off the ground and threw it across the street, hitting a trash can outside the front neighbor's house.

"He's a monster," he grumbled slowly. "He's a fucking demon and I don't like him. I could just see the evil glare in his eyes, Toni."

"I know, I know. Welcome to my world. I wish I had a brother like yours."

Lovino turned around, still looking angry. "Yeah, because a brother who is basically better than you at living is so much more preferable. At least people know that you're the better person out of you two."

"Lovi, Feliciano loves you, and you know it. And I know you love him too. Me and Henrique? Forget it. We _hate _each other."

He slid his foot against the cement. "Never mind, then. Your problems are obviously a lot bigger."

"That better not be sarcasm I'm hearing."

"Shut up."

Antonio groaned, frustrations growing even worse. Maybe he was being a tad selfish, taking away the attention from Lovino's problems and insecurities.

He took a deep breath, and tried to compose himself. He began, "Lovino, would you like to go for a walk?"

Without making eye contact, he solemnly nodded.

For about ten minutes, they remained silent. They let the mild breeze and the calamity take away their stress and anger.

"Hey Lovi?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"I suppose."

"I love you."

Silence.

"I love you too."

"But, unfortunately, I also hate you." Antonio deadpanned.

Lovino slightly cocked his head to one side, and released a small chuckle.

"I hate you too, idiot."

_Lovino _

The rest of the walk they spent talking about his upcoming birthday. It really didn't feel like he was turning fifteen, he still felt like the little fourteen year old kid he was.

"What if I take you out to eat?" Antonio suggested.

"But we already did that for your birthday."

"Okay, house party?"

Lovino gave a grunt, unamused.

"Fine then. Amusement park?"

Now he smiled. "That'd be nice. But it's too expensive, don't you think?"

"Don't worry. I'll pay. Consider it my birthday gift to you."

"Antonio I can't ask you to do that."

"Well you're not asking me to do anything,

I'm telling you I'm gonna do it. Difference," he interjected with a sexy wink.

The Italian rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. "Fine, you got me. I just need to clear it with Nonno."

"Okay with me."

.

When they finally swung back around into their street, the anxiety began to set in on both of them again.

Antonio gazed at his house. "My mom's car is there. That means she's home."

"So you're good? You don't need me to come in with you?" Lovino crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"I should be fine," he shrugged. "If not though, I'll call you, yeah?"

"Of course. I'll be there."

"Thank you Lovi. Goodnight." He opened his arms out to embrace him.

While they were in each other's arms, a door opened. But, they heard it too late, and by the time they had jumped back from each other, João was stomping down the yard.

"Look at you two faggots. Antonio, you can't lie to me. I know you're about as gay as a bag of skittles. Get inside, now." His voice was demanding and absolutely gut wrenching. Lovino felt a knot in his stomach and a certain queasiness coming on.

"Shut up. You don't know me." Antonio shot back.

"I know my own brother. I don't want you seeing this stumpy pale loser anymore. If I see him at our house or with you one more time, I will not hesitate to beat him over the head. Is that clear?"

His face got redder and redder. Lovino didn't know what to do. What could he do? _Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What a hopeless piece of junk he was. _

"João why don't you just back the fuck up and let me deal with my own life? You think it's easy on me? You left for five years. And you were never a good brother in the first place. Dad is _seldom_ home. And when he's home, he's dead tired from work. And mom? God, she's a wreck. But she's been there for me, much unlike you. I don't need you stomping in when you were never there when I needed you most. I'll make to clear to you: get away from me."

That was the first time Lovino had ever heard Antonio cuss. It felt weird seeing him so angry, but he was proud of him. He was glad that he had finally released everything he wanted to say.

João stood awkwardly. He looked to the side at the pink posy growing merrily on the yard, and back up at Antonio. Then, he laughed. "Whatever, fucker. Get inside." And he turned around and strolled back into the house.

Lovino put his hand on Antonio's back. He flinched, but only for a minute before relaxing back into Lovi's arm.

Antonio exhaled, defeated. "I don't know what to do anymore."

And much less did Lovino. He was just as confused, if not more. "If I was in your situation, I would walk in there with all the confidence I could possibly muster, hug my momma, and go to sleep."

He nodded. Lovino couldn't identify what Antonio's emotions were at the moment. All he could see through those peridot eyes was the same confusion Lovi was feeling at the moment.

"Thanks again, you coffee-drinking, pasta loving, insomniac jerk." He shot a friendly smirk. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Lovi smiled. "Good night, idiot."

_Antonio _

There was a clanking coming from the kitchen when he stepped in. When he peeped inside, he saw his mother washing the dishes, humming a tune.

"Hola, Antonio." She turned. "You've been gone for a while. Is everything okay?"

With a grin, he replied, "Yes mama, everything is great. But, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something."

She put down the sponge and the sudsy plate to face him. "What is it?"

"It's about Henrique. W-why is he here? I thought it was just Papi that was visiting."

She took a deep breath. "Well, now that he's out of prison, he has nowhere to live. So he needs somewhere to stay while he can get a job, a home, and remake his life. I'm his mother too Antonio, I'm not going to abandon my son like that."

It made sense. It was the logical motherly thing to do. But he was still so mad at him. He just thinks he can walk back into his life and pretend everything's okay, and boss him around like that.

"Okay. But, he's mean to me." He realized he sounded like a pouting child, but he didn't care. "I don't want to be around a person that abuses me and essentially makes me feel like crap."

"Has he abused you physically in any way since he's gotten here?"

"Well, no, but he's-"

"Then until he does, we won't have a problem." She interrupted. "But if he lays a hand on you then we're all going to sit down and have a talk, okay?"

He nodded, but that hadn't made him feel any better. Regardless, he hugged his mom, taking Lovino's advice, and went to bed.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Wow okay it took me way too long to get this chapter out...I apologize, it just took me so long to write for some reason. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter of the boys taking a trip at the amusement park :3**

_Lovino_

Try as me might to repel his worries for Antonio, he remained concerned. He just hoped Antonio wouldn't end up doing anything stupid.

The morning after the incident with Antonio's brother, Toni seemed a bit more collected. There was a still a weariness behind his eyes, but it wasn't as exaggerated.

Lovino, on the other hand, didn't really know what was happening to him. He hadn't slept at all the previous night, and the dark circles under his eyes only outlined the fact.

With his birthday so close, and summer slowly nearing them, he knew there were many things coming. He'd be older, he'd be expected to take on more responsibilities. Not only that, there was the large possibility of leaving over the summer. Yeah, he missed his mom, but another move, another school, more annoying people, a new place, could he handle that all over again?

Slowly, the week came to a close, and Antonio and his brother had simply been ignoring each other. Lovino had yet to meet Antonio's dad, which he had a bittersweet feeling about. Sure, he was polite enough, but for some reason, the thought of meeting Antonio's dad terrified him.

Antonio had already bought tickets to Knott's Berry Farm, in Anaheim. He said he was going to get tickets to Six Flags, but when he told Lovi it was basically a ton of roller coasters, he politely said no thank you. He liked roller coasters, but some of them just sounded too scary.

Either way, Antonio assured him they would have fun. He heard that many teenagers got year or season passes and would go really often. Though he wasn't too stoked about the fact that there would be so many kids near his age there, he wanted to go.

_Antonio _

It was the big day, and Antonio was extremely excited. It was the early morning, around seven, so they could get there early and spend the whole day there.

His father sat at the kitchen table, because he was driving them. He'd only be dropping them off though, Antonio only had enough money saved for him and Lovino.

"Antonio?" His voice boomed as he sipped his morning coffee.

"Si, Papi?" He answered politely at once.

"So this Lovino kid, you're good friends with him?"

"Yes, he's my best friend." Antonio liked how that sounded. Best friend. Lovino was his _best friend. _

"I see. Hope you have a good time then. But not too much fun, okay? Your brother has been telling me things."

His blood boiled at this words and he felt his face burning. "Don't listen to him, then. It wouldn't be the first time he's wrong about something." He finishes in a tone he wouldn't usually use with his father.

His dad let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. "Alright. I trust you to tell me if something was up."

"Well, can I ask you something?"

His head tilted upwards to face his son. Antonio took that as a yes.

"What would you do if Henrique abused me? In any sort of way?"

"I would ask him to leave this house. But don't let your ass get beat, Antonio. You're fifteen. Keep in mind your strength is catching up."

Antonio remained emotionless. "Okay."

The awkwardness in the air was interrupted by a knock on the door. Antonio rushed to answer it.

"Good morning," Lovino moaned sleepily.

"Happy birthday!" He smiled, obviously a lot more awake and enthusiastic.

"When do we leave?"

"Dunno. In like, twenty minutes. With traffic, it takes about an hour and a half to two hours to get to Anaheim."

"Wow. Never been in that area."

"Really? It's nice. I know a really great sushi place there."

"I love sushi. I'll have to go there sometime."

Antonio smiled devilishly. "Anyways, my dad is at the table. Wanna meet him now?"

Lovino nodded nervously.

_Lovino _

When Lovino walked into the dining room, he saw a large sturdy man sitting. He had a mustache with slicked black hair. His hazel eyes were his most noticeable feature, as it contrasted greatly with his tanned skin and dark hair.

"You're Lovino?" He asked as soon as he saw him. His voice was serious and accented, significantly thicker than Antonio's, one of those voices you'd hear laughing at a bar on a Friday night.

"Yes, sir." He stood stiff. Why was he so terrified? He'd already met one parent, why should the other be any different?

"You're not American," Antonio's dad pointed out. "Where you from?"

"Italy. Born in the southern part."

"Ah. That's nice. You lived there?"

"Well, in the south, no, but in Italy I lived for about ten years."

"Exotic." He paused for a minute. "You boys about ready?" They both nodded. "Alright, I'll just get some things and we'll take off."

The car ride was somewhat awkward, but Lovino plugged his music in and tried to ignore the world as best he could. He didn't want to seem rude, but he also didn't want to engage conversation with Antonio's dad.

Upon arrival, his dad pulled up to the entrance and stopped the car. "Okay. I have some errands to run, and I'm sure Antonio has already told you, but I'm not going in with you guys. So, be responsible, don't get into trouble, and be safe, ya hear?"

"Si señor," Antonio replied dismissively. "When are you picking us up?"

"Um...how does seven sound?"

"Good. That's good," Antonio smiled. The excitement could be felt in his voice.

"Thank you, pa!" He yelled out when they got out of the car and he was beginning to pull away.

The entrance was jammed with laughing teenagers and families with sunscreen in hand, mom bags, and visors. Strange mix.

They found the shortest line and stood awkwardly for their turn.

"Welcome to Knotts. Can I see your tickets?" Asked the cheery ticket booth lady. Antonio handed them over. She scanned them, and in they went.

Lovino looked around. As they walked down the path, a roller coaster zoomed past overhead, teens screaming and holding on for dear life.

"Which one first?" Antonio shoved him excitedly, pointing towards the map.

"Well, which is the least scary?" His eyes scanned the paper.

"Um...the Pony Express is fun. And little kids ride it all the time. Come on, I like this one. It's good to start off with." He nodded, and followed. Antonio seemed to know his way around.

"You've been here before, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, I usually go for my birthday or for when my mom has a little extra money. She hates the roller coasters, but we always buy the picture on the log ride." He was barely looking at him as he sped-walk along the cement path.

Antonio looked like an eager little kid. Lovino loved seeing him like this. His eyes were lit up, he put a little hop in his step, and his expression was nothing less of determined. It was in these moments that Lovi would just take a step back and admire this individual, this person that chose _him_ as a best friend, out of all people. He felt lucky.

Of course, the lines were terrifyingly long. The sun beat down on their necks and sweat had already begun building up on their skin.

To spend the time, they talked about what they normally talked about. The universe, death, their everyday issues, emotions they only trusted each other enough to share, and random junk that had nothing to do with anything. Which was, incidentally, pretty deep for a roller coaster line at ten in the morning.

Nevertheless, they were eventually at the front of the line, and managed to be seated next to each other.

Lovino's veins pumped with adrenaline, his body anticipating what was to come. He held on tightly to the handle in front of him. His legs hung off the ends and he was afraid he'd lose his shoe, or his breakfast.

Slowly, the ride started. It began moving upwards, accelerating until they were at the climax of the roller coaster. There was a moment of suspense before everyone's stomach dropped underground and the ride sped downwards at its maximum velocity. It spun around a few times, leaving Lovino in screams and leaning sideways. For a split second, he looked over to Antonio who had his mouth wide open in a huge, dorky grin, letting out a yell that was more of a cheer.

He loved the adrenaline. The wind rushing through his hair and the feeling in his gut from the speed. That moment when all he could feel was his screams and the energy bursting from within himself...he felt all the stress just fly away. He felt...free.

Unfortunately, the ride had to come to an end, and they had to get off.

As they walked around the park and the sun continued to shine brighter and brighter in the sky, they searched for different roller coasters to ride.

They got on the "Xcelerator" next, the "Silver Bullet", "Montezuma's Revenge", and the "Supreme Scream". All exhilarating, all extremely fun. Even though most of them scared Lovino half to death, he loved the adrenaline. No wonder people could get so addicted to roller coasters. It felt so good. And having Antonio there with him, he just felt so breathless and full of excitement.

At some point during the day, when the sun was at its highest, they grew hungry.

"You think we could grab something to eat?" Lovino complained.

"Uhh...Johnny Rockets? I love their hamburgers." Antonio pointed it out on the map and they found their way towards it.

_Antonio _

Together, they walked into the diner. The line was terrifyingly long, just like every other line in the amusement park.

"My belly hurts, Toni. I want food." He groaned.

Antonio laughed. "You sound like a little kid." Lovino glared back. "Don't worry, it's cute," winked the Spaniard. That earned him a shove from the still-hungry Lovino.

"Start thinking about what you want. They have some pretty good choices."

About an eternity later, they got to the front, and were prepared to order.

Antonio stepped up and greeted the cashier. "Hi, I'll take a bacon cheddar double with bacon cheese fries and a Coke float."

"Geez, hungry much?" Lovino muttered next to him.

"Well, what do you want? Go ahead, tell her. I'm paying."

"Oh...um..." He took a step back behind Antonio. "Can you just order a rocket single and a coffee mocha fudge malt?"

"Sure thing." He turned back to the cashier. "A rocket single and a coffee mocha fudge, please. Oh, and sweet potato fries."

Lovino looked at him, confused. "Why the sweet potato fries?"

He smiled, "Because I saw you eying them while we were in the line."

He handed the money over to the cashier and they both waited for their meals to come out.

"Toni..." Lovino poked his arm playfully.

"Yeah?" He answered absentmindedly.

"You're a dork." He giggled. Antonio loved it when he laughed, even when he was just being playful.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," he laughed back. It was these random moments of affection that Antonio treasured so much. It was these moments that he knew he'd always remember.

It took a good ten minutes, but their food came out and they began to chomp it down.

"Wow, I didn't realize how hungry I was," Antonio muttered through large bites of his burger.

"These are great, though." Lovino commented.

"Right? I love going here with my mom. She always gets a chicken melt, and onion rings. I get something different every time. It's nice."

"You spend a lot of time with your mom, don't you?" He tilted his head, as Antonio considered it.

"Yeah, I guess I do. Before you came along, she was my best friend. She always has been, always will. I love my mom." he looked down at his lap, smiling sheepishly. It was true, he really did love his mother. Nothing would change that.

After their food, they decided to walk around where are the carnival games were placed. Antonio constantly squealed over cute plus-size stuffies lined around the borders of the stands.

"Antonio, if you want one so bad, why don't you try to win one?" Lovino groaned.

"Because I don't want to go broke and I know that if I try one I won't stop until I either win something or I have no money left."

Lovi scoffed and got into the line for balloon darts. Antonio stood awkwardly, a bit dumbfounded. When they got to the front of the line, Lovino fished out the five dollars it took to play, and handed them to the man at the stand.

He stood, with four darts, facing the small water balloons lined up against the wall. He gently wrapped three fingers around one, and lifted his arm. He closed one eye, and aimed the silver tip at the small red balloon in the middle. The one labeled '50', the most difficult one to pop. Skillfully, he flung the dart and watched as it flew to the very corner of the board, popping a large blue balloon labeled '5'.

Both Antonio and Lovino watched in disappointment as the blue balloon's water splattered along the floor, the little red one still clinging on, in perfect shape. Lovino gave a low grumble, and picked up another dart. He had two more left. The second dart flew, hitting a yellow balloon somewhat closer to the red one. His frustration grew and he reached for the third dart. This time, he threw it with more force, and it dipped downwards. It didn't hit any balloon that time. By now, Lovino's face was growing scarlet and his last dart sat alone on the table, terrified for its fate.

Antonio laid a hand on Lovino's shoulder and put his mouth close to his ear. "Just breathe. Let it flow." Lovino nodded and closed his eyes, feeling his fingers around the remaining silver and red dart.

He did what Antonio told him to do. He aimed at where he wanted the dart to go, and took a deep breath. He extended his forearm, and let the dart flow gracefully out of his hand.

It hit right in the center of the balloon, making a loud splash followed by Lovino's triumph. The man at the stand gave him what seemed like a forced smile and told him to pick one of the large prizes. Lovino looked up at the mega-sized stuffed animals and let loose a smug smile before pointing to the large green turtle stuffie.

The man brought it down and Antonio practically tackled the thing. It was a bit over half Lovino's size, and was absolutely soft to the touch.

They walked around the park the rest of the day and went on other rides, with the giant plushie on Antonio's back and a spool of cotton candy they shared.

A bit past five, they decided to go on one last roller coaster. Ghost Rider. It was one of the scariest ride in the park, but it definitely gave you a spectacular view of the sunset. It was fitting.

One long line wait later, and they were seated at the very front of the ride. The ride took off, already speeding to where Antonio's adrenaline kicked in. Then it began moving up, and up, and up. For a good forty seconds, the coaster only moved upwards.

When they reached the very top, He felt Lovino take a deep breath beside him, and he closed his eyes. As the ride zoomed down at an unimaginable speed, all Antonio could make sense of was Lovino's screams beside him, the wind in his face, whipping his hair, and his the rapid beating of his heart.

The ride continued to go up and down, zooming this way and that, making sharp turns and sliding down at quickening speeds. Right when Antonio was sure it'd never end, he felt it slow down and roll into the shaded area where there were a quantity of other people waiting for their turn.

They laughed wildly when they got off the ride, carrying the green turtle with them and strolling into the candy store to purchase delicious lollipops and a candy apple for them to share.

On a bench outside, they enjoyed their treats and talked about their day, laughing and joking. At seven, Antonio's dad waited outside in his car to take both of them home.

Antonio slept well that night, with his turtle in his arms and a smile on his tired face.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**This chapter is a total roller coaster and I honestly didn't know what to feel as I wrote this...**

**Ahhh TRIGGER WARNING: physical &amp; sexual abuse, and blood. **

**I'm deeply sorry in advance for what's about to take place... **

_Antonio _

Monday brought spring thunderstorms and sticky weather that fed the trees and wet the soil in preparation for the harsh summer to come.

Antonio stomped along the puddles and kicked small pebbles as he walked to pick up Lovino and Feli, to go to the bus stop.

When Feliciano opened the door he was welcome, as always. But, the house seemed messy. He didn't mean to judge or be rude, but their home was usually spotless and tidy. It seemed as though no one had been doing housework for a couple days.

He saw Lovino seated where he always sat in the mornings, stirring his cup of dark coffee as the smoke from the cup floated up into the air as thin, ghostly wisps.

"Buenos días, Lovi. How are you today?" Antonio asked in his always cheery tone.

Lovino looked up from his cup, that he'd been stirring for too long, and Antonio met his tired eyes. In them he saw remnants that Lovino had been crying, possibly the night before. His dark hair fell over his milky skin, framing his face and outlining his exhaustion. He did not respond.

So Antonio sat next to him and put three fingers around the handle of the coffee mug, overlapping Lovino's smaller hand already wrapped around it.

"You wanna talk about it?" His deep voice asked softly. Lovino looked down towards his lap, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's just go to school," he muttered under his breath. Antonio sighed, and stood up with him. Feliciano was waiting almost impatiently at the door, lunch bag in his hand and his backpack heavy with books and schoolwork. If Lovino didn't want to talk, that was fine. He didn't always have to be open about his problems. Antonio had to accept it.

School was as uneventful as it always was. Antonio passed the time throwing paper planes at Lovino and in the classes he wasn't with him, he'd draw random little things in the corner of his paper.

Slowly, he was getting back into the swing of school, and life. His brother had hardly been speaking with him, and frankly, he liked it that way. Less trouble for him. Sure, at times he wished things were different, but he had to be realistic about things. Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way you want it to, but that doesn't mean you should let it destroy you. So he would carry on.

When school got out Antonio stopped Lovino before he got on the bus. "Hey, you wanna go on an adventure?"

Lovino stared at him wide-eyed. He'd been silent and tired all day, but Antonio wanted to cheer him up. He seemed to ponder for a moment before sighing and responding with, "Yeah, just let me text Feli."

_Lovino_

He trailed behind as Antonio led the way, running across streets and behind old, cracked buildings. They walked for a good twenty minutes before scaling up a bushy, muddy hill. Lovino was way too unfit for this.

"Where are we going, weirdo?" He frowned.

"Just wait and find out. I told you, an adventure."

"How are we getting home?"

"I called my mom to pick us up at the 7/11 nearby. But, later."

Lovino gave up trying to get information out of him and instead focused on the hill. Gooey mud was collected from the wet ground and turned the edges of Lovino's black shoes a disgusting brown. The grassy desert plants growing along the hill appeared bland and dead, crushed under their feet.

And finally, the top of the hill became a downwards slope. What came into view as they half-jogged down was an old road patted down with dust and sand, and next to the road were a couple...houses? Shacks? Lovino couldn't quite tell. In the middle was what seemed like a three-story building. Some of the structures had signs in the front, but were illegible through the cracked and fading paint, beaten down from years of weather. Because of the recent rain, everything seemed a bit gross and rotting, and obviously, wet.

Lovino gave Antonio a questioning look, but he only grinned like an idiot. He took hold of Lovino's wrist and led him into the tallest building. Now that he was closer, he could barely read what the old wooden sign hung at the front said. "Salsa Motel. Open 24/7."

The inside was old and dusty, and gave off the feel of a ghost town. It smelled of dust and wood, and something else Lovino couldn't quite describe. What may have once been a glossy wood countertop was now chipped and plain old gross. Lovino recognized this as the front desk.

"Okay, so an old motel?" He glared at Antonio. "What's this about? Tell me already, I'm tired of waiting."

Antonio stuffed his hands in his pockets and took in the surroundings. "Well, a while ago, I found this place when I left my house late at night. I was bored and sad, and I just wanted to walk and walk until I disappeared. But I came along this place, and it was dark and creepy at night, but I explored around it and fixed up the only floor that was adequate and I spent the night."

"You spent the night in this thing?" Lovino stared in disbelief. "That's not only dangerous, but unsanitary."

"I know, I know. But just follow me up."

Again, he grabbed hold of his wrist and was led up a squeaky flight of stairs. When they reached the third floor, Antonio walked down the hall and opened the last door, marked "305" and opened it slowly.

The hinges complained and the floorboards groaned but when the door was opened and they walked in Lovino saw a clean bed, with a bag next to the pillow and a flashlight.

"I left some stuff, in case I wanted to come back," he explained. The bed looked so out of place in the old abandoned room, the windows were cracked and the curtains were ripped, the wooden floor was covered in nails jutting out and random, dangerous holes. But then all of a sudden, this clean little thing so casually yet oddly placed, like a forest flower sprouting in the middle of the desert.

The backpack became unzipped and he pulled out a fluffy blanket, a party-sized bag of chips, a bottle of water, trail mix, a change of clothes, a book, a pocketknife, a map, and a wad of cash.

Lovi raised an eyebrow. "What's this for, your plan to run away?" He questioned jokingly.

"Yes, actually," he returned quite seriously. "Life's got some crazy turns, and you never know." He sat on the bed and rummaged through all the stuff he had strewn across the comforter.

"I always thought, maybe one night things will get too bad. Maybe I'll need to escape for a while. This is my escape. Here, there is no society, no problems, no stress or worries. Everything is quiet, at peace. The only thing to disrupt me is the wind howling outside and the storm of thoughts inside my head." He fumbled through the pages of the book. Lovino couldn't read the cover. But Antonio had just spewed out something heartfelt and beautiful, and nothing else really mattered. He loved seeing him inspired and full of life with passion in his voice.

A bit suddenly, but casually, Antonio blurted, "You wanna take a nap?"

Lovino nodded faintly. So then, Antonio unfolded the blanket and put all the things back into the bag. They laid down on the astoundingly clean bed and drifted off, their breaths touching and hearts beating in a joined pace.

_Antonio_

He woke up to a phone ringing and Lovino grumbling something foreign beside him. His arm drowsily searched for the ringing phone and when he had grabbed it and held it to his squinting eyes, he saw that it was his mom. Jolting up, he cleared his throat and answered the phone.

"Hola," he greeted quietly.

"Antonio, where are you?" he could hear the annoyance in her voice. "It's getting late, I need to pick you up now. I have work soon."

"Oh, okay we'll be right at the 7/11. I'll see you soon mama." And she hung up the phone.

Antonio turned to Lovi, half awake, and began to shake his side. "Let's go."

His eyes blinked open. "I don't want to."

"You don't have a choice. We gotta go."

"I just wanna lay here forever and not worry about a damned thing."

Antonio sighed. "I know, but we have to go now. Please?"

Lovino returned the sigh, and swung his legs off the bed, slowly getting up.

They gathered their things and made their way out of the building, across the dirty street, and over the hill. Antonio turned to see Lovino absently gazing at the mini ghost town, his golden eyes outlining the shapes and reflecting the colors of the scene. The setting sun gave the sandy ground a golden tinge, and all the full, faded colors melded gracefully with the bold, colorful, setting sky.

"It's nice, right?" he mused.

Lovino gave a curt nod, and almost whispered, "I love it. It feels...timeless. I feel so free and fearless. You ever heard of that one book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower? In the book, there's this quote that goes, 'and in that moment, I swear we were infinite'. That's exactly how I feel right now. I feel infinite. And I love it."

Antonio's arms swung loosely around Lovino's body, taking him by surprise. "I love it too." And they shared a good, infinite hug.

.

Time had passed, and it was now rolling towards the end of May, and the end of the school year. Antonio had been spending a lot of time inside lately, and a lot of time away from Lovino. Sometimes he'd visit, but he usually sat in his room all day reading. He'd been trying different classics, and a couple modern novels, and a mix of teen fiction. He didn't know why he'd been reading so much, he'd just been consumed in all these fictional worlds. Maybe he was becoming terrified of reality.

Either way, he brought his grades up in time. He didn't know how, but he ended the semester decently. School would end the first week of June, and in would descend all the summer fun. He didn't have any summer plans, but he thought he could just 'chill out' or spend some time with Lovi. Maybe he needed this summer. Maybe he needed to get his life back in order.

Then again, Lovino had told him a long time ago that he was going to leave. But he was upset that day, was it really true? He didn't want to let himself believe it. He couldn't leave, not now, when there was so much to see, to do, to talk about.

Disrupting his thoughts, Antonio's brother barged into his room and began rummaging through his stuff. He flipped over boxes, threw pillows off the bed, emptied drawers, shoved everything off his desk and shelves.

"What are you doing?" Antonio almost shouted, irritated. "That's my stuff, hands off!"

"Shut up, you little bastard! I'm doing something important!" He bellowed. But from what Antonio could tell, he was just purposely trashing his room. He was fed up. So he stood, and stomped over. With piercing eyes and his body full of fire, he pushed his brother down.

Neither of them realized how much strength Antonio had in him until João was lying on the ground with his head rolled back and a painful groan escaping his mouth.

"I'll give you three seconds to run as far as you can," he rumbled under his breath. João looked up at him with those dead, rotting green eyes. Antonio knew exactly what that look, what those words meant. And just like he did, all those years ago as a terrified child, he took off.

He heard the deafening footsteps behind him as he sped down the hall. Then, right before he could make his way out the door, those two, large, calloused hands wrapped around his arm and torso. He let out a scream he couldn't hear, he flailed around unable to hit his target, everything around him turned into an empty, drowning noise.

At some point he felt his back hit something flat, he couldn't tell whether it was hard or soft, but as his mind buzzed and everything went static, the only thing he was aware of was those cold, dead eyes. Those dead eyes that shot malice and something evil he couldn't describe at the time.

He didn't feel the pain, or hear his desperate cries. He didn't see his own blood spreading, or even have a fair sense of exactly what was happening.

But when he woke, cold and alone on the bathroom tile, everything rushed in at once. The bruises and scars stung and ached

all over his body, his ripped clothing was stained with his own blood. He was sore...everywhere. And his head throbbed terribly.

Wearily, he stood like a fawn walking on ice. When his face met the bathroom mirror, the tears came in. Then the sobs.

He had a long scar going from his forehead to mid-cheek, his left eye bruised, a busted lip, bleeding scratches on his chin, and thin slashes speckled all over his neck. He felt so much shame, he didn't even want to look at the rest of himself.

So he curled back into the corner of the bathroom, on the told tile. Covering himself with a nearby towel, the tears continued to escape and dampen his face, becoming even redder than before. And feeling the full force of the banging in his head, he somehow found sleep.

_Lovino _

"Blank. Blank. Just a _fucking blank screen!_" He yelled at himself. All inspiration had left Lovino's brain. He knew it was all in there, he knew he had those beautiful words he craved just at the tips of his fingers, but _why couldn't he write them_? It angered him to a point that he wanted to throw his computer out a window, but he restrained.

After taking a deep breath and arranging his fingers back on the keyboard, there was a knock on the door. He was home alone, so he knew he'd have to answer it. Feli and Nonno were out grocery shopping.

Wanting to ignore all opportunities to be social, he stood up sullenly and made his way to the front door anyway.

He didn't know what he was expecting when the door swung open. Maybe the mailman, maybe one of Feli's friends, maybe even Antonio. But it wasn't any of those.

It was his mother.

There she was, Sandra Vargas, holding a black leather purse along with a suitcase, with that bittersweet smile she loved to show off.

"Ciao, Lovino," she spoke gracefully. "How you been, amore mio?"

His eyes widened and a shock jolted through his body. He wasn't mentally prepared for this. Three years. It had been a long, sad, tiring three years and now, all of a sudden, she just pops back into his life. Of course he knew about the stupid letter but...why was she here? Now?

"What are you doing here?" Was the only thing that he could sputter.

"Lovino! That's not a very nice way to greet your mother you haven't seen in so long. Come here, I've missed you so much." She leaned in for a hug, and he knew he couldn't push her away.

"My English is better now, no?" She said as she embraced her son. "Let me come in! Where is Feliciano and your Nonno?"

He moved aside so she could come in, and replied, "They're grocery shopping. They should be home soon."

"Ah, okay. Buono buono. I'm sure you have so many questions, but I think it's better to talk about everything when your brother is here, sí?" Lovino nodded. He knew better than to argue with his mother.

Right when he thought she'd finally stop her babbling, she continued, "Oh, my Lovi, will you please make your mamma something to eat? I just got off the flight, honey, and you know how the airplane food is. Grazie." Endless talk, just another thing Feliciano acquired from her. He mumbled a "Si Signora," and sauntered to the kitchen at a dead pace to give his mother something to eat.

_Antonio_

He was met with a bright light and his mother's shocked gasp, followed by her wailing.

"Toni, Dios mio! Hijo, what happened to you?" She weeped.

"Your older son," he spat. "You trusted him. He did this." He could barely force the words out through his scratchy throat, but they were audible enough to reach her ears.

Her desperate arms trailed over Antonio's damaged body. She pulled at her hair and choked up between struggled yells, she got her favorite white blouse stained with her son's blood.

Though Antonio wanted to help, wanted to do something, he had to admit that at this point, his mother had to be strong for him, and try to help.

Maybe it was because he was still a bit drowsy, but he couldn't feel his bruises or scars anymore. His entire body felt dull and numb. He felt like a broken, chewed up pencil.

He wished João dead.

"Antonio, you were right. I don't know why I let him back into this house," she continued to sob over his hurt body. "Enough of this. There's something you need to know, and I know it may not be the best time to tell you, but we're moving, Toni! We're leaving this damned place and where we're going to go things will be better, I promise. And I won't ever let something like this happen to you again."

He didn't let the shock reach through before he passed out again and he got one last earful of his mother's broken bawls.

**;-; um. **

**Was this chapter a little too intense? I apologize. But awe I really love the boys' mothers, even if they're a little off sometimes, they still love them to death. Even though this one was a little extreme,**

**I still hope you enjoyed and look forward to the next chapter :3**


	16. Chapter Sixteen

_Lovino_

Plastic bags filled with food littered the countertops, waiting to be placed in their designated areas.

But they would have to wait. Feliciano and Nonno were far too busy greeting Sandra, and Lovino was finishing up a stew for dinner, and for his mother.

Then, a phone rang. It took a minute for Lovino to realize that it was his own. Looking at the caller ID, it was Antonio. His name read Toni with a little turtle beside it, he thought it was cute at the time.

He was almost tempted to not answer, he was busy. But he knew Antonio usually didn't give up trying to call until Lovino answered, so he'd just explain it was a bad time.

Holding the phone between his ear and shoulder, he continued to dice up the carrots that would go into the soup.

"Hello, Lovino?" Came a voice from the other line. It was not Antonio's.

"Hello?" He answered, confused. He recognized that voice...was it...his mother? Why was she calling?

"Um, something happened to Antonio. I just took him to the hospital. We're there right now, actually."

Lovino almost dropped the phone, and almost cut himself with the blade of the knife as it fell to the ground with a clank.

"W-what happened?" He stuttered nervously.

"I think it's best to explain in person. I just wanted to let you know, and I was hoping you might visit." Her voice sounded frail and forced.

"Okay. I'll be there. Thank you, Signora Teresa."

The line went dead.

He turned to his family. "Nonno, I need you to drive me to the hospital. It's Antonio. Something happened to him."

A concerned look spread across both his Nonno and Feliciano's previously happy faces, and one of confusion splattered Sandra. "Antonio?" She asked. "A friend?"

Lovino nodded. "My only friend, actually. My best friend."

His mother understood. He was thankful for that. Nonno grabbed the keys from where they hung and made his way to the car. "You guys stay here," he instructed. "We'll be back for dinner later."

The drive was treacherous and suspenseful. Lovino wanted desperately to know what exactly was going on, why he was stuck in this situation, and was Antonio going to be okay?

He refrained from dashing into the hospital in a desperate hunt for his friend. As calmly as he could possibly muster, he asked for Antonio Carriedo Fernandez. He loved saying his full name, the way the consonants and vowels sounded through the filter of his Italian accent.

Lovino was directed to a room with a number he didn't really care for, and saw Signora Teresa standing outside the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw him as she began to walk in his direction.

"What happened?" Was the first thing he asked, frantically. She soon lost the twinge of joy in her expression as her head fell into her hands and a sob escaped her lips.

"I can never forgive myself..." She muttered. "It's terrible..." She looked as though she was trying to compose herself. "I'm sure you've met Antonio's older brother by now, João. He um..." Her puffy eyes shut tight. "He hurt my baby," came the cracked words.

Anger. The first was anger. Then, he felt an overwhelming sadness. He hated João, everything about him. He hated that he would hurt Antonio in _any_ way because Antonio didn't deserve any of it. He was too good a person he's too gentle and beautiful and sweet and hilarious and he could go on and on but the main point was that the best people really do have the shittiest luck. João, on the other hand, he didn't even deserve to have the liberty of breathing.

As his eyes tested up and went wide, "Can I see him?" He asked. Signora Teresa nodded and gestured toward the white metal door.

His hands went clammy as he folded his fingers around the doorknob. The bright white light from the interior flashed in his eyes at first, until they settled on the hospital bed.

There were bandages around his head, arms, torso, and probably more underneath the hospital blanket. His face and body were littered with cuts and bruises, and his usually glowing tanned skin was a sickly pale.

"Toni?" He shuddered. He didn't want to believe it was him. He didn't want to believe this happy, smiling, amazing boy was sitting like this in a hospital bed.

A grunt sounded from his body and slowly, his eyes opened. That beautiful green was still there, still shining, and Lovino was thankful for it. He could stare into those green eyes all day long, that held so much experience and so much life.

_Antonio _

Lovi was actually here. He didn't expect him to be here. He didn't know whether he was happy to see him, or terrified of how Lovino was looking at him while he was in this state.

"Lovino..." He tried to speak. His throat burned and he really wanted some water, but he wanted to talk to Lovi even more. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry, Antonio." He watched as the tears built up in his golden eyes and began to stream down.

He extended his hand out, and saw more tears slip down as Lovino looked at the bruises and minor cuts on his knuckles, the small scratches on his fingers and how his veins popped out against the fairness of his skin. Lovino put his hand over his, and wrapped his thin fingers around it.

It was soothing. Lovino's hand was smooth and delicate, and his gentle touch gave Antonio a comfort that almost made him want to smile. If it didn't hurt so much to do so.

"I'm gonna kill him." He heard him say. So he knew. He wondered where João was now. But he was glad to have his mother, at least. For now, Antonio was just tired.

Though he didn't want to reply, he shushed him and muttered, "It's okay. I'm just gonna sleep now." And his eyes shut once more.

.

He couldn't remember the events that took place after Lovino visited, nor in what order, only that some days after, he was laying in his own bed.

He did feel a little bit better. The doctor said he had two bruised ribs and one broken one, his skull had some light bruising, and he'd lost a lot of blood. It was a miracle he didn't get any internal bleeding from all the hits he took to the soft spots of his body, around his abdomen and belly.

But he hasn't asked his mother about his brother yet. He wondered where he was now. He didn't exactly hate him, he just didn't want to see him, ever again. He didn't want to be near that monster and he just wanted him out of his life.

Looking to the nightstand by his bed, he spotted a glass of water and reached out for it. He was glad his mother was thoughtful enough to put it there, just in his reach. The cold glass felt smooth and cool against his injured fingers. Lifting the glass up to his mouth, he felt the gentle, refreshing stream of cold water running down his burning throat.

Feeling hydrated, he put the glass back down. He looked around for something to do and his eyes caught on his phone. It was an android, it wasn't the newest version but it still worked pretty well. So he picked it up, and began to text Lovino, since that seemed like the only logical thing to do.

_A: hola Lovi, not sure if you knew, but I'm back home now! I'm actually feeling a lil bit better ^-^ _

He waited about two minutes for a reply.

_L: Oh, that's good. Do you think I can maybe stop by? _

_A: I don't know, I kinda just woke up and I'm still in bed. I don't even know where my mom is. _

_L: Well okay then but figure it out cuz I need to see you. _

_L: Not that I really want to see you, I just need to like, make sure you're okay, ya know?_

_L: it's not like I really care, but I don't know I'm just kind of bored and need something to do. _

Antonio giggled softly at his text messages. He loved it when Lovi got all defensive. It was entertaining to watch, though he liked being there in person because his olive skin would blush and his cheeks would be dusted with a faded pink.

_A: Okay, Lovi that's fine (: I'll try texting my mama, and see what she's up to._

He soon realized it was about midday, so his mother should be home, cooking lunch.

So he sent her a text, saying "_Hola Mami I just woke up, and my throat hurts so I don't want to try to call you. Are you home? Lovino wanted to come over and visit but I don't know if the door is locked or if he can't come right now. Gracias." _

He waited for a response, and soon received one. His mother had replied, and she said she was out running some errands, but Lovi could come in.

So Antonio texted back Lovino and told him he could come over. Five minutes later he heard the door swing open, shut closed, and footsteps towards his room.

He watched the door as Lovi emerged from the other side, his face concerned and pale.

"Hey Toni, how you holdin' up?" He approached the bed with that sweet smile of his.

"How'd you even get in my house?" Antonio realized. "The door is always locked."

Lovino's gaze lightened. "I have a key to your house. Your mom gave it to me a while ago for emergencies."

"Ah, okay." He nodded. "And I'm doing just fine. A bit sore, but I'm definitely alive and well."

"Good to hear, Toni." He then looked down at his feet, which he began to shuffle. "I need to tell you something."

Antonio shifted uncomfortably in his bed. He couldn't hide that he was slightly worried about the words that were about to come out of Lovino's mouth. "Sure, what is it?"

"Um...so you know how my mom left?" He stammered. Antonio nodded. "Well, she's, um...she came back. She actually came back the same day your mother called me and told me you were in the hospital."

He didn't really know how to respond to that. What does someone say? He tried to be positive. "Oh, that sounds great. Is she nice?"

Lovino let out a quiet chuckle. "Yeah, she's a sweetheart. But she can get crazy sometimes. And, um, since I left to go see you when she'd just gotten back, she started asking a lot about you, and she wants to meet you."

"Really?" His sleepy eyes widened as much as they would allow. "Wow, that's great. I'd love to meet her sometime."

"Yeah..." Lovino sat on the bed and put his hand over Antonio's. Antonio just let it sit there, just like he did back in the hospital room. "I'm really glad you're okay."

A quick flashback of the events that took place prior to the hospital flashed through his mind, and he winced. "I'm having a lot of emotions right now, Lovi, so many to the point that I'm almost numb to them all, and in return, I'm just tired."

Lovino stared at him for a moment before shifting closer. He bent over and began to run his hand through his thick, brown, messy curls.

Soon Lovino's head was on the pillow and his golden eyes met Antonio's green irises.

A good ten minutes later, and Lovino's head was nestled in the curve of Antonio's neck and shoulder, his hand over the injured boy's arm. He was up against his body just right so that he provided comfort, but didn't affect any place that was hurting him. Antonio felt engulfed in comfort and warmth, and his eyes drifted closed.

.

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that he was cold. The second was that he was alone, again. Lovino must have left. It made him feel lost and...empty. He didn't want to be alone.

Glancing at his phone, Antonio saw that Lovino had sent him a text.

_L: sorry, I had to leave. But I talked to my mom and she said she'd like to go out to dinner with you whenever you feel better. _

He flung his phone somewhere on the bed. All he wanted was Lovino there, next to him, but now he was cold and hungry and alone and he really needed to take a piss but he was almost scared to get up.

Looking down at his body, he saw that most of his scars had already scabbed up and he could begin to take the bandages off. So, one by one, he peeled them off. There were only bandages on the really bad ones, so they still weren't perfectly healed, but that was okay. It crossed his mind how painful showering with hot water would be, so he dismissed the thought and focused on unpeeling the sticky gauze from his skin.

When he was finished, he lay staring at his white ceiling. Would he go crazy if he just stared endlessly? He didn't wait to find out, and slowly slid his legs over the side of the bed in an attempt to stand.

Though he was shaky and his abdomen ached with every movement, he walked around his room. It felt nice, just the simple relaxing movement.

An idea popped into his head, and he smiled as he made his way to his closet. Opening up the closet door, he stretched his neck to get a better look at the white shelf at the top. And there it was, the old black case that he held so close to his heart.

Though it hurt to stretch his arms, he somehow managed to retrieve the case from the high shelf and take it to his bed.

There, he unzipped it and took a minute to just look at the dusty piece of wood before him.

It was his guitar. A guitar given to him by his grandpa, back when he lived in Spain and they would often visit.

The smooth spruce wood material seemed to glow in the dim room. Throwing the case down to the floor and arranging himself back in the bed, he laid the guitar on his body and tuned some of the strings. He played a chord or two, and when he was satisfied, began to play.

At first he didn't know exactly what he was playing, but those empty meaningless strings soon became a song. He loved how it came together, just one note making one simple sound, but then it joins up with other notes and creates something soothing and beautiful. Of course, that's not always the case. Things don't always work out that way. Sometimes there are disagreements, and those two notes just don't sound right together. But that's okay, because you'll probably still need those two notes at some point to complete the song.

So he continued to strum, and a familiar melody began to form and a smile crept onto his lips. The first couple notes of the song danced through his room.

"Hey...don't write yourself off yet..." he started weakly. It had been a while since he'd sang.

"It's only in your head to feel left out...or looked down on."

He slowed down the song. Acoustic sounded prettier.

"Just try your best, try everything you can.

And don't you worry what they tell themselves

When you're away..."

And he finally found his voice.

"It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride,

Everything, everything will be just fine,

Everything, everything will be alright, alright."

His arms and fingers hurt from strumming but he loved the sound of the music and singing made him feel so free so he didn't care how he sounded or how painful it was, he just kept going.

"Hey, you know they're all the same. You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in...

Live right now, just be yourself.

It doesn't matter if you're good enough,

For someone else!

"It just takes some time! Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride and everything, everything will be just fine,

Everything, everythin-"

He didn't get a chance to finish the chorus because his door heavily swung open followed by the delightful sound of an Italian swear. He'd recognize it anywhere.

"Hey, Lovi." He pretended Lovino hasn't just given him half a heart attack.

"Toni! Hey...um, so I'm kinda not supposed to be here but I snuck out and I wanted to surprise you but then I heard you playing the guitar and...yeah. My bad."

A blush splashed onto Antonio's face as he realized Lovino had heard everything. "So...you...heard me sing?" He had always been pretty self conscious about his voice when he actually poured out all the potential of his vocal chords.

"Yes..." Lovi shrugged awkwardly. "And it was amazing. I'd love to hear you sing again."

His eyes widened. "You really think so?"

"Of course, I love The Middle. And you sing it better than the actual band itself. The acoustic, slower touch is perfect. And your chords are nicely timed, it flows beautifully with the tone of your voice." He seemed passionate about what he was talking about, and Antonio could gather the sense that music was something that intrigued this strange little Italian.

"You know quite a couple things about music, don't you?" He questioned.

"Well, yeah I guess. I just have an interest in it, but it's not like I'm very good at any of it."

Antonio smirked slightly. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had an amazing voice or talent with some instrument." Another shrug, this one with a light blush.

"So how bout some more music?" He smiled.

"Of course. What do you want to hear, señor?"

"I'm in the mood for The Beatles. Hit me with some John Lennon."

Without another word, Antonio adjusted the old guitar in his lap and began to gently strum "Hey Jude".

While he sang, Lovino hummed along. Antonio lost count of how many songs he played until Lovino insisted he'd be in trouble if he didn't leave, and even then, he mindlessly plucked the strings and created different beats and chords. He spent quite a while like that, and suddenly, he fell in love with the guitar all over again. He began to wonder why he ever stopped playing it in the first place...

**So I love The Middle by Jimmy Eat World so I thought it'd be nice if Antonio played a little bit of rock :). Also I'm sorry if this chapter felt a bit rushed, I personally didn't exactly get the flow I was going for, but I'm just sticking with it I guess :/**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed :3 **


	17. Chapter Seventeen

_Lovino_

"So how's school been?" She asked brightly. All his mother had been doing lately is trying to catch up on the months of time she lost with her sons.

"It's okay, I guess. My grades are...average." He answered hurriedly. He hated to admit Feliciano was smarter than him.

"And my little Feli going to be a high schooler now!" She congratulated. "I'm so happy for both of you. Lovi, have you been practicing any special skills lately?"

By that, she meant painting or singing, doing something artsy or talented. He didn't want to disappoint her, but he might as well be straight up. "Nope."

Fortunately, Feli took away the attention from him. "Ooh! I've been playing my violin more often!" Lovino had noticed that. And he had to admit, Feliciano was good. Aside from the fact that his constant practicing got annoying, it was a pleasant noise.

"Good for you, mi amore. I'd love to hear you play for me," came her sweet reply. Lovino felt a twinge of jealousy towards his younger brother, how his mother looked at him with so much more love and appreciation. It made him feel so unloved and rejected. No wonder he spent so much time with Antonio. Though he had times where he questioned how much he was really worth to the Spaniard.

Five minutes later and Feliciano was showing off his skills, so Lovi managed to tiptoe off into his room.

Tomorrow was Wednesday, and the very last day of school. Antonio wouldn't be there, and frankly, neither would Lovino. He strictly planned on not attending. Instead, he'd be spending the whole day with Antonio.

He didn't care what they did as long as they were together and close enough that Lovino could grasp the faint smell of his deodorant and something between fresh and sweet that he couldn't quite come up with a word for.

But, for now, he sat in his bed looking at nothing and swirling just about everything in his mind that didn't get the chance to become a full thought.

What would this summer bring? Now that his mother was here, he knew things would change. Everything would be absolutely foreign and different. And what about Antonio? He'd grown so accustomed to his sweet smile and those messy chocolate waves that fell into his chartreuse eyes coated in a strange combination of sadness and excitement. God, he would miss him so much. How could he grow so attached to one person so very quickly? It didn't make sense and he didn't like it.

"Lovino!" He heard the feminine call that brought back so many childhood memories. He stood in response to his mother, and made his way towards the sound. She was in the living room, where he'd last seen her.

"Yes?"

"I think we need to sit down and talk, together. As a family."

He almost wanted to scoff. A family. That was a term that he felt so distant from, but so connected to. He didn't have the perfect image of a family, but he loved them all anyway.

So Lovino shrugged and laid back on the sofa.

"I'm not sure if Nonno has told you boys, but I'm back because I'm going to take you both with me to where my house is. We're going to Oregon!"

Feliciano's eyes widened in disbelief and he let out a loud gasp. "Oregon?"

"Yes, Feli. See, there's a very nice school other there. And mama has a good job over there. We'll be happier."

"What about Nonno?" Asked the younger brother.

"Nonno will be staying here, in his own house. We will visit sometimes."

Finally Lovino spoke. "When's our last day?"

"Next week, on Friday is our flight."

The words felt like a bomb descending into his body, pushing through all his defenses. He just didn't want to believe it. How could they leave? How could she just come back, and expect everything to go back to normal? Well, whatever 'normal' was for the Vargas family.

So he sighed, and sat up on the sofa. "I guess I'll start packing. Again."

It had felt like so soon since they'd arrived in San Diego. He liked it. The city had a warm simplicity to it that just made him feel at home. Throughout the police sirens and gunshots and drunken laughs through the late hours of the night, Lovino found a certain positive mood amongst it. It was a quality he wasn't sure he'd ever find in Oregon.

His mother didn't say a word as he walked to his room and locked the door behind him. He pulled out his computer, and began to write.

_Antonio _

Sweat and panic were the only things he felt as he jolted to a wake from the nightmares he'd suffered from recently.

As the adrenaline calmed down and the darkness around him took shape, he sighed back into his pillow. This had to stop.

He adjusted the blankets, and arched his back in efforts to release the strain in his spine.

Then his phone lit up from the bedside table, as it was connected to the charger. He picked it up wearily.

It was just one of those random texts from his phone company, advertising something he frankly didn't care about

But as he scrolled through his messages, he somehow ended up on Lovino's contact name and Antonio somehow ended up calling him.

He was almost surprised at how fast Lovino picked up.

"What is it?" Came his raspy greeting.

"Hey Lovi, I can't sleep."

There was a short pause. "Give me ten minutes." And the line went dead.

So during the ten minutes that he waited, he entertained himself by scrolling endlessly on social media and catching up on the latest celebrity news, not that he have a damn about any of it anyway. Just a time filler.

Antonio was startled by his window sliding open and a cat flying in through it.

"Hi Italia. How's it going?" He smiled.

Following the cat, came Lovino who almost tripped on the window pane. Luckily, he managed to save himself with minimal noise.

Excitedly, Antonio scooted over to the edge of his bed, making just enough space for Lovino and Italia.

"You know, it's a real shame you don't have a TV in your room Antonio." Lovino glared.

"Hey, we're on a budget!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Luckily, I came prepared." He took off the bag Antonio hadn't spotted before, and pulled out his laptop. Turning it on and setting it in the middle of the bed, he plugged in earbuds and eventually he himself crawled under the blankets.

Offering an earbud to Antonio, Lovino opened Netflix and put on Supernatural, a show Antonio knew he was highly obsessed with.

Though he didn't quite understand what was happening in any episodes, he rested his head where the pillow and Lovino's shoulder met. Slowly and peacefully, he fell asleep to the sound of Dean Winchester having an intense conversation with Castiel and the faint smell of coffee and fresh cotton.

.

In the morning, while he was expecting Lovino to be gone, he found him breathing lightly next to him with Italia sprawled along his chest. The thought of waking up to that every single morning brought a smile to his face and a highlight to his morning.

Regardless of how much smaller Lovino was compared to Antonio, he loved resting his head against his neck and being comforted in his warmth. He felt secure and...happy.

"Lovi..." He whispered softly. He almost didn't want to wake him, but when those golden eyes fluttered open he didn't regret a damn thing.

"Good morning, Lovino."

"Why did you wake me, bastard?" He grumbled with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Because the light coming in through the window perfectly hits your eyes so I wanted to take advantage and watch how the early morning sunlight reflects in your golden eyes." He answered quickly, propping himself up on his elbow.

Lovino gave him a look. "I don't have golden eyes. They're swamp colored." He said sternly.

So Antonio shook his head just as seriously. "No, sir. I've never seen a swamp so brilliant and so shimmery as your eyes. Your eyes are more like someone threw golden flecks on a dark green pine tree and frankly I think it's my new favorite color."

A scoff and shuffling of Lovino's body as he turned away. "Just give me ten more minutes."

"No problem!" And Antonio curled his arm around Lovino's waist and hugged their bodies together.

"Antonio, what the hell are you doing?" Lovino began to squirm. "Get off me! If we're spooning I'm the big spoon and that's final."

"Yes, of course Lovi." A smile adorned Antonio's face. Lovino stubbornly turned and held Antonio close, scooting up so his head could rest next to Antonio's cheek.

As a turnout, they did not sleep another ten minutes, but rather an entire hour until Antonio's room began to heat up from the increasing midday weather.

.

When Antonio stepped out of his room in search for his mother, he found that no one was home. His mother must have gone out for some errands. So, he headed to the kitchen and brought out pancake mix. He combined the ingredients and began to create the delicious breakfast.

As the smell of pancakes sizzling on the stove began to fill the house, Lovino was tempted out of Antonio's room. He got the coffee started, of course, because that was such a Lovino thing to do.

"Buenos dias, Lovi. How'd you sleep?" he asked while he flipped pancakes.

"Just fine, other than your irritant snoring." he yawned.

"Hey, I don't snore!"

His response was an amused grunt.

When breakfast was ready they sat together and drizzled syrup on their pancakes, and sipped dark coffee.

"Toni, you remember how I told you I was moving?" Lovino said out of nowhere. Antonio nodded. So it had been true?

"Well, apparently, it's this week. But...I'll visit. I'm going to Oregon. Apparently my mom has a whole great plan for us up there, so that's where we're headed."

There was a sadness in Antonio's sparkling eyes and all of a sudden he wasn't so hungry anymore. "But…" he couldn't find the right words to say, his vision was blurred, and the pain in his injuries returned. "Y-you can't. You can't just leave me, Lovino."

"As if I have a choice. Look, Antonio, maybe this is for the better."

"What? What do you mean?" He looked up at him, his pink and purple eyes beginning to water.

Lovino wrung his hands together. "I've been thinking about things, and well...what are we? Are we friends? Because I know for a fact that friends don't act as closely as we do. And frankly...I just don't want to be anything more than friends. That's understandable...right?"

"No. It really isn't," he sniffled. "It isn't because you act like you love me and we're so naturally intimate and everything with us is just simply as it is and we don't care what the world thinks, we never did. So why do you care now?"

Lovino sighed. "Look, Toni-"

"No, Lovino, you look!" he interjected, beginning to raise his voice. "I love you and if that isn't obvious then I'm sorry but I hate this friendship game we keep playing and I just want to hug you and be there for you and hold you up against me when it's late at night and you're sad and can't sleep...and dammit Lovino I love you, okay? So please tell me you love me too because you're not just my best friend, you're everything to me. Don't you see that?"

Lovino's eyes casted downwards. "I don't want to see us that way, Antonio. I never wanted this to happen."

"And neither did I! That's the beautiful thing about love. It's unexpected and sometimes complicated but at the end it's all worth it and please just tell me that all of this wasn't for nothing."

"For nothing? We have a great friendship. Don't you want to at least keep that?"

Antonio sighed. "I value our friendship. I just...want more out of it. It isn't enough. I need more of you and I'm sorry if you don't like the sound of those words but it's the truth and you deserve to know it."

"You don't love me, Antonio!" They both stood now. "You can't love me because it's impossible and I'm a horrible person and you deserve someone so much fucking better so accept it and get over the lie you keep telling yourself, and that lie is that you actually care for me."

In a fit of adrenaline and a touch of anger, Antonio grabbed Lovino's shirt and pulled him close enough so their lips collided.

_Lovino_

It was his first kiss.

And, he didn't really like it.

It was rushed and angry and boastful. Though he had to admit, the tingling sense of adrenaline that shook through his body and the soft taste of Antonio as he poured his love and frustration into the kiss, felt amazing. He just...couldn't accept it.

So being himself, who reacts far too quickly and acts impulsively, he pushed Antonio away and started towards the door. "I don't love you, Antonio, not the least bit! In fact, I hate you, so get the hell out of my life or I'll find my way out of yours." And he stormed out.

When he got back to his house, before anyone could ask any questions, he ran straight to his bedroom and locked himself in.

And so he cried. And cried. Cried because it hurt, and he knew he had just lost an amazing person. He cried because he didn't really mean to do it, and he had just hurt Antonio. How could he do that?

Maybe it really was for the better. Things would have probably broken apart at some point, so why not now? Lovino knew there was no way Antonio could love him. He was untouchable, unreachable, so close yet so far. Antonio only thought he cared about him. Lovino knew better. He wouldn't let himself get caught under the false hope that everything would turn out like it did in fairytales, his life didn't have happy endings.

But damn, he knew he'd regret it. So he continued to cry. He cried and cried until he felt numb and sad and hopeless and weak and then finally, with a wet face and puffy eyes, he fell asleep.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

_Antonio_

He felt broken. He felt something revolting and uncomfortable seed within him, and as a result, he just felt sad.

Antonio cared for Lovino, he knew that for a fact. But he just couldn't understand what was happening behind his broken smile and golden eyes. And it frustrated him, so much.

So regardless of how much Lovino boggled his mind, Antonio wanted to fix everything. It took him a day and a half, but he finally got the few ounces of courage it took to pick up his phone and send a text message.

_A: hey, do you think we can meet on the roof of the mall parking lot? Tomorrow at three? _

An hour later, he got his reply.

_L: can't. Sorry. I'm busy and my mom won't let me. _

_So much for that idea..._he thought. He supposed he could always show up at his front door and talk to him, maybe even crawl in through his window. But he just couldn't do it. There was something holding him back and he didn't know if it was fear or common sense.

"Hey, Toni, como estas?" His mother slowly walked into his room. "Have you been feeling better?" She was carrying two cups of tea and set one down on the nightstand.

"I'm doing...not as well as I'd like," he admitted. He knew he could trust his mother.

"Why? Are you still hurting? I can get you some of those painkillers in the-" she was abruptly stopped by Antonio, who interjected with, "No! No, it's not that kind of pain."

She listened and watched with concerned eyes.

"See, me and Lovino got into a fight. And...well honestly I don't think it was my fault. But I want our friendship back...so I don't know what to do. Not just that, he's moving too. To Oregon."

She patted her son's hair. "Oh, Toni, I'm so sorry. I know how much he means to you. Unfortunately, if you didn't do anything wrong, then there's no reason for _you _to apologize. That's his job, if he ever decides too. If he doesn't, then I just don't think he's worth your friendship. I'm sorry...but Antonio, don't you know? We're leaving too."

His eyebrows furrowed. He did recall something his mother said when he got beaten, but he wanted to repress the memories so he quickly shook them out of his head. "Wh-what? Where? And...why?" He was dumbfounded and full of questions.

"That's why your father came back. And Antonio, surprisingly enough, we're going to Oregon too."

All he could do was stare with a blank expression. He didn't have time to process everything that was coming at him so quickly. "When are we leaving?"

"It's going to be a while before we leave. There are many things we have to do before we move, so we won't actually leave until the end of summer. And even then, we probably won't be settled in for a while."

"...oh." Was all he could say. "And Papi?"

"He actually went back over there this morning, to work more and save up more money for the big move. Don't worry Toni, we have it all planned out. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this sooner. I'm sure it's a big surprise."

"Yeah. It is. And Lovino? Do you think I'll see him again?"

"...I'm sure you will. But we may not, we don't know what city he's gonna be in. We'll just have to find out."

For a long time, he didn't respond. He just lay his head back into his pillow, and he swore he could still smell Lovino's shampoo in the material. "Okay."

She kissed Antonio's forehead, and left the room, sipping her mug of tea.

_Lovino_

Stress. Just...stress. He was drowning in it. And he couldn't focus on anything at all.

So he set every neuron of his brain into the task of packing his belongings, like he had done just a little less than a year ago. He hated it, going through all his random pieces of junk, his memories. The faint sound of all those ringing flashbacks running through his mind.

And so, so many memories of Antonio. Even Italia herself was living proof that Antonio was real and there and everything between them really happened. Speaking of which, he was surprised to see her sitting on his windowsill at some point in the day, he had forgotten her in Antonio's room. He must have let her out, and she must've made her way back to the house. Lovino appreciated her loyalty.

.

"Wednesday. Two more days until the move. You excited, Lovi?" His brother shoved him playfully. Lovino shrugged in response. He still felt so dull about the whole thing.

The movers were to come in later that day, and Lovino had already organized all his stuff in labeled boxes in his room.

So he sat down with a chocolate croissant and his usual cup of morning coffee.

_Breathe in the good, exhale the bad,_ he told himself to start off the day. It was a nice quote, he had read it somewhere and it really made him feel better. It was true, take a deep breathe and let that breath carry in all the positive things in life, and as you breathe out just release everything that stresses you.

"Feli, do you think Nonno will feel lonely without us?" He asked out of the blue.

Feliciano looked concerned for a moment. "You're right, I think he will. He doesn't have anybody to live with. That's kinda sad."

"It is...but I think it'll be okay." He could tell his brother was becoming agitated, something he wanted to avoid. A calm, happy Feliciano meant a calm, happy move.

"If you say so," he shrugged, and stood up to get something from the kitchen.

Then the doorbell rang and Lovino's heart began to beat just a little bit faster, for a reason unknown.

His mother came rushing out of seemingly nowhere to answer it, yelling with her thick accent, "The movers! They're here, they're here! Everyone, be good!"

About five men came rushing in, all talking to each other at once and hurrying about with their work. Lovino tried to ignore them as best possible, but at some point they started blasting crappy rap on some portable speakers so he decided it was best to just leave the house for the duration of the packing process.

Lovino went out for a walk, into the still-fresh morning air. It had that perfect quality to it, where there was enough sun that the morning fog had cleared, but not enough to where the summer heat had set in. If there was a perfect time to be out, it was now.

There was a small walking trail that led to a nearby park around the corner of his house. He set foot on the moist dirt of the road. He saw maybe one or two people, walking their dogs. It was serene, he got the damp smell of the grass growing next to the road. He felt the steady breeze blowing through his hair, and rushing through the threads of his clothes. He noticed the tulips growing and the birds nesting in the trees, singing their beautiful, unique songs.

After a nice ten minutes of walking, he came to the exit where the playground stood and turned in that direction. There was a small cement path before the actual park came into view, so he walked through the shrubbery and the thick scent of greenery. The first thing he saw was the old park bench, one that received a perfect amount of shading from an overhead tree. And on the cool, shaded bench, on the very corner of the seat, sat a figure. At first Lovino couldn't make out who or what it was, but then his eyes began to focus on every curve and corner of whoever sat.

He could make out the slightly wide shoulders that sloped a bit at the ends, the dark, voluminous waves of hair that bounced and floated with the smallest gust of wind, the suntanned skin that had a certain type of evening glow to it…

It was Antonio. There was no denying it. But... he didn't look like himself. He didn't carry himself in that strong, upright way he usually did. And, he continuously ran his hands through his hair how he always did when he was stressed. He heard his low sniffles from afar, and then he noticed the pile of rocks next to him. He'd grab one, and throw it what he assumed was as hard as he could at the empty, fading park.

He looked depressed. Lovino could tell that much. Could...he have caused it? He didn't even want to find out, really. But he always hated seeing Antonio in this state, so miserable. Lovino didn't even want to look at him. So, he turned around and walked home. It smelled dry and dirty. He noticed the trash dumped on the trail, leaving a breadcrumb trail of filth. The broken and empty bottles of alcohol from gangs that paroled and partied throughout the night. He began to sweat as the sun sailed higher in the sky, making him sticky and irritable.

When he got home, he took a long, cold shower.

_Antonio_

It was just another day, plain as any other. His mother was making an incredible meal in the kitchen, his father was gone again for work, he was reading another book. And...Lovino was gone. He knew the day of his departure would come soon, and dammit did he want to do something about it.

Turning his gaze to the blank wall, an idea sprung. It was stupid and cheesy, but Antonio wanted to write him a letter. He'd leave it on his windowsill, and maybe he'd see it before he left.

Antonio sat in his chair hurriedly and pulled out a piece of paper along with his favorite blue pen. One minute of thought later, and the words began staining the blank sheet of paper.

_To Lovi,_

_I'm not very good at writing letters. Or writing anything, as a matter of fact. That's always been your thing. You have a lot of potential, keep doing what you're doing, I believe in you. Anyways, that's not exactly the topic I wanted to inform you about. _

_Although, I don't know exactly why I'm writing this. Maybe it feels like closure. Maybe I don't want our friendship to end. Maybe I just really miss you. _

_But anyways, I'm sorry. My mom told me it isn't always right to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong, but in this case there is something I'm guilty of. I'm guilty of loving you, hopelessly and endlessly. And for that, I'm so, so sorry. Everything could have been great and beautiful but I had to go and mess it up with romance. But then I guess you'd still be moving, so maybe it'd be harder to say goodbye. There's no way to tell. Fate has written this confusing labyrinth of a story that we have to try to comprehend page by page, even though it seems like it's rushing chapter by chapter. _

_I know you don't want to hear this, and I know it's irrelevant at this point, but I'd like you to know that you left something permanent in me and I don't know if it's a scar or a footprint. Because now every time I drink coffee, or sit on the roof watching people go by, every time I go back to an amusement park, or see that cute turtle plushie, every time I catch a whiff of the shampoo you use, every time I go on long walks thinking about life, you will _always _run through my mind. I promise you that. So please don't forget me. _

_I'm going to see you again. I don't know when or how, but our paths will cross again in this lifetime. And I know I promised you before, that I would always love you, but you never did love me back, did you? So I'm taking my time, to figure things out. If you ever want to talk about anything at all, you know I'm always here. But thanks for everything. In this moment, I love you._

_-Antonio_

Before he went on his merry way to deliver the letter, his attention turned to his closet. His lips turned up into a grin.

_Lovino_

He was almost scared to see his room. The movers left, so their rooms would now be empty. Should he even go in there? Well, he had to at some point. His luggage was in there. Plus he had to leave the entire room clean and spotless. So, he didn't really have a choice.

The room felt dull and weightless. It didn't even feel like his anymore. He had some good and bad memories in this room, for the short time he lived in it. Now though they still lingered in the walls and under the floor, they felt lost. All of a sudden, everything became surreal. The fact that he was actually leaving set in. It made him feel lightheaded.

He opened his window, to get some fresh air. There, on the windowsill, he saw a plain white envelope. And under it, a gray sweater. Antonio's gray sweater. The one he always wore on the colder days, though it was huge on Lovino and the sleeves went way past his fingertips.

Curiosity sparked through his mind. That must mean the envelope is from Antonio too? With shaking hands and scared eyes, he slowly opened it. He pulled out the neatly folded paper from within. But then he felt something heavy at the bottom, and reached inside. He pulled out a silver chain bracelet. The same silver chain bracelet he gave to Antonio along with the golden one. Antonio always wore both of them. Not anymore, apparently.

As he read the letter, his eyes began to water. Soon he was crying. But he didn't want to feel. Why were these emotions happening? What was he doing? Why did Antonio give him the bracelet?

Through his tears, he struggled to read a sentence at the very bottom, below his signature. He had to rub the tears out of his eyes to make out the words.

_P.S. I'm the sun and you're the moon. Please keep the bracelet, and the sweater. And please, think of me when you see it. I'll miss you._


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_Lovino_

For some odd reason, Lovino loved to wake up terrifyingly early. Well, not that he had gotten any sleep the night before anyway. But the whole family was up, drowsy-faced, and searching for coffee. It was 3am, and they had to leave the house by four if they wanted to get to their early morning flight on time. Lovino took one last look at his barren room. He wondered what Nonno would do with it now. With both of the now empty rooms, actually. Perhaps he'd rent them out or something. Maybe turn one into an office and the other into...well whatever interested his nonno. He didn't want to think about it anymore.

He wore Antonio's sweater, which was peculiar for summer in California, but he didn't care. It felt right. He also wore an old black t-shirt under, dark wash jeans, and of course, the silver bracelet. Oddly, Lovino got it into his head that the silver bracelet gave him good luck. Maybe because it was a symbol of something that was beautiful and balanced...and those moments themselves were locked into the expensive metal as a keepsake.

After a series of deep thoughts in a room that was no longer his and a breakfast that he didn't really feel like eating, Nonno helped them load their luggages in the car and pulled out from the driveway. Lovino watched out the window as he drove past Antonio's house one last time, and as he scanned the little colorful home, he could've sworn there was someone sitting on that roof, illuminated by the dull, dying moonlight. But then they turned the street, and he left behind Antonio and all his memories and set off to LAX.

Feliciano was certainly not his cheery self. Maybe it was because the sun had not yet risen over the land, or maybe it was because he was still conflicted about leaving. Lovino wished he knew how to be a good big brother and be able to give him the comfort Feli needed right now. So instead, he gave him a small airplane pillow and told him to sleep until they got to the airport.

Lovi liked watching his brother sleep. Not in a creepy way, of course. He just…thought he was always so peaceful when he slept. Even when they were younger, Feliciano always slept gracefully. His eyes were closed lightly, with his long, soft lashes against his pale complexion. His mouth was slightly open, cute pink lips slowly taking in air. Lovino was always so jealous of his brother... even his skin tone was pretty. It was a smooth, creamy pale. Lovino could tan, but during times that he was darker he just looked olive-skinned… and when he was light he appeared a ghostly, sickly pale. But because of Feli's adorable appearance, and the fact that he was absolutely, undeniably gay, made him quite the eye candy for so many guys that might hurt him. Lovino didn't want anyone hurting his little brother, it broke him apart to see his Feli sad. Sure, he may be small and all, but Lovino would do anything in his power to protect him.

The ride was about an hour long, and luckily the freeways weren't too congested so they saved a lot of time there. Lovino spent the time by listening to music and staring out the window in the dramatic way he loved to do when riding in a car. It was nice, though. He got to see the sunrise. That was always a beautiful moment. He recalled what Antonio had told him a long time ago...about how the sunrise was beautiful because it was new and everything was suddenly possible...and he recalled how passionate those words sounded and how they ricocheted in his brain. Lovino felt the words, what they meant. Maybe someday, he'd learn to love the sunrise.

LAX was always a busy airport, no matter what time of day, or night. Parking was always a pain to find, especially a spot that was somewhat close to their terminal. They grabbed their luggage from the trunk and headed down to where the domestic flights took off. Feli was still a bit sleepy, but now that the sun shone steadily in the sky and he was surrounded by the rushing crowds, he seemed a lot more alert than before. Nonno stood with them while they turned in their luggage, got the boarding tickets, and got Italia ready for the flight. Lovino made it very clear he was taking her, and she was going on the plane with them. He carried her in a little cat bag where she mostly slept.

When they were about to go up past security to get to the gate, is when they had to part ways. Feliciano started crying, of course, and fell against Nonno's big arms.

"It'll be okay," his grandfather assured him. Feliciano sniffled back his emotions, and nodded. His eyes still held that uncertain storm. "We're going to visit you soon, I promise! Right, mama?" She gently nodded from behind. She was never exactly the emotional type.

Lovino knew he'd miss his Nonno. He'd gotten quite attached to always having him around. So when he stood up on his toes and wrapped his arms around his loyal family member, he said, "Thanks for the adventures, being there for us, everything. Mi mancherai, Nonno." He fought against the tears threatening to stream down.

After their quite emotional goodbyes, they crossed into the security section where they took off their carry ons, jewelry/accessories, shoes, all that junk. Presumably, everything went smoothly. Next, they found their gate. Twenty minutes until they would start to board. Lovino charged his phone in the meantime, as some of the charge had been wasted while he listened to music in the car. He had his laptop along with a couple movies.

His mom went off for about ten minutes to buy some snacks and water bottle. Lovino asked her to get chewing gum, he always chewed gum on flights. It released some of his nervous energy. Meanwhile, Feliciano read some romance novel. It was fortunate that both brothers shared a love for books. His entire family did, actually. It was probably genetic.

It was just now that Lovino took the time to look at his boarding ticket. LAX to PDX, it said. From Los Angeles, California, to Portland, Oregon. What a change of scenery. So, just out of curiosity, he looked up Hillsboro. From what he could see, it was a simple little town. Though, apparently it was the fifth largest city in Oregon. It was pretty, too. And, generally close to the coastline. Not that he particularly liked the seaside anyway.

Hillsboro seemed somewhat interesting. It gave off the feel of those towns that was made for midnight adventures and curious minds. So, Lovino was both excited and terrified.

When they started announcing that they were now boarding passengers, the Vargas family became alert. Of course, the priority passengers boarded first. They were amongst the last groups of people. Since the plane seats went by two's, Feli and Lovi got sat together, with their mother a bit farther up. Lovino let his brother take the window seat, as he knew how excited he got to look outside and see how high up they were. Italia shifted uncomfortably in her carrier, she must be absolutely confused. He hoped she didn't throw up or anything, the vet gave them a sedative to feed her before the flight so she'd hopefully sleep through it. Lovino wished it would hurry up and set in. And if she started bothering other passengers…

Luckily, Italia was asleep by departure.

During the flight, they served a light breakfast of muffins and fruits. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. It surely could've been worse, but the petite meal soothed Lovino's stomach and kept him full. He also drank pineapple juice, purposely avoiding the tomato juice they offered which painfully reminded him of Antonio, and how he took the bold fruit in any shape or form.

Feliciano snored along with Italia, and missed the meal. Lovino figured he was full enough, and it's not like the flight would take so long.

For the next hour until arrival, Lovino spent his time by listening to music. He had completely forgotten about the movies and the book he had packed. Right now, he just wanted to relax. It was real. He was moving to Oregon. It was all so real. It almost still felt like a broken dream.

The captain announced that they would be arriving in Portland International Airport promptly, and turned on the seatbelt sign. Lovino calmly shook Feli awake, telling him they'd be landing soon. He knew Feliciano always loved watching the land underneath as the plane began to descend and dip into the airport.

As the two brothers peeked below, they saw a large land mass of brown and green, the foggy clouds surrounding them. Slowly, blocks and lines that could only be defined as houses and roads came into view, and soon, the city. He had to admit, it was beautiful. There was a waterfront alongside the multiple buildings and low mountains cupping the surrounding of the downtown area. A buzzling excitement grew in the middle of his belly, in anticipation of all the adventures that awaited him. He sat back comfortably in his seat and took deep breaths. Was he really happy, or just absolutely terrified?

Not long after, the wheels touched down on land and the plane rushed into the Portland airport. There was always that weird feeling when the plane landed, a reminder that they were now in touch with planet Earth and in a completely different place. Workers down below and roads came into view, and out came the tube that was to meet the plane. All the passengers waited anxiously for the pilot to announce that they could begin to grab their carry-ons and calmly exit the plane. Lovino took Italia who had just began to stir, and swung his backpack around his shoulders.

The first thing Lovino noticed when he got off the plane was that the air seemed a lot cooler than sunny California. He wondered if he would ever miss the scorching heat. Secondly, there was a huge mountain standing majestically behind the airport. And third, Italia had begun to barf in the carrier.

His mother sighed and groaned, "Here, I'll take care of it. You boys wait for me outside the bathroom and I'll get her cleaned up."

Now that Lovino's initial reaction to Portland had set in, he could appreciate the beautiful architecture of the airport itself. The whole airport was an aesthetic metallic gray and white, with something he could only describe as a metal and glass net covering the roof. The layout was structured, and everyone was busy, going somewhere or finding something. He loved the mood, the sense of purpose that was always present in the walls of an airport. Even if you were absolutely lost, you still had a purpose of being there, and that somehow gave him a comforting feeling.

After cleaning Italia and picking up the luggage, their mother called for a taxi to take them home. Feliciano was filled with excitement at the thought of a new home, a new life, with his mom.

"How long will the ride take, mama?" He asked anxiously, tugging at her sleeve like a child.

"About forty-five minutes, if there isn't too much traffic. It's not that far."

The ride to Hillsboro was mostly silent. The taxi driver made small conversation, asking why they were in town, where they came from, things of that sort.

_Antonio _

Mindlessly plucking the strings of his guitar, Antonio stared off into the blank ceiling.

He had a recurring memory of what had happened earlier that morning. He couldn't sleep so he climbed up to the roof and lied against it to stare at the stars.

Everything was silent. The kind of silence that enveloped you in a warm comforting hug and whispered that everything was going to be okay. And as the soft breeze carried away his worries and the moon began to fade from the already lightening sky, he saw a car. A small, black little car, carrying four people. There in the back, he could've sworn he saw two golden eyes staring back at him. And be started to cry.

He cried and cried until his eyes were outlined with a puffy pink hue and his entire face felt numb. He cried as the sun slowly spread its morning light into the sky, as all the colors streamed across like a messy painting. The vivid memory of his conversations with Lovino all that time ago, when he told him how much he loved the sunrise. Right now, he hated it. With every single fiber in his body. Because, this day did not feel new nor limitless. He felt trapped, stuck, inevitably lost in his own thoughts and how rotten this day already was.

So he crawled inside, and locked himself in his room for the remainder of the spoiled day.

_Lovino_

"Here we are!" She cheered. "475 Heathcliff Lane."

His mother paid the taxi driver and the boys helped her get the luggage from the trunk.

The house was cute. It was light brown in color, or maybe more of an acacia hue. Upon entering, he was met with a sunny living room leading to the open kitchen. It was a very welcoming home, that's for sure, with a fireplace and his mother's dark velvet sofa complimenting the dark wash wood of the coffee table.

The movers wouldn't arrive until the next day, so they'd have to make do with sleeping in their mother's room.

Luckily, both brothers had their respective rooms, as the home was a three bedroom, three bath. For now, they were absolutely empty. A shallow excitement sparked inside Lovino as he began to brainstorm all the possibilities for redecorating this new room. He was a total secret dork about interior design, even though he would never admit such a thing.

Sure, this whole moving thing really sucked. But, it wouldn't really kill him to make the best out of a bad situation. Perhaps it wouldn't be that bad? He took in a deep breath, and opened the windows to welcome his new life in this new place.

**A/N: so I think I've reached a point in the story (finally, after 19 chapters) where everything that really matters will happen. Think of it as the turning point, and now we will see more depth and drama in our characters. **

**I hope you enjoyed! :3 **


	20. Chapter Twenty

**A/N: TW for self-harm and substance abuse in this one. I'd like to add that I am NOT trying to romanticize depression or self harm or bodily damage in ANY way. Anyone who experiences any of this should get help immediately and should be treated as something serious. I just decided to add it in there because there are many teenagers who experience this as they go through tough times and confusion in their life, and it is a common problem in today's society. This is a dark time for anyone, and not to be used for the purpose of romance because when character A saves character B from killing themselves it's "cute" or whatever. To those of you who are going through something that hurts you or someone else, I love you and inspire you to get help and hopefully get better. Stay strong. **

_Antonio _

Getting your mind off things often does the body well. He'd been talking to more friends lately, even though none of them were a very good influence. But at least all of them were a lot more different than Lovino. And because he didn't have anything to remind him of the time they had shared, he didn't have to think about it.

He no longer drank coffee. The smell was rancid and the taste was bitter. Now, it was only tea. He pushed himself to leave behind everything that had happened in the past year. This was a new era of his life, and he didn't need a grumpy Italian boy in it to make it bearable.

So he kept practicing his guitar, and got out of the house more often. His mother never noticed, he was always back late but never after she got home. So she never knew about his new habits. How he didn't care about sleep anymore or trying to stay healthy.

Though he never smoked or took the drugs his friends offered, his lungs got heavy and scratchy from the second-hand smoke and he took on a pale, lifeless complexion. His toned body now lost its healthy gleam, like it was being forced into existence. He ate, but he was never exactly hungry. He just ate because that's what he was expected to do. His meals were rushed and weren't as enjoyed as they used to be. It was a shame, really. His mother was such a good cook.

As summer continued and the weather remained hot and dry, Antonio found himself running out of things to do. He was...bored. So he should have figured that was why he'd been out late doing things he shouldn't have been doing and making out with random girls he found on alley corners.

But...then it started. At first, it was only the panic attacks. Sometimes he couldn't sleep and his chest would start to beat frantically, with a pain growing from his diaphragm down into his groin. Then he began to tremble uncontrollably and tears escaped his broken eyes. And he just felt miserable and uncomfortable and everything wretched just flowed out of his system. At times, he threw up and just sat on the bathroom floor until he got enough sense into him to turn on the shower and rinse his body. Other times, he didn't even leave his bed. He just sat with his face to his pillow in a silent scream as crippled sobs escaped his lips.

It wasn't long before this became a usual thing for him. Something he just...got used to. No one ever knew, nor did he tell anyone about it. He worried about coming off as strange or messed up, and he didn't want to worry his mother. It got to the point that he found only one relief when his mind took a turn for the worst, the only way he'd ever get a good nights' sleep.

He kept a packet of blades he purchased from a hardware store stowed away in his drawer, and when these feelings started getting too intense he would slowly pull one out, and glide it along the smoothness of his skin. He cried as the thick red blood ran down his arms, the warmthness and slight sharp pain of the cut. And most of the time, it calmed him down. Half the time he didn't bother to clean or bandage the cuts, just pulled over a black sweater and went to sleep with the stinging red lines on his arms both reminding him and making forget all his pain. It was such a cruel relief, but to him, it was the only way. And when that didn't work, he called his 'friends' that always stayed out late and went out with them until his vision was blurry from their cigarette smoke and the putrid smell of strong alcohol burned his throat. But, he could never actually do it himself. He somehow knew he was better than that, and forced himself to believe it.

How long would this persist? When would the storm end? Why was he still doing this?

So, so many questions. All without hope, all without an answer.

So he sank.

_Lovino_

When the boxes came in, he was both excited and unmotivated to unpack. His mom even bought him some new stuff so he could give his room a more appealing theme. He was going with more of a gray and musical theme, and essentially, something that really represented his personality.

So his bed, in the corner, had a black comforter with a bold red blanket under, and gray and white pillows. Over the bed, he began to hang up random pictures and posters, small hangable items that filled up half of that wall. On the other half, he hung some shelves and aligned them so he could put his record player on one surrounded by his books and various vinyls he also hung on the wall of the shelf, and still managed to fit his desk on the same wall. And on his window, his mother surprised him by setting a grand piano against it so the gentle light hit all the keys just right and gave off that sparkling glint. She had expressed in excruciating detail how much she wanted him to practice more, and become better. He actually really liked the piano, so in a way he didn't mind learning it for her.

The rest of the large room was for his dresser, and a small coffee table surrounded by two black, fluffy bean bags. He would fill it up with more things later, and hopefully hang up more posters and paintings, different frames and just things he found interesting or felt right to hang up. He even purchased some small plants for his windowsill; a little cactus, and two ferns.

Now that everything was set and he had fully moved in, things should have calmed down by now. But he still felt..off. Like he didn't exactly belong here. In San Diego, Lovino felt like he fit right into the puzzle. That wasn't the case here.

He found distractions in drawing, writing, and playing the piano so much to the point that his hands were red and sore by the end of the day. And people say that fine arts isn't a sport.

Although, he did take the time to explore the neighborhood around him. He walked to nearby shops, and a coffee place named Dutch Bros that were admittedly better than Starbucks. Sometimes he'd end up walking farther than he should be and he'd find himself staring out the window of a random, run-down diner, sipping an espresso and munching on a blueberry bagel.

The summer in Hillsboro was soft and welcoming, unlike the southern heat that either locked you inside your air-conditioned home or drove you to the beach every weekend. Even when the sun shone high in the sky and there wasn't a cloud in view, a mild breeze was carried throughout the valley and gave off a refreshing vibe.

Everyone always seemed to be going somewhere, or doing something. Everyone lived in a quality of tranquility that was so ideal it was scary at times. But it was always happy, and it was like pulling on your favorite sweater on a chilly day. He could honestly say that he liked this place. It didn't exactly feel right, and it was something he hadn't yet figured out, but for the moment being, this city was everything he needed.

"Mama, why'd we move here, of all places?" He asked one day.

She was making a stew at the time, and turned to look at him with a peculiar look. "Why would it occur to you to ask that?" She returned.

"Because I'm curious."

"Well, if you must know, a friend of mine from back home had relatives who lived here. She said she visited, and there were tons of opportunities for jobs and it was a great town. So I looked into it, and landed a good job, and just got back on my feet in this great little place."

Lovino nodded with understanding. Then he helped his mom chop up some vegetables, in a strange kind of silence.

.

Sandra Vargas was always a woman with ambition. Always one to follow her dreams. Even as a child, she always knew she wanted to be a five-star chef. She worked unbelievably hard to get where she wanted to be.

But life is unfortunate at times and she didn't get the scholarship for that culinary school she was dying to go to. And her family wasn't rich either, they could never afford such a thing.

So instead, she opened a restaurant. And it was in that little restaurant that a man came in one day asking for a dark coffee, with two sugars and the sandwich of the day. He was tall and serious, with mocha eyes and a sort of sophistication in the way he carried himself. He came back, every single day.

Next thing she knew, she was married and Lovino was born. The restaurant had to be shut down, she couldn't pay any of the bills. He told her he would always watch out for her, he promised to take care of her even during his last breath. They moved to a small home farther north where the work was more steady. Then when Feliciano appeared into the world with sparkling eyes and a huge smile, Sandra had to put down all her wasted dreams. She had to be a mother. The small boys grew up there in that tiny, run down home, and they'd run outside sometimes seeking adventure. Finding random berries they were thankful weren't poisonous, small hidden lakes perfect for a midday swim, endless fields of stunning wildflowers. You name it, their world was bountiful.

Of course, Lovino was always looking after his little brother. Feliciano was just amazed by the world around him.

Then it all started. It all started when his father came home from work smelling of cigar and cheap beer. When he became more secretive and his business turned into something he was absolutely consumed in.

Around that same time was when Sandra stopped looking at him the way she usually would, when she stopped fixing his tie and kissing him goodbye every morning, when she stopped loving her own children because she hates herself and her life too much to love. Regret and overwhelming confusion took over her.

That's when a basket arrived in the dead of the night with a note for the man. Inside was a fair skinned baby with subtle green eyes and caramel tufts of hair. On the note, it said, "_This is baby Valentino. Since you have two other children, might as well add this one to the bunch. A sarcastic thanks for everything to you. Please don't ever try to find me._

_-Signora Biancheri" _

So the whole family fell apart and he took his child and moved elsewhere and she took her two nine and ten-year-old sons, and left for Miami.

This is when she begins to break under the stress and depression, and this is when her sons are greatly affected. Had it not been for Ronaldo Vargas, things could have gotten deadly serious.

He took the now preteen boys and moved from place to place constantly every six months. Finally, they settled down in San Diego.

Meanwhile, Sandra gets the help she needs. She takes a break, for she is frail and overestimated.

She got an offer to take a professional cooking class, studied harder than she had back in school, and prepared herself for success. That is when she finds that she knows where her life is going again and it's time to get it back in the right direction. It was time to get her sons, and move someplace where they would be happy. A ton of research, some sleepless nights, and a couple phone calls, and she was going to live in Oregon. She had an account full money saved up just for the move, because she wanted everything to be ready to resume her life. She wanted them to be comfortable, and she wanted that sense of love and comfort that the family had lost all those years ago. All of it, she just wanted it back.

.

_Antonio_

"Toni, put your sleeves up when you wash the dishes please. You're getting your sweater wet. Why are you wearing that anyway? It's summer." His mother eyed him carefully. A panic rose in his throat. He knew his mother wouldn't stop pestering him about it until he did.

Swallowing his pride and sinking in whatever emotion he knew would follow, he slowly raised up the sleeves of his black sweater and resumed scrubbing a red plate.

Her eyes went wide, and began to tear up. "Antonio Carriedo-Fernandez, is that what I think it is? Please don't tell me that's what I think it is." She slowly backed up and covered her face with her frail hands.

"Okay. I won't tell you anything then." He retorted stubbornly and continued to scrub the red plate that was already clean.

"Toni...please mi amor, talk to me. You know I'm always here."

His eyes stayed still on the damned red plate, because he knew if he looked up at her disappointed eyes he would begin to cry harder than he usually did. Which was a lot, by the way. He refused to respond.

"Antonio. My sweet baby. Is this because of your brother? Or your father? Or something else that I don't know about? Or...Lovino? Because whatever it is, I'm going to help you get through it."

He finally turned on the faucet to rinse the plate. Still, no response.

"Remember how it's always been? You, me, against the world? Together we can get through anything life throws at us? Antonio I'm not gonna stand here and let my son hate and hurt himself. That is not what I gave birth to fifteen years ago and I know you're better than this. I'm going to do everything I can to help, I'm your mother. I love you and I will stand by you through all of this. We can do it."

So, Antonio didn't even need to look at her for those locked up tears to begin running down his face. He spun around, not even daring to look her in the eye, and fell into her warm hug. Even though he was much taller and probably stronger than her, he felt a certain comfort in having her overworked arms wrapped around his body. He felt nothing but pure concern and love from her, and that was exactly what he needed right now.

**A/N: I'm getting a lot of feels from writing this...and..um...I don't really know what to say to myself right now….**

**BUT I'm lovin all the mother-ness (that's not a word I know I'm sorry) in this chapter… And I hope Sandra's backstory cleared some things up about her and explained more about her character. As for Teresa, Antonio's mama, I have nothing but love for her and she is my absolute favorite because I can't picture Antonio's mother being anything less of an absolute selfless sweetheart towards her son. **

**I'm also deeply sorry about Toni's current situation ;-; it won't last long I promise **

**Also, I am going to Tokyo this weekend so I probably won't be writing very much considering I'll be pretty busy. The next chapter may take a little bit longer. **

**And thank you for these 20 chapters guys, it's definitely been a journey. Thank you for your continued support and all the love I've received on my story. I know I don't always respond, mostly because I don't really know what to say, but thank you so much, your support is greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoyed :3 **


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**First of all, I'd like to say thank you for these past 20 chapters, it's definitely been a journey and I appreciate every single person that reads my little story. **

_Antonio_

"So...you have depression." She arranged her thin glasses on her bony nose.

"W-what?" He stuttered. The black, leather chair he was sitting on was uncomfortable and his body tensed against everything.

The psychologist stared him down with an analyzing glare in her eyes, and scribbled something down in her annoying little notebook.

His mother sat beside him, her navy blue purse on her lap and her eyebrows knit together. She took his hand.

"Antonio, I'm sorry. But you're depressed. There's no doubt about it. I looked at your test results, talked to your mother, I see your cuts- you are depressed."

How many times did she have to repeat it? Depressed was hardly a word in Antonio's vocabulary and it certainly wasn't something he identified himself by. He wasn't depressed. He was always happy. That was Antonio's thing. He was always the happy, confident, smiling person that anyone could come up to at any time and start a conversation.

"We can either start with the normal depression therapy, or get you on Prozac."

"Prozac?" He squeaked. He didn't want to believe it.

"Yes it's a pill that will-"

"I know what it does," he interrupted with a shaky voice.

The minute he laid eyes on Dr. Beck he just knew he'd hate her. The red lipstick that stained the middle of her crooked tooth, her scraggly, withering form covered in concentrated wrinkles and thin, salt and pepper hair. She wore a shawl and bellbottom jeans, topped with blue eyeshadow that just looked wrong.

He didn't like this woman. Not one bit. And he didn't want her telling him all these things she thought she knew about him.

"Toni, honey, don't worry. We're going to find a solution. It's going to be okay."

Dr. Beck nodded. "See? You have your mother's support. Now we just have to make some decisions about taking the right path."

"I'm not depressed." He repeated stubbornly.

"It's okay to be in denial. You've been through a lot. Your mother told me about the situation with your brother. That can't be easy."

He wanted to cry at the mention of his brother. He didn't want to talk about this, or be involved in it. He just wanted to sink away and become numb to the world. It would've been so much easier.

She continued, "But whether you like it or not, something should be done about this."

"I don't know." He muttered.

"You may not know, but I do, and that's why I'm here. Now, I'll just have you fill out some more paperwork..."

_Lovino _

There was a boy, with bleach-white hair and eyes of a red hue he couldn't describe, in the house in front of him.

This boy also had a brother, about Feli's age. They became...instant friends. This brother, he could never remember his name. But he was significantly taller than Lovino, and obviously did some exercise.

He didn't speak with either of them, for a long time. Even when Feliciano brought the tall, blonde one with the blue eyes over to their house, not a word. He didn't like him, though. He was a total kiss-ass, Lovino could tell. He was always being so darn polite with everyone and Lovino wanted so desperately to tell him off and yell at him but something held him back. Maybe it was common sense, or maybe it was just his way of figuring out this new life.

A whole new beginning...that's what this move meant to him. He could remake himself, his life. Maybe he'd try actually being nice to people for once. Or be more like Antonio. He always seemed so happy... Lovino could never understand how he managed to do it.

But one day, it seemed like everything came to him. It came to him in the sound of his doorbell and a pale, violet-eyed boy on the other side.

He answered, unwillingly. No one else was home.

"You're Lovino?" Asked the boy. He seemed about Lovino's age. If not, older. He had a very defined form. Then again, so did his younger brother.

"I am. And you are?" Lovino lifted an eyebrow.

"Gilbert," he held his hand out. Lovino just looked at it as if his hand were an alien creature. "Our younger brothers are friends, right? Ludwig tells me a lot about Feliciano, and Ms. Sandra. But he says he doesn't know much about you because you don't talk to him. You're just quiet. But that's okay, because some people are just quiet, you know? So I thought I'd come over and maybe try to break you out of your shell, and introduce you to Hillsboro."

This Gilbert talked a lot. Almost too much. But, it's not like Lovino had anything better to do. So he let him inside. It was hot outside anyway, the air-conditioned home was a lot better.

"How long have you lived here?" Lovino awkwardly tried to make conversation.

"A good five years, I think. We moved here because of the school."

"The school? Is it really that great?"

"Well, not Glencoe high. That's the 'normal' high school. But the big fancy one that people come here for, is the Hillsboro Northwood International Institute. It's basically this huge private school that has kids from like, all over the world, and have to either pay a huge tuition fee or take some big test to get in. They even have dorms, for the high school kids who are just here to study. It's honestly probably not as great as people make it out to be, but it's still really popular."

"I see..." Lovino coughed. "So I guess I'm going to that one."

"Really?" He smiled. "Awesomesauce! I guess I'll see you around then, huh? You a sophomore?"

Lovino nodded.

"So am I! Maybe we'll have some classes together," he winked. Now that Lovino had gotten over the 'oh my god a human being is talking to me', he took the time to notice Gilbert's features.

As much as he didn't want to think about it, especially so shortly after Antonio, Gilbert was hot. Though he wasn't too 'big', his body was structured and masculine, as Lovino could easily tell with his tight white tee. His face and jawline...the chiseled features but adorable plump cheeks, and his fierce smirk.

No...he couldn't do this again. Could he?

His thoughts were interrupted by Gilbert's blabbering mouth. "You have a cat, right?" He nodded in reply.

"I have a cute little birdy, and I named him Gilbird, after me, of course."

"Um...why?"

"Because it's just cool, okay?" He laughed. His laugh was strong and hearty, genuine and pure. "You wanna meet him?"

Lovino looked down at his feet. He didn't even have shoes. He'd been inside all day...all week, actually. "I guess it wouldn't hurt."

_Antonio_

After the session, Antonio got home and took a nap. She gave him a book on Teen Self-Harm and told him to make "coping cards", which he'd probably forget to do.

His mother made dinner and sat on his bed with him to eat, as she did most days now. She'd been a lot more attentive and worried lately, and Antonio couldn't blame her. A lot had been going on lately, she must've been stressed enough as it is. He felt bad for putting her through this.

"So what did you think of Dr. Beck?" She attempted to make light conversation.

"She's...okay. I don't think I'll like her very much."

"Well, honey, it's only your first day. It'll eventually get better. If not, then we'll keep trying until we find a solution. I promise."

He almost wished he could believe her. So he just nodded, and continued to eat.

.

For the rest of the day, he played guitar. It had been one of his many distractions lately. He learned multiple songs, ranging from Ed Sheeran to Red Hot Chili Peppers. It gave him something to do, his mind a place to think, and when he finished, the raw aching of his fingers gave him some sort of comfort.

These days, everything was more or less simple. He didn't think about what he was doing too much, he just did it. If he took the time to lose himself in memory and regrets, he'd probably want to jump off a bridge. So he kept himself busy, whether it was helping his mom around the house, going out with mischievous friends, or lazing around in his room practicing. The days passed slowly under the scorching summer sun, everyone seemed to be having a lot more fun than him.

Sometimes when he would go on social media websites, he'd stumble along Lovino's accounts or pictures of him. As much as he hated to admit it, he seemed happy. There was a guy who continuously commented nice things on all his pictures, and he honestly made Antonio a fiery scarlet jealous. When he clicked on his profile and looked through pictures of his family, pet bird, friends, a picture of Lovino caught off guard while laying against a wall...It hit him hard. The thought of Lovino moving on, and remembering that picture he took of him in photography when they'd just met, and now someone else was taking that place just as quickly. It made him feel so damn useless and rejected. Did Lovino even care about him in the first place?

One day, when the resentment and depression began to eat at him again, he made the bold decision to send Lovino a text. Sure, as if a simple text can instantly fix everything. But he needed to take a step, any step, and attempt to move forward. He couldn't keep constantly thinking about a person who'd never even give him a second thought anymore. Maybe that sense of closure would help him move on...one way or another.

_A: Hey, Lovi...so I've been pretty isolated this summer. You probably don't want anything to do with me right now. I understand that, I guess. But...I don't know. I guess I just couldn't get you out of my life. I've seen pictures, heard things about you here and there. I think I just really miss having you around. But I think we can both agree that you've been a lot happier since I disappeared from your life. So maybe you didn't really need me all along._

_At any rate, I found out a short time after you left that I'm going to Oregon too. I'm not too sure about the city yet, but my mom wants me to take some test to get into some fancy school over there. Not only that, but I've been falling under something the professionals like to classify as depression. I've gotten help for it, and I think I'll get better. I'm not too sure how relevant that is to you right now, but I guess it's 'whatever'. _

_I really hope to see you again. Despite everything, I think you're one of the best things that's ever happened in my life. You've taught me so much already, and I wish I could learn so much more. Now, it's up to fate to decide where we both go from here. Good luck in everything, stay happy. _

_Lovino_

He was with Gilbert watching the new season of The Foster's, the bleach blonde's favorite show, when he received a lengthy text message. The last person he expected to get it from, was Antonio.

The text consisted of things that surprised him and swirled his mind. Did he even know how to reply to something like this? He looked over at Gilbert on the other side of the sofa. He was absolutely consumed in his show. He wouldn't notice if Lovino stepped out for a minute.

There was only one way that Lovino could possibly deal with this situation, and that was

face-to-face. And the closest he could get to that was through Skype.

_L: Can...I just Skype you? _It's probably easier.

A: …

A: Sure.

Lovi made it up to his room and closed the door behind him. The phone rung in his hand, anticipating a reply to the call.

It took everything Lovino had to not cry at the sight of his old friend. He looked...horrible. The color had left his once full, tanned face. Dark circles under his downcast green eyes contrasted against each other and the whiteness of his face. Messy tangles of chocolate hair swirled back and forth on his head.

"Hey, Lovi." His voice wavered, but maintained that soft, joyful quality.

"Toni…" his eyes went wide. "I'm so sorry. So, so, sorry."

"Don't blame yourself, Lovino. Sometimes things just turn out to be a certain way. There's not much we can do about it."

Thoughts sprung around in Lovino's head. His thoughts were a puddle of dark confusion. "Show me your arms."

"W-what?" He choked in reply. Now, he seemed more unsteady.

"You heard me. Show me your arms."

Hesitantly, Antonio held up his arms to the camera.

They were covered in thin red lines… from the wrist to where the joint of his elbow bent inward. Such intricate, straight, perfect lines. Every single one was displaying all the pain he'd been through his summer, this summer that sank him ten feet under. Quickly, he let his arms back down and his eyes fell along with them. "I'm sorry," Antonio stated blankly.

Why was he apologizing?

"Antonio, shut the hell up." he said sternly.

"Huh?" his eyebrows furrowed.

"Don't be sorry for something like that. God, Antonio how could you blame yourself so much to the point you'd take it out on yourself?"

"I've...gotten help." His eyes remained cast downwards.

"Good. But...I love you, okay? Please don't do this. I need you. It's so damn difficult for me to admit it but mio dio Antonio I've been thinking so much about it and I miss you and I want you here so I can comfort you and tell you that it's going to be okay because dammit, I love you and there's no force on Earth that's going to tell me otherwise. So please, just stay strong. I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't even know what I'm doing right now."

He wanted to crawl into a hole and bury himself as soon as he'd said the words. He felt his face grow hot and tears building up once again, begging to escape. Had he said too much? His mind couldn't process everything that was happening and once again, he found himself floating away in the demented pit of his mind.

Antonio sat in shock. Lovino couldn't read his dumbfounded expression. He himself was too confused to hold onto a clear thought.

"Lovino," he said resentfully, after a while. "I… I don't know how to tell you this."

His ears perked up, and his eyes went glassy as the tears began to pile up. Impatiently, he waited for Antonio's next words.

"I don't love you anymore."

The phone, his tears, and his heart all fell to the ground at the same time. The glass of the phone shattered at the edge, releasing a cracking sound that very much mimicked the one inside of him in this moment.

"What do you mean?" he struggled to utter, falling on his knees to pick up his cracked phone. Thankfully, it still worked.

"I just...realized that we were always friends. And I was wrong to assume anything more. I should have respected your decision, given you your space. You're a great friend and all, but in a romantic sense, I wouldn't take that risk. Just friends, right? Like you always wanted?"

"What if I love you as a friend?"

"Then that's fine, I suppose. I'm just not sure I can return that love. I'm sorry. I have to go. Bye, Lovino. Good luck with everything, including that Gilbert guy. I hope you find what you're looking for."

When the line went dead, he wanted to drop dead on the floor and cry until he felt dry and numb. But, Gilbert was still in the living room. He had to go to the bathroom, wash off, and pretend that everything was okay. He had to somehow pretend that he didn't just realize the true meaning behind "be careful what you wish for" and now understood it, painfully.

.

Three episodes later, and Gilbert had to go home. He was always so happy. It almost disgusted Lovino.

When he was gone, he went back up into his room and printed out the piano notes for a new song he wanted to try to learn. He needed to practice piano, to get his mind off things and back into the music.

**Also, as an added note, many of the places in Hillsboro that are in this story really exist. For example, Lovino's street and home really do exist, and as does Glencoe High School. But, the school that Lovino and Gilbert are attending does **_**not **_**exist. That, I made up for the sake of the story. I also apologize in advance for geographical errors or things about the city I didn't get right, as I've never even been there. Thank you for understanding and supporting. **


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

_Antonio_

Bonfires. He loved getting lost in the steady flame of a bonfire, the way each individual string of fire lit up and danced in its own unique way, and the way it all came together. The crackling sound of the wood burning underneath, and the soft burned smell that arose with the smoke, a scent that would stick in your hair and clothes so you'd smell it the next morning.

Several other people roamed around the small fire. Most of them were making small party talk, or telling stories, or just enjoying the night's tranquil mood.

His mom got invited to someone's small house party, he didn't know exactly what it was for. But there was food, decent people, and they had an adorable black Labrador, so it wasn't all bad.

Then he got that familiar pain. The one that stemmed from the pit of his stomach and slowly branched out into the center of his chest. The pain increased slowly, and he grew lightheaded. A sense of impending doom overtook him, and the calm, beautiful flames became angry flashes of hell, blinding him as he felt its heat sizzling the hairs on his skin.

He had to get out of there. There was an uncanny sense looking over his shoulder that something terrible was happening and he needed to get out as soon as possible.

Yet, he knew there was no danger. The fire was well contained. The clear, sparkling night sky showed no sign of chaos. Everyone was at ease. Hurley, the dog, was happily wagging his tail, delighted to see so many people.

Maybe he just needed a breather. He made his way to the front of the house, and saw that there were people outside as well, with glasses of champagne and fake laughter. Again, he felt threatened and suffocated. So he slid back inside and found the bathroom.

Locking the door behind him, he turned to face the sink. His eyes were already beginning to water. This was stupid. It was only a casual party. There was no one he knew here and no one was being a bother. Why did he feel like a dirty piece of gum under a school desk?

He ran some cold water on his face, trying to refresh his mind and calm himself. The bathroom smelled like cocoa butter and cold tile.

Deep breaths. That's what Ms. Beck always said to do. Take in air to your stomach so your belly expands instead of your chest, and try to fill your mind with positive thoughts.

He heard a knock on the door and was too awkward to respond. Quickly gathering himself, he sighed deeply and turned to open the door. He smiled at the man waiting for the bathroom, and quickly left.

The rest of the long night he tried to linger near his mom, because she gave him that sort of comfort. He avoided talking to people and sat with earbuds in.

The next day, he had an appointment with Ms. Beck. It was earlier in the morning, so he knew he wouldn't be as hyper as he could be. He shared some tea with his mother, never coffee, and ate two bagels.

Ms. Beck looked as terrifying as ever that morning. Her hideous blue eyeshadow turned into a peculiar blend of green and purple, with bright pink lip gloss. Honestly, what was she even thinking when she caked all of this on herself?

The black sofa he sat in was cold, and it smelled of dust.

Regardless of how much he despised the scraggly old lady, he told her everything. This included the events of the night prior, and how he freaked out in the bathroom.

"Is this the first time this has happened to you at a party?" She asked carefully.

"Um...I think so." He was always careful with what he said to her. She had a good ear, and was very analytical. She also had a tendency to make a big deal out of nothing.

She pressed her lips together. "Was it the people, the atmosphere, the fire, what triggered it?"

Antonio sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know. It just...happened."

"Well, the good thing is that you knew what to do. That's the main step. I'll be honest with you Anthony-" he puked inside at the name, "-this whole thing may be something you'll carry for the rest of your life. So, sometimes, the only thing you can do is learn how to deal with it."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She sounded so..stupid. She was telling him he possibly can't get better, and who, in their right mind, would say that to a depressed kid?

"But I want to get better," he argued.

"And maybe you will. I just don't want to get your hopes up, just in case it doesn't work out. It's better to just learn how to calm it."

"What about everything else?"

"We've already started you on the Prozac. And as for your self-harm, I want you to go to a support group."

"Support group?"

"Yes, I think it'll be beneficial to be able to speak your feelings with other people who understand what you're going through, and still have someone there to help counsel those emotions."

"Oh...okay." He really didn't want to go.

"I'll right down the place and time for you." He nodded.

That session, he left tired and disappointed. When he got home, he went to sleep.

_Lovino_

Gilbert loves chocolate. He'd often stand outside Lovino's house munching on any chocolate bar he could get his hands on until Lovino would cave in and open the door for him.

He was absolutely in love with every form of the sugary stuff, and if he could only eat chocolate for the rest of his life, he would without a second thought.

So it shouldn't have been a big surprise when the fair skinned boy bought him a giant chocolate bar.

Seriously, that thing was huge. It was probably the size of Lovino's entire torso.

When Lovino first saw it, he thought it was just a giant wrapped gift box. He didn't expect the strong smell of chocolate to fill his nostrils as soon as he was a foot's radius from the gargantuan thing.

"Do you like it?" Gilbert asked excitedly. He was always so chill, yet so happy about everything. It was that happy-go-lucky demeanor that Lovino absolutely hated, yet found himself absolutely attracted to.

"Gilbert, that's huge." He stared.

"You know, it wouldn't be the first time someone's said that to me," he joked, with a smirk that appeared almost naturally.

Lovino rolled his eyes and accepted the chocolate bar. He was expecting it to be heavy, but it was like carrying a cinderblock. Or, maybe Lovino just wasn't very strong.

"So, why'd you bring a giant chocolate bar?" He asked.

"I ordered it online. And, I dunno. I wanted to get you something special."

"And a mega-size candy bar was the way to go?"

"Well, you are what you eat. And this chocolate is sweet, just like you!"

Lovino was not amused. "Okay, cheeseball. God, I don't even know where to put it. I'm pretty sure it won't fit in my fridge."

"You can leave it out, as long as it's in a somewhat cool area."

"You wanna come in?"

Gil nodded. "Can we watch The Fosters?"

"We've already watched every single episode twice, Gil."

"How I Met Your Mother?"

"Eh, I'm not a fan."

"Okay...Friends?"

"Yeah, that's classic."

This is what they did on most days. It was too hot do actually do anything outside. Even though the heat wasn't nearly as bad as Southern California, Lovino hated getting sweaty and dirty outside. He was never much of a kid to play outdoors.

His mom called to tell him she'd be home late. Feliciano then asked if Ludwig could spend the night. Lovino still didn't like him...as polite as he was.

"Lovino, do you think I can spend the night too?" Gilbert smiled.

"Um, I dunno. I guess."

He bounced up and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in ten minutes!"

_Antonio_

It would be the first and last time he ever went to that damn support group.

It was fairly small, with four girls and three guys, including himself.

Sasha, Andria, and Conner self-harmed, Kaitlin for anorexia, Joshua for bipolar disorder, and the other girl, Catalina, was a compulsive-liar.

Two minutes after the session began, arguments began to break out.

"Who would like to share how they're feeling today?" Asked Mark, the counselor.

"I know Andria is feeling horny considering she hooked up with that one guy from North Valley the other day," Catalina smirked.

"Oh, look who's already lying!" Shouted Sasha in Andria's defense. Antonio could tell they were friends.

"Catalina, we shouldn't make accusations like this. Why don't you tell us how your day's been so far?"

"Well, my uncle died. And my mom forced me to go here anyway and she's probably locked up somewhere crying like a little bitch right now and drinking her problems again."

Joshua sighed. "This shit again..."

Kaitlin and Antonio might as well have been the only quiet ones, because as soon as Catalina turned to open her big mouth, Joshua stood up to yell at her.

When Andria and Sasha started spewing insults about Catalina, Connor instantly began to defend her and shout insults back at them.

Mark tried frantically to calm everybody down, but to no avail. When he saw that Kaitlin and Antonio were the only ones not arguing, he took a sigh of relief. "You guys must be new. Everyone in here always argues. We never get anything done!"

Antonio didn't speak. Caitlin did. She said, "Maybe you should start trying different tactics with them, to avoid all of it."

"Believe me, I've tried. But I will keep trying, until I've tried everything."

He couldn't be more happy to leave once it was all over, and the argue session had cooled down. At one point, Mark gave up on the rest and had a one-on-one conversation with Kaitlin, a conversation that Antonio had no interest in.

In the car, he told his mother everything and complained about how terribly it went.

"Hm," she began, after he had finished venting. "We're not taking you there again."

After that, they went to his favorite restaurant, Olive Garden, and walked around the mall for a while.

It was nice to be out of the house, and not be surrounded by druggies and underage alcoholics. Antonio really needed new friends.

"So, Mama, how's the whole move thing coming along?"

"We should be ready to leave to Portland in about a month."

"We're moving to Portland?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"Pretty certain. Your father is looking at some pretty good apartments in the city."

"Apartments?"

"Well, yeah. A house would just be too much right now. We want to...start new I guess."

"What about Hillsboro?" He inquired. Thanks to social media, he found that Lovino was living there.

"Oh! That's where your school will be. Speaking of which, we need to decide whether you'll be in a dorm or we just need to make the long trip every day."

"Wait, a dorm?" His eyes widened. "What kind of school is this?"

"I didn't want to enroll you in any old school, since I've heard that education in Oregon isn't the best. You're smart Toni, you have a lot of potential. I really think you can get into that school."

He shrugged. "I dunno, Mama. We'll see."

The rest of the night was peaceful. Even though his mother had to leave for work, he settled down on the sofa with some ice cream and watched old movies.

_Lovino_

"Can you play something for me on your piano?"

Lovino sighed. He absolutely _hated _it when people asked him to play something. It made him so self-conscious. "I don't want to."

"Pleeeeaase..." He begged. "Any song, it doesn't matter. Just play anything."

Lovino leaned over to the piano and pressed down on one note for a good three seconds. Then he turned and smiled. "There."

Gilbert sighed and laid back in Lovino's bed. "Seriously. I wanna hear you play a song. My ex, was like the best piano player I've ever met. But I remember when they first started practicing, everyone said it sounded like crap. I liked it anyway, even if the notes didn't really go together."

Lovino sat on the stool. "I don't even know what to play."

"Do you know any Mayday Parade? Their songs have really nice piano."

"I kinda know Stay."

"Play it!"

"Ugh, fine. Just a little bit."

He set his hands over the piano, and gently began playing the keys. His fingers gracefully danced up and down the piano, and his eyes were set down in concentration.

Gilbert watched intently. He began to silently hum along, still very focused on Lovino's playing.

The notes were strong and precise, accurate and well-calculated. Though Lovino didn't realize it, he was an amazing pianist.

When his finger slipped and he accidentally tapped the wrong note, he groaned and got up. "There, that's it."

"Lovino, that was beautiful!"

"Sure, sure."

"No, really. You're super good. I wish you'd play more often."

Lovino took that offensively. "You do realize I practice for _hours _every single day?"

"I didn't mean that, I'm sure you practice. I meant play for people. Like me. You should play for me more often."

He scoffed. "We'll see."


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

_Antonio_

It was strange, how quickly one month passed. He hadn't even gone back to the psychologist. He didn't care anymore. Most of the time, he blocked out his past and focused on himself, and his guitar.

Three days before the flight to Oregon, he finally asked his mother, "When are we supposed to start packing?"

A stew was slowly bubbling on the stove. She looked at her son, sighed, and took a seat next to him. "I guess you had to find out eventually."

"W-what?" He looked back at her with troubled eyes.

"Antonio...I'm not coming with you. You're going to be living with your father. I won't be in Oregon until, probably after your first semester of school."

"Why?" Antonio was filled with tons of questions, and that one seemed to be the only one that fit.

"It's, complicated. Me and your father are taking a...break. He wanted to take you to Oregon. Something about not being so separated from his son anymore."

And he hadn't known about any of this. His first mental reaction was anger. Why were his parents keeping all of this from him? He had always trusted them, thought they'd always tell them the truth.

But then the considerate side of him set in. Even though he may not see it, they were doing this for his good. Antonio was mature enough to know that. There had to be some greater purpose. And if there wasn't, he knew he'd grow and learn something from it.

So he took a deep breath, and swallowed. "So, what now?"

_Control yourself, Antonio. It's okay. _

She ran her hands through her deep, chocolate brown locks. "I just want you to focus on school. We'll be separated for a while, but just think of it as a chance to better yourself, and remember that I'll be with you soon."

He nodded. "I understand. Thanks for everything, Mama."

A radiant, gentle smile adorned her face. "Te amo, hijo."

But...he still felt upset. There was still that inner resentment and distrust he suddenly put up for his parents. Maybe he was just a bit shaken, but at any rate, he was mortified for what was to come.

And then, of course, there was Lovino. There was always Lovino. God, he thought he was over him. Why did everything knock a vivid memory of his stunning golden-honeydew eyes and the way he scoffed at him when he said something stupid, or the way he'd laugh and his eyes would squint so his cheekbones would rise and...ugh. He hated all of it. It wasn't fair. Lovino had probably moved on by now.

Antonio shook his head clear of his thoughts. "So...do you think you can help me pack? I don't even know what to bring."

"Not much, I don't know for sure if your dad has the apartment yet or not...but I know you'll mostly be needing the bare essentials. And, if I can, I'll try to send you more of your stuff. Or better yet, take some stuff from the house with me when I move in," she smiled. Antonio was always left in awe, and a warm fuzzy feeling, at how kind and pure of a person his mother is. It was uncanny, really, how much she'd been through, yet she still manages to wake up every morning to shine her brilliant smile and battle the world.

"Okay. Okay." he nodded his head slowly, and tapped his foot on the beige tile below. "I guess I should start packing."

_Lovino _

He didn't realize he fell asleep so close to Gilbert. Hell, he didn't even remember the events of last night. He must've been really tired.

But when his eyes fluttered open he found that his head was against the other boy's chest. As soon as he realized this, he scurried away.

Gilbert began to stir. He groaned and shifted in the bed, until his eyes opened as well. He himself looked confused when he looked at Lovino, as they were still generally close to each other. His hair stuck up in random places with that messy-morning look.

"Good morning," Gilbert sighed with a raspy voice.

"Do you remember any of what happened last night?"

"No," he giggled. "But I can tell you that you don't have pants and I'm in only boxers."

As Lovino realized this, he shrieked and pulled the covers on himself. But, by doing this, he pulled the covers off of Gilbert, exposing his well-toned body and blue American Eagle boxers.

So Lovino ducked under the covers and began trembling uncontrollably. He had never felt this uncomfortable in his life. He heard Gilbert's laugh, as he slid off the bed. Shamelessly.

"God, how did this happen?" He whined under the sheets.

"Ah, don't worry about it. I have pants on now, by the way. You can look."

"But you don't have a shirt."

"So?"

"Just put on a shirt, please."

"Okay, okay."

Lovino poked his head out. Sure enough, Gilbert was fully dressed.

"Can you pass me my sweatpants? They're hanging on that chair."

He nodded and threw the flannel sweatpants at him. Lovino quickly slid them on.

"Can we eat waffles?" Gilbert pestered.

"You're already thinking about food?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Lovino groaned. "Fine... I think we have chocolate syrup."

Gil chirped for joy. "Let's go!" He grabbed Lovino's wrist and dragged him downstairs.

No one else was awake yet, so it was just them two warming up waffles in the toaster oven. "We should probably wake up our brothers," commented a sleepy Lovino.

"Yeah, okay. I'll get them." He started towards the stairs.

"No, it's fine. Just watch the waffles. Don't eat them all."

Lovino lazily climbed up the stairs and made his way to his brothers door. Carefully, he turned the knob and stepped in.

Feliciano was literally sleeping _on top _of the huge blonde boy, with his head resting perfectly on his chest. Lovino's face flooded red and he yelled at the top of his lungs, "FELICIANO VARGAS!"

His brother shot up, digging his elbow in Ludwig's stomach thus causing him to bound up as well. "What the hell are you doing?" Lovino demanded.

"I was sleeping, Lovino." He answered as calmly as could be.

"I see that you're sleeping but Feliciano you can't be on top of guys or anyone else as a matter of fact it's improper and I will not allow my little brother to be-" he continued to ramble, as both of the boys stood up and left the room. Lovino followed them downstairs, still lecturing his little brother until they reached the kitchen. Though Ludwig seemed flushed and confused throughout the entire affair, he took Feliciano's lead in ignoring Lovino.

"Lovino! Leave Feli alone!" Gilbert snapped once he had enough of Lovino's strict parenting session. "He's old enough to do what he pleases. Have you forgotten the situation we found ourselves in this morning?"

Lovino's blood ran cold. "Um- I- well, that's...that's not the same Gilbert," he dismissed. "Besides, that was an accident."

"Did you let Feliciano explain himself?"

"Well, no but-"

"Exactly."

Lovino scoffed, then turned to Ludwig. "I don't care what Feliciano or Gilbert say, I don't trust you, potato-head." He narrowed his eyes and arched his neck forward.

But the hungry Italian eventually cooled down, and ate his waffles in silence. Meanwhile, the other three had random conversations about seemingly nothing at all.

The honey-golden sunlight shone through the glass windows, and Italia sat perched on the windowsill, taking in the mild morning.

"We should all do something today." Feliciano said out of the blue. Lovino didn't respond. He was feeling...bipolar this morning. He didn't want to snap at his brother again, like he had earlier.

"Like what?" Gilbert asked through mouthfuls of his breakfast, chocolate syrup dripping down from his mouth.

"Like...go on an adventure," he said with stars in his eyes, and a wistful, dreamy smile. "Wouldn't that be so fun? Just the four of us, going where the breeze takes us. What do you think, Lovi?"

Lovino looked at his brother, but did not make eye contact. "Sounds...great." He looked down at the silver bracelet he always wore. God, he still missed Antonio so much. "Excuse me," he stood up and ran to the bathroom.

When he locked the door behind him and turned to the mirror, is when he began to cry. He hated Antonio for making him cry like this and he hated himself for crying about him in the first place. Why did this have to happen? Why did he care so much for someone who probably didn't even give him a second thought? It just wasn't fair.

But then he thought about how unfair he was with Antonio, when he loved him with all his heart and Lovino refused to love back. That's... That's gotta hurt.

Could he even make things right anymore?

Maybe he could try to move on. Just like Antonio did. He did move on, right?

_Lovino, he's fucking over you, _he scolded himself. _He told you he was. Don't be stupid. _

But there was still that small part in the corner of his mind that told him that maybe, _maybe, _there was hope.

.

In the end, the four ended up taking a walk through an empty lot near their houses. It was peaceful, and Ludwig and Feliciano went off into the fields of flowers together to enjoy their sweet scent. Though Lovino didn't appreciate them spending so much time together, so close and so alone, Gilbert convinced him to let them be.

He had to admit, though, it was peaceful. The swift warm breeze that carried long blades of grass with it, thick trees here and there providing a cool shade. It smelled green and new, and all the aspects of nature seemed to fall together here.

This, was Lovino's little escape from reality. He was glad Feliciano found this place. Just standing amongst the vast field cleared his mind and liberated his thoughts. Finally, he could breathe.

Yet, it still felt like something was blocking up his lungs and slowly drowning him. He couldn't place exactly what he was feeling...but it felt like poison running through his veins.

Gilbert snapped him out of his thoughts. "Hey, can we talk?"

"Of course," Lovino nodded, motioning for him to keep talking.

"...What are we?"

His expression was blunt and confused. "I'm sorry?"

"Like...I don't know if I should date you or keep my distance or...I just don't know."

A million different thoughts shot through his mind. "Um, w-well, it'd be kinda weird considering our brothers got a thing for each other, isn't it?"

"Well, we aren't full brothers."

"You're not?"

Gilbert shook his head. "Different moms."

"Still…"

"Yeah, I get what you mean. I just thought...I don't know. I think I just really started to like you for some reason, and it doesn't help that you remind me of my ex so much…"

Lovino felt a sudden awkwardness. His safe place, had suddenly been ambushed. Why did this happen? Again?

He didn't want to be with Gilbert. He was a nice guy, yes, but it just didn't feel right. But then he was bombarded with the notion that he'd be making the same mistake he'd made with Antonio, and he really didn't want to repeat that. So, where did he go from here?

There might've been a hundred options, but in that moment, Lovino only knew one. He told Gilbert everything. From when he'd first met Antonio to their most recent encounter.

When he finished, Lovino lied back in the grass to take a breather. It felt good, finally getting that off his chest.

He didn't expect Gilbert to lean over and give him a hug.

"It's okay. I understand. Don't feel like you're forced to love me or anything."

He sniffled. "Thank you."

"You know, you're not the only one with love problems. My ex, the reason we're not dating anymore is because we got into a huge argument over some girl that had this crush on him...and admittedly, I'm the jealous type. So, we stopped talking, and one day, he got in a horrible car crash. I didn't get to see him. Now, he's gone." He blinked, and his eyes took on that glassy film, as his lips turned up into a sad smile. "I miss him."

Lovino only looked at him in sadness. Here he was complaining about his problems, when there was always someone who'd been through so much worse.

"God, Gil... I don't even know what to say."

He forced the smile up further onto his face. "Don't worry about it."

Despite Gilbert's horrible issue with his boyfriend, it felt relieving to have someone understand. There was always some sort of comfort in tragedy, some lesson to be learned, some positivity. He was glad he'd found that.

Gilbert really was a great person. It was nice having someone like him in his life.

_Antonio_

Air travel terrified Antonio.

He preferred land travel by a long shot. Sure, he found respect for the giant metal birds that somehow flew, but that didn't mean they were still absolutely terrifying. How could something that heavy, with that many people, possibly travel so far and up so high? His mind was boggled at the mere thought. He prayed silently and tried to block everything out during takeoff.

There wasn't much for him to do, except for listen to music and sleep. He woke up the second the plane hit the ground and they were rolling into Portland, Oregon. Temperature, 84 degrees Fahrenheit, time, 4:41.

Antonio had been given very direct instructions telling him exactly where to go and what to do. Since "domestic" flights were a lot simpler, he luckily didn't have to go through too much.

After collecting his luggage and the rest of his dignity, he stood outside the airport with his phone in hand.

Three rings...four rings..."Hello? Antonio?" Spoke a gruff voice.

"Yeah, um, hey. I'm in front. There's a sign that says the number two right above my head with a sign saying domestic flights."

"Oh, okay. I'll swing right by. Watch out for me...I'm in a black corolla."

Portland was a beautiful city. It was green and fresh, and the day was clear.

The drive was mostly silent, that awkward kind of silence that slowly eats away at you. But, after a long forty minutes, they pulled into a group of apartment homes titled "Nexus". They were cute, made of bricks and had little balconies with cute windows all lined up. It seemed like a nice place to live.

"Here we are," his father announced. "Let's head up."

The apartment was a fair size, and already decorated. The walls were a vanilla white. His room was small, with a full-sized bed in the corner. It was pretty basic. He had everything he needed. Well, decoration would come later. Antonio sat on his bed, and looked down at his wrist. Beyond those stupid fading scars, was his golden bracelet wrapped around his wrist. He couldn't help but wonder about what Lovino was up to, and how close they were now. And after so much denial, he just knew he wasn't over him. _Why?_

His father took a nap, and when he woke up an hour later, he knocked on Antonio's door. "There's no food to make dinner. Wanna stop by WinCo and get some groceries?"

Well, it's not like he had anything better to do.

WinCo was a large discount market, open 24 hours a day. People roamed around at their own pace, purchasing their goods for whatever reason they needed them. The atmosphere felt so much different than the California he was accustomed to. Everyone was...calmer. There was a sense of care and community. _I'm gonna like this place, _he thought.

And just as he was turning into the vegetable section, a bit farther down the fresh-smelling aisle, he caught sight of _him_.

It had to be. He would never mistake his small stature, gray hoodie he wore even though it was summer, unique dark shade of hair, walking next to a woman he could only recognize as his mother. And of course, his lighter-skinned, taller, always cheery brother, Feliciano.

"Antonio, are you okay?" His father snapped as he noticed him staring blankly.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

_Antonio _

Lovino. It was him. It had to be him.

Despite everyone watching, despite being in a grocery store, despite everything that happened between them, everything around him simply disappeared. And he ran.

He booked it down the aisle and Lovino must've heard him because he turned around and when their eyes met they held a glare that was a mixture of confusion and love and surprise and everything in between.

Then Antonio ran into Lovino, wrapping his arms around him, resting his head on Lovino's. Antonio had gotten a bit taller. Lovino, had not grown a bit. And Antonio prefered it that way.

He felt the surprise in Lovino's body when they clashed together, the denial, the realization, until finally, acceptance. Lovino melted into the embrace, as they could feel each other's hearts pounding and their shallow, desperate breaths.

He could feel Lovino's tears on his black T-shirt, and felt the small sobs that came out of his body.

Lovi's head tilted up a bit, closer to his ear, and he whispered, "Antonio, I fucking love you. And I missed you so much."

Antonio didn't even have to reply. Lovino knew. They both knew that everything had just fallen into place, and no matter what, it was going to be okay.

By now, his mother turned around and saw the two boys. And, Antonio's dad had caught up with him. Both parents were equally confused.

"Mama, it's Antonio!" He said to her as he turned around with tears still in his eyes. "He's actually here, in Oregon!"

"Lovino?" Antonio's father questioned. "I didn't know you were here."

Then his father looked up at Lovino's mother. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"Um...I'm not too sure. You seem a little bit familiar."

"The accent, I know that accent. I delivered something to you once, in a restaurant I think?"

"Oh! I remember you now! The delivery guy! Wow, small world, huh?" She laughed good naturedly.

"Yeah, I guess it is," he scoffed. "How strange."

The boys smiled at each other. Their parents continued to make small talk, checking in on how they've been, how long they've been in town, things about their sons, casual parent conversation.

"Lovino, I'm so glad to see you," he sighed. "I...I realized how horrible of a decision I made. I was never over you, and I doubt I ever will be. I promised you I'd love you forever, didn't I? And I broke that promise. Well, I'm here to mend it."

Lovino shook his head. "I know it sounds so stupid to instantly forget about everything like it never happened, but I couldn't care less about everything else. I love you, and I guess you do too, and that's all that matters now."

He almost forgot that they were in a public store, and how awkward they must've looked, throughout the entire dramatic reunion.

"I need to see you again soon, somewhere more private," he smiled. "I want to talk to you about everything."

"Of course. You can come over at any time, you're always welcome."

_Lovino _

_He loved him. He actually fucking loved him. Was this even reality? _

Seeing him in front of him was like a dream. Even though his big, strong arms were wrapped around him and he was there, living and breathing and talking to him, it all felt so fake.

Antonio looked at him, his green eyes proud and sparkling. There was a certain look in them. No, not lust, or desire...or even relief. It was more of...care. His eyes showed all the love and care in the world. That's when Lovino knew he really cared about him. It was a breathtaking sensation.

"I really missed you," Antonio's voice cracked halfway. "Like...a lot."

Lovino shook his head with a soft smile on his face. "You don't even know. It was so weird...not having you in my life. Not even that whole cliche 'I can't live without you' type of thing. More like, my life just isn't the same when you're not in it."

Feliciano had been standing there the whole time, smiling like an idiot at the two. "Aww, Lovi can finally be happy again!" Lovino groaned and swatted playfully at him, knowing that though Feliciano meant his words, they were still just to tease him.

"I've missed you too, Feli, how've you been?" And Antonio's bright character was back, with how assertive and kind he was to everyone. He quickly got drowned in conversation about how Oregon has been so far for the Vargas family, their home, even the brother's latest friends, potato-head and snowcone.

Lovino didn't know how to feel about Gilbert at the moment. Would he meet Antonio? Would they both get along? Opposites may attract, but Antonio and Gil have a similar, reckless personality. Who knows, maybe they'd become good friends.

"Wow, Toni it's so great having you back," Feliciano sighed. "I look forward to seeing you around the house. Italia got bigger, you know!"

Antonio smiled shyly, and scratched the back of his neck. "I look forward to it too…"

"Why don't you come over right now?" Feli asked with excitement.

Both Antonio and Lovi were taken off guard and gave him a look. Then, turned to look at themselves.

"...could you?" Lovino asked with a small bit of hope in his voice.

Antonio looked at his dad. "Can I go to their house, pa?"

His father gave him a wary look. "I...don't know Antonio."

"What? Why?" Suddenly, his eyes turned cloudy and confused.

He sighed in response to his son. "We'll talk about it later, Antonio. Come on, we have to go."

He grabbed him by the hem of Antonio's navy blue shirt, pulling him off into some separate aisle, away from Lovino.

Lovino caught one thing as he was being dragged off, "I'll see you soon, I promise Lovi. Text me!"

Antonio disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared. He couldn't wait to see him again.

His mother looked troubled. "What was that all about?"

Lovino sighed, and even though he thought he knew the answer, he shrugged and said, "I don't know. Let's go. We need to get cilantro and tomatoes."

_Antonio_

Antonio was a patient person. But this...he just couldn't begin to comprehend. "What was that?" he demanded in a rude tone.

His father lashed back, "Your brother was right. There is something going on between you and that boy. Antonio, I won't accept that. I don't want you seeing him."

Hurt and realization flashed in his eyes. _That's what this was about?_

He felt his face turn hot and his blood boiling with irritation. This wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

"What does it matter?"

"What matters is that I will not allow my son to be into other boys. You don't think I want grandkids? To see you bring home a fine woman to marry?"

"God, you think I chose this? You think I want to live in fear of what other people think because I'm simply attracted to someone that isn't the opposite gender? This is bullshit."

"Don't use that language or tone with me Antonio! You will not be with that Lovino or any other boy and that's the end of it! Now, go to the car and wait for me." His father pushed the car keys into his hand, turned around, and kept strolling down the aisle. Luckily, no one had seen their little argument.

But Antonio was still angry. And he still needed to see Lovino. With the car keys jingling in his hands, he marched off, and went back to where they'd reunited.

Fortunately, he wasn't very far from where they last were. And, he was alone. He must've been getting something while Feliciano and his mom were in another aisle.

"Lovi!" He called out. Lovino quickly turned his head, and gave him the biggest and most beautiful smile Antonio had ever seen from him.

When they met again, the first thing Lovino asked was, "So what happened?" His voice was shaky and there was a worry in his eyes.

Antonio sighed, and looked down at his feet. "My dad...doesn't, um, approve of us."

"Oh. Oh, I understand." Lovino took a step back and joined Antonio in staring at the dirty white tile underfoot.

"I'm still going to see you though, okay? I'll make a plan. Just, send me your address. I'll find your house. I'm not gonna let anything separate us again."

"Okay...are you sure? I probably live far. And Antonio, what about when school starts?"

"Ah which school are you going to?"

"Uh, some fancy private school."

"Really? That's the whole reason my mom let me go here. I'm alone here with my dad."

"Wow. I assume for personal reasons?"

"Something like that."

"Well, I really look forward to spending time with you. Are you sure you're willing to go the extra mile?"

"Of course."

They hug, and Antonio holds onto his smaller body tight, remembering every edge and curve, taking in his faint smell of coffee and a fresh-smelling shampoo. He wanted to remember every single thing about this moment that they were together, so hopefully it would hold him over until the next time.

"Bye, Antonio. I love you. See you soon." His words were smooth, sweet, genuine and melodical.

"I love you too. Bye, for now."

After that was taken care of, he actually did go to the car. His dad would kill him if he found out he'd done otherwise.

It might've been another hour until his father got to the car, but he didn't really know because he fell asleep in the back. They didn't speak for the whole ride home, or while they took up the groceries, even during dinner. There was the occasional, "Hold this for me," or "Pass the salt, please," but it was done awkwardly.

Usually, Antonio would have forgiven him and gone back to his regular, happy conversation. But his father's reaction towards the two was something he hadn't been expecting at all. He was still quite hurt and offended by all of the words they'd exchanged.

They both went to sleep early that night. Well, at least Antonio's father thought he did. Antonio and sleep were like backstabbing best friends. He loved it, but the nightmares and the way he'd wake up screaming and terrified, he just couldn't handle that. Not tonight, anyway.

So he read a book, watched some TV shows, ate whatever he could find in the kitchen. Soon enough, morning came and the sun peaked over the horizon. His dad was up for work. He didn't get back until the evening, he knew that.

Lovino had already sent him the address of his house, and Antonio searched it up. His dad had a bike. He wouldn't mind if he borrowed it, right?

It took Antonio a little bit over twenty-five minutes to get to Lovino's house. It was really pretty. Certainly better than his current apartment, and his house back in California. But it was still early...was it okay to knock?

Then the door opened, making Antonio flinch. Turns out, it was Lovino's mom, Sandra. She looked like she was heading for work. When she saw Antonio outside, she furrowed her eyebrows, but then smiled and waved. She seemed like the type of lady who was generally nice, and did most things because she had to. But Antonio liked her.

"Did you come to see Lovino? It's a bit early." She walked towards him, her black brandless leather bag waving on her arm.

"Yeah...sorry. I just, wanted to come as soon as I can...and honestly, I'm not supposed to be here. My dad, he um, doesn't like me being around Lovino," he sighed with resentment. Might as well be honest from the start.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, darling. Well, I'm in a rush but you can go up to Lovino's room and wake him up. If he's even asleep and didn't pull another all-nighter, that boy," she rolled her eyes. "I'll probably see you later today, I come home for about an hour to make lunch and then I leave again. Lovi's room is the second small door on the left, once you go upstairs. Bye!"

She got into her little blue car and sped off, waving goodbye with a smile on her face. Her features, she looked a lot like Feli, yet he couldn't help but see the resemblance between her and Lovino. Same eyes, same facial structure, same short build.

But, he did have permission to go into Lovino's house. So, why not? He stepped in, and shut the door behind him.

The house was very cute, and cleaner than he expected. Sandra seemed like such a busy woman, how did they keep everything so tidy? Did Lovino and Feliciano help clean?

The color scheme was filled with brown, beige, and burgundy. Their sofa was black leather with beige cushions, smaller brown cushions, and a dark red blanket arranged so that it was casual, yet sexy. Everything looked like it came out of those home magazines, or something off of Pinterest.

He followed Sandra's directions, and found himself in front of Lovino's room, supposedly. Wasn't this weird? Then again, considering everything that they've been through together, did that even matter anymore? Were there any boundaries?

So, he decided that he would soon find out and went ahead to open the door. Lovino nearly jumped to the ceiling he was so startled, and even dropped his laptop. "Idiota! What are you doing? You scared the shit out of me!"

And there it was. That little temper of his. Antonio laughed. "Hey, Lovi, sorry to interrupt. What are you doing so early?"

He groaned and leaned down to retrieve the fallen laptop. "I was watching Supernatural," He muttered. "It makes me jumpy. But it's a good show and I've been watching it all night so…"

Antonio sat down on the edge of the bed. "Nice room you got. I like it. A lot better than mine." It was all very Lovino, and Antonio liked it that way. He spotted the piano sitting gracefully by the window. "Lovi, you play piano?"

"Um, I guess."

"Can you play me something? I'll even pay you for it."

"Why the hell would you pay me?"

"Because you're a musician and I want to hear your art that you practice for so much."

"Maybe later. I'm tired."

"Can I climb into the bed with you?" Antonio eyed the empty pillow on Lovino's bed.

Lovino looked down at the same pillow, before scooting away from it a little bit, to make room. "I guess it wouldn't hurt."

Antonio settled into the bed, pulled the covers over him and lay his head so he could look at Lovino. "How you been?"

_Lovino_

Having Antonio, here, next to him. He couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. And to think, only a short while ago, he would have been uncomfortable about having him this close. Now, it only felt natural.

"I'm tired," He yawned, which was true.

"Do you wanna sleep for a while?" Lovino nodded. He scooted closer to him, letting his head lay on Antonio's chest. He thought about Gilbert for a split second, and he felt guilty. Like, he was cheating on one of them. Gil said he understood, though, didn't he? Still, it didn't feel fair to either of them that he was here, doing this. But, he supposed it didn't matter too much, all that mattered was how much he enjoyed this moment, while it lasted. He didn't want to worry about anything else.

"Hey, Lovi," he whispered softly.

"Mm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

There was a moment of silence, and another moment of thought. Should he?

But then there was another moment, a moment in which Lovino leaned up to face Antonio, and stared into his deep green eyes. There was so much in those eyes. And then, he leaned in, pressing their lips together in a perfect unison. He felt free. Everything felt so right. The kiss was full of happiness, and passion, and didn't feel anything like the first one. This kiss, in this moment, was all he wanted on his mind.

When he pulled back, they both smiled at each other, and before things could get too gushy, Lovino fell back against Antonio's chest again.

Then, for the first time, in a long time, he got a good sleep.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

_Lovino_

_Everything felt right. _

He woke wrapped around Antonio's arms, breathing in the fresh scent of his deodorant and laundry soap. Exactly how it was supposed to be.

Antonio was still asleep, he could feel his faint breathing and the slow rise and downfall of his chest. He hoped he was having a peaceful sleep, Lovino certainly did. Not only that, Antonio looked exhausted. His skin was pale and his face was close to lifeless. Gently, as to not wake him, Lovino shifted his head downwards, so he could look at Antonio's arms.

_Ugh. _

Why did he have to do this to himself? They were fading, thankfully, but it's the wounds within that take so much longer to heal. Some don't heal at all. Hopefully, Antonio was taking care of himself now. He knew there were people who cared about him, he knew it wasn't worth it, he knew doing this would get him absolutely nowhere, save for corruption. Just...why?

Whatever his motive, desperation, helplessness, Lovino just wanted him to get better. No one, absolutely no one, deserves this.

Then there was a knock on the door. _Damn, what time was it? Could it be Gilbert?_

Maybe it was just Feli's obnoxious friend. Maybe he wouldn't have to get up out of the comfort he was blanketed in.

Then, "Lovi!" He heard his brother yell from downstairs. "Gil is here!"

_God, why?_

He knew Gilbert would probably just go upstairs and walk in. That's what he usually did, anyway.

He had about two minutes for Feli to finish off conversing with Gilbert and for him to come up and barge in. With a deep sigh, he untangled himself from Antonio and slowly shook him awake. Okay, maybe not that slowly. But he was pressed for time, so whatever, right?

"Umph...Lovi. I'm tired." He heard him groan.

"Yeah, well so am I. But we have company."

Instantly, like a dog who'd just heard a mention of food, his head jerked up. He broke out into one of his casual smiles. "Really, who?"

"Er...he's, a friend of mine. We kinda...I dunno. We kinda had a thing for each other, I guess."

"Gilbert?"

"You're such a stalker."

"It's not my fault you have social media."

Speak of the devil, in comes Gilbert. "Lovino! Get up, get up!" His smile faded when he saw Antonio still laying on the bed, sleepy-eyed and yawning. "Who's this?" His voice cracked.

"Gil, this is Antonio. Like, you know… _Antonio_ Antonio…" He held his hands behind his back and his eyes scanned the room. _This was so awkward._

"O-oh. I'm sorry. Was I interrupting something?" His eyebrows fell into a frown and he made fists in both hands.

"No, sorry, this is an awkward way to meet," Antonio stepped in, leaning out of the bed. "I'm assuming you already know me, so there's no point in introducing myself. And I do believe you're Gilbert? It's nice to meet you."

Despite Antonio's act of kindness, Gilbert barked back in a menacing tone, "Yeah, you're the asshole who broke Lovino's heart. Nice to meet you too."

Then he looked up at Lovi. "I thought you were better than this, you know."

Lovino sighed. "Gil, hold on. Antonio is here, all the way from California...and I'm sorry, but I believe that it's possible to fix a wrongdoing. And, you know what, I messed up pretty badly too. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but I think we've both learned from our mistakes. That doesn't mean we're gonna be in a relationship, to be honest with you, I don't even know what we are right now. But for now, we're just happy we get to see each other again. You understand that, don't you?"

After Lovino's talk, he did seem more at ease. Gilbert took a breath. His fists unclenched, and his body visibly relaxed. "I do understand. I'm sorry, this is just a lot to process."

Antonio jumped in, again, "So, we're cool? Cuz, honestly, I really wanna talk to you." Both of them smiled, at the same time. It made Lovino want to smile as well.

"Yeah, we're cool. Sorry for lashing out at you. You actually seem like a real nice person."

"I'd like to think I am, if that doesn't sound too conceited."

Gil snickered a bit. "Not at all."

Okay, so maybe they would get along? Lovino genuinely hoped so.

"You guys wanna talk over food? Cuz I've got an intense craving for Feliciano's chocolate croissants." He broke in.

Lovino knew Antonio adored them, and of course Gilbert is naturally attracted to anything containing chocolate.

"Yes!" The two shouted at once.

_Antonio_

So maybe him and Gilbert got off on the wrong foot. It didn't help that he found him in Lovino's bed. Antonio wondered if Gilbert had ever been in that bed. The two seemed really close. The thought made him slightly uncomfortable...But Gilbert and Lovino never really had anything serious going on, Antonio at least knew that. And Lovino had given Antonio the consent to be in his bed, to kiss him, to fall asleep beside him. Now, _that _thought certainly made a shiver run through his body.

As usual, Feliciano's croissants were terrifyingly good. To his surprise, Gilbert wasn't the only guest in the house. There was some blonde teen, who was actually a lot taller than Antonio. He seemed a lot older than everyone sitting at the table, but he seemed to be really close to Feli. He assumed he was one of his...friends?

Just in time, to put an end to Antonio's wild guessing, Feli chipped in, "Oh! Toni, you don't know Ludwig. He's Gilbert's younger brother."

_Oh. He was so much taller? So much more mature?_ "I see," he added politely. "Nice to meet you, then." Ludwig nodded, acknowledging Antonio. He was more or less quiet, yet alert. He really only paid attention to Feli. They just _had _to be a little more than friends. Antonio easily caught the faint blushes and sparkle in each other's eyes when they talked, accidentally brushed against them, even just looked their way. He wondered how Lovino was taking all of that.

Then again, Lovino was the shortest one there. There wasn't much he could do.

"So, Gilbert, have you lived here for a long time?" Antonio tried to start conversation.

"Well, not too long I suppose. But long enough that I know a good deal about the city, how to get around it, you know. What about you, what's your story?"

"Ah, I dunno. I've lived in San Diego for pretty much most of my life. It's all I _truly _know. Moving here, it'll take some getting used to. Does it snow?"

Gilbert laughed at that. "It does. But don't worry, it's not that bad. Though, maybe that's just because I've always lived in colder regions. Snow is the terrain I know best."

"I see. That must be nice, then. I've seen snow only once, when I went to the mountains. I just about died, I was so cold. I think I'm just more of a summer person."

"Wait, are we seriously sitting here talking about the weather?" Gilbert interjected. "Let's change the subject to something a little more...extreme."

"Alright, um…" His eyes scanned around the room and his lips slid to one side, thinking. "Wow, I think for the first time ever, I'm at a loss for words. Maybe my life just isn't that exciting."

"Oh, please, I'm sure it is! Tell me a story."

Gilbert was very good at getting conversation out of someone. "Well…" He began. "My first day of fifth grade, I was in a new school and I wanted to make a statement so I wore tomato-print underpants over batman sweatpants and a green v-neck, and wore a floatie around my neck. Needless to say, my first day didn't go very well. And for the rest of the year I was 'the Spanish boy who crossed the border on a floatie'. Looking back at it, I think that was pretty funny."

"That...is absolutely awesome." Gilbert went up in laughs. "I have a similar story, when I was four I started going to a preschool and for my first day I dressed up like a girl because everyone would always talk about how cute my cousins looked in dresses and pretty pink things, so I wanted to be cute too. And most kids actually did think I was a girl, and to tell you the truth, I'd probably do it again. Who cares about gender roles anyway? It's not like clothes has a gender, I can feel pretty if I want to."

This time they both laughed. Antonio could feel himself falling into a friendship with Gilbert, one he knew would end well.

"You know what, though, you're totally right. Guys never get to look pretty. We can't wear makeup or dress in anything fancy other than a tux. It sucks!"

"Agreed."

Long after they'd finished their delicious breakfast, they continued to talk at the table, Lovino occasionally joining in or snickering to himself. Feliciano and Ludwig had long left the table, and washed everyone's dirty dishes.

"So wait, what did you do once the frog's leg got squished off?" Antonio asked in regards to one of Gilbert's strange, captivating stories.

"Well, Arthur picked it up with a stick and threw it at Francis, laughing his ass off and telling him to save his dying brother."

"And what did Francis do?" Antonio's eyes were wide with interest and delight.

"He shrieked - and I mean _shrieked_ \- at the top of his lungs because it fell in his hair and he had just gotten back from the hair salon. He ran home, took a hot bath, and even then, he was shivering and just about to convulse in tears for the rest of the night."

"Wow… That's insane."

"I suppose we did do a lot of stupid stuff. This summer has been pretty boring though, because Francis is visiting his family and Arthur only talks to me at book club. That bastard despises me otherwise. Gotta admit, though, we've had some pretty cool conversations about some classic novels."

"Wait, this Francis guy… long, blonde hair?"

"Uh… Yeah. I didn't mention his hair being long and blonde... How'd you know?"

"I think I know him."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, my mom worked with his mom in her flower shop. She's kinda rude, though. Always wants everything to be classy and over-the-top, even though she wasn't much herself. But he'd hang around there a lot, and I did too. He was fun, but I think his parents didn't want him around me because one day he got really distant and wouldn't play with me anymore."

"Wow. That's weird. He did live in France, England, and Spain for a while, but not California. You sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure," He smiled good-naturedly. "I actually have lived in Spain. But I was young, and we don't really visit. So, I don't know, I guess it didn't really matter."

"Didn't matter? Toni, you've lived in Europe! Spain! Do you know how cool that is?"

Antonio smiled sheepishly, both at the compliment and the endearing nickname.

"Thanks, Gilbert. Ya know, I'd really like to hang out with you more. And definitely see Francis again."

"Hell, yeah! And then we can all-" Gilbert dropped his conversation to look at Lovino, who was half-asleep. "Lovi, how you holding up there?" He giggled.

"Shut up. You two are annoying."

The two friends flashed Lovino a cheesy grin, and he groaned and rolled his eyes.

_He knows he likes the attention,_ Antonio thought. He knew his Lovi.

"Anyways," Lovino sighed, getting up from the seat and stretching his back. "What now?"

"TV?" Suggested Gilbert.

"Do you ever want to do anything besides eat my food, watch your shows, and be annoying?"

"Well, I do read a book every once in a while. And sometimes I try to bond with my brother. We usually just run together." He couldn't tell whether that was literal or sarcastic. It still made Antonio laugh, for some reason. Almost everything he said made Antonio want to drop into a giggle.

"I'm gonna feed Italia. She's been eyeing me for a while now. I'm afraid she'll _take _an eye from me if I don't give her food sometime soon."

_Lovino_

They watched horror movies for the rest of the day.

Those two idiots marathoned every horror movie and series they could find.

To make matters worse, they were both:

a. So loud.

b. Hot

c. Straight...straight up gay.

D. Hot.

Honestly, they squealed at frequencies that'd make opera singers jealous, held each other bear-hug style on the suspenseful parts, and for some reason, it made them all the more adorable.

Ugh, _idiotas._

When his mom got home to cook lunch, she barged in right when someone was getting decapitated. Antonio and Gilbert may have been scared, but that was nothing compared to the fear of a frail woman in her late 30's who is walking into her house, expecting her sons to be well-behaved and calm as can be. But instead, is greeted by two fifteen-year-old boys screaming at the top of their adolescent lungs.

Her bag flew four feet in the air and the abyss of papers and female cosmetics came spilling out.

Lovino sighed in frustration. "Sorry, mama. Let me help you."

After she'd gotten over the surprise, she laughed. "It's okay, Lovino. I see you boys are enjoying yourselves."

He looked back at the two, still consumed in the movie. They were going to be great friends.

Lovino helped his mother with lunch, seeing as he had nothing else to do. Feliciano went out to eat with Ludwig. It was a bit funny actually, when he left the house. Lovino could just sense how much he wanted to say "Lovi, I'm gonna go on a lunch date with Ludwig," but how he knew he absolutely couldn't because Lovino would murder them right then and there.

"So, how's Antonio?" His mother asked, while she turned the pork frying on the stove.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know. With his dad and all. His mom. Those cuts on his arms."

"You noticed those."

"Lovino, I'm your mother. I notice everything."

He chuckled a bit. "Yeah, I guess so. But I'm not really sure. We haven't really had the privacy to talk about those things. When he came over, we both fell asleep for a while. And then Gilbert got here."

"Mhmm, I see," She looked at her son. "Antonio and Gilbert. They're getting along quite nicely, I see."

"Yeah, I mean, why wouldn't they? They have a lot in common."

She clicked her tongue. "Well, usually when someone has two love interests, those love interests have a tendency to not get along too well."

"Mom!" He chopped the vegetables a little faster, with a little more annoyance. "They're not my love interests. They're my _friends._ I would never even like them like that."

"Didn't I just tell you I notice everything?" She shook her head playfully. "It's okay, my Lovi. You seem to be handling things well."

"Thanks, mama."

They continued their conversation while their lunch cooked slowly, releasing that heavenly aroma throughout the house.

_Antonio _

"Hey...Gil?" He asked out of nowhere. The movie wasn't too interesting anyway.

"Hm?" His eyebrows perked up, and he blinked.

"Me and Lovino have a lot of history...but, sometimes that doesn't really matter." He clawed nervously at his arms. "D-did you want me to back off from Lovino?"

He didn't want to look at Gilbert anymore. This was difficult for him to say. Gilbert was a great guy, and Antonio cared greatly for Lovino. He wanted them to be happy. And if that meant stepping away from the romantic aspect of Lovino's life, he'd be okay with that. He just wanted him in his life.

Gilbert let out a breath. "Wow, that's a humble thing to say, man. But, don't let me stop you. Lovino cares about you, I can tell." He laughed a bit. "Although, I'll be honest with you, I get really jealous when you two look at each other. It's...like nothing I've ever seen before. I mean, there's just this look - this strange endearing look - that I can never describe. So until I get over that jealousy, I'd really appreciate it if you guys at least acted like friends around me. Is that okay?"

"No problem," he returned Gilbert's smile. "Now, this movie's getting boring, wanna do something better?"

"Like, annoying Lovi?"

"You know me so well, Gilbert."

**A/N: this chapter has a LOT of dialogue...but I think all three of them needed that bonding, ya know? **

**&amp; Lovino bonding with his mother is my favorite thing in the world and he just loves his mommy so much it's great. **

**Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed! C:**


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**This chapter is a bit longer than my other ones, so I hope you enjoy it!**

_Antonio_

His dad never found out about anything. Never knew about Gilbert, about his visits to Lovino, nothing at all. He somehow always made it seem like he'd been at home all day. He'd leave dishes and pans he dirtied on purpose in the sink, messed up the house a bit, made it feel like someone had been sitting there all day.

They had so much fun. Sure, their hours were limited by the work hours of Antonio's father, but when he worked overtime, they'd go on the wildest adventures.

On their last week of summer break, Antonio's father had to go on a business trip. That same week, is when the legendary Francis Bonnefoy came back. Antonio was ecstatic to meet him.

"Now, Antonio, you know that I trust you. If I find out that you did something you weren't supposed to while I'm gone, know that you will get into _huge_ trouble. No visiting girls, or _boys,_" he sighed, "No parties, alcohol, anything illegal, and well I'm sure you know the rules. Simple."

"I understand. Don't worry, pa, you can trust me," He grinned. He felt a tad guilty for lying, but maybe he wouldn't have to if his father was more lenient. He was always honest with his mother, and never took advantage of her kindness.

He gave him a big hug goodbye, and watched as his father walked out the door.

Lovino was supposed to pick him up in about an hour. He took a quick shower, got some stuff together, had a bowl of cereal, and cleaned his room up a bit.

This week was going to be amazing. He could just feel it. But, there was that nagging thought in the back of his mind. He was lying, and it didn't feel right. He shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind. Nothing was going to spoil their time together.

After he got picked up, they went out for donuts at some place called, "Voodoo Donuts". For some reason, Oregon had really over-the-top donuts. Antonio had a maple bacon donut, which was surprisingly good.

The day was clear, and happy. Everyone seemed to be outdoors, enjoying the weather that wasn't as hot as it usually was. There was a natural happiness that swam throughout the city, and a calamity to tag along.

After spending the whole day at old thrift shops and book stores, Lovi's mom had to leave them at the house, though luckily she was working a short shift.

"What work do you do anyway, if you don't mind me asking, Miss Sandra?" Antonio asked while they were being driven home.

"Well, Antonio. I actually work in advertising. Like, you know, making ads and commercials to sell products. Because I have a lot of background in so many different jobs I've had over the years, and I studied journalism and english for a while, I got a really lucky and they offered a really good pay. That's when I knew, my life was finally in order. I guess I had a mid-life crisis a bit too early, huh?"

Antonio let out a polite laugh. "That's really cool, though. I don't really know what I want to do when I'm older. Nothing really sticks out to me."

"Lovi tells me you're good with a guitar and you've got quite the vocal chords."

"Nah, I really don't. It's, well...just a hobby. Besides, my dad wouldn't want me pursuing a job in the music industry. And my mom, I need to make sure I'm successful in everything I do so later on, I can take care of her."

"That's sweet of you, Antonio. But, honestly, just go with what feels right. When you take that step and you realize that you want something with all you've got, shoot for it."

"Thank you, Miss Sandra." He really appreciated her advice. Antonio sometimes thought that Feliciano got his friendly, helpful mannerisms from his mother. As for Lovi, he never spoke too much about subjects like that, But when he did, he would hold the most beautiful conversations.

_Lovino_

By now, he was probably the only one in his family or group of friends that didn't have the constant need to _talk_ and _talk._

Antonio and his mom talked on the whole ride home, halfway through he just stopped listening. It was all pointless chatter, really.

But he liked the background noise. He thought that, maybe, if there was always someone there, talking, something was there to fill in that empty space. It was almost like music. Therapeutic.

Regardless of whether or not he was paying attention to the conversation, it was the voices he liked. Maybe that's why he was so quiet all the damn time. The nature of what the speech was completely irrelevant… but people were so beautiful when they spoke. It was like, they connected somehow. Like their voices just strung them together and made some sort of bond. An everyday aspect of life. Sometimes, those small everyday things, need to be appreciated more. Because sometimes, those are the ones that really count.

But anyways, voices. Especially Antonio's. That was a voice he'd never get sick of. From his laugh, to his whisper, the accent that thickened when he held passion in his voice, his awkward stutters, Lovino loved every note of it. At times, he felt like a conversation between Antonio and someone else was a symphony. Sometimes, Antonio was the conductor, because sometimes he'd just listen, and that came out as the loudest. Other times, he wasn't just a background instrument, he was the star of the whole show. He stood out, everything about him radiated some sort of vibe…

It was magical.

Surely, it wasn't just Lovino who beamed at hearing Antonio's voice? How did no one else feel it? Maybe he was drowning himself in this boy far too much. Either way, there was something special and brilliant between them, and Lovino wanted to figure out exactly what it was.

When they got home, they kind of just sat around for a while. "Hey Toni," He muttered, as he lay on his bed. Antonio was in the piano chair. "Hm?" His head turned in his direction.

"How are you? Like, you know, mentally and stuff."

Antonio looked down at his arms, and sighed. "I don't know. I was talking to my mom the other day, she wants me to get a psychologist here. Just to, make sure I'm fine and all of that."

"You should."

"Ya think? I didn't have the best experience with my last psychologist."

"Well, one time I went to see someone for a counseling. And...she told me that psychologists are like cars. Someone might want a Camaro, but someone else might want a Jeep. Does that make sense? Every psychologist is different, so you have to pick out the one that's right for you and will suit your needs."

He nodded. "Yeah. I understand. Thanks, Lovi. I really needed the support right now. I'll talk to my dad about it when he gets back."

"Speaking of which, how is it that he never found out? I mean, you come over so often and he doesn't even get suspicious?" Lovino gave somewhat of a chuckle.

"Right?" He smiled in return. Only… the smile didn't feel so real. "I guess he doesn't care as much as he says he does."

Lovino shrugged. "I'm sure he does. Maybe he just trusts you a lot."

"Well, if he trusted me that much then he'd let me come over and he'd let me hang out with guys. I hate having to be sneaky, going behind his back like this. It was never like this with my mom."

"I know Toni… maybe things will get better? Besides, your mom will be here eventually. I'm sure she'll defend you."

"You're right. Thanks again, Lovi. I love seeing your positive supportive side. I should be sad more often," He giggled.

"Hey!" Lovino joked back, with a hint of seriousness. "Don't be. You're the happy one here. I don't like seeing you sad."

Then the buzzer of his phone went off, alerting him he'd just received a text message.

_Gilbert: Hey, Francis is at my house right now. He just got back last night. Is Toni over, so he can see him?_

"Who is it?" Antonio stood from his seat.

"Gil. Wondering if you wanna come over to see Francis."

"Of course! Let's go," he yelped enthusiastically, reaching for Lovino's wrist.

"Geez, let me reply first at least. And get some shoes on."

Antonio looked so excited… but it was so adorable. He loved the light in his eyes and the excited giggles every time he spoke. It was all, so very, _Antonio._

Lovino didn't go to Gilbert's house that often. Honestly, he was a bit scared of his parents. They were both tall, and very serious. It seemed like Gilbert was the only one of the family that actually knew what it meant to have fun. Although, he did know that Ludwig's mom was actually Gilbert's stepmother. Maybe his mom had more of his mannerisms. He can't imagine someone as spontaneous as Gilbert coming from such dense parents.

Mr. Beilschmidt opened the door and stared down at the two boys with Ludwig's cold, blue eyes. Without greeting them or any other word, he turned his head to the inside of the house and yelled, "Gilbert!"

Seconds later, Gilbert came running down. Whom Lovino assumed was Francis was a few steps behind. Mr. Beilschmidt nodded towards Antonio and Lovino, signaling for them to come in. Then he stomped off, into a separate room and shut the door behind him. Strange, scary man.

_Antonio_

Aside from the fact that Gilbert's father gave him the creeps, there was Francis.

Undoubtedly, they'd both grown and matured over the last couple of years. "Hey, blondie," Antonio smirked at him. His smile was still the same. Bright, cool, and charming.

"It's been a while, Toni. You're finally taller than me."

"How have you been?"

"Well, here and there. You know how hectic my family is."

"Sure do," He laughed. "Oh, you haven't met Lovi, have you?" He gestured towards the shorter boy next to him.

"So you're Lovino? I've heard a good deal about you. And you're the brother of that sweet little boy Ludwig is _super _into. They dating or something?"

Francis, not knowing that Lovino was very sensitive to the subject of his brother dating, stood confused while the Toni and Gilbert winced and dared to glance at Lovino. Antonio could sense the angry vibes.

"Yeah…" He muttered through his teeth. "Feliciano. And, no," He paused to take a shallow breath, "They're _not_ together."

Thankfully, Francis gathered that this was a subject best left alone, and instantly swerved the topic. "How's your mom doing?" He gestured towards Antonio.

"She's actually back in San Diego. My dad, I'm here because of him."

"Oh." He furrowed his eyebrows, which were plucked and groomed. "They had issues?"

"Well, no, not really. They're just living apart for a little while. My mom is moving up here in a couple of months," Antonio spoke those words dryly. He still didn't like how his mom let him come here alone, and that he was stuck with a father that he was never all that close to.

Francis was a wise person. Even as a kid, he had a very deep and intimate understanding of people, and their emotions. Maybe that's why it was so easy to open up to him. Really, he was just an interesting person to be around. It was no wonder he had so many friends, so many girls liked him even back when they were kids.

"I see," He smiled good-naturedly. "I hope to see her soon then! Unfortunately, my own mother won't be able to see her again for a reunitement. She happened to leave us a tad early. My dad, however, he has a hair salon here. Maybe you can stop by sometime? He cuts my hair, and obviously, it looks amazing."

Antonio was dumbfounded at how calm he spoke of his mother. "Mrs. Bonnefoy...she's passed? His eyes widened. Francis nodded. "About… three years ago I believe? Blood disease. Terrible thing, illnesses."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Wow, a lot has changed since we've last seen each other, hasn't it?"

He smiled softly. "Yes, Toni, life has a weird way of climbing up and down with time. But, we're both here, we have homes, we're healthy. Gotta be thankful for at least that."

Antonio nodded. Here he goes again. At times, he'd drift off and speak in a poetic tongue and somehow sucked you in. Yes, Francis, things have changed, but there are things that never will.

"So, anything you guys want to do in particular?" Gilbert interrupted.

"We could go outside," Antonio suggested.

"No, it's too hot, came Lovino's complaint.

"Well, we could play a game," Francis said skeptically.

"A game?" Gilbert parroted.

"Yes. Like, I don't know. Truth or Dare, Would You Rather, Never Have I Ever. Or if you want to do something more athletic there's Manhunt and Cops N' Robbers, though you usually need more people for those."

"I've never played Would You Rather," Lovino broke in.

"Really?"

"Never played?"

"You're kidding,"

They all spoke.

Lovino shook his head. "I don't even know how to play."

"Basically you give a person two options, and they have to choose which one they'd rather do," Gilbert offered. "For example, Francis. Would you rather eat a toenail sandwich or all your hair shaved right off?"

Francis scrunched his nose and crossed his arms. "Ugh… I'll take the sandwich, even though that's absolutely repulsive. Just not my hair."

"See?" Gilbert turned back to Lovino with a smile.

"Seems boring," Lovino sighed, bluntly.

"Fine," Francis answered, dismissively. "If we get Ludwig and Feliciano to tag along we could definitely have a game of Cops n' Robbers."

Lovino shrugged. "Whatever."

"Let's do it!" Antonio threw his arms up. It's been awhile since he's played something like that. "Where are they?"

"Actually, my stepmom took them out somewhere," Gilbert muttered. "They should be back soon, I think."

Antonio didn't lose a hair of his excitement. "Then we'll just sort the teams in the meantime."

It took a good fifteen minutes of bickering and decisiveness, but the teams were arranged as follows:

_Cops:_

_Gilbert_

_Francis_

_Ludwig_

_Robbers:_

_Antonio_

_Lovino_

_Feliciano _

There were also a couple of kids in the neighborhood that might've wanted to play. According to Gilbert and Francis, they could invite Matthew and Alfred, Heracles even though he didn't come outside much anyway, Carlos, and Toris. Apparently, those were the ones that lived the nearest. They could invite Arthur too, but he lived farther.

Finally, when Ludwig and Feliciano got home, they set out to play. They visited the home of the other kids, but only Alfred, Carlos, and Toris would go. Alfred was a cop, Toris and Carlos were robbers.

They found a big area near a park, full of trees and not too many rocks. Ideal for their game. After establishing some rules and setting boundaries, they set off.

_Lovino_

They were fifteen. Why, exactly, were they playing a game intended for sixth graders?

He had to admit, though, it wasn't that bad. He mostly sat around and found great places to hide. Because he was so short, and he wore many dark colors, he wasn't easily spotted.

At one point, when he was neatly hidden amongst a circle of tall bushes and shrubbery, Antonio broke in, breathing heavily and with a smile on his face. "Oh, hey Lovi. Didn't realize you were back here." Lovino grunted in reply.

"Stay quiet, though. That Alfred guy is looking for me. He's good." Lovino rolled his eyes and adjusted himself where he was sitting. Antonio scooted up in front of him, so he could barely see through the green leaves of the bush.

They heard footsteps. The crunching sound of the earth underneath with every step.

"He's here," Antonio whispered almost too quietly to be audible. A dead silence hung in the air.

For some reason, while they sat there, waiting to be caught, Lovino caught a whiff of Antonio's shampoo.

Maybe it was the breeze, maybe he got too close, but he couldn't help leaning in just a tad more and breathing him in. There it was, his shampoo, the sweat building up on his skin, _Antonio._ Antonio who smelled like the ocean and the autumn breeze and a bookstore and Antonio whom he was still trying to figure out yet felt closer to him more than any other person.

He didn't realize his nose against the nape of his neck until Antonio slowly turned around to face him. A smile, only for Lovino. Even though he smiled often, and every smile was beautiful, there was something special he treasured about the ones only meant for him. It felt different, and he felt so loved. Then he felt Antonio's lips grazing his as he melted them together in a light kiss.

The footsteps started closer. "Stay here," Antonio whispered. Then he stood up, and ran like hell, without looking back. Alfred instantly chased after him, yelling, "You won't escape! I'll get you for sure, this time!"

"Yeah, right!" Antonio yelled in reply, his voice and his heavy breaths getting farther and farther away.

Less than a minute later, when everything had gone quiet once again, Lovino poked his head out from the bushes. Of course, Antonio was sitting like a scolded child in the corner designated for prisoners.

The smallest smirk inched its way onto Lovino's face, and he stood up from his hiding spot. Maybe he could save Antonio.

He let himself go, just like he had before so many times for Antonio - with a more metaphorical meaning, though - and ran as fast as he possibly could. He could feel himself getting closer and closer, and Antonio glancing up to meet his eyes.

Before he knew it, he was sitting next to Antonio, along with Toris who'd been caught as well.

"Loser, I told you to stay," Antonio giggled.

"Whatever, butt-head. You're in here too."

When the sun had dipped below the earth and the night sky began blanketing over them, all the robbers were caught and everyone was exhausted from playing. Everyone went home, including Gilbert, Francis, and Ludwig. Feli, Antonio, and Lovino stalked into their home, feeling dirty and tired. Feliciano went upstairs to take a shower.

"Are you spending the night?" Lovino asked him.

"Nah, I gotta go home, clean the house and stuff."

"Oh, alright." Lovino looked a little bit disappointed.

Antonio gave him a big smile. "I guess cleaning can wait." Lovino grinned back.

"Hey, Mom!" Lovino called. "Toni is spending the night. Do you think we can go to the store real quick and buy some snacks?"

His mom appeared from the kitchen, where she was washing dishes. "Sure, if you finish washing the dishes for me."

Lovino sighed. "Blackmail, huh? Alright, I will."

_Antonio_

He just loved Lovino's family. Even though it was just them three, they cared for each other so much and would always be there for one another. That's what was important.

While Lovino unwillingly washed the dishes, he watched whatever was on TV and texted his dad, telling him he'd be going to sleep early and didn't feel like calling him.

After about ten minutes, Lovino emerged from the kitchen, smelling like Dawn dish soap and warm, soapy water. "Let's go. I want Oreos."

Lovino called his mom down and they all loaded up into the car. Feliciano stayed behind, but he told them he wanted sour gummy worms, any of flavor potato chips, and a Mountain Dew.

A strange kind of happiness filled Antonio, as they drove down the road in the direction of the convenience store nearby. The moon overhead followed them, and the faint stars twinkled, decorating the scene. He was meant to be here, with Lovino, if it were to be put simply.

No matter what, they were connected in some strange way. It was something science or logic could never explain, but they both knew. They both knew that no matter where life took them, where it turned and twisted, whether or not they were separated, they were _connected._

That gave him unimaginable peace.

That peace, that reassurance, lived on during that one split second.

That one split second in which Antonio turned to look at him, and he saw the blinding headlights shining through Lovino's window. He knew those headlights were going at a horrifyingly fast speed, and they wouldn't be slowing down anytime soon. During that split second of peace, that second he knew they were infinitely connected and absolutely nothing else mattered, he heard his seat belt unbuckle as he flew on top of Lovino. He held on tight, afraid that something might break their bond, and felt the impact of the blinding white headlights against the car, against his body.

He might've heard yells, car horns, might've felt his body breaking under the weight as he shielded the person who mattered to him most.

But he didn't. He felt only peace. And… he felt happy.

**So, um… I PROMISE THERE'S A HAPPY ENDING **

**But anyways… Thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited this story, and everyone who has left reviews. I love you all dearly!**


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

_Lovino_

He didn't realize what had happened until he felt the impact himself. But, Antonio was there. He hung onto him as he felt his body collapsing on top of him. Tears escaped his eyes and he struggled for breath.

An exhaustion possessed him, and he had no desire whatsoever to move. He didn't know how long it took for the police and the ambulance to get there, as Antonio lay on him absolutely frozen.

Where was the panic? There was none. He wasn't badly injured. Just his arm perhaps, maybe his ribs. He couldn't say the same for Antonio.

The paramedics dug through the car wreckage and slowly picked up Antonio, carrying him away. Lovino felt exposed. Then, he was carried away as well.

His mom? How was she? What about Feliciano? What would he do? What if his mom died? What would happen to both of them? Would they go live with their dad?

All those questions, were brushed away as his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

.

He woke up in a hospital bed, with a cast on his arm and bandages on his torso. His entire body felt sore and miserable. His thoughts and worry went instantly onto Antonio and his mom. His dad would find out, of course. What would happen to him?

The room was white and smelled sterile. He hated hospitals. Full of the sick, the dying, and the mourning. The only positive was maybe the birth of children, and even they cried. Wow, even children cry when they first step out into this world. How sad is that? Could it be they really don't want to be born? He tried lifting himself, and found that he couldn't move at all. The ribs, definitely the ribs.

But, he had to see Antonio. He had to know if he was okay. If it weren't for Antonio, Lovino could've gotten badly injured, or worse, lost his life. Where was Antonio?

He craned his neck forward and searched for the nurse call button. As soon as he found it, he extended his good arm as much as it would allow and barely pressed down on it. A good couple of minutes later (or at least it felt like it), a dark haired nurse came in.

"You called?" She asked in a sweet voice.

"Uhm…" He tried. His throat was dry and his voice was almost gone. He croaked out, "I was in a car accident," The words were almost difficult to say. "I want to know how the rest of the people in the crash are."

"Oh, alright. I'll go check. Can I get your full name and birthdate first?"

"Lovino Vargas, March 17th," He told her. Just like his brother. They were exactly two years apart, because their mother happened to have Feliciano on Lovino's birthday, of all days. Sure, it was no biggie that everyone always remembered Feli's birthday and left Lovi in the dust.

"Thank you, sir. I'll get back to you soon."

"Thank you."

He rested on the - uncomfortable - pillow beneath his head. The suspense of waiting for an answer - that was the worst part. If one of them didn't make it…

It took the nurse a pretty long time to get back to him. Lovino couldn't find a clock and he had no concept of time in this white little room, so he just closed his eyes and even though he couldn't sleep, it gave him something to do.

When she stepped through the door and saw Lovino's eyes closed she suddenly took a step back and said in a hushed tone, "So sorry, sir, didn't realize you were sleeping."

"It's fine," He replied without looking at her. "Um, so about the crash?"

"Oh, of course." She looked down at her little clipboard. "I need your name and birthdate again, if you please."

He rolled his eyes and told her. Another thing he hated about hospitals.

"Thank you. Um… so Sandra Vargas is fine, just got a minor head injury that caused her to faint. She has no severe injuries, just a couple of scratches and bruises. Mentally, though, she's going through a huge shock. She might be a bit shaken for a while. And… Antonio, is it? He seems to have taken the worst of the crash. He saved you, didn't he? It's honestly quite surprising he isn't in a worse state. A brain contusion and he broke his femur, and because of the contusion he's still unconscious. Other than that, more scrapes and bruises. He got a couple of pieces of glass stuck in his skin, but those have been removed, cleaned, and bandaged. Anything else?"

"Um, yes please. My little brother? He was at the house, alone. He needs to be contacted and I need to see him."

"We'll try. What about your father? We need to contact an adult."

Lovino winced inside. "My father… Um, that's not possible. I'm sorry. He's not here. But, there's my neighbors. They're close friends with my family and I'm sure they can take my brother."

"And, how old is your brother?"

"He's thirteen."

"Okay. Thank you. We'll contact your friends and family and talk to your mother about it tomorrow morning." Then she left the room.

He wondered how the Beilschmidt family might react towards the crash. Would most of them even care? He knew Gilbert would. His emotions were strong. But as for the rest of his stone cold family...who knows?

All he knew was that he was tired again. He needed sleep. It was probably late into the night, anyway. Besides, if he fell asleep now, he wouldn't waste the entire night buried in his thoughts and morning would come sooner. Morning brought good news, morning brought Feliciano and Gilbert. And with the sunrise, as Antonio had told him back in San Diego, came everything new and possible and limitless.

Antonio… the thought of him brought a light smile to his face. He fell asleep, dreaming of his arms wrapped around him and his tanned, calloused skin against Lovino's. Warmth…. happiness… and peace.

He could only hope Antonio would wake up soon. The injury wasn't that bad, right?

.

"Lovi? Oh, my baby…" He heard a feminine voice. His mom. Lovino's eyes blinked open, adjusting to the bright light around him.

"Hi, mama."

"I'm so glad you're okay. Oh my god, Lovino… you wouldn't believe."

He shifted his head up a bit, so he could have a somewhat normal conversation. She looked okay, tired mostly, with a couple bandages here and there, with one around her forehead.

She lay her hand on top of his. "It was all so sudden. I don't know how Antonio got to you in time. You could've-" Her voice cracked and her lip quivered, bursting into tears. "You could have died," She said in a softer, grieving tone.

Then she looked back up at Lovino. "Lovino, let me tell you something," She took a shaky breath, "Antonio? Love him with all your heart. With everything you've got. He's worth more to you than you realize, and I know you mean the world to him. He risked his life for you without batting an eye. Don't give up on him, okay?"

He nodded stiffly, but then sliding into an easy grin. "I guess it's worth a try."

"That's my boy," Her eyes beamed with endearment.

"And how's Antonio doing now?"

"I haven't gotten a chance to visit him. But, you're being released right now. Your injury wasn't bad, you can treat it just fine at home. I'm gonna pick up some painkillers for you and get home to Feliciano."

"Can I visit him right now?"

"I'm sure it's only immediate family."

He wanted to interject with a loud, "We're practically the only family he really has right now!" But he knew he couldn't. All he could choke out was, "Oh. So his dad will be contacted?"

"Yes. I think I'm going to have to have quite a lengthy talk with Mr. Fernandez." She took a deep sigh, like she'd just come up from the bottom of the ocean for a breath of air. "Glad I have that to look forward to."

A worried glance cast over Lovino. "Does that mean… we're not going to see each other as often when he gets better?" _That's right, Lovi. It's a when, not an if. Keep telling yourself that. _

"I'll do everything I can to convince him. But, at the end of the day, that's his father and I have to respect the decision he makes as a parent. So… if he disagrees to allow you and Toni to see each other, I want you to respect that. No more secret visits, sneaking out, okay?"

All he could do was nod. That thought itself was terrifying. What would he do without Antonio by his side?

"Mom?" He perked his head up at her. Her eyes replied with a, "Yes, son?"

"Antonio is gonna miss the first day of school."

She laughed. The woman _laughed._ "Mio dio, I'm so blessed God gave me a son like you. What would I do without my Lovi, my firstborn?"

"You have Feliciano, your little miracle," He scoffed back. He appreciated the compassion, but… he wanted the truth.

"And I love Feliciano too, but my life wouldn't be complete without you."

"Yeah, right. Then how come Feli gets all the love and the praise?"

"Because he's the baby!" She giggled. "I have to! Gosh, Lovi, I thought you were more mature. Is my _breve bambino_ jealous of his little brother?"

"No!" He felt his face growing warm. "Even if technically I'm the little one…" he muttered under his breath, referring to how Feli was a good inch taller than Lovino now. Hopefully he'd stop growing soon. Maybe he'd consider forcing Feli to drink a bunch of coffee all the time, that's supposed to stump your growth, right? …Oh. That explains his own height.

"It's okay, Lovino. You know I love you both. I'm sorry if you think I'm showing Feliciano more affection. But every time I try, you just shoo me away!"

"Well…yeah…" He was growing redder and redder by the second. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it…" Few people had figured out that as much as it seemed that Lovino hated affection and attention, he secretly _adored it. _And it made him feel so special when someone praised him or acknowledged his existence… maybe that was why he was so interested in Antonio.

She ruffled his brown hair. "Well, then, my little chocolate drop, I'll call the nurse in so we can set you free from this place."

"Sounds good," He yawned. "And when we get home, I'm taking a hot bath, and going to sleep."

"I'd like to get in some sort of contact with Antonio's dad..." His mother said. "I'm going to talk to the front desk about it."

.

The nurse said they could visit in the afternoon, during the assigned visiting hours. They signed up, and went home.

That bath really did feel great, it was relieving to get that 'hospital' feel finally off of him. His arm would stay in the cast for a good six weeks, and his ribs would heal on their own. Although, it did hurt to cough or breathe in sometimes. The doctor said it was healthy to take some deep breaths and cough every once in a while, to clear up his lungs and help it heal.

But after he was clean and rested, Antonio slipped back into his mind. He still had about two hours before he could visit. He decided he'd go to Gilbert, what he needed right now was a friend.

The walk across that road had never been more tiresome. He was sore, and the heat waves in the air caused a dizzy, nauseous feeling to resonate from his entire body. He knocked on the door, meaning to ask for a glass of water as soon as he walked through the door.

It was his father who answered, again. "Here for Gilbert?" He asked in his rigid, gruff voice. Lovino nodded. "He's at a dentist appointment. But Ludwig is here."

Lovino considered it. He didn't like that meat-headed brick, but he just wanted to talk to somebody. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "Sure. Can I come in, then?" He wrung his hands together. Mr. Beilschmidt made him horrifically nervous for some reason.

"Sorry about the accident," He heard him say. That comment almost made him want to smile. He actually had emotions.

"Oh, thank you. I'm just hoping Antonio gets better." He nodded, and went back to his office.

He cautiously climbed up the steps. He knew where Ludwig's room was, it wasn't a very confusing house. Four bedrooms, counting the one downstairs where Mr. Beilschmidt lurked.

Lovino gave two gentle knocks on the door. He waited. Then he heard Ludwigs deep voice, "Come in."

He really wasn't expecting to find Feliciano in there. When did he come over? He was home when they got back from the hospital. They had already gotten past the tears, the 'thank god you're okay', all the mushy stuff. His eyes were still a bit puffy from crying. But the two had a very obvious blush on their face, like they'd just been caught doing something bad.

He remembered Antonio's words in the past, how he told him to let Feli grow up and make relationship decisions. He was right, too. Feliciano had that freedom. He wasn't overprotective because Feliciano was a fragile person, though that's what most prefer to believe. In reality, Feli was almost more resilient and mentally stronger than Lovino. Just another thing he was jealous of. But, Feliciano did deserve somebody great. His little brother was an amazing person, and if he was going to be with somebody, it better be somebody who will love him for who he is and truly appreciate him, and treat him right.

"Hi, Lovi. Do I have to go home or something?" Feliciano asked in a shy voice.

"No, you don't. I just...came to see Gilbert. But since he's not here, I thought I'd hang out with you guys."

"Oh." His answer came out as more of a surprise. "Alright, well we don't have any problem with that, right Luddy?" He smiled. Ludwig nodded, and Lovino wanted to puke.

Ludwig decided to start the conversation with, "So I heard about the accident, and Antonio. Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah…" He refused to meet Ludwig's eyes. "Just some broken and bruised ribs, and, well, I think the cast is self-explanatory."

"I didn't mean that. I meant about Antonio. How are you taking all of that? It can't be easy on you."

The tears were at the very brim of spilling over in heavy sobs. He didn't want to think about Antonio's situation. "He saved me."

"Excuse me?" Ludwig furrowed his eyebrows.

"I was on the side of the collision. If Antonio hadn't jumped in to protect me, who know's if I'd be standing here now. But..._Dio mio_ what an absolute idiot… he should've just let fate play out whatever it had planned. Why'd he do it? I should be in that hospital bed, not him. Now… who knows what'll happen." He really didn't want to cry in front of Ludwig, but tears began to escape anyway. He tried to cover his eyes with the strands of hair that fell into his face and tried to wipe the tears away without anyone noticing.

"Lovino, don't say that. Do you understand? You shouldn't ever say anything of that sort. What happened last night obviously happened for a reason, and you may not understand it now but you will someday. All we can do now is hope he'll get better and won't suffer anything severe."

Ludwig was good with words, he'll give him that. He still felt like crap, though. "Thanks. Good talk, Beilschmidt. Can I get a drink of water, though?"

Though he was slightly reluctant to stay, he needed a distraction, and he had time to waste. It was interesting, watching Feliciano and Ludwig. Lovino would catch that Feli's grin grew even bigger when Ludwig's lips turned up a bit, considering they rarely did. They would blush here and there, like when Ludwig's hand would graze Feliciano's arm. If he was being honest with himself, they always looked so happy when they were together. He was almost jealous. Sure, he got close to that same feeling with Antonio, but things hadn't always been so simple with him.

It was a game of I-like-you-but-you-don't-like-me-back and the vise versa of now-that-I-like-you-you're-over-me. Now, neither of them really knew where they were exactly. They were close friends, that was for sure. His friendship is something Lovino never wanted to lose.

He didn't realize how much time he'd wasted at their house until he turned on his phone to check the time. He had to leave.

"Hey, Feli. I gotta go see Antonio. Are you coming with, or…?"

Feliciano looked at him with wide eyes. "Um… I guess I'll go visit. Maybe if he has more support it'll help him wake up."

"I don't think it works that way, Feliciano," Ludwig cut in. Lovino couldn't help but grunt in agreement.

"Come on then. See ya around, Ludwig." He rarely actually said Ludwig's name correctly. He almost caught Ludwig's soft, shy smile. _Ha. _

When they got back to the house, his mother seemed a bit jumpy. Had she been able to contact Antonio's dad? He decided not to ask. It might've put her on edge even more so.

"Alright, boys. Let's go see Toni."

.

He wanted to sink into the walls when he entered that horrible place. There it was again, that sterile hospital smell, accompanied by a cold, rigid atmosphere. He just wanted to see Antonio.

Thankfully, the nurse let them in with no complications, and they were led down the hall to his room.

"Before you enter," Said the nurse as she turned to face them. "You must know he's in a fragile state. He'll be needing surgery, but not until he's stronger. The brain contusion isn't as severe as it could be, thankfully, but we're hoping there won't be any complications when he wakes up. For now… he just needs rest." The family nodded, all with concerned looks on their faces.

She opened the door, and they all filed in.

_Oh my God…_

There was a splint where he broke the bone on his right thigh. The rest of him was under the blanket, though he could still see his face.

Despite having a bandage around his head, he slept so peacefully. He was pale, and his pink lips were slightly parted. He would've looked so beautiful… if not for the tragedy he was in.

They all stared for a good couple of seconds, until they heard a shuffling in the corner of the room.

Antonio's father. He must've been sitting there the whole time, with his son. He wore a suit, and his hair was slightly sticking up in places. The bags under his eyes and the exhausted look on his face was enough to tell Lovino that not only was he unhappy, he'd just gotten off a plane to get to his injured son.

Lovi's mom turned to him with panic-stricken eyes. "Hello," She said weakly.

His father sighed. "I don't even know what to tell you. But, I'd like to understand why my son is sitting in this hospital bed right now."

So they hadn't spoken, after all. Or maybe, his mom was on edge because she somehow knew he'd be here.

She nodded, and took a seat nearby. "Antonio wanted to visit Lovino."

"He knows he's not allowed to. All of you, know Antonio is not permitted to see him."

"I know, I know. It's just… look, sir. It isn't my place to speak, but these two boys have a beautiful friendship. What they have is _special_. I beg you to see that. You can't possibly separate them." She took a deep, shaky breath. "Antonio saved my son's life. He didn't have to do that. Knowing perfectly well he'd get injured, he shielded Lovino. Antonio could have gotten out of there with, at worst, a broken arm. They care so much for each other. And Antonio… he's such a sweet boy. I couldn't expect anything more from him. I don't know how exactly to explain it… but it's like they need to be together. They're _connected_ and if you just catch their eyes while they're looking at each other, there's something real there. You can't break that."

He didn't speak for a while. No one did. A heavy silence hung in the air, a silence that was surprisingly loud.

Then, he looked up at Lovino's mom. "I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. It's going to take him a good five months to heal. And it's going to cost me a lot of money."

Was he trying to say what Lovino thought he was saying?

"Of course. I'll help out with the medical bills as much as I can. But, sir, I am a single mother with two boys. I can only help out so much."

"I understand. I'll leave you three to watch him sleep, I guess. If he'll ever wake up, anyway. I need to make a phone call." He stomped out the door.

Lovino took a huge sigh, not knowing if it was from relief or exhaustion. "Thank you, mama."

She managed a smile. "I just want you boys to be happy."

"But, that guy is taking your money!" Feli interjected.

"I know, Feli. It's okay. In a way, he's right. Antonio was with us when it happened. Besides, it's Toni. You know I want to help him in any way I can."

They talked a bit, as Lovino pulled a chair to sit next to Antonio's bed. He watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, his eyes so peacefully closed. He had a couple specks of bruises here and there, along his forehead and parts of his neck. Lovino took the hand that wasn't being poked by the IV. He put his fingers against Antonio's wrist, to feel his pulse. It was slow, and his fingers were cold. Lovino gently held on to his hand, softly grazing his thumb back and forth across Antonio's.

He felt his hand move, just a little bit. Then again. Then, his cold fingers wrapped tightly - as tightly as his weak body could manage, anyway - around Lovino's hand.

A hopefulness flowered in Lovino's heart. He felt warm, though his feet tapped anxiously against the blank tile floor.

_Antonio_

He knew he was awake. He could feel a hand woven into his, an adorable, little hand with thin fingers and a smooth feel. It could only be Lovi's hand. He wanted to see him.

Antonio was alive, right? He had to be. If he was dead, he'd probably know it. If Lovi was here, they both had to be alive. Though if Lovi was dead too, then, well, at least they were together.

But, he couldn't see anything. It was dark. He struggled to find light, until he remembered that light came from above and he forced his body upwards, wherever the light was.

Wherever Lovi was. That's where he wanted to be.

Finally, he hit a bright, white light. Much like the last one he saw before being succumbed into the darkness.

Just like he was then, he wasn't scared. Because, pretty soon, his beautiful golden eyes came into view. His chocolate brown hair flew just past his eyebrows, and a bright, brilliant smile.

Antonio couldn't find his voice. He managed a smile. He felt those same, frail fingers against his cheek, against his neck.

There was pain. But it was all physical. One hell of a headache and some strange, sharp pain in his legs.

Inside, he just felt happy. And… it had been a while since he'd been able to say that. He was alive. Lovino was okay, and he was with him. That was more than he could've ever asked for.

**This is actually the longest chapter in this story! I hope you like it, though. Things have been a bit hectic so I may not be able to get the next chapter out that fast. Thanks for reading! ^-^**


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

_Lovino_

Those big, green eyes.

He would never get sick of those eyes.

Especially right now, that relief flooded through him and a positive energy surged through his body. He felt the warm tears building up and running down his face. "Toni…" He would've hugged him to death if he weren't in such a fragile state.

"I'll call the nurse," His mother said, signaling towards the door. Feliciano watched from the corner of the bed, grinning from ear to ear and trying to keep himself mostly quiet.

"Antonio, your dad is here. Do you want me to get him?"

He saw the fear that flushed through his eyes. "I don't know for sure if he'll let us see each other. But me, my mom, we're all trying. It's gonna be okay."

Lovino sighed. It may be a while until Antonio says anything. He's been through a lot, and he's probably still searching for his voice. "I'll get your dad. He'll be glad to see you."

Wiping the tears away with one swipe of his arm, he peeked into the hallway. Antonio's dad was sitting a bit farther down, speaking on the phone.

"I'm sorry, sir. It was an emergency. My son's life is at risk you have to understand I-" He heard him stop speaking as he looked at the phone in disgust, then put it down. That was probably his boss. He must've hung up on him.

"Um, excuse me? Antonio woke up." He squeaked from the doorframe. He looked up at Lovino, seeing a relief flash through him. "_Gracias a Dios…_" He muttered. "How is he?" He began to walk towards him.

"He's just tired. He hasn't spoken. My mom called the nurse."

He nodded as Mr. Fernandez pushed himself into the room, somewhat in disbelief. He slowly walked up to the hospital bed, eyes wide open. "Antonio...you're awake."

_Antonio_

He blinked at his father. He...didn't really know what to say. All he wanted was for Lovino to be at his side. And his own mother, of course. But it's not like she was here.

"It's gonna be alright, Antonio. I told you not to hang around that boy, didn't I? I hope you learned your lesson." He breathed out, and sat in Lovino's spot. "If you don't want to ever see any of them again, that can be arranged."

Antonio wanted to yell out in objection. He roughly shook his head, though it felt like someone throwing him against a cement wall. He hoped his father would see in his eyes that, he wanted to be with Lovino.

"I see. Well, _hijo,_ get your rest. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I need to be here… but they're threatening to fire me. Why can't they understand that family comes first? Do they really expect my work to be my life priority?" Just like everyone else in the family, his accent thickened when he was impassioned or upset.

Though he was tired and in pain, an idea sprung in his head. He tried signaling over to Feliciano, who was still at the corner of the bed, and Lovino, who was close to the door.

"Hm?" He tilted his head. Antonio rolled his eyes and kept nodding up at the Vargas brothers.

"What about these guys?" Antonio weakly pointed to his dad's phone, which he held in his hand. His father handed it to him, and Antonio slowly typed out a text, one slow letter at a time.

_let me stay with them_

His father took the phone back, and frowned at the message. "Toni, I don't know. Are you sure? I mean, I know our options are limited right now, but think it through."

He didn't break eye contact with his father. He was absolutely sure about this. He didn't want to get his dad fired, it had been so difficult for him to land a good-paying job in the first place. Besides, he knew the Vargas family would take him in, care for him as if he were a part of the family. Sure, he almost lost his life in a car accident with them, but he trusted them.

"I'll talk to Sandra."

That's when the nurse walked in, greeting in a polite tone, "Hi Antonio! We're glad to see you've woken up. We're gonna have to run some tests, and then assess the next part of your treatment."

They did take some tests, although Antonio was hardly conscious of what they were doing. He was still a bit drowsy, and at this point he didn't really care what they did with him.

Visitors had to leave, so it was goodbye for now. Miss Sandra and Feliciano waved goodbye, wishing him good luck and for him to start feeling better soon. Then, while no one was looking, Lovino leaned over to peck his cheek, and whisper a sincere, "See you later, Toni," in his ear.

That definitely made him feel a little bit better.

_Lovino_

Antonio might be staying with him. That was the best news he could've possibly heard. Mr. Fernandez pulled his mom aside to talk to her, and they seemed to be having an important conversation. He didn't want to bother them.

"Lovi?" His brother poked his shoulder.

Lovino looked at him expectantly.

"Do you think maybe Antonio woke up only because you were there?"

"You're so superstitious. I don't know, Feliciano. We just got lucky."

"When you were there with him… I just saw this spark between you guys. Like he was trying to reach out for you. It's like he knew you were there with him and that was his only motivation into waking up."

Lovino scoffed. "Whatever." He didn't want to make himself believe those things. It was luck, pure luck. Nothing more.

"I'm telling you, Lovi," He tempted. "But whatever, don't believe me then." Lovino ignored him, and pulled out his phone.

"Loviiii…." Feliciano continued to pester.

"Yeah?"

"I'm thirsty."

"Hi Thirsty, I'm Lovino Vargas." A second later, Lovino chucked a bit. "Ha, you're thirsty…"

"Dio mio, Lovi! You're impossible." Feliciano slumped against the white wall.

"Kidding," Lovino half-smirked. "I have a five-dollar bill," He pulled out his wallet. "You're paying me back."

"Alright!" He took the money and merrily went on his way to the nearest vending machine.

In the meantime, Lovino texted Gilbert. He told him that Toni woke up, and that hopefully he'd be a bit more conscious soon. They hadn't really told him anything about Antonio's condition. But, he felt the need to tell Gilbert. He deserved to know, right?

Feliciano came bounding back with Lovino's change in one hand and a Coca-Cola in the other. "Thanks, Lovi! See, you are a good big brother."

"Yeah, yeah. I know," He smiled jokingly.

"Do you think Toni will get better soon?" Feliciano looked down into his soda bottle. Practical Feli, jumping with excitement one moment, concerned about others the next. Lovino never really decided whether or not that was a good quality.

But he knew his brother needed reassurance. "Of course he will. He's Antonio. Don't worry, he'll be just fine."

From one second to another, his huge grin was back. "Yeah, I thought so."

_Antonio_

He'd be needing surgery, to repair his broken femur. He heard them say they would put in screws and rods, to line up the bone where it's supposed to be. But, for now, the contusion had to heal before he was healthy enough for surgery. Luckily, it wasn't too severe. He hadn't suffered memory loss, or any blood clotting. All he needed was monitoring and medication.

Antonio had never had surgery before. He'd broken arms, been sick enough to go to the emergency room, but never this severe. Yet, he had a positive feeling that he'd be okay.

At any rate, he didn't want to stay with his dad. He wanted to be with Lovi, and his family. He felt like a part of them. With his dad, he felt somewhat distant. They lacked some sort of connection. Besides, Antonio didn't want to unwillingly trust a person with his health that didn't trust in him. He needed to be taken care of, correctly. As sad as it was, his father can't fill the job.

Antonio still didn't speak to anyone. Maybe it was shock, or maybe he just couldn't get the words out. He was sure his voice would come back eventually. Who was he, without his endless chatter? How much of his life would this accident change?

The doctors told him they would put splints in his leg until the official surgery. Along with that, they gave him some weird-looking food, antibiotics, and left. He'd most likely be alone for the rest of the night. Then he heard the door open. He was so tired… he didn't really care who it was. He heard a chair being dragged closer to him, and when he finally looked to his side… there was Lovi.

"Hey, Toni. So… you'll be spending the night here again. We're still working everything out but," There was just a little pinch of lightness in his otherwise heavy voice. "Your dad probably has to go back to Washington, where his business trip is. He said, leaving you in our care will probably be his only option."

Though he should've felt conflicted about his dad not being there for him, he was overjoyed. But, if he was being honest with himself, he would love to have his mom back. He trusted her more, and was tied more closely with her.

Did his mom even know about the accident? Surely, his dad must've contacted her by now. He didn't want her to worry.. but talking to her would be nice. That is, if he could manage to pump out a couple of sentences. Just hearing her voice, though, would be nice.

Antonio blinked at Lovi a couple of times, so he knew he was alert and listening. He tried nodding his head a bit, but he was still in pain. The medication hadn't really set in yet. Lovino gingerly patted his hair with the hand that wasn't in a cast, and sat in a comfortable silence.

It was nice, sometimes, The silence. Neither of them needed words to express anything. They would just sit, in pleasant company of each other, and nothing else was necessary.

Usually, it was Antonio who would crack through that silence. Today, it was the other way around. "You know, Toni… I forgot to thank you. Not to sound egocentric or anything, but I know you care about me. Just... not enough that you'd do something like that. I wish I had let you go home that night, we would've taken the opposite road. That would've never happened." Antonio watched him intently. His eyes were dark and glossy.

"But, regardless of that, you still chose to save me. I really can't believe it. I don't even know how to thank you. It seems there are just no words to describe that." Antonio reached up to wrap his hand around Lovino's, and held on tight.

Antonio didn't _choose _to save him. He _had_ to. He wished he could tell him that. He wanted to tell him not to blame himself for what happened, not to wish otherwise. It had to have happened for a reason, he knew that. _That sounds like something my mom would say, _he told himself. You really do become your parents, don't you?

"I'm sorry.." Lovino sighed, as a single tear dripped down. Antonio watched as it fell, and lifted his hand against Lovino's cheek, to wipe it away. Tugging on his shirt, he urged Lovino closer. He wanted his presence, every fiber of his being, to be near him. No, actually… he didn't just want it, he needed it. It was more of an instinctive urge to crave his comfort, to hold him close.

He could hear Lovi's shallow breath, feel the gentle beating of his heart, smell the shampoo in his hair, and as he pulled him even closer, tasted his sweet lips. All the physical pain he was drowned under washed away. It was beautiful, how Lovino pushed deeper into the kiss and made Antonio's body swirl with a million different feelings at once.

Yet, he was still unsure. That's when they both pulled away. He didn't know whether he actually wanted a relationship with Lovino. The idea of it… of them being more than friends, it was strange.

He was too tired to think about it. He'd had a long day, and he'd been awake for longer than he should be after gaining consciousness. He shifted a bit in his bed, as much as he could anyway, and tried to hint to Lovino that he wanted to rest.

Lovi's eyes lit up a bit as he asked, "Do you think I can lay with you for a while?" And Antonio adored the idea. He nodded a bit, attempting to scoot over to create enough space.

Gently, as to not hurt Antonio, Lovi slipped under the thin hospital blanket. It was cold, always cold. But Lovino seemed to warm everything up. Antonio wanted to scoop up his smaller body, and hold him tight as he fell asleep to the steady beating of his heart. But, considering the circumstances, he'd just have to make do with Lovino's head resting between his shoulder and his neck, with his arm draped over Antonio's chest.

They both closed their eyes, although Lovino fell asleep before Antonio. He must've been really tired, too.

Right as he was drifting into a sleep, he heard the door open. The footsteps of two people.

"Is that Lovino sleeping next to my son?" That was his dad.

"Well, I'd want someone next to me too if I was in a hospital room this cold," Miss Sandra shot back defensively.

"Still, it's not right."

"How?"

"Sandra, he's my little boy. I want him to grow up into a fine young man."

"Who says he won't? If you ask me, he already is."

"H-he's gay, though!"

"Your point is…?"

"Not only will he be made fun of, he'll act all feminine, he'll never have kids, or a normal life!"

"Just because he prefers to be with guys rather than girls does not mean anything. And so what if he acts 'feminine'? There's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't hold a person to a certain standard just because of their gender or sexuality. Besides, who knows he won't have kids? Maybe he'll adopt someday. Get married, get a job, live in a nice house with a dog and a loving spouse, and adopt a child who really needs a good home with good morals. That seems better than a normal life, it's a great life."

"I'm just having a really hard time accepting it."

"Well, then while you work on being a decent and sensible person, love him regardless and respect him for who he is. He's still young, he's growing up, exploring the world."

"You're saying this is just a phase?"

"Of course it isn't! All I'm saying is, you have to accept that he's going to start realizing more and more things about himself as he gets older. This is one of those things."

"I'll try."

"I hope you will. Either way, we need to get passed the issue of what's going to happen next. You have to go back to Washington, don't you?"

"Yeah…" He grumbled. "Those bastards. Right when I need to be with Antonio, they threaten to fire me if I'm not there. I can't lose this job. It would be so hard to find another one that pays so well."

"What do you work in?"

"Transportation offices. I actually used to be a truck driver, but then I got a call saying this spot was available. I had to, it was such a big step up from constantly sitting behind a wheel, in a greasy old truck. It's just one of those things you have to do for your family, you know?"

"I understand…" She sighed.

"I never thought it'd come back and bite me in the ass." Though Antonio couldn't see him, he could picture his dad running his left hand through his hair, like he always did when he was stressed.

Though Antonio didn't often give it much thought, his father worked hard for him and his mom. For them to have a nice home, a car, groceries every week, it wasn't easy. Somehow, they had to make it work. Unfortunately, a lot of sacrifices came with it.

"So are we going to officially arrange Antonio's stay at my house? He's welcome for as long as needs, of course. I won't be home all the time, but the boys will be there and I know they'll both take good care of him."

"They're starting school soon, aren't they?"

"Yes, next week actually."

Another sigh. "Who knows how much school he'll miss..."

"Well, hopefully if he recovers soon, he'll get the surgery he needs, bedrest for a couple of days, then he'll start on the physical therapy to get his leg back in shape. After that, he'll be on crutches, and by then he'll be in school."

"They said it'll take five months for it to heal."

"And a year until he can really use it," She added.

"Well," He heard him sitting down. "That's just something we're going to have to deal with. Maybe I can get him a tutor or something. God, that's so expensive."

"You have my support. All of us care for Antonio, and I'll treat him as my own."

"...Thank you."

"Of course."

When their conversation ended, Antonio could feel their glares as both parents looked upon their sleeping sons.

He wouldn't mind being a parent one day.

It was a lot of work...but he'd pull through. He'd want a little girl. He'd decorate the entire nursery himself, and as she grew, redecorate her room to accommodate her. He'd make sure whoever she dated treated her right, and always be there for her. When she came home from school, he'd tell her he loved her and ask her what the best and worst part of her day was. He would trust her and give her privacy, yet still be a bit protective sometimes because he wouldn't want his little girl getting hurt.

There were also so many challenges that came with being a parent...it wouldn't be easy. But he wouldn't face it alone. He felt Lovino shift just a bit at his side. Yeah... he wasn't alone.

Eventually he stopped caring about whatever they were talking about, and sank into a deep, peaceful sleep.

At least, it was peaceful. Until he woke up. The other half of the bed was cold, empty. Lovino must've gone home by now. He looked for a nearby clock. It was early morning. Nurses would be rushing in soon, another day of this sterile incarceration.

He lay unaware of everything around him, staring at the white lights above him. It was strange to think when people died in hospitals, that was usually their last sight. He hoped his last sight would be something beautiful… a river, a garden, or maybe a some_one_.

Well, he'd find out one day.

_Lovino_

Though he was reluctant to leave, his mother was waiting. She was tired. Hell, she'd even put off work to come to the hospital with them, so she'd be working an extra shift the next day.

He was tired, though. Everyone was. When morning came, no one bothered to make breakfast. His mom mentioned something about picking up some coffee and a donut on her way to work. Lovino and Feliciano had completely skipped the 'most important meal of the day'.

Seeing Feliciano like this, so drained, it was rare. The whole thing with Antonio must've really been bothering him.

"Hey, Feli," Lovino called.

"Yes?"

"We all care about Antonio a lot, don't we?"

"Of course."

"That's why we gotta do everything we can to help him."

Feliciano flashed him a tired smile. "Don't worry, Lovi. We are."

Lovino felt some comfort in that. Besides, Antonio would be in their care soon. Even though he wouldn't be able to spend his last days of summer the way he originally envisioned them, he was still with Antonio. That made him feel so lucky.

_~The next day…_

Lovino carried in a giant brown paper bag of medication. With these many pills coming in, their house would start to look like a pharmacy. Antonio was wheeled in by Lovi's mother, who luckily got the day off. They hadn't exactly worked out how Antonio was going to get in a bed since it was upstairs, but they did give him some crutches just in case. He still wouldn't be able to put any pressure on the leg, much less walk on it, but he'd just have to deal with it until the surgery.

Feliciano glanced at the staircase, then the disabled Antonio. "Can we get him those things they get for old people who can't go up the stairs on their own?"

Lovino heard Antonio sigh. He knew Toni was one who hated feeling helpless, instead he was the one who constantly wanted to help. Being taken care of, like this, it wouldn't be easy on him.

"No, Feli," His mother half-laughed. "Let's try to pull him up there. It'll be a team effort, so I need everyone focused on making sure Antonio doesn't get hurt."

His mother grabbed the back of the chair, and each brother took one side. After making sure Antonio's leg was safe where it wouldn't move, they slowly hauled him step by step.

By the time they reached the top of the stairs they had all broken a sweat and had took a breather. Antonio tried to smile at them in the chair. The whole way up, he'd pulled his head low in shame.

"Alright, to my room you go," Lovino panted, getting behind the wheelchair to push him. "You're gonna have to lose a couple pounds, _gordo_. That's how you say fat in Spanish, right?"

Antonio gave a light grunt in reply, trying to express some sort of sarcastic anger.

"It's alright, Toni. It's probably all muscle anyway," Lovino winked with a sly smile.

They got Antonio settled comfortably on the bed. After Lovino crawled in with him, still exhausted for some reason, they both took a long, well-deserved nap.

**AN: This chapter was actually pretty cute and I enjoyed writing it :3 **

**Lovino is finally bonding more with his brother, and with his mom… and Toni's dad is actually making an effort to accept Antonio regardless of who he is. **

**Next chapter will be super fluffy, just so you're mentally prepared! 3 Hope you enjoyed~!**


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

_Lovino_

So, school was starting up really soon. In fact, he had about three days left to mentally prepare himself for another haunting year of high school. Not that his freshman year was absolutely horrible… just, dull.

Unfortunately, he wouldn't have Antonio at his side. His surgery date was actually the same date as Lovi's first day. Wouldn't _that_ give him something great to think about while he sits in each boring class, listening to each teacher's introduction and receiving pointless syllabi, needing to be signed.

Constantly being in the same home with Antonio was an experience he'd never forget. Sure, it wasn't exactly living with him when he was sat in the same room all day and never uttered a word. But his presence was sufficient.

Although, Lovino was getting worried about the issue revolving the fact that Antonio still wasn't talking. Would he be like this forever? The doctor told him it might be from the contusion, or he might just be choosing not to because of the shock of everything going on. He just hoped he'd get to hear Antonio's voice again, even if it was just once.

They were taking him to the hospital almost daily, due to the preparation of his surgery. Lovi's mom started taking night shifts, because of the work she'd been missing. He really appreciated everything she was doing for Antonio. It meant a lot to him.

The night before the surgery, they lay in bed together, hands intertwined and the soft sound of their slow breaths in the dark room.

Antonio seemed to be in a lot of pain. Admittedly, Lovino was hurting too. His ribs were still hurting and he'd been taking breathing exercises that the doctor recommended. They were both injured in some way, both physically and mentally. Antonio seemed to have gotten the worst of it, unfortunately. Lovino tilted his head to look at him, and took a heavy breath. "I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be back in a bit."

He turned to him with half lidded, concerned eyes. His expression seemed to ask, _why so late? _

Lovino only responded with a small peck on his nose and a soft, kind smile. He needed to think. And hell, if he wanted to take a shower at half past midnight, he would.

He slid off the bed, as he was on the side not against the wall. Antonio had taken that side, to make it easier for Lovino to get in and out. He glanced over to where he lay, and caught the faint glimmer of his green eyes. The streetlights shining in through the window gave Antonio's sharp face a soft illumination, softening his features and highlighting the arcs and curves of his face. Personally, Lovino thought that was stunning. He absolutely loved how the dim light transformed his features. Though he knew Antonio probably couldn't see, he smiled brightly in his direction. Then, grabbing some clean underwear and sweatpants from the drawer, he quietly left the room.

For the most part, his family slept like bears in winter. There was a very unlikely chance that the running shower would wake them up.

He stared at himself in the mirror for a small amount of time. Studied his features, the way his eyelids folded and the purple bags under his eyes. The way his nose perked up just a teeny bit at the end, but was completely triangle-shaped otherwise. Then, the small slope between his nostrils and his upper lip, and his bottom lip that jutted out just slightly more. It was his face, his body, he should have nothing to be ashamed of. No one should have to hate themselves for their appearance. Slowly, but surely, Lovino was coming to terms with the fact that regardless of how he was compared to other people, he had to love himself, every flaw, every unwanted spot or freckle, or whatever else seemed to appear on his face.

After he'd gotten enough of his face, he turned the shower on and undressed slowly while the steam rose. He almost forgot to slide on the plastic cover to shield his cast from the water. The bathroom and the mirror began to fog up, as he set one foot, then the other, into the hot cascade of water.

The hot rain hit his head, his neck, his face, dripping down his body. The warmth felt nice, relieving. It gave him space to think. He took the shampoo bottle and squeezed a small amount into his hand, before putting it back and applying it to his hair. He massaged gently through his dark brown locks, lost in the hot, soapy smell and dripping water on his back.

He wanted to cry. Like he usually did when he showered. Not for himself, not because he thought he wasn't good enough, he wanted to cry for Antonio. The recurring thought that this could've been avoided, that _it didn't have to happen, _that's what hurt most. Lovino felt so guilty, and so selfish for wanting Antonio back, all for himself. He wanted he best for him. He wanted Antonio to be happy. He hadn't done any of that. Now he was in a severe state, mute, and broken inside and out.

Antonio didn't deserve the rotten life he was dealt with. He was too beautiful, too brilliant, too kind. He shouldn't have to live with a father that doesn't understand him, a mom that struggles with her own life and lives in another state anyway, _got into a near fatal car accident_, and probably worst of all, he was stuck with someone like Lovino.

Was he really stuck? Lovino knew they were connected. That, was a given. Just… how? Whether they were just friends, loved each other amorously, wanted to slit each other's throats… they were always connected. What if in another life, they'd also been best friends, or siblings, or lovers, or father and son, or sworn enemies. Lovino didn't normally believe in separate lives like that, but there was no other explanation.

Maybe all that time ago when the universe was being created, some unimaginable force glued them together. And that force, no matter what, would continue to live on for the lifetime of eternity.

Then it clicked. Yes, it made perfect sense there while he stood under the showerhead, even though all the shampoo had long past washed away. Him and Antonio, well, they were soul mates. There was no other way to put it. So he needn't worry about whether or not they'd be together. They'd _always _be together, no matter what.

So, for now, his mission was to help make Antonio happy. He didn't really care whether that meant being in a certain relationship with him or not. None of that mattered.

After happily applying conditioner and scrubbing his body with his favorite body wash, he left the shower satisfied. He wrapped his dark blue towel around his waist and ruffled the wetness out of his hair with another one. This time, when he looked back into the mirror, he saw the fogged up version of himself. Wiping away the condensation from one portion of the mirror, his face was revealed more clearly. He didn't feel so ashamed of his face after his shower. Sure, he had his flaws, but that was fine. Besides, he had Antonio.

Opening the medicine cabinet to grab some lotion, he saw a silver flash of light in the corner. Taking a closer look, it was the bracelet. The one he got for Antonio, the other half to the golden bracelet Antonio hopefully still owned. He remembered their parting, the letter and the words in them and how they affected him.

He was infused with thankfulness, at how everything had turned out just fine after all. Well, except for the whole crash thing, that one was rather unfortunate. Still staring at the bracelet, Lovino didn't know whether or not to reach for it. In a way, it wasn't really a symbol of their friendship. It was their past, the journey and the path they endured to get to where they are now. Maybe he should leave the past behind. Either way, he ended up snatching it from the shelf. He had an idea.

He set it on the bathroom counter first, so he could put on his boxers and sweatpants. Then, he slid the bracelet into his pocket, hung the towels back up, and left the restroom. He made his way back to his room, giddily.

Antonio seemed to be half-asleep, or in that strange zone between dreams and reality. Lovino smiled down at him. His eyes were still adjusting to the darkness around him, so it was more difficult to make out his features.

Before sliding back into bed, he set the bracelet on his nightstand, just so he wouldn't forget about it later. Then he turned around in Antonio's direction, cautiously draping his good arm over the other's body. Then, he cradled his head into his neck, snuggling into Antonio's warmth. This was tranquil. This is what he wanted, every single day of his life. Except, he wanted Antonio to be happy, healthy. Lovino would gladly switch places with him any day. Snug as can be, he drifted to sleep.

_Antonio_

Though he didn't realize it at first, he later noticed Lovino against him. His hair was wet and smelled freshly of his shampoo, the same shampoo Antonio loved. He could feel the moistness of his hair against his t-shirt and his skin, but didn't really care. Lovino was next to him.

But, he couldn't fall asleep again. There was too much going on, too much running through his mind for him to be able to focus on something as simple as sleeping.

More importantly, he wanted to be closer to Lovi. Would… he let him? Could he even cross certain boundaries? He vaguely turned his head down to him, and felt Lovino's face tilt up. Oh, did he wake him up? He hadn't really meant to do that. Lovi scooted up a bit, so his face was almost even to Antonio's. Through the darkness, he could barely make out his drowsy face, and something he could only describe as lust in his eyes. Lovino sunk closer and closer to him, until their noses were rubbing against each other.

Lovino might not be fully awake, or aware of what he was doing. He continued to inch closer, pressing their lips together. Antonio didn't mind one bit, he let it happen, he just didn't want Lovino to wake up in the morning and realize he'd closed a huge space between them. Yeah… they'd kissed before, but both of them were aware of the situation (well, except for the first time), and consented to what was about to happen. Not only that, Lovino seemed to be craving more than just an innocent kiss.

And by that, he didn't mean sex. That was… something to think about in the future, and Lovi wasn't that kind of person. Neither of them were ready, especially both of them fresh out of the hospital and tired and stressed and undoubtedly confused out of their minds.

Antonio allowed what was about to happen. Lovino seemed pretty confident in his actions, and that's what made it acceptable. Antonio kissed back, stronger and deeper, battling against Lovino's force, yet melting into it at the same time.

Antonio couldn't urge his body to move anywhere else, resulting in him becoming very stiff and otherwise bland. With the same arm that Lovino had draped over him, Lovi slowly rose his arm to lift his, and strung it around Lovino's damp locks of hair. That made things easier. Antonio caressed the nape of his neck and his scalp with the ends of his fingers attempting to reach closer and closer.

That's when he felt the rock-hard cast against his side. Right, Lovino had a broken arm. It was a shame he hadn't been able to save him from all of the impact. Well, he'd done as much as he could've anyway. Lovino too felt that the cast was in the way, and looked down at it and sighed. "I'm sorry. Stupid thing."

Antonio shrugged. It was minor. He was just caught off guard, is all. With all the other pain shooting through his body he was quite unlikely to be bothered by the cast stabbing into his gut. He urged Lovino closer with his hand pressing into the other's back. Lovino complied, attempting to move the cast out of the way. Except then, he was hurting himself with it. Lovino looked down at it again, frowning. "Hold on." He reached over the bed and pulled out a small pillow. Lovino had tons of pillows all over his bed, and when it was time for him to go to sleep he threw most of them across the floor.

So he arranged the pillow to where it would not be hurting either of them. "There. Now let me get closer. I'm cold."

Antonio released a sort of grunt, the closest form of verbal communication he'd managed during the past few days. He hugged Lovino against him, dipping his head back so their lips would join once again. He could feel Lovino smiling through the kiss, making Antonio's heart leap out of his chest with joy.

Lovino gently began to bite the bottom of Antonio's lip, and wow, _how was he so damn good at this, wasn't he supposed to be a total virgin?_

But Antonio himself was so nervous, he didn't know what to do or what Lovino liked or if he'd let his hand linger on certain places and… _oh my god Lovino's hand was sliding down closer to his ass and oh- holy shit his hand was on his ass…_

"I've honestly always wanted to touch your ass." Lovino whispered, separating their mouths for a fraction of a second. But before he had time to resume their deep kiss, Antonio couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't a loud laugh, more of something between a whisper and the stifling of a giggle. It resulted in a chain effect, and Lovino started to laugh too.

"What?" He asked, incredulous. "I'm being serious. I really like your butt." Antonio wished he could've laughed harder. He felt a strange sense of pride, and considering he'd played sports for a good portion of his life, all that running and afterschool practices must've paid off. He wanted to genuinely thank him, as awkward as that sounded.

Regardless, they carried on, Antonio pressing against him as much as he could without hurting himself or Lovino, as he was getting his ass squeezed and Antonio continued to tug gingerly at Lovino's damp hair.

They continued this way for a while, lost in each other, yet almost merging their bodies to become one. Eventually, they grew tired enough to the point they would just lay in each other's embrace. Right before Lovino's eyes slid closed Antonio leaned in so his lips were just grazing his ear, and he finally found his voice. "I love you, Lovino," He whispered. And, he fell asleep.

_Lovino_

He didn't have to reply. Antonio knew. But he smiled gently, comforted at the sound of those small words. And if that was the last thing he'd ever hear him say, well, he was okay with that.

.

Lovino half-hoped no one had walked into the room while they slept together, considering throughout the night they'd somehow gone into a spooning position. Lovi could feel Antonio's business against his ass, a quite strange feeling indeed. He almost wanted to be grossed out at the fact, but _what did he really have to complain about?_

Antonio was holding onto him tightly, both of his arms wrapped around his smaller form.

Even though he'd told himself the night prior that he didn't care whether or not they were in a relationship, Lovino wanted this. He wanted to wake up every morning to Antonio's light breathing and watch as his eyes lit up with excitement because it was the morning and just that fact itself made him happy. He wanted to sit down with him for breakfast and talk about what they'd dreamt about the night before, and what they thought it meant. Then they'd go out for the day and live their lives, Lovino would always come home a bit earlier so he could cook dinner for Antonio and they could sit down and eat together to talk about their day and watch an episode of their favorite show.

He didn't want just friendship, he wanted to be as close as possible because that's what they were meant to be in this life.

His alarm went off, apparently he'd woken up a bit earlier than he was supposed to. Shame, he could've slept in a couple more minutes. The alarm woke Antonio up though, and he felt him groan into Lovino's shoulder. A yawn followed, and the shifting of Antonio's arms, so his hand was brushing against Lovino's upper chest.

"Morning," Lovino murmured, almost to himself.

"G-good, good mor-r-ning… Lovi," He felt the frustration in his hushed voice as he tried as hard as he could to mutter the three simple words. It made Lovino almost want to cry, he felt so guilty and he could sense how hard all of this was hitting Antonio, how helpless he must feel.

Lovino turned his head so he could meet his green eyes. Why did his eyes still look sad? They didn't even seemed to be caused by the crash, or his dad, or any of the recent bullshit that had been storming around lately. He wanted to catch that magical sparkle that lit up in Antonio's eyes when he was genuinely happy, he wanted to take that emotion and preserve it into something much more constant.

"Toni, I don't want to go to school." He said into Antonio's neck. It felt so pointless and the entire idea didn't appeal one bit. Maybe if Antonio was there.

The larger boy blinked back at him, sympathetically. But, Lovino couldn't really complain. He wasn't the one getting surgery.

"I'm worried about you…" Lovino started to trace circles with his forefinger on Toni's bare chest. God, when did he get so gushy?

"I-" Antonio choked out. He'd lost his voice again. So, he mouthed, "I will be fine."

Lovino should believe him. He was in the hands of professionals, and it wasn't like he had a serious heart or brain injury. But, he was still worried. It was that nurturing, motherly kind of worry, like he didn't want his baby bird to leave the nest. He felt so safe with Antonio here, in their bed covered in pillows and blankets and warmth and they could make coffee and put the laptop between them and watch movies all day. He didn't want anyone to take away that warmth or comfort, his ray of sunshine that is Antonio.

"I'm gonna get some breakfast. I don't think you can eat, because of the surgery. Sorry about that… I'll check though. It should say on the papers."

He moped down the stairs, shoulders slouched and eyes sleepy. Feliciano was already downstairs, baking a breakfast of blueberry muffins and brewing some coffee. He knew exactly what Lovino loved every single morning. Maybe that's why they were such great brothers. Though polar opposites, they held some strange compatibility.

"Morning, Lovi!" He chirped. He was still in sleepwear, a baby blue t-shirt and slightly tight black gym shorts. Lovino was only in sweatpants, still not bothering to put on a shirt. He wasn't cold anyway, there was no point in it. He'd get dressed soon.

"Good morning," He uttered back. "How does it feel, being a freshman, about to enter your first day of high school?" He tried to make conversation with his brother. Feliciano always appreciated it. Staying on good terms with his brother would be healthy, and admittedly, Lovino had been wanting to get closer to his little family.

"I'm nervous," He chuckled bit, glancing down at a coffee mug he was holding. "But Luddy is gonna be there too, and I think we got some classes together. So, it's gonna be fun. I just gotta stay positive. Life's what you make of it."

Lovino stared back at his brother, leaning against the counter and his chin resting on his palm. "I do wish I had your positivity sometimes, Feliciano, but you see my best friend is about to enter surgery."

"Mom is taking him, right?"

"Yeah, she's at work right now. But she'll swing by in an hour for his appointment. I wish I could go. I don't care how long I'd be there, I just want to be close to him."

Feliciano smiled frivolously in his direction. "It's actually really cute how much you care about him."

Lovino scoffed in return. "Nah, I mean considering he's my only friend other than Gilbert, it'd be foolish to not show at least some sort of concern."

"Mhmm," Feli nodded.

"Well, is it a sin to wish good upon my best friend? No, Feliciano, it is not," He continued defensively.

"I'm not saying anything," Feliciano mused, before laughing to himself. Lovino attempted to ignore him by making his way to the pantry to look for a snack to take to school.

Promptly before the two brothers were getting ready to sit for breakfast, a doorbell rang throughout the house.

"Who the hell is that?" Lovino turned to the direction of the door.

"Ooh, it's probably Luddy," Feliciano started towards the door. "We're carpooling, by the way. Ludwig and Gilbert's mom are doing us the favor of taking us to school since momma can't." Lovino barely caught all of it due to how fast Feli's tone was. He had a tendency to speak faster when he got excited.

"Good morning, Luddy! How's my little apple strudel doing this beautiful morning? You're early, silly!"

_Apple strudel? Really Feli? Talk about disturbing pet names... _

Lovino could hear Ludwig replying to him in his deep voice, though it was a lot more inaudible. You really couldn't _not _hear Feli. In fact, a lot of people thought Feli talked to himself a lot because when he's conversing with someone else, you can barely hear them in comparison.

After some long introductions and Feli's, "Did you sleep well last night?" "What did you pack for lunch?" "Do you think our teachers will be nice?" "Wow, we're gonna have lockers too, we didn't have those at my old school…" And so on. Until, they made their way to the kitchen. Lovino and Ludwig silently acknowledged each other, and left it at that so Feliciano's (kinda) one-sided conversation could continue.

Lovino sat in his chair, sipping coffee and scrolling through his phone. Today was going to be okay. He had to keep telling himself that, and that Antonio's surgery would go well, that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself on the first day. Maybe if he tried that same confidence Feliciano faced the day with, he'd have better luck. He'd understand things better, and every tough situation would become just a little bit easier. It wouldn't hurt to try, right?

Alright, so for today, he'd meet everything with a touch of zeal and enthusiasm. That wouldn't be _too_ hard.

When he finished his delicious muffins, he jolted up the stairs in two's (definitely with a lot more excitement than he had coming down), and raced into his room. Antonio looked up at him in a daze.

"Came in here to grab my bag, and to say goodbye." He gestured toward the already prepared black backpack sitting on his desk chair. He only needed to throw in his lunch, which was waiting downstairs.

Antonio nodded, and slid towards the edge of the bed to meet Lovino. Kneeling down just a bit, Lovino cupped the other's cheek and planted a quite sincere kiss. _This was new,_ he realized. _But… it's a good new._

"Bye bye, Toni," He smiled softly. "I'm coming to visit straight after school. I… I love you. Good luck."

He didn't expect a reply. Before Antonio could even attempt it, Lovino swiftly shot out of the room. A glowing warmth pumped through his rapidly beating heart, and his face was red-hot.

When he left the house with Feliciano and potato-head alongside him, he smiled vaguely to himself, and merrily made his way to the car across the street where Gilbert waited.

"Today's going to be a good day," He breathed.

**AHHH I'm sooooo sorry it took me so very long to update ;-; I don't even know if I'm satisfied with this chapter, but hey, it's kinda cute, right? **

**Well, anyways, I hope you enjoyed and I'm gonna try super-duper hard to get the next chapter out very soon.**

**Also, you've probably noticed that I changed my user. (Wow, way to go, my indecisive self..) This one will likely stay for a while, or at least I hope it will. Thanks for reading and following!**


	30. Chapter Thirty

_Antonio_

He'd fallen asleep again when everyone in the house had left, seeing as he had nothing better to do. He could've reached for Lovino's laptop to watch movies, but in all honesty, he was really tired anyway. It was almost a good thing, for him to be so tired. He needed to catch up on his sleep, and he needed all the strength he could get.

The sound of a door opening and closing with a thud downstairs was what woke him up. Lovino's mom must be here to take him to the hospital. He stretched his back out a bit, taking a deep breath.

That's when he spotted the silver gleam of the bracelet, the same bracelet Lovino gave Antonio for his birthday. The other half, the golden one, was tucked away safely in a box in his nightstand drawer. He'd decided losing it was too risky, considering that item was so valuable to him. But, why was the silver bracelet here? Antonio had sort of imagined that Lovino wouldn't have even wore it, or maybe he'd given it away. But it seems that they both had the same idea, to put it somewhere for safekeeping. He let out a satisfied breath, staring at the soft silver shine.

"Toni?" Lovino's mother slid into the slightly-opened door. He looked up at her, attentively.

"Good morning. I figured you'd be sleeping. We're leaving in about twenty minutes, so I gotta figure out how I'm gonna get you downstairs without killing you or myself."

Though Antonio had been wary of her in the beginning, he now knew she was a sweet lady, who only wanted good in the world. He appreciated her a lot, and couldn't even begin to think about how he'd be able to thank her.

"Alright, let's get you up and out of here. Don't worry, hun. You'll be better and walking before you know it." She smiled daintily. Antonio complied with her, leaning up and attempting to haul himself so he could slide into the chair. He'd been doing this quite a couple of times over the last couple of days, so he could go to the bathroom, eat, even go for a stroll outside while Lovino pushed him in the chair. The fresh air was nice.

Once he got into the chair, Miss Sandra took his bag and threw in Lovino's laptop, a book Antonio read when he got bored, and some extra clothing (though some of it was Feliciano's, because his was bigger than Lovino's and the Vargas family was never very good at laundry, resulting in a shortage of Antonio's clothes).

After a lot of sweat, almost falling out of his chair twice, and lots of elbow grease, Miss Sandra managed to get Antonio downstairs. He felt so bad, taking time out of her work day and making her go through all of this for a kid that wasn't even hers.

That made him wonder, though. If she was doing this, it was obviously for her son. She cared a whole awful lot about Lovino, and if she'd go to these lengths, then that must mean that Antonio is _really _important to Lovino. That gave him a strange melancholy feeling, but one of a warm, fuzzy happiness.

He wanted to ask her, as he figured that would be the best way to go. But he wasn't sure if his voice would come out right, or if he could even force it to go.

Instead, he held out his hand. She seemed a dumbfounded by the gesture at first, but cautiously took his hand. He smiled, gently holding her frail, pale fingers within his own larger hand. She knelt down so they'd be face to face. "You're welcome, Antonio. You know you're not a problem. We love having you here, and if I had the choice to take you in as my own son, I would in a heartbeat."

They both blinked. "Of course," She laughed softly, "You have a family of your own, and I have mine. And we both love them dearly, right?"

He nodded his head in response. She understood.

After getting Antonio properly secured into the front of the car, Miss Sandra gathered a couple more things and they were off. He'd actually been spoken to by a therapist about the crash, and for him to not fear cars or driving. Strangely enough, he didn't. He felt completely calm as they pulled out of the driveway and merged onto the main road, making their way to the hospital.

It was a clear summer day. The weather wasn't bad, either. He'd ask Lovino to take him on a walk if it weren't for the surgery. Admittedly, he was a bit nervous, and how can you not, when your leg is being opened up to place metal rods inside.

He hoped the recovery would be fast. Antonio hadn't gotten the chance to play sports last school year, so he really wanted to now. He didn't want to wait for his junior year to come along. Besides, he was confident that he could make it into varsity.

When the car ride came to an end, there was the task of getting Antonio back into the chair and inside the building. By now, it was a little bit easier. They'd gotten the hang of things. Hopefully, he wouldn't be like this for much longer, though.

Miss Sandra spoke to herself, going down the mental checklist of everything they had to do upon arrival. Antonio got the sense that she was just a little bit… stressed out. Though, he couldn't blame her. If he were in her shoes, he'd be a nervous wreck too.

He hated that he couldn't talk to her, as if he'd even find the words to comfort her anyway. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could manage a couple small words, but nothing close to what he really meant. He'd just have to hope that she got the message, somehow.

_Lovino_

School might've been a lot better, if Antonio were with him. But he had Gilbert, and him and Francis easily accepted him into their circle of friends. He met Arthur, too. He liked him. They agreed on many things, such as referring to Gilbert and Francis as, "Absolute twats," a new word he'd learned that day.

Gilbert wasn't lying when he said a lot of students from around the world came to this school. Arthur, for example, is from England. Though he didn't like America too much, his parents insisted that it was better for the family. Lovino didn't instigate too much, Arthur came off as the type of guy that had a really big private life.

Lovino was delighted to find that him and Antonio were in a lot of classes together, as his belly did a little flop whenever they called his name out in the roll call.

During lunch, Lovino sat with Arthur, Gil, and Francis, as he had no other friends.

"Lovino," Arthur scooted closer to him, as if about to tell him some great secret. Lovi looked at him intently. He liked the way Arthur pronounced his name. Just, not as much as Antonio.

"See that corner table over there?" He nodded, glancing towards the loudest table in the cafeteria. There was some blonde kid there wearing a varsity football (the weird kind of football too, with that spiky ball shaped like a potato), despite the heat. There were a couple others sitting around him, but he obviously stood out the most.

"That's Alfred Jones," He scorned. "He's in our grade and he's a total _slut._ Oh, he'll come off as nice and all, but don't let that sexy smirk fool you. All he wants is to get into your pants once, and the next day he's sizing up his next victim."

"Arthur are you scaring our poor little new friend with your resentment towards Alfred?" Francis interrupted, eavesdropping on their conversation. Lovino couldn't help but laugh.

"So Alfred and Arthur have some history?" He giggled.

Now it was Francis who lost his calm demeanor, his cheeks flushing pink as he awkwardly turned his head in Alfred's direction. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. But… it's over now, right Arthur?"

Their eyes met, and shifted away for a moment. It clicked that these two definitely have an intriguing story together. Again, Lovino turned away from the subject, trying not invade their personal business.

Gilbert had the same idea, as he quickly geared away from the subject. "Guys, look, look! Do you see him? He's over there, in the corner!"

"Who?" Francis shuffled in his seat, scanning the entire cafeteria. "That cute freshman you told me about?"

"Yes! Don't you see him? He's just right over there, next to that brunette girl. She's a freshman too."

"Oh, Elizabeta?" Arthur cut in. "She's in my yearbook class. She's nice, I guess."

"I see her. She's cute," Francis smiled. Arthur shot him a look. "Of course," He laughed it off good-naturedly, "She's not my type."

"Well, that's not who I'm talking about! Next to her, he has blonde hair and glasses."

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were talking about Alfred," scoffed the Brit.

"Matthew!" Francis pounded his fist on the table. Everyone, including some people surrounding their table, gave him a wide-eyed look.

"Excuse me?" Arthur cocked an eyebrow. "Full sentences, please."

"His name is Mathew. He's Alfred's little brother."

"Oh, gross. Gilbert, don't associate yourself with him."

Gilbert ignored him, still staring at the shy-looking boy standing a good four tables away from them. "Matthew, huh?" His eyes went half-lidded and his lips curled into a flirty smile.

"Don't get your hopes up, warrior," Francis laughed playfully. "The kid's never dated anyone. Which, I must say, is surprising considering how… _out there_ his older brother is. You don't even know if he'll take any interest in you. Just, you know, a little disclaimer. I don't want you showing up at my door crying out your sorrows because he turned you down."

"Francis, you underestimate me."

"Hmph."

It was left at that.

He'd met some interesting people that same day, in some of his classes. Still, he couldn't get Antonio off his mind. He was already at the hospital, and it made Lovino anxious just thinking about it. Gilbert knew, so whenever they saw each other he'd shoot him a reassuring smile. It did ease his worries, just a bit.

But when the final bell rang, he shot out of his math class to search for Gilbert. His stepmom promised them a ride to the hospital.

He met with Feliciano along the way, sharing small talk about their first day. Feliciano got a bunch of classes with Ludwig, which he was particularly excited about. As soon as he saw Gilbert and Ludwig walking their way, Lovino sped walked, dragging Feli behind him.

"Hey, guys. Your mom is here to pick us up, right?" He spoke fast.

"Yeah, come on dude. She's waiting at the side of the school." Gilbert waved at him, Ludwig gave a curt nod, and a flustered smile towards Feliciano.

Okay, so maybe Lovino did think the whole thing they had for each other was kind of "cute," but he still better not get too close to his little brother. He may be small, but he had a lot of fight.

The two walked a couple steps behind, chatting along the way. Whenever Lovino glanced behind him, they both looked as if nothing else around them existed.

"They're so into each other," Gilbert, chuckled, catching Lovino staring. "Aren't you happy for them?"

"Well, it's my little brother, you know? I've always watched out for him. Now, he's trusting someone else with all his emotions and, I don't think I'm ready for that. I mean… he's been in relationships in the past, and when they ended badly, seeing him upset is the worst thing in the world. He doesn't deserve that."

"That's my little brother too, Lovi. I worry about him. Surprising, I know, considering he comes off as the type of guy who can watch out for himself. But he rarely falls for someone, and when he does, it's strong. What these two have, I can tell it's going to last, and it might not come easily but they're going to make it work. Can't you see it? How they click? Let them take care of themselves, and support their relationship. They're happy, and that's what matters."

Lovino smiled at Gil, nodding his head a bit. "Yeah… it'll just take some getting used to. But for all that it's worth, I'm glad Feliciano chose Ludwig. I wouldn't want him to be with anyone else."

"The feeling is mutual."

He was left in a calmer, better mood, thanks to Gilbert. Now there was one thing he didn't have to constantly worry about so much.

"Hey, boys, how was your first day?" Gilbert's stepmom greeted them, pushing up her expensive sunglasses.

"It was okay, I got some good teachers." Gil slid into the car, with an easy smile on his face.

Ludwig replied in a monotone voice, "Everything went well. I hope it'll be a good school year."

"Good to hear," She smacked the gum she chewed as she pulled out of the parking space. "So, we're dropping off Lovino and Feliciano at the hospital?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lovino responded in his politest voice. He was kinda scared of their mom, she seemed calm, but he knew she'd snap at any moment.

The ride was quiet and awkward, the same way it had been that very morning. No one talked, only sat in uncomfortable silence while some weird radio station played.

"Here we are," She pulled in, next to the entrance. "Is your mom here?"

"She sent me a text earlier. She had to leave for a couple of hours, but should be here soon."

"Oh, alright. If you boys need anything else, just call."

"Okay, we will. Thank you, ma'am," Lovino slightly elbowed his brother, gesturing for him to thank her as well. Feliciano soon got the memo, and stuttered out, "T-thank you! Ma'am! We'll see you tomorrow, have a nice day!"

She nodded towards the younger Italian, and sped off as soon as the Beilschmidt brothers said their goodbyes and the door was closed.

They got to the front desk, with their schoolbags still weighing them down, and asked the receptionist for Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo.

"He's still in surgery, sir. Though I think they'll be done pretty soon." She was an older woman, with short burgundy hair and aging wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

"Thank you. Will we be notified when he's finished?"

"I can try to send a nurse to let you know. But that doesn't guarantee that you'll be able to see him." She pushed up her thin-wired glasses.

"Alright. But… he's gonna be okay, right?"

"Well, we've got a good doctor working on him. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's very unlikely to get hurt under this kind of procedure. It's not like he's in critical condition."

"I see. Okay, thank you for everything," And he slid away from the desk and slumped down into a seat in the waiting room. He plugged in some earbuds, to play his music. Feliciano whipped his phone out, viciously texting Ludwig. He seemed entertained enough.

It took about twenty minutes for their mom to get there, speeding into the waiting room.

"Feli! Lovi! How are you? I'm sorry I took so long they asked me to go back for a couple of hours and I didn't realize there would be so much traffic and-" She frantically ran up to greet them. Lovino interrupted, "It's alright, mama. Antonio isn't done yet. We just got here, a little while ago."

"Oh, okay, that's good. Remind me to thank Irma again for all her help. I really appreciate her being able to drive you boys."

"Sure thing, ma," Feliciano chirped. "Can we get food? I'm hungry."

"Of course, I'd imagine both of you want some food! Now, tell me about your first day. How'd it go?"

They gave her a fair summary of the first day, as they made their way to the food court nearby. There weren't that many selections, it was just a hospital, after all. Feliciano ended up getting a sub sandwich, and Lovino got some pasta. It wasn't that good, but it'd have to do. He was too hungry to really care, anyway.

"Hey, Feli, quick question," Feliciano looked up from his footlong sandwich to meet his brother's gaze. "Do you maybe know a kid named Matthew? He's in your grade."

"Matthew? Um, I think so. Do you know his last name?"

"No, sorry. He's blonde and wears glasses. I think he was wearing a purple shirt today."

"I think I know who you're talking about. Why do you ask?"

"I know it's the first day and all, but do you know anything about him?"

"Well, we have French and History together. He's super shy and quiet, you could barely hear him say, 'here' during roll call. I assume he likes to read, because he always had a novel with him."

"Oh okay, thanks."

"Why the interest, Lovi?" His mother asked. She had a tendency of cutting into Lovino's personal life. Not that he had much of one, anyway. Maybe she just lived with the hope that her older son was just as popular and interesting as the younger one.

"Cuz Gilbert has a crush on a freshman, and that's who."

"Lovino, do you have _any_ friends at all who are actually straight?" His mother sighed.

He considered it, before bursting out in laughter. "You know what? I don't know. We live in a really gay world, mom, just accept it."

"I'm gonna have to," She mumbled playfully. "And I know so many cute girls your age! I could totally hook up any one of your friends."

Feliciano laughed along, and said, "Mamma, you're doing that thing again where you try to be a cool mom."

Now they all laughed together. "Can you blame me?" She took a sip of her Sprite. "It's because I am cool, you boys just don't appreciate it enough."

"Sure, sure," Feli giggled.

"We should go check to see if Antonio is done. Do you think he'll have to spend the night at the hospital again?"

"Probably," His mother sighed. "He's such a great kid. I'd be tempted to adopt him if you two weren't dating."

"Momma! We're not dating!" Lovino interjected.

"Whatever you say, amore mio." She smirked at her son. "But, I love the two sons I have right now. I couldn't ask for anyone better."

They threw out their trash, and got back to the receptionist's desk. That same lady was there, typing away on the computer. What did they even do all day anyway? When there was no one at the desk, what did they constantly type on their little keyboards?

"Hello, ma'am. We're back." Feliciano leaned against the desk. "Can you please check on Antonio's status?"

She nodded politely and clicked on a couple of things before typing away again. Her eyes scanned the screen for a minute, and then she said, "The doctor will come out to talk to you. You can wait outside Antonio's room, 207."

They thanked her and all filed into the hall where the 200 rooms were, and found 207. There were only two chairs, so Feliciano and Lovino sat while their mom leaned against the wall.

A good ten minutes later, a man with short brown hair and a doctor's coat emerged.

"You're Antonio's… close friends?" He struggled with the words.

"Yes." His mom replied. "Can we see him?"

"I believe he's resting now, so I don't think that would be such a good idea. But, the surgery was successful. He'll still be in a wheelchair for now, but he's going to be needing physical therapy to get on the crutches, and so on until he's able to walk without support, up until he reaches a point that he can fully use the leg. It'll take a couple of months, of course, but if the process is done right, it'll definitely pay off."

"I see. Thank you so much, doctor. We really appreciate it. His father is deeply sorry he can't be here, he didn't really have much of a choice."

"That's fine, as long as he has some sort of support. He's staying overnight, and will most likely be released tomorrow. Now, I need the guardian to go over the at-home procedures."

"The father will be home tomorrow. Is it possible for you to discuss that with him then? He'll likely be the one checking him out of the hospital."

"Of course, not a problem at all."

"Um, doctor?" Lovino took a step towards him. "Do you think maybe I can just, see him? Just for a minute? I won't wake him up or anything. I-I just want to see him." He stared at the doctor with pleading eyes.

"Sure. Just be careful, please."

The door was opened, and Lovino stepped in. The air was sterile and cold. Antonio lay in the bed, attached to a bunch of wires and medical equipment. Lovino stood next to the hospital bed, to watch his fragile face as his chest slowly rose and fell. He leaned in to kiss his forehead. Antonio's skin was cold against his lips. So, he grabbed his hand. Gentle and slow, as to not wake him. Just like he did the last time Antonio lay unconscious in a hospital bed, Lovino wrapped his smaller hands around his in an attempt to warm it up. He gingerly rubbed his fingers with his thumb, caressing the soft skin of the top of his hands.

"See you tomorrow, Toni," He whispered. It didn't matter that he couldn't hear him.

When he left the room and shut the door behind him, his mom and Feli lifted their heads at the same time to look at him.

"He's cold," Was all he said. "He needs a better blanket."

"There's one in the car, you know. The one you use a lot when we're in a long car ride and you fall asleep," His mother said.

"Can we get it?" He spoke to his shoes and the white tile floor.

"Sure. Who wants to run to the car? I'm too old to be moving around so much."

"Ma, we don't even know where you parked the car," Feliciano complained.

"Alright, how bout this; let's all load up into the car and Lovino you grab the blanket and run back here to put it on Antonio. Then we go home. I don't know about you two, but I'm _exhausted._"

"Sounds good then," Lovino picked his school bag from off the floor, and dipped his hands into his pockets as he waited for the other two to get up as well.

The blanket was soft and brown, it wasn't very big either but it was definitely a lot warmer than what Antonio currently had. It was actually one of his favorite blankets, and it always smelled good.

When he got back up to Antonio's room he started to get tired, Lovino wasn't physically fit for this.

Unfolding the blanket, he sprawled it across Antonio to tuck him in. Lovino lay his hands under it so they'd warm up too, and rose it up to his chin. Before he left, he gave him another small peck, this time on his cheek. He wanted to feel close to him again, like last night, when it was just them two and no other space between them.

Soon, he knew. They would be together soon, and both of them would be healthy and there would be nothing that could possibly come between them.

He went home that day feeling somewhat bittersweet, because he knew that Antonio was getting better but he missed his warm presence in his bed. As much as he loved cuddling with Italia, the numbers didn't exactly add up. He wanted Antonio laying beside him.

But, he was tired. It had been a long day. And tomorrow, awaited another long day.

Antonio would be back at home soon. And then, school. The thought should've excited him, but his mind was nothing but a muddy puddle. Clearing away the messy thoughts roaming his brain, he fell asleep.

**AN: So I believe I'm gonna have about two or three more chapters, though I'm not sure how long it'll take to get them out (I've been a bit stressed lately, and that means crappy writing! Which I'd rather avoid :3) **

**But a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading so far and has stuck with me the whole journey. It means a lot to me. I wouldn't have made it to 30 chapters otherwise! As always, thank you for reading and your continued support, and hope you enjoyed (: **


	31. Chapter Thirty One

_Antonio_

He woke up to the faint scent of Lovino and a soft warmth around him. As he opened his sleepy eyes and looked around him, he found himself still at the hospital. But now, he had a mocha brown blanket comfortably arranged on him.

His heart beat just a step faster when he realized Lovino must have been in the room, he must have brought him the blanket, but more importantly, _Lovino must have been in the room_.

It was a bit conflicting for him, because he didn't want to be seen in such a fragile state, but at the same time, he needed the company. He needed Lovino to hug him in his small arms and let Antonio hunch over his shoulders and release his emotions through tears and just be able to spill his heart out in front of him. But he was scared to. He felt somewhat obligated to always be there for Lovi when he needed him, but not vice versa. That… couldn't be healthy, right? It should be evened out, that mutual trust in your significant other for you to be able to drop all your defenses when you're with them.

_W-wait, significant other?_ He interrupted his own thoughts. _Is that really what I think Lovino is to me?_

They were friends. Of course they were friends. That would never change. It would be fair to call what they have a relationship, but were they ready for it? After all, a couple months back was a whole series of trial and failure.

What did it even mean to be in a relationship in the first place?

All of this muddled around in Antonio's head and globbed around and stuck like molasses in his skull. He shifted his head on the pillow, and took a deep breath. _Maybe they just really needed to talk about it._

So, he was back in a stupid hospital room. Great. Once again, he felt injured and helpless.

Thankfully, the doctor came in. "Good morning, Antonio," He greeted in a sturdy voice. "I see you've woken up. Your surgery went remarkably well, and you should be back to your normal self really soon."

He nodded, only partially listening.

"Your dad is picking you up soon, and then you'll go home. You'll be on a strict bedrest for about four to five days, and you can't shower for a week. You'll be back in the wheelchair after that, and wait for your leg to be strong enough to be supported by crutches. We'll go from there. How does that sound?"

Antonio nodded numbly. His belly cramped and squirmed beneath him. He hadn't eaten since way before the surgery. If he told the doctor, he'd probably send for a meal right away.

Instead, he gestured towards his stomach, wrapping his arms around his torso to signal that he was hungry? The doctor gave him an odd look. "Is something hurting you?"

He shook his head, frustrated. He tried patting his belly and pointing towards his mouth.

"You need to throw up? That's normal after a surgery." Again, Antonio shook his head. He mimicked pulling up a utensil to his mouth and swallowing an imaginary piece of food, while chewing it.

"Food?" Antonio nodded his head viciously. The doctor still seemed confused.

Sighing heavily, Antonio opened his mouth to start to shape the two-word sentence. In a loud whisper, he tried, "I'm h-" Another deep breath. "hun-gerrr-y."

"You're hungry?"

A big thumbs up and a smile from Antonio.

"Oh, okay. I see. You should be good to eat, I'll ask to send you some food right away. Speaking of which, remember to be eating enough healthy fats and proteins to help you build up all that muscle and fat you've lost. It's important for you to be on a more bulky diet so you'll be strong enough to recover faster."

Another nod from Antonio, and the doctor was gone.

He didn't feel much different. Everything still hurt. All he wanted was a sopa de albóndigas, a soup his mom made for him when he was feeling ill. He wished she was here. Not only that, he hadn't heard from her since the accident. Did she even know what was going on? His father can't hide that from her.

Although knowing her, she'd want to take Antonio back. She'd argue about how much better he was under her care, and that sending him all the way here was a bad idea in the first place.

Antonio was content here. Though he hadn't even started school yet and his friends were quite limited, he loved the atmosphere and the general feel of the city. He wanted to stay.

The Vargas family must all be so occupied at the moment. Miss Sandra at work, Feliciano and Lovi at school. He wished he hadn't inconvenienced them so much, barged into their lives.

And yet, he wanted to be a _part_ of their lives.

The nurse came in with his breakfast. _Finally, some food. _

_Lovino _

Instead of worrying about the surgery all day, today he worried about Antonio's dad picking him up. There were so many things that could happen and so many variables and all those thoughts jumbled up in his head until he felt lagged and almost overwhelmed. He did his best to push the thoughts aside and to not overthink things. _Everything will be fine._

"Aye, Lovi," Gil waved his hand over Lovino's face to get his attention. "You okay? You seem a bit...spacey." The whole gang sat around the lunch table, now looking at Lovino's blank face.

"I'm fine, just... You know. The whole thing-"

"With Antonio?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Lovi misses Antonio? That's cute," Gilbert teased. "Don't worry, you'll see Romeo soon, don't kill yourself."

"Shut up, jerk," Lovino shot back, hiding the small upwards curve his lips began to make.

"It's alright, believe me I know what it's like to go some time without someone you care for, and constantly worrying about them being okay," Arthur offered, trying to comfort his friend.

But then Francis had to cut in, "So you mean you missed me while I was away during summer?"

"Oh, God, no. This summer was one of the most peaceful I've had in a long time. I was talking about my little brother, you knob head."

Francis gasped loudly. "Rude, Arthur! Besides, I know you missed me or else the day I got back you wouldn't have-" He was brutally interrupted by a bread roll being forced into his mouth by a flustered Arthur.

Lovino wanted to laugh, but his mind was almost elsewhere. He was a bit unsure about everything. Everything, except Antonio, it seemed. So he just lay back and listened to Gilbert go on and on about Matthew Williams, and how they had 'so much' in common.

"Like, dude, did you know he reads Jaroslav Hasek? When I found out he likes Ernest Hemingway I figured he's one of those that reads one book and says they've read it to seem classy, but he's into so many authors I love and all World War ll novels, my favorite kind."

Lovino nodded along, as he blubbered.

"I think I'm gonna ask him to go out on a 'study date' at the library. You know, that really cute one with the coffee shop."

"You're a sophomore. He's a freshman. What are you guys gonna study together?"

"He's super smart! He has advanced classes and stuff."

"Still, Gilbert."

"Okay, fine. What do I do, straight up tell him he's the most adorable person I've ever seen and I wouldn't mind banging him in the back of a library?"

"A bit excessive, but yeah, that's one way to go."

"Lovino!" He whined. "I'm serious. I really want to get to know this guy. All I know are things Arthur has told me or I've figured out online, and I just want to talk to him."

"Online?"

"I may or may not have found a couple social media sites and stalked him for all his personal information."

"See, this is why they tell you to be careful on the internet. They're worried about freaks like you."

"I'm not a freak, this is important information!"

"Getting to know them in person is usually more effective when it comes to making friends. Besides, you met the guy, yesterday? Don't rush things, Gilbert."

"What do you mean? I wasn't serious about the whole banging him in a library. Well, kinda."

"What I mean is that you shouldn't try to get close to someone only with the intention of dating them. Friendship comes first, and if romance doesn't happen, then it doesn't and you respect that and you keep being his friend. But if it does, then there you go."

Gilbert considered it for a minute, rolling the thought around in his brain. "Yeah… you're right. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship. Maybe he won't be into me that way. What if I just… 'Hey, I'm Gilbert, I noticed you read some of my favorite novels so I wanted to talk to you about them, because you seem nice?'"

"Now you're on the right track," He smiled at his friend. Gilbert would probably end up dating the little freshman. And, if he didn't, he'd still be one of his best friends. He just had that natural charisma about him, that you can't help but be attracted to. It was surprising that he isn't more popular. With the way he is, he can reel anyone in. "So, come on, let's go?"

"Huh?" Gilbert was taken by surprise as Lovino stood up from the lunch table and grabbed his wrist.

"Let's go talk to Matthew."

"Wait- what?! He yelped. "Nonononono not now! I'm not ready!"

"You'll be fine," Lovino attempted to drag him off his seat, though he wouldn't budge. _Oh gee, good thing Lovino was so tall and buff, so easy to pry Gilbert out of his seat._

"Lovi I don't want to," He complained.

"If you don't do it now you never will."

"That's a lie."

"If you do it now I'll smuggle you a bag of king-sized chocolate bars."

"How'd you know my stepmom doesn't let me get them anymore?"

"Because you get more obnoxious when you haven't had any."

"Oh, so like you and coffee," Came Gilbert's snotty reply. Lovino couldn't really defend himself there, he knew it was true.

"Whatever," He pulled at his friend's arm. "Come on. You can do it."

"You promise you'll buy me chocolate?" He looked at him dubiously. "What kind?"

"Oh my god I don't know I'll get you expensive ones from that little candy shop downtown."

"Alright, I'm sold. Let's do this shit."

He finally stood, and started trudging forward before turning to Lovino and asking, "So wait, where is he?"

Lovino shook his head. "Why don't you find him?"

Their eyes scanned the cafeteria. No Matthew.

"He's probably outside then," and Gilbert heroically marched out of the lunchroom.

Sure enough, he was outside, reading a collection of E.E. Cummings poems. He wore a white and red sweater and blue jeans.

"There he is. Now, watch Lovi. This is how you make friends." He was off.

"The hunt has begun," Lovino commented, as Gilbert stalked away.

He watched from afar, as Gilbert went through the process of approaching the young boy.

Lovino did not expect Gilbert to push him against the wall with a threatening glare, yelling, "Hey, little freshie. I see you got some bitch-ass book there. What a nerd, what is this, E.E. Cummings? How lame."

The poor boy stood against the wall, drenched in fear as he sunk down so he was shorter than Gilbert. _Heh, Matthew was taller than Gilbert._ Lovino brought a palm to his head and sighed. "He's hopeless."

But then Gilbert stepped back and let Matthew regain his posture. "Because, Markus Zusak is better, if you've ever read his books."

"Y-yeah… I haven't gotten around to reading The Messenger, but I've read The Book Thief." His small voice squeaked.

"I noticed you've read The Red Commissar. It's my favorite satire. Have you read any other Jaroslav?"

"Um, yeah, The Good Soldier Schweik. But I think I enjoyed The Red Commissar a lot more."

"Awesome," He shot him The Smirk. _Yes, The Smirk. _The one boys used to just capture your heart and trap you. This whole tactic, this whole situation, would honestly only work for Gilbert. No one else, not even Alfred Jones, could pull off the whole 'really douchey but extremely sexy but turns out to be a really sweet guy and thus becomes even more sexier.'

He decided he'd leave the two nerds to themselves, as they'd already immersed themselves in conversation regarding old novels and recent novels and everything in between.

When he got back to their table, everyone looked up at him expectantly. "What?" He demanded.

"How'd it go?" Francis inquired.

"They're having their little nerd-fest out there, talking about 'oh have you read this novel?' 'woah I love that guy's work!'"

"So, good, I'm assuming," Arthur concluded.

"Indeed."

"Well, I'm happy for him," Then Francis smiled in Arthur's direction. "Finally being close and being able to talk to someone you admire is always a beautiful thing."

"Unless it ends badly," Arthur blinked.

"Why must you ruin the romance?"

"Because you're a wanker."

"Am not."

"Are too."

Lovino sighed, listening to them bicker. Although, it was almost a pleasant background noise. Kind of like… something he could get used to.

_Antonio_

"Antonio?" He heard his father's voice. He'd been laying in bed all day, staring at a blank wall. Occasionally watching whatever was on the TV in his room.

His father looked _so tired. _Wrinkles and under-eye circles had doubled in the past week. Had he even slept at all?

"Hey, hijo. I heard the surgery went well. You ready to go home?" Antonio nodded. Home. What was home anymore? He wanted to go to Lovino's house, and live amongst the faint smell of food that always lingered and the soft blankets and Lovino's shampoo and Italia casually curling up against him. That was his home. But, not exactly the Vargas residence.

Lovino. Lovino was his home. He smiled to himself at the fact.

.

His bed felt strange. It wasn't as comfortable as Lovino's. His room was cold and lonely. A glass of water sat on his nightstand, he observed it quietly. His dad was sleeping, after Antonio nagged and nagged him to take a nap. He needed the rest.

Though he was exhausted, sleep would not come. All there was left to do is wait for his phone to go off, alerting him of Lovino's text message, so he could talk to him.

_L: How you feeling?_

**A: I mean, I've been better. **

_L: I wish I could come over.._

**A: I do too. **

_L: What's your address?_

**A: Lovino no**

_L: Lovino yes_

**A: Are you even allowed to come over**

_L: Well we'll find out when I get there_

_**A:**_ **/_-**

Antonio spitefully typed out his address and apartment number, and hit send.

_L: 3_

**A: Did you just heart me?**

_L: I don't know what you're talking about _

**A: But you just- **

**Never mind XD **

**See you soon Lovi?**

_L: Of course. _

…

_3 _

He set his phone down, now feeling much more satisfied. But… the paranoia began. What if- Lovino got into another crash? And Antonio wasn't there?

He hit the call button on Lovino's contact name.

"Can I help you?" Lovino answered seconds later.

"Yeah, um… can you stay on the phone with me? So I know you're safe? Just until you're not in a car."

"Um, sure. I guess."

"Okay. Thank you," He breathed with relief. "How was school?"

"It was school-ish."

"What does that even mean?"

"Honestly Antonio I'm kind of tired and not making very much sense at the moment."

"I see, I see."

"Do I have to talk to you the whole time? I'm in the car for a good ten more minutes, you're gonna make my phone die."

"I have a charger."

"Fine, whatever."

"But you don't have to talk to me the whole time."

"Thank you."

So they sat in silence throughout Lovino's car ride, Antonio comforted by the fact that he knew Lovino was okay.

"I'm here," He said at last.

"You remember the apartment number, right?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. See you soon. I think my dad already woke up, I might've heard his door open."

"That's convenient."

"Just hurry up and get over here."

"Yes, sir." Then the line went dead.

A couple of minutes later, he heard a knock on the door. The door opened. He couldn't make out what anyone was saying, and more importantly, whether or not Lovino could stay. Was Lovi's mom here too? He sensed a feminine voice among them. Wait… there was more than one. Who was here?

The door slid open, revealing Antonio's dad. "Someone's here to see you," He said.

Antonio nodded his head, accepting the invitation.

Lovino came in first, with a huge grin on his face. Miss Sandra was next to him… and behind them, his mom? Antonio's mom was here? His eyes widened at the sight of her and began to tear up. "Mama…" He managed.

"Toni, my baby," a single tear streamed down her face as she walked over to the bed, to hug her son. "I'm so glad you're okay. When I heard about what happened, I was so, so scared."

"I'm o-okay," He told her.

"You're really lucky you have the Vargas family here, Antonio. They've taken good care of you. I'm so happy to see you."

Though his breath had been taken away, he managed somehow, "But, how?"

His mom shifted his head in the direction of Lovino and Miss Sandra, and Feliciano who had recently entered the room. "They helped me get here. They paid for my ticket."

He glanced over at the three. They were happily looking at Antonio. Yes, he was a part of their lives. He might've been a bit of a nuisance… but they loved him anyway. And, that was the best thing he could possibly ask for.

Lovino kneeled down on the bed, to face Antonio. "Hey, Toni."

"Thank you, so much," He breathed. He was proud of himself for all the conversation he'd accomplished so far.

"You're welcome." He smiled in return. "Also, guess what?"

"What?" Antonio's eyebrows furrowed. There was something more?

"I love you," And Lovino lay a small peck on his lips. Antonio felt himself blushing. _Both _of their families were still in the room, had Lovino turned shameless?

But, Antonio then laughed. It was a small, weak laugh, but genuine all the same. "I love you, too, Lovi."

Then he pondered for a minute, before remembering, "Mama," he squeaked. "Can I have sopa de albóndigas?"

**So I guess their families are pretty cool with everything at this point, and I like to believe the boys' moms become very close friends over time. See you next chapter, hope you enjoyed! :3 **


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

This chapter took me longer than it normally does for some reason... So sorry about that. When I was like halfway finished with the chapter I concluded that I didn't like it at all so I scrapped it and rewrote the whole thing. Enjoy!

Next spring~

Antonio

Puddles from mild spring showers reflected the light of the bone white sky. The the air smelled clean and fresh, and Antonio had a good feeling about today. That, and as of today he didn't need crutches anymore. There was still a boot-splint type of thing that he had to sleep with, but other than that he just had to be careful and continue his visits with his physical therapist.

He was on his way to Lovi's house, their family was having dinner together courtesy of Lovino's wonderfully culinarily skilled mom.

He could honestly say that he was happy. It was a nice feeling. The best part of it all, was that he knew he didn't need Lovino to make him happy. His happiness came fully from within, Lovi just gave his life a beautiful spark he didn't ever want to lose. That was love. That was a balance.

They'd moved into a new house as well. Apparently, his dad had been saving up for a nice house to buy when his mom got here. It was a great surprise. The house was a one-story, with lots of lighting and that cute, cozy atmosphere.

His mom seemed happy here. She got a job at a flower shop closeby. Though it didn't give the best pay, she liked the little place. Antonio considered working there, but ended up taking a job at a thrift store. He took the job for the same reasons his mom did, he just simply loved it there.

When they pulled up in the driveway of Lovi's house, Feliciano had already come out to greet them.

"Toni! What's up? Lovino is making tiramisu!" He beamed.

"Really?" Antonio replied sweetly. "I love his tiramisu."

"Who doesn't? Oh, and, hi Signora Teresa!" Feliciano greeted Toni's mom. She smiled in reply with a quiet "hello."

"Come in, come in!" Feli gestured to the door.

The house smelled wonderfully of Italian food and Lovino's heavenly tiramisu. It made Antonio's belly rumble with anticipation as his thoughts went straight to the food waiting for him. Antonio headed straight towards the source, the kitchen.

"I'm here to steal your tiramisu," Antonio leaned against the doorway from the living room to the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Toni," Lovino smiled, walking in his direction. Standing on his tippy-toes, he locked his arms around the other's shoulders, making sure not to get his messy hands on his back. Antonio responded with a gentle kiss on Lovino's forehead, and another hug.

"When will the food be ready?" Antonio pestered as if he were a small child.

"Just give it like, I dunno, another twenty minutes? My mom's upstairs getting dressed because she 'didn't feel right in her clothes' or something, but she'll be down soon to finish off the risotto."

"I see, I see," Antonio pulled himself on top of the kitchen counter, a habit he had. "So how'd you do on that chemistry test today? You never told me."

"That?" Lovino was wiping down a dirty countertop. "I did fine, I guess. I got a B."

"Better than what I got on my quiz last week."

"That's because you don't study, Antonio."

"It's a waste of time! Besides, I have different things to focus on."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Ummm…" He bit his lip. "Well, I do have a part time job, there are other classes I enjoy a lot more, and…. I'm just a busy boy, don't really know how to explain it." Antonio shrugged in defeat.

"Whatever, just make sure you're not failing anything." Lovino turned back to his task.

"Nah, thanks to my sweet and smart little Italian I've been keeping up with all my classes."

"Really? Who? I'll beat their Italian-poser ass to the ground. They better not come near you," Lovino mimicked a fighting stance and a punch.

"You're silly, Lovi. Come here." Antonio extended his hand to reach out for Lovino. He slowly staggered to where Antonio sat on the counter.

Antonio pushed himself off and grabbed Lovi like he didn't weigh a thing, placing him on the counter where he'd just been sitting.

"Now you're my height," He grinned. Lovino shook his head, the faintest of smiles on his lips. Antonio leaned in, wrapping his hands around Lovino's jawline, pressing against his mouth as he felt Lovino's arms slide around his torso. They could very well be caught, and while both of their mothers (and Feli) were aware of their relationship, it wouldn't be very pretty for either of them to be seen making out on a kitchen counter.

Once they started to feel a shortness of breath, they pulled away. Even if they wanted to carry on, or wrap themselves up in Lovino's bed with a movie playing on his laptop, they had a dinner to get through first. "To be continued?" Lovino half-sighed, sounding almost disappointed.

"Of course," Antonio leaned in momentarily to brush their noses against each other. Then, he helped him off the counter and watched as Lovino resumed his cooking.

"Thanks for the help," Lovino muttered after a while.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Then, Miss Sandra walked in and greeted the taller boy. He'd been saved from helping Lovino, and possibly messing something up pretty badly. She looked nice, with her black and tan top and black jeans. It gave her a sophisticated aura, though she still held that friendliness and compassion in her forest green eyes.

She got to working the kitchen, shooing the two boys away so they wouldn't disturb her. Lovino cocked his head towards the staircase, signaling for Antonio to head up.

Antonio crashed through the room and dived straight onto the bed. Lovino's bed was more comfortable than his own, though Lovi often argued otherwise. "Can you play the piano for me, Lovino? Please?" He stared up at him with puppy-dog eyes.

Lovino shrugged, sliding into the piano booth. He ran his hands softly over the keys, as if to get a feel for them. "Don't start expecting it too often, okay? Just special occasions."

He softly began pressing keys, ones Antonio couldn't quite comprehend. They slowly transferred into a soft melody, a sweet and calm rhythm. His ears perked up a bit in recognition… he knew this piece. Where had he heard it? Maybe Lovi had played it before? No, Lovino always played something different for him. Regardless of where he'd heard it, he knew it was by some Polish dude named something that sounded kind of like Frederick Chopping?

The exact title of the piece escaped him, but he knew it was a prelude. He'd listened to Lovino's rant about pianists and composers enough to know a thing or two. Chopin! That was his last name! Chopin's preludes. It was a serene and beautiful piece, though it had a hint of a gray atmosphere. Lovino's fingers danced gracefully across the keys, each note melting into the next one and keeping a steady beat. The song grew stronger and stronger, then descended rhythmically into a lower key, eventually ending in a higher key. The last portion of the song, was light and frail, like a soft drizzle. Despite its alleged 'dark feel', the song held a fresh, springtime capacity to it. Maybe that was why Lovino chose it. When he finished, Lovino turned to look at Antonio's dumbfounded face. "That was beautiful… what's that one called?"

"Raindrops by Frédéric Chopin. You should hear the original composition, though. It sounds much better than mine."

"No, Lovi. I really felt that one. It's amazing. I want to hear you play more."

He shook his head. "Like I said, special occasions. Appreciate it while you can."

"What if I paid you to play for me?"

"Okay, the way you worded that makes me sound like a whore. But, I don't know. I'm no musician. You've heard Feli with his violin, it's astounding."

"But I love the piano so much more."

"I'll play more piano if you play guitar with it."

"I don't have my guitar with me. Besides, it's been some time that I've really played an entire song rather than a couple of notes here and there."

Lovino smiled devilishly. "Give me a minute." He got up and walked over to his closet, digging around for a while. Eventually, he seemed to find what he was looking for and pulled out a velvet red guitar case. "Did I ever tell you my mom wanted me to learn how to play guitar?"

"No, you didn't…" Antonio muttered under his breath, staring at the case.

Lovino laid it down on the bed, next to Antonio, and began to unzip it. He revealed a large, glossy black guitar. It was beautiful.

"When I didn't play, we wanted to sell it, but it kinda just ended up in the back of my closet," His voice dropped into almost a whisper, staring at the instrument before him.

"So, can I play it?" His hand reached out to touch the strings.

"You can have it. On one condition."

Antonio met his eyes.

"You only play with this guitar for me."

Antonio's lips turned up into a grin, a small chuckle escaping his mouth. "Lovi… of course I'll play for you. I'll play it for you and no one else, day and night I'll serenade you with the gentle notes of the guitar's strum."

"Okay, good. I thought you were gonna say I'm being selfish."

"I mean, that too, but you know, it's okay. I love you anyway."

"Thanks, Toni." He rolled his eyes.

"So what song? Please let it be one I know."

"I prefer classical pieces, honestly, so what can you play with a piano? You know any Liszt?"

"Um, no, but even if I did, I don't think that would be good with guitar."

"Good point. Bach?"

"You know, we could try something modern."

"But there's this one orchestral piece called Badinerie, it sounds really really cool." Lovino got up and back to his piano chair, playing a snippet of Bach.

"That sounds really difficult to play with guitar. I'm not that good."

"Fine then, what modern music do you recommend, you mainstream little shit?"

"Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran. You like that one, don't you?"

"...Yeah, it's nice. Let me pull up the sheet music on my laptop real quick. I think I more or less know how to play it, but let me make sure I got it down."

"Take your time, I'll be tuning this beauty," Antonio reached for the guitar, handling it carefully as he brought it over into his lap, and began to play with the strings, tightening some, loosening others, until he was satisfied.

Lovino finished reading over the sheet music, and placed his laptop so he could see it. "Let's do this."

"Alright," Antonio got in playing position, and Lovino rested his hands over the keys. "1… 2, 3, and go."

Antonio started off in his guitar, Lovino following with soft notes and a sweet melody that melted perfectly with the strum of the guitar.

"Float.. down, like autumn leaves...  
Hush now… close your eyes before the sleep…" Antonio sang small snippets of the lyrics he recalled.

"And you're miles away… Yesterday… You were here, with me." His voice was low and wistful, as if carried by the wind.

Lovino

He held onto every single note and the harmonic flow of Antonio's sweet voice. Though he didn't know the song word by word, he seemed to have sang it perfectly. His thin, calloused fingers strummed gracefully against the guitar.

It was certainly a beautiful instrument. Everything about it demonstrated class and serenity. Lovino got so lost in Antonio's playing that he began to miss some of the notes on the piano and began to lose track of the rhythm. He stopped abruptly, giving up on himself. It took Antonio a moment to notice, but when he did, he looked over and said, "What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

Lovino opened his mouth, ready to reply, but he stopped himself right before the first syllable came out. His face dropped into a grin, and he laughed softly, shaking his head. "Not at all. I just lost the rhythm."

"Oh. okay. Did you want to play more or….?" He glanced at Lovino dismissively.

He kind of did want to play another song, but he was reminded he hadn't eaten with the low rumble of his belly. "I think we should go down and eat. I'm sure the food's ready."

"Okay. Got it. Oh, by the way," Antonio stood up, and reached into his pocket. "I brought the bracelet, like you asked me to." The golden chain bracelet reflected against the light. "Can you tell me why now?"

"No," Lovino smiled. "Not yet. Let's eat first, then we'll talk about it." He heard Antonio groan behind him as Lovino had already started towards the door, excited to eat.

Downstairs, it smelled like risotto and minestrone soup. Everyone was already setting the table and gathering around it. Lovi's mom was serving their dinner into her expensive china, the one she used when she had important guests over. It wasn't really a special occasion to have Antonio and his mom over, but she still decided to be fancy.

They all sat down, drooling at the plates of food before them. Everything looked amazing, Lovi's mom was certainly a good cook. They began to eat, the boys' mothers making general conversation before dipping into an interest in each other like they'd been best friends for years.

Lovino looked over at Toni every once in a while, smiling at how his soup would sometimes run down his chin when he tried to drink it too fast.

When the main course was finished and they were absolutely stuffed, they moved on to their dessert regardless. Lovino's tiramisu was served in cute, small plates which everyone gobbled down. Admittedly, he loved baking and cooking all sorts of things, yet he didn't do it as often as he should.

"Lovi, I don't know how you do it," Antonio mumbled over large bites of the dessert. "But this is amazing."

"It's alright." He replied in a modest, monotone voice.

"Nonno was the one who taught you to make it, right?" His mother questioned through bites as well, though hers were a lot more delicate.

"Yep, I was like, I dunno, four? And I really wanted to know how to make it so he taught me and we'd always cook it together."

"Mine is never as good," Feliciano complained. "I feel like there's some secret ingredient that you're not telling me and that's why mine will never compare."

Lovino smiled devilishly. His brother, Feliciano Vargas, was jealous of him. Beautiful irony. He looked down at the emptied white plate he'd been eating from, sliding the thin china around with the tongs of his fork. "Thanks, Feli. I think yours just ends up too sweet. After all, a creation is a reflection of the artist."

"You're right. I'll leave the tiramisu to you, then."

"I wish I could bake like you too," Antonio whined dramatically. "Can I have some more?"

"Sure, go get some. I'm sure there's plenty."

Antonio got up hurriedly and made his way to where Lovino had left the plate. Then, he heard a shriek, and a, "Lovino! Get over here!"

The whole family got up from their seats to see what was wrong, only to come running into the kitchen to find Antonio attempting (and failing) to get Italia off the platter of tiramisu. "Help! Me!" He squawked through continued slashes of Italia's outstretched claws.

Lovino laughed as he grabbed the small cat by the scruff and gently set her on the floor, shooing her away. Antonio just stared, then stared at the pastry before cutting out a piece for himself. He didn't even bother to sit again, he ate it standing in the kitchen.

"What's wrong, Toni?" Lovino couldn't help himself from giggling. "Cat got your tongue? I didn't think he scratched you that hard."

Antonio glared at him, but then he himself broke into a fit of laughter. "Shut up."

Once they'd gotten cleaned up and the food had settled in their tummies, Lovino invited Antonio out for a walk. Antonio agreed instantly. "Be back soon!" Lovino yelled into the house, not really listening for any replies, and pulled Antonio outside.

He smiled brightly in Antonio's direction. "Just follow me." So, hand in hand, they walked and walked. Though he hadn't been there in a while, he surely still knew the way. Every once in a while, Antonio leaned against Lovino to plant a kiss somewhere on his face. "You smell like chocolate and coffee," He would comment, Lovino's face turning hot.

When they ran out of houses to walk across and all that was left was empty field, Lovino came to a stop. A couple meters ahead lay the same tree, the one he visited with Gilbert, Ludwig, and Feliciano.

"What's this?" Antonio looked far into grassland.

"I wanted to show you this. Also," He coughed. "I have a speech prepared, as well as a suggestion."

"Alright, crack at it, then." He smiled.

"Okay...okay," He cleared his throat. "So, we haven't really known each other for that long. But, over this short amount of time, we've grown to care about each other. A lot. These bracelets," Lovino reached in his own pocket to reveal his silver chain, "To me, they're kind of a symbol of this. Whatever this is, anyway. But, I don't want us to base ourselves on the past, of what's happened to us in the process of figuring this whole thing out. I want to almost forget that. So… I want to bury these. Right next to this tree. I want to throw away the past and live right now with me in your arms and your face nestled in my hair. Are you… willing to do that?"

Antonio laughed, scaring Lovino for a second. "Yeah. I'm willing to do that. I want to be with you and I want to be able to look into your eyes every single day and not have to worry about owning up to our past mistakes… we've grown, we've learned, and now, we're going to be together. Deal?"

"Deal."

They dug up a little hole next to the large tree that stood before them, and lay their bracelets side by side.

"Toni, you're the sun and I'm the moon. And the moon can't shine without the sun's light."

"Well, the sun loved the moon so much, that he died every night so he could watch him shine."

"Hey, I'm the poetic one!"

"And I'm the romantic one."

"Oh, how romantic you are."

"I am, though! Remember Valentine's day?" Antonio wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah, whatever."

There was a sweet, spring breeze that brushed through their hair as they sat in the tall grass, under the shade of their tree. Lovino felt calm, at ease. He'd spent too much time filling his head with useless worries, and he was absolutely sick of it. They were both alive and well, they were both happy with each other, and all the wanted to be focused on was living right now.

"I love you." Lovino hadn't realized the words had left his lips until Antonio turned to face him. They were three genuine words, not masked in dark emotions or drowsy thoughts.

"I love you too," Antonio almost giggled in reply. "Remember how I told you I'd always love you?"

"I thought we were letting go of the past, Toni." He replied dismissively.

"Yeah, I know. And I thought I stopped loving you for a while, but I just now realized that never once, from the minute our eyes met, have I stopped loving you. And honestly, I doubt I ever will."

"So, do you love me right now, in this very moment?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well, then. That's all that matters." Lovino tugged at the grass beneath him to toss it on the tranquil Antonio next to him. Toni laughed at the tickle of the soft blades, taking fistfuls at a time to get his revenge.

"Lovino, I don't deserve you," He said all too suddenly. Lovino's face, just as abruptly, turned very serious.

"Antonio, that's an absolute lie. You deserve the sun and the moon and the stars and the entire fucking galaxy so don't ever say that because I'm gonna try my best to give you what you deserve because I will not allow anything less than the absolute best."

"Aww, Lovi. I'm just a person, just like you, entitled to basic human rights. I suppose I'm a decent person. But don't forget that I am just a person. I mess up, I'm imperfect, I'm not better than any other regular person alive."

"I don't care what you say, if you can't accept how absolutely wonderful you are then I want you to know that in my eyes, you are the entire world. I see you in the green grass being blown softly by a midday breeze, in the smoke rising up from my morning coffee, in the rainy and the sunny days and everything in between. And, Antonio I'm terrifyingly in love with you and I don't even know how to deal with it."

Lovino was taken by surprise when Antonio tackled him to the ground, but then began to softly stroke his chocolate hair. "And I want you to know that you are breathtaking and gorgeous and I never want to lose you. Do you know how scared I get sometimes, knowing that you can wake up any day and decide to leave me? That's why I want to make every single day count, and love you while I can."

"I'm not going anywhere," He said before being cut off by Antonio's soft pink lips on his. "Even if I wanted to," he gasped between sweet kisses and soft moans, "I don't think I could ever leave."

Antonio held on to him tightly, grasping at the curve of his sides and gliding his hands against Lovino's body. He shivered at the touch, though it was warm and comforting. Their embrace continued, as their lips slammed against each other with no attempt of being precise in where their tongues wandered in the other's mouth, just purely loving each other.

The world was absolutely irrelevant as Lovino couldn't feel the grass under him anymore or the slight breeze, only Antonio and how much he loved having him beside him.

"We should probably get going soon," Antonio told him.

"I don't want to. I want to stay here forever."

"Lovi, they'll be expecting us soon. Plus, my parents won't be home tonight. You wanna come over, and spend a little more time together then? Besides, my bed is more comfortable than the scratchy grass."

"You make a compelling argument." Lovino looked to the sky. "Alright, but I expect you to have all of your homework done before I come over."

"Yes sir, you have my word."

Antonio

He actually did fulfill the agreement to finish all his homework. So, Lovino gladly came over with two bags; one for spending the night, one for school. His parents didn't really care that they'd be alone in the house, they trusted him enough. He considered himself really lucky to have the parents he did. They were understanding and supporting.

Antonio's new house was really pretty. It was a one-story, open floor plan. Because of all the light the space allowed, his mother took the opportunity to fill it with flowers and color.

But the two camped out in Antonio's room, on horror movie marathons and three pints of ice cream.

They tried to make a fort out of Antonio's pillows and blankets and various furniture items around but it pretty much ended in a messy room.

So, they just turned it into a cozy den for them to cuddle up in.

They usually weren't very physical with each other... But tonight, their tongues were shoved down the others throats and their hands lingered up their shirts and beyond. It was strange and new for both of them, this sensation of not being able to get enough of each other. Yet, it was nice.

Enveloped in each other's warmth and tangled in their own genuine love for each other, they fell asleep.

Everything would be okay. And, if everything wasn't okay, they still had each other. That's all they really needed. WOW. What a ride. So, um, this is kind of the last chapter? Well, actually, there's still an epilogue. It's been lots of fun, writing this story and having this whole experience. I hope I've grown as a writer since my first chapter, and know there will be more to come from me. Maybe not right now, because I need some time, but I'll definitely start another story at some point. I may upload a one-shot every once in a while. Hope you enjoyed! :3 


	33. Epilogue

_Antonio_

One by one, he pulled the silverware from a box labeled 'kitchen supplies' and put them where they belonged. A stew bubbled on the stovetop, filling the kitchen with tempting aromas.

Multiple boxes littered the small home. It was a bit messy right now, but they'd get everything in order. When Antonio finished with one box, he checked on the stew. He wasn't _that _good of a cook, but he tried. Besides, it looked just fine and the broth tasted about right.

Before reaching for the next box, he toyed with the golden band around his finger. He smiled to himself, and shook this thoughts away.

The next box he happened to open was pretty much the containments of their junk drawer. When they moved out of the little apartment, they didn't have much time to clean out all their useless stuff. He'd miss the place, even though he'd known before he'd moved in that it was temporary.

Inside, he found various pieces of paper with random information scribbled on, keychains and cheesy gift shop souvenirs that weren't of any use, some Chapstick, a screwdriver, a comb, photographs, sunglasses, bottle openers, random screws and bolts for some reason, and the rest was various garbage he didn't really have a name for.

It took a while to get all of it organized and to throw away the reminders, but he managed to make everything look tidy. Though he was pretty much done unpacking the kitchen, he sighed to himself as he overlooked the rest of the house. There was still lots of work to do. Not to mention, Christmas was well on its way. After the unpacking, came the decorating.

His thoughts were interrupted by the unmistakable sound of his front door unlocking. He heard footsteps, a light giggle, keys jingling. He looked to the entrance to see Lovino, his messy hair pushed back to keep it out of his face and a scarf wrapped around his neck to keep him warm from the winter cold. Next to him, was Rosie, her hair adorned with a bow and her thick polka-dotted purple coat unzipped, despite how much Antonio asked her to zip it up. She held two plastic bags full of food.

"We're home, Papi!" She squealed, running towards Antonio. Lovino managed to grab the bags before she threw them on the ground, scolding, "The eggs are in there, careful!"

Antonio kneeled down to give her a hug. Her stunning green eyes glimmered in the light shining in from the windows Antonio had opened beforehand to let in some light. He looked up at Lovi, who was already beginning to put away the groceries. "How'd it go?"

"Well, I only lost her about two times, so I'm doing better than you are for sure."

"Hey, four times per visit isn't that bad! I try to keep an eye on her, but she runs fast!"

"Ooh, maybe she'll be on a cross country team someday?"

"What's across the country?" Rosie asked, her head cocked to one side.

"Cross country," Lovino corrected. "It's a sport, you pretty much just run for a while."

"Is it fun?" She replied.

"If you like running, I guess it is. You'll have to figure that one out on your own, mi amore. Let's just get you some lunch. Toni, how'd the stew turn out?"

"Well I followed you instructions exactly, so it should be fine."

"At least it's something you can't burn," Lovino remarked.

"Um," he coughed. "I actually have burned soup before."

Lovino broke into a fit of laughter, Rosie staring at them both with wide eyes. "How do you burn soup? Oh my god, Antonio, I can't trust you in a kitchen, can I?" He had to wipe tears from his eyes, he was laughing so much.

"Yeah, whatever," He muttered. "Oh, Rosie, I got your room ready. Wanna see? I think you'll like it." She nodded viciously, running up the soft, carpeted stairs as Antonio tried to keep up with her.

She squealed with excitement when she bursted into the room, the door which Lovino decorated with delicately painted flowers. Of course, they were roses, because what else would they be?

"I love it, I love it!" Her eyes darted across the room. It was painted a soft sky blue, with those little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck onto her wall, shaping various constellations. Her room was more of a "natural" theme, because Rosie loved everything that was pretty and serene. Lovino wanted to paint a tree on one of her walls, but Antonio told him Rosie should decide what she wants on it, or perhaps she'd end up wanting to paint something of her own when she was older. Her bed frame, desk, vanity, and armoire were a glossy dark oak, her white comforter covered in colorful polka dots. A couple of small plants sat on her windowsill, taking in the rather cold sunshine. Her toys were all inside a large chest, matching the rest of the furniture, and her little flatscreen TV they'd bought at a discount price mounted on her wall.

"Now it really feels like home, huh Rosie?"

"Yeah," She agreed. "I liked our old house, but I think I'll like this one more."

"Well I'm really happy to hear that, because we're gonna live here for a while this time."

"What about Abuela and Nonna and Uncle Feli and Uncle Potato?" She asked innocently, Antonio trying not to giggle at how Lovi had taught her to call Ludwig, "Uncle Potato."

"We can always visit them. In fact, I'm pretty Uncle Feli and Uncle Luddy are coming over next weekend, and they're bringing Finn and baby Angelika. You like Finn, right? You two get along pretty well."

"Yeah, he's okay, he's just really boring sometimes," She rolled her eyes. "All he really does is read and play with my dollies."

"As long as he's respecting your toys and you two are getting along I don't think we should be concerned," Antonio smiled sweetly. "Now, let's go eat, I'm starving. Want a piggy back ride?"

"Yeah!" She raised her arms up to jump on Antonio's broad back, and he carried her down. The two found Lovino in the kitchen, making a salad. "Rosie, do you want to help me? You can add and mix in all the toppings." She nodded, kicking her feet and dropping her weight against Antonio so he'd let her down. Lovi was wearing a baby blue apron with a duck in a chef hat across the front. He looked so cute, with Rosie standing on the stool tossing in sliced almonds and diced dried fruits. He smiled down at the little girl, patting her head in praise as he carried on with the salad.

That was his family. And, he was so proud of them. He walked over to the two, standing between them, just observing.

"Papi! You're going to get in the way!" Rosie complained. Both Antonio and Lovino laughed, as Rosie furrowed her eyebrows and pouted a bit sarcastically towards her father.

"Okay, _perdoname!_" He held his hands up in defeat. "I'm just gonna sit back and watch TV for a while, because I'm a lazy couch potato."

"Oh-hoh, no you don't," Lovino scoffed from the kitchen right as Antonio was walking away. "There are still boxes that need to be unpacked."

"Ugh, but I've been unpacking all day!"

"Well I just want to get settled in as soon as possible. Honestly, the movers couldn't help us with anything?"

"They got the beds in."

"Whatever. Go watch TV then. But put on something good- and appropriate, please!" Lovino glared.

"Lovino! You curse like a sailor in front of your daughter! You can't defend yourself here."

"Okay, first of all that saying is so outdated and not relevant in any way, and second of all I meant don't watch anything too scary or gory for her."

"You mean too scary or gory for _you_? Little scaredy cat," He smirked in reply. "And I'll rewatch every single season of Supernatural again, Lovino, legends never die!"

"Just turn on the TV," Lovino muttered, busy sorting through the cabinets.

The house smelled like cardboard and new wood. It was pleasant in a way, and it was new. Antonio didn't even watch the television playing, he stared at the walls they'd painted a cherry red that matched their furniture, envisioning all of the pictures they'd hang up in the future. He couldn't wait to fill up the little house with memories, to do that cute thing parents did sometimes by marking their child's growth on a wall, to start a small garden in their backyard, to adopt a pet someday. Rosie was already consumed with the idea of getting a puppy, which didn't sound too bad.

Sure, there were so many things they still had to pay off. There were many expensive bills to think about. They still had to budget each paycheck carefully and balance work and watching after Rosie. But, that's just a part of life. As long as they were happy, and as long as their love for each other remained cemented and strong, everything would be better than okay.

_Lovino _

They were so beautiful, the two of them. How had he gotten so lucky, to end up with the sweetest and greatest daughter ever, and Antonio, who hardly needed an explanation at all considering he's practically the human embodiment of the sun in the sky.

The stew bubbled steadily on the stove, as Rosie eagerly helped with everything she could in the kitchen. Lovino had a good view of Antonio from where he stood, noticing that he wasn't even watching the TV, just staring off into space. What a dork, honestly.

"Papà, are we doing anything after we eat?" Rosie pulled against Lovino's pant leg.

"Bambina, you know I work a night shift tonight," He said almost sadly, trying to keep some sort of positivity in his tone.

"So it's just me and Papi again?" She pouted. Lovino wanted to scoop her into a large hug, and he would've if not for his dirty hands and stained apron.

"I'm sorry. But this weekend both of us have the night off, we can have a movie night! Or we can go out somewhere too, if you like. It'll be our little fun night, okay?" He leaned down and rubbed his nose against hers, tilting up to give her forehead a small peck.

"It's okay. I understand, papà." She shrugged, instantly going back to her happy-go-lucky demeanor. She was always so happy and positive, Lovino hoped she never lost that spark. It was one of her most beautiful features, how she could brighten anyone's day and work her way into anyone's heart. It was a quality Antonio had, too, and it was something Lovino really admired about the two.

"Dinner's almost ready, Toni! Set the table, will you?" He called loud enough for Antonio to hear. He got up instantly, heading towards the kitchen.

Antonio shoved past the two, gathering enough silverware for everyone, aligning them on their little round dinner table. Everything in their house was fairly small and cute, nothing too extravagant.

Lovino began to plate the food, and pouring soup into cute little bowls, practically at an expert status. He'd learned a lot from his mom, now owner of a five-star restaurant in Los Angeles. Lovino and Antonio lived almost two hours away from his mom, but she promised to visit often. As for Lovino's brother, him and his family lived all the way up in San Francisco. They agreed upon taking turns visiting each other whenever the holidays rolled around, or whenever they felt like it. On this occasion, it was Christmas, and they had to prepare the house for four extra people, five if he included his mom.

There were still many things to plan out. He couldn't help but replay all of it through his mind as the three sat down to eat.

The food was great, as it usually was, and Rosie entertained them with her wild one-sided conversations.

"Papa, I learned the other day that potatoes are roots. Roots! Roots are the part of the plant underground, right? How can a _potato _be a root?"

"Carrots are roots, too, Rosie," Antonio told her absentmindedly.

She gasped loudly. "_Carrots? _I mean, that makes sense, but that's so weird! So, if they're roots, what's the top part? There has to be a plant on top of it right?"

"Yeah, we just don't eat that part. They cut it off," Lovino answered.

"We should use that part too."

"But the carrot itself is better."

"Yeah… I guess. Whatever, I just really like carrots _and _potatoes. You know that Uncle Feli and Uncle Po- I mean Uncle Luddy grow potatoes in their backyard? Finn told me so! It's so cool, can we grow stuff too?"

"Of course!" Antonio said. "But we have to wait until spring rolls around, that's when they'll grow best. And you know what, we'll grow some garden tomatoes, even better!"

"I love tomatoes! Those aren't roots too, are they? I've seen them grow on the outside of the dirt."

"No, they're tomato plants. It's kind of like a vine, but also kind of like a tree."

"Wow. Plants are really cool. What about the plants in my room? What are those?" She asked through large spoonfuls of stew.

"You have two succulents, a cactus, and some blue starlets."

"I really like them. The Old Garden Roses I used to have all died because of winter. Can we plant some more during spring?"

"I don't see why not. Spring will be fun, won't it?" Lovino chuckled a bit. "As long as you don't get allergies."

"I'll be okay," She replied dismissively.

_Antonio _

When dinner was over, he washed the dishes and flopped on the sofa alongside Lovi and Rosie to watch some new Disney movie she'd insisted on renting. He didn't really know what it was about, and didn't exactly care, he just enjoyed the family time.

Of course, his phone had to go off, alerting him of a text message. Upon checking it, he saw it was Feliciano.

_F: Toni! Lovino won't reply and i need your address for this weekend. We're taking off tomorrow! ( ´ ▽ ` )__ﾉ、 彡 __thank youu! _

He typed out his reply, smiling at Feli's little emoticons he'd always send. He had to admit, Feliciano was a pretty great brother-in-law.

Halfway through the movie, he got another text. He doubted it was Feliciano, he replied ten seconds after Antonio pressed the send button.

_Henrique: I need your new shipping address, congrats on the new house by the way. Planning to send little Rosie some things for Christmas. Oh, and happy holidays. Hope you and fag-fag are enjoying it so far ;) _

It was his brother. Funny, how they'd grown since he graduated high school. After a bad relapse, Henrique took a trip to the Middle East and India and discovered a newfound peace. Of course, he resulted to his usual teasing ways, but Antonio grew to like his little taunts and the stupid gay jokes. He was just kidding, after all. Though he lived in Europe now, they had a close bond. He'd only met Rosie once, but he absolutely loved her. Actually, he'd gotten married as well, and has twin girls, Elisa and Annalise. Antonio would remember to send them something as well.

Christmas would be great this year. Even though Lovino had to get up to get ready for work, and things may not be too easy on terms of money, it would work. Looking down on Rosie, her wide eyes focused on the movie and her legs swinging off the sofa, she was symbol of how much Lovino and Antonio loved each other.

The journey they'd embarked upon meeting each other felt like millennia away, and they'd matured in more ways than one. Antonio never saw himself as a committed person, but with Lovino, he knew he felt a promise of love that would never, ever break.

_The end. _

**_Wow you guys..._**** It's been a hell of a journey. This is, officially, the last chapter. It's over! Can you believe it? I feel like I've grown sooooo much since the first chapter and I want to thank every single person who's read it for supporting me and encouraging me to finish this and along the way, grow stronger as a writer. **

**Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed, and my stories to come :3 **


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